Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, but it IS fun to twist the show to make it even funnier, so, I'm completely satisfied.
The Plan
By: SAM
It was a normal evening in feudal Japan as the gang sat around the campfire. Miroku sat next to Sango, a fresh slap mark on his left cheek. Sango, next to Kirara had a very irritated expression on her face. Kirara looked very annoyed as Shippo used her tail for Target practice. Shippo was focusing all his energy on annoying poor Kirara. Kagome, however, looked totally peaceful as she lay on the inflatable mattress she had brought from home, her eyes closed and a blue warm-looking blanket atop of her. Inuyasha's eyes were closed, his knees to his chest and his tetsaiga in between his knees with his arms around them. Yes, all was right in the world.
Miroku and Sango were the only 2 people awake, now that 20 minutes later Shippo and Kirara had settled down next to Kagome on the mattress.
"Psst…Sango!" the lecherous monk whispered
"What?" Sango asked, her eyes still closed but a hand wrapped around her boomerang.
"Wouldn't it be nice if Inuyasha and Kagome got together?"
Sango opened one eye at this. "Yes." She said simply, her hand slightly less tight on her boomerang.
"Well, I have a plan to get them together." Miroku said softly.
Sango nodded, her hand now loosely on her boomerang and her eyes completely open.
"Well?" Sango asked after Miroku only stared.
"Can you just check if they're asleep?"
Sango nodded, and stood up. She walked silently toward the center of the campfire and closed her eyes.
Leaves rustled softly as the wind blew, her breathing was calm and Miroku's was the same. Inuyasha's, Kagome's and Shippo's were at ease, telling her that they were asleep and Kirara was still half awake.
She went back to her place and sat down, nodding.
Miroku nodded back, and without warning walked towards InuYasha.
He silently pulled the tetsaiga out of its place and slipped it under the hem of Kagome's skirt.
He sat down and nodded to Sango.
She looked confused. "How is THAT supposed to help?" she asked, perplexed. "Besides the sheer pleasure of you doing that"
"Like this" he said, ignoring the last comment and standing towards the center of the campfire.
Miroku picked up a rock and threw it at Inuyasha's head.
He didn't throw it hard enough so it would bruise, but hard enough for Inuyasha to say "Ouch!"
Miroku and Sango pretended to sleep.
Inuyasha's eyes were now wide open, and he looked from side to side.
He still had not noticed that his tetsaiga was missing because he was devoting all his attention to finding the culprit of waking him. He looked behind the tree. Then he looked in a bush. Then he looked at Miroku, Sango and Shippo with Paranoia all over his face. "Must have been that stupid Fox Cub"
He plopped himself and closed his eyes, his arms around his knees.
Miroku was about to open his mouth to say "It didn't work" when Inuyasha's eyes opened widely.
"My tetsaiga is gone!" He whispered hysterically. Again, this foolish hanyou surveyed everywhere. Up in the tree where Shippo had now rested, behind a bush, behind a tree…under a rock sigh Alas, the hanyou looked at Kagome and saw to his dismay that it was under her skirt.
How did it get under there!
Inuyasha thought flushing a deep red.
Well, I can't get it now. But what if Naraku or Sesshomaru attacks tonight? Then I'll need it. Exactly... Wait... but I can't wake her up! She'll sit me! Yes but would you rather she sit you or have the love of your life die? Kikyo's going to die. Again? No stupid, Kagome! But I don't love Kagome… Oh bullshit Inuyasha, yes you do. Inuyasha grabbed his head in pain. "It hurts!"
Wow Miroku thought, this dude must have some serious head trauma
And I thought I had problems thought Shippo.
Sango stared at the men, a studious expression on her face.
Men are just so… Stupid.
Inuyasha kneeled down next to Kagome, blushing madly and looking as if he had eaten something extremely spicy. He looked sideways and then quickly snatched the tetsaiga out the uncomfortable place.
He sighed. "Yes!" However, the foolish demon-boy had forgotten where his hand was, now perversely close to Kagome's skirt, and Kagome picked this particular moment to wake up.