So here is the third chapter. Firstly - I AM SO SORRY IT IS SO LATE! I had masses of English coursework, and on January the 9th i have a maths mock exam which i should be revising for... Hopefully the next chapter shall be up sooner anyway...

Also to the reviewer who mentioned that James played Chaser - thanks, i didn't know that because the film and book contradicts or something. One question - does JK Rowling contradict herself too because i swear he plays with a snitch win the fifth book? oh el anyway, i think seeker fits this story and since it's already pretty out of cannon...kind of.

A QUESTION TO EVERYONE - is anyone fussed about this staying in Cannon? Cos i can make it quite in Cannon without messing the plot up, although some things can't be included... I'd be glad to know.

Anyway, on with the show!

Chapter Three

Lily didn't like Christmas. About to walk into the Great Hall one morning, she instead turned and walked in the opposite direction, repelled by the huge number decorations crowding it. Few people had stayed for Christmas making going to the Kitchens a far preferable option. With the remaining staff and pupils all seated together, the chances of having to talk to someone were greatly increased. Lily couldn't be bothered.

Stepping into the kitchens she found that the house-elves had scantily decorated the kitchens with coloured materials. Slightly disappointed she sat down at one of the tables and helped herself to some bread and cheese. Watching the house-elves bustle about, she found that somehow their festivity really didn't irritate her so much. So absorbed in watching them kneed dough and decorate cakes, Lily didn't notice the figure stepping up behind her.

"You won't join us for breakfast, Miss Evans?" She snapped round, hastily hiding her horror. How to answer?

"I find the company here more satisfactory." Blunt, cold, downright rude – not to mention pointedly insulting. Perhaps not recommended way to speak to a Headmaster with the prestige of Dumbledore. Funny word, prestige, she mused. Especially when used to describe downright barmy...

He didn't respond to her reply immediately, instead helping himself to a roll and biting into it. "I have known people to prefer house-elves to people. Though they were mostly either elderly ladies or men with aspirations for power not teenage girls." Lily wondered whether this was meant to be offensive or if it were simply a careless comment made by a decrepit old man. She decided that it didn't really matter and stayed silent.

"You will find burdens far easier to bear when they are shared. Simple unknowing support would help you along the road. I do wonder why you refuse help." Burdens seemed a rather melodramatic word. Lily was certain she carried none and never would – nothing could become a burden if it were locked in the past. As for sharing – in her opinion that was just another word for taking.

"I have none. If you will excuse me." She got up, making for the exit.

"You make life harder for yourself, Lily. Opening up lets in happiness as well as the chance of betrayal. Don't forget that." But she didn't answer, leaving the room with only an unfinished breakfast as evidence that she had ever been there. The Headmaster sighed frowning, before wishing the house-elves a happy Christmas and disappearing through another exit.

In the corridors Lily fumed. Who was he to give her advice? Wisdom didn't come from age, conceit did. She had no need of his ramblings – they meant nothing. Stalking down the corridor she stormed into the dormitory, glad that Laura, the only dorm-mate who had stayed for Christmas, wasn't there. She itched to go flying but wasn't stupid enough to risk it.

Snatching a Transfiguration essay off the floor she scratched in another few sentences then tore the parchment in half angrily and threw an ink bottle across the room. Then, alarmed by her loss of control she carefully gathered the pieces of glass and cleaned the wall and floor with a spell. The essay she left as it was – the forlorn pieces scattered across the red and gold bedspread like fallen leaves.

Xxx

She went to bed early on Christmas Eve in an attempt to avoid all reminders that that was what day it was. It was still snowing outside. It had never snowed at Beauxbatons – they were too far south. She didn't really like snow much; she preferred rain. Snow gathered and then turned to horrible mush – but rain just washed away.

The shivering anticipation everywhere made her edgy and silent – she barely glanced at Laura when the girl tidied away one of her books; something which would usually have triggered a cold argument. Far before the festivities in the common room below had ended she had closed her hangings and turned out the lamps.

And yet at eleven thirty she was still lying awake, hours after she had slipped into bed. The darkness which had been so welcome now pressed in on her and she felt that the space between the walls around her must be getting smaller. The covers were so heavy they stifled her; it was too warm and yet she was shivering. She couldn't sleep.

She was afraid to.

The clock rang the half hour and she felt a pang of déja-vu. They had had a clock that bonged in the flat in France. But she wouldn't think about that. And she wouldn't get out of bed this time – she would keep trying to fall asleep.

But she would stay awake. She was obligated to. Because this was her punishment; the price she supposed she would unwillingly pay.

She remained like that, waiting for fitful slumber which would eventually claim her, waiting for the unwelcome images that plagued sleep.

Outside, the snow kept falling.

Xxx

On Christmas Day Laura woke quite early to the sound of a door slamming. Rubbing her eyes she sat up, feeling packages weigh on her feet. After decide to save all but one for later she ripped the paper off the outside of the package Bisley had sent the team. She could see the gift he had sent only her under the pile but left it with a smile of anticipation.

She glanced at the bed beside hers with a frown. It was completely silent in the dormitory. She somehow guessed that Lily Evans wasn't sitting behind those curtains and had probably been the reason for the slamming which had awoken her. She was strange, Lily Evans. Being the type of person to see the good in everyone, Laura was baffled because in Lily Evans it seemed impossible to find any.

An owl tapped at the window and she wandered over, shivering. Opening the frosted panes she grinned, recognising it as Chase Bisley's owl, Quaffle. Contrary to his name, the owl proved difficult to catch and it took her a few minutes to finally get the precious letter from him. She smiled reading it.

Her boyfriend had tried to persuade her into going home with him but she felt awkward and unsure. However, she had insisted that he should go and not stay at Hogwarts with her – though she what she hadn't said was that this could be that last time he saw them. This left her alone in the Dormitory with Lily Evans whose company left a lot to be desired. The Marauders and most of the others in the 5th year had also left and she had taken to hanging out with a Hufflepuff girl. They had few things in common – just Quidditch and the fact that their parents were continually abroad.

She scribbled a reply to Chase then reopened the window, wincing as the cold air rushed in, and then watched the owl soar away over the white ground. There was a figure walking through the snow. As she was caught between wondering who would walk out in the snow at this time on Christmas morning and running down to join them, the figures black hat slipped off and Laura recognised the red hair which streamed out. Why would Lily be out at this time?

Caught by a sudden curiosity she turned and reached for the edges of Lily's curtains. She wasn't sure if it was relief or disappointment she felt when that wouldn't open. Looking down she noticed a book poking out at the bottom. Frowning she leant down to lift it and found that the curtain came with it.

The first thing she noticed when she looked through the gap was the amount of stuff on the floor. Everywhere there was paper, books and clothing. The bedclothes were twisted and devoid of packages. Didn't she get them? Laura wondered surprised. She had always thought that everyone had people to buy them gift. She wondered if Lily had actually sent them.

Guiltily, she turned away, replacing the book on the floor letting the curtain fall with it. Looking outside she realised that the black figure had disappeared.

Xxx

The snow was knee deep in some places as Lily trudged through it, bundled up in layers of wool. It was a lovely morning. The sun sparkled back of the white of the ground and across the frozen lake the Forbidden Forest looked enchantingly mythical. She ambled towards it, breath steaming in the cold air.

She stepped recklessly out onto the snow-covered ice, slid slightly but kept a grip determinedly. Pleased by her success she trudged on along outskirts of the forest, contemplatively. Rounding the corner she slipped quickly behind the trees. She hadn't expected to meet anyone this early. Frowning in annoyance she glared at the large man from her hiding place. What the hell was he doing?

Baffled she kept staring as he seated himself on a log, his horrible dog curling up beside him. He didn't move for his place, just left something on the ground before him. Overcome with curiosity she settled herself more comfortably, resolving to watch this odd giant man who had spoken to her about Quidditch. He was mumbling to himself – or the dog, she wasn't sure. Something about being quiet and waiting. Lily did just that.

Finally, as she was beginning to feel very cold, creatures emerged from the forest. Lily gasped. There were only a few, but they looked atrocious. Devoid of flesh, their skeletons showed through with horrible clarity. She shuddered. Though they looked like horses, their head reminded her of dragons, with awful, pupil-less eyes starkly white. Their black wings were leathery and bat-like but they were curled into their sides. Lily suppressed as sigh of pity. She doubted these creatures could fly with those crippled limbs. It was one thing to be born without freedom, but to be born with the means but not the ability… It made her feel awful just thinking about it.

The man stood motionless, his dog covering behind him. Then, he lifted whatever was on the floor and offered it to the largest beast. Lily frowned. It was just mistletoe!

"Merry Christmas," he rumbled. And as soon as they had come they left, leaving only a few sets of huge hoof prints and Hagrid with a few deep black hairs. He looked down at the dog.

"Well that's that done then, Gripper. Mr Olivander'll be pleased – or 'e will when Dumbledore gives 'em to 'im. Great man Dumbledore, letting us stay here like this, eh Gripper." The dog made no answer, just sat panting and staring loyally up at his master. Lily hoped she would never find herself so lonely she started speaking to a dog.

She wondered just exactly how old Hagrid was – once you got over the height he really couldn't be all that old. The dog leapt up suddenly, to catch a robin witch had landed on the log.

"Gripper no!" The bird dangled from the dog's jaws. "Oh you awful dog Gripper, bad dog." Lily rolled her eyes. Chastising in a voice like that surely didn't work on dogs. The dog dropped its prize, looking up at the man reproachfully.

"Don't look at me like that, yer great Lump! We'd better be off, got breakfast, lots of things to be seen to." He turned decisively and disappeared through the trees, the dog following obediently.

Lily stretched contemplating what she had seen. The way he had used those creatures to get something for a wand didn't shock her, only enforced what she already knew about people and trust.

It didn't make her hate him. He wouldn't know any better. Why was he here anyway. She had overheard that he hadn't been there long – a few years. So why didn't he leave if loneliness bothered him the way it seemed to? After a while she let the subject drop, relapsing into thoughts of another person who had let loneliness bother them too much.

And just as quickly as her thoughts touched on this they bounced away as if burnt and she shook herself. It was only at night she was forced to dream. At all other times there was choice involved and she would definitely choose not to relive anything.

To avoid indignity she went another way towards the castle instead of across the lake. As she made her way there she passed the bird the dog had caught. Staring down at the tiny thing in the red stained snow, its neck turned to an unnatural angle its beautiful wing broken, she felt as wave of nausea well up. Unable to push away the images she couldn't prevent herself from turning and vomiting across the white snow.

Xxx

The rest of the holidays passed quickly and Lily found herself once again swamped in work for the OWLs. It didn't help that she had started little of her Christmas work and finished even less. Now, she found herself sitting in Transfiguration with no idea of what was going on. Something to do with the holiday reading. Since she hadn't got passed the second page this knowledge wasn't very helpful.

All around her people were getting into partners. Lily sat motionless beside the window wondering if glancing at the clock would cheer her up or depress her. She got the feeling that the second would be true. There was a thump beside her and she looked up.

"I'm your partner." Alice looked disgruntled and not at all pleased. She sat down frowning and opened her textbook to the right page. "Do you want to go first or shall I?" Lily didn't answer. Alice glanced suspiciously at the closed Transfiguration textbook in front of her partner and took the wisest course of action.

"I'll start. Can I have your hand please." Lily stared back at her a moment then turned to look outside the window. Alice sighed angrily. "Give me your hand," she snapped. Lily placed her right hand on the desk. With slight trepidation she forced herself to turn back to the view. Alice said something and her hand suddenly felt weird, the ends of her fingers heavy. She snapped her hand around to observe the damage. Her fingernails were no longer nails. They had become round and had random indents in places. She wasn't sure what material they were but it definitely wasn't what normal nails were made of.

"Turn it back," she demanded, glaring at Alice. Alice frowned back. "We have to see how long the spell lasts. It's your turn." Lily didn't answer, annoyed and slightly afraid that her nails would stay as scary brown circles. She wasn't about to try it and make a fool of herself. It was snowing again outside. Just as the snow began to become horrible and slushy more would come. She wondered if the Quidditch match would still be on and hoped so. Only wimps called off Quidditch because of the weather.

"Miss Evans. Are you doing any work here?" She turned but stayed silent. "Could I have your homework please." It wasn't a question but Lily answered anyway. "I don't have it."

"And why not?" But McGonagall knew why not. She also knew that she would get no excuses or apologies from this pupil. She sighed quietly. "Have you transfigured your partner's nails?" She knew the answer to that too. "Do it now please."

Lily didn't know how to. She glanced down at Alice's book then at the girl's nails. She angrily thought of the green spiral then said, "Felectos Estos." Alice's nails turned a murky green but stayed the same shape with one or two indents. She stared. The indents were going red.

Alice's face twisted in pain and she snatched her hand off the desk. There was blood trickling from under her nails. Lily did nothing, simply turned away to watch as an owl soared across the grounds.

And so that was how she found herself standing beside McGonagall's desk after the bell had gone. The woman sat down at desk. "I don't know what to do with you Lily. You don't hand in your homework, you don't take notes in class, you don't read, you don't pay attention… You're failing. If you go on like this you won't even scrape a Troll in your owls. If you don't get your grades up I'm afraid I'm going to have to get some unfortunate student to tutor you." She nodded that Lily was to go then stopped her.

"I don't expect the best Lily. I just want your best. At the moment I'm getting your worst and I don't like it. Sort out you attitude before my next class please."

Xxx

Reluctant to spend time every week alone with a classmate, Lily unwillingly forfeited time to finish her essays. She was half-way through one such task when she found herself trapped. Not noticing her form curled up in an armchair, the Marauders flopped down in the circle of chairs beside her own. They were pratting around as usual but in this instance seemed rather subdued.

Remus looked pale and tired – even sickly. He seemed to be unwell often, Lily mused. But then, Potter didn't really look much better. In fact he looked positively exhausted if the circles below despondent eyes were anything to go by. She turned back to her essay and tried to ignore them. This, however, was made increasingly difficult by Black's half-hearted attempts to animate his friends and by Potter who kept shifting restlessly, sighing, and pacing across the small space. Finally, as Lily's irritation was reaching new heights Black gave up his charade and glared at his friend.

"For goodness sake Prongs, if you're going to brood, at least do it in one place! This is driving me nuts!" He glanced from Pettigrew, who was scribbling furiously to Lupin, who regarded him with tired eyes, then turned back to Potter who had collapsed into a chair. Lupin drew a breath.

"Go to bed, James. You're just wearing yourself out." Lily couldn't see Potter's expression only the back of his head and couldn't for the life of her figure it out.

"You should do the same, Moony, but I don't se you leaving." Lupin rolled his eyes.

"I'm clinically ill. You, you're just agonising over something you can't change."

"I should be able to," Potter muttered moodily. Black regarded him with sympathetic eyes.

"No, you want to. We don't always get what we want." Lily hadn't thought Black capable of saying something so sensible. "This time you have to leave others to try and give it to you," he continued. Potter didn't seem particularly enamoured by this idea.

"You're not a healer, Prongs. Trust that they know what they're doing." Lupin reached across and patted his friend's hand. "She'll get better, James. And she wouldn't like to see you like this."

"She loves you so she'd want you to be happy," Pettigrew piped up. Lily had forgotten he was there. Potter stood up.

"I'm going flying. I'll see you in a bit." He left. The other three sat in silence for a moment until Black burst out, "We've got to do something about him!" Lupin sighed.

"Curing his mum would do for starters." Black glared at him.

"Something actually possible. She's almost a mother to me too you know but I face facts! You can't just pretend someone isn't on the verge of dying!"

"Maybe it's James's denial that keeps her alive," Lupin suggested sadly.

"Even if she can be cured it's not something we can do so we need to think of something else," Pettigrew said quietly. "He doesn't even talk about Charlotte let alone to her. I don't think they've said a word to one another all week." Lupin nodded.

"I admit, it was a nice relief as first but…"

"They're going to break up," Black said bluntly. "Either she's going to get pissed with him for saying nothing or he'll get pissed at her for asking. Anyway, I think Amos likes her. You know, the sixth year Hufflepuff?" Trust him to start talking gossip, Lily thought, irritated. From what she had overheard he was the subject of a lot of it. Lupin was talking again.

"Let's go wait for him in the dorm; it's too crowded down here." They left, pushing through the accumulating groups of students. Lily sat back. So Potter was finally learning something of the real world. How awful for him. She was unable to conjure any sympathy really; it might be painful to learn, but sometimes it was kind to be cruel.

Still, it irritated her. They had distracted her from finalising her essay and now Potter was out flying when she wanted to. Following the Marauders' lead, she tramped up to the dormitory, resolving to come up with something else to entertain herself on the winter evenings – something other than moping, procrastinating work and devising Quidditch plays which never got used.

Xxx

This dilemma was solved rather quickly, around the time when the whole school was abuzz with gossip – the Marauders, best friends since time began, had had a fight.

And this wasn't any fight. Sirius and James refused point blank to speak to each other, and seemed to have trouble even looking Remus in the eye. For that matter, Remus seemed to have become far more reclusive and solemn than before, seemingly filled with shame. Only Peter seemed to converse with all of his friends, mainly running between them all, trying desperately to reconcile Potter and Black, to cheer Lupin up and to keep his customary near failing grades up, all at once. Needless to say, he wasn't having much success and was becoming incredibly frustrated – so that he spent almost more time getting angry with them than reconciling them.

It was not only Peter who was becoming irritated by the friends quarrel. The only time, besides classes, when both James and Sirius had to spend time together was during Quidditch practise. Despite playing positions between which was required very little teamwork, their argument managed to disrupt play almost every practise – Laura was pretty sure the snitch hadn't been hanging just above Sirius's broom or that the bludgers sent whistling James' way was a miss-hit.

So there was considerable tension in the air when they trooped into the Gryffindor Quidditch rooms, to discuss tactics inside, rather than out in the rain. James slumped moodily against the lockers while his usually boisterous friend slouched silently on the bench. Usually Charles Bisley would be with them, patiently discussing tactics with them.

However, he instead asked Laura into the Captain's room and the two disappeared for a while. Normally, the team would have made a few suggestive jokes but with the usual ringleaders sitting in sullen silence conversation petered out pretty quickly and they sat in uneasy silence.

In the poky Captain's room, Laura and Chase weren't doing any of the actions which might have been insinuated. She gave him a questioning look, to which he replied by silently passing her a piece of parchment. She frowned.

"They're Quidditch plays." He nodded. "So? What about them?" she asked with a shrug.

"I didn't write them," he replied and she rolled her eyes.

"I know that; it's not your handwriting. Whose is it?"

"That's the point – I don't know. It was just on the desk when I came in this morning. I don't know what to do with it." Laura shrugged.

"Use it I guess – if it's any good. You don't think someone just lost it?"

"How could they – I lock this room. Anyway look at the bottom." In the corner of the paper it said in neat script; 'copy this then leave the parchment where you found it'. "Why would it say that if someone just lost it?"

"Maybe you should do as it says. See what happens." Laura grinned. "It's not like it will blow up or anything. You could see what the others think."

"I guess – I would usually ask James given he's likely to get Captain next year but with him and Sirius the way they are now I don't want to start anything. With that in mind, if one of them says something the other is just going to disagree. We'll never reach any decision if I ask the whole team." Laura sat on the desk.

"Here." She pulled out her wand, took the parchment and copied it into a notebook lying on the desk. "Did you find it here?"

"Yeah, in the middle of the desk." She put it onto the desk and smiled up at him.

"See what happens. Does it really matter where you got it from if it works? Use this one if you want – if nothing happens then what have we lost?"

"Thanks." He bent down to kiss her softly then grinned. "Ready to face the troublesome team?"

"I'm part of that team thank-you," she laughed. "Don't you mean the troublesome two?"

Next day, when Chase went down to the Captain's room, the parchment was still covered in the same play it had shown the day before. Shrugging he left it and forgot about it until a week later when it was suddenly covered in the same flowing script and no longer had any diagrams.

They were suggestions for each player to practise. Many, Chase knew already but those he had missed he noticed during that practise. Whoever this mysterious sender was, they definitely watched the team practise – yet he never noticed anyone. He only knew that this person was very good at Quidditch tactics and hated the Slytherin team – every now and then a play was suggested as being used against the Slytherins and was usually closer to the wrong side of the rules than the right.

Lily watched the next Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff with the pride of someone who had been behind many of the moves performed by the winning team. Again she was captivated by the way Potter played. At one point in the match a bludger came speeding towards him which he didn't notice, too busy scanning below him for the snitch. Lily made a mental note to mention this in her next set of suggestions.

Had Black not thrown his bat in its path, abandoning the bludger aimed at the chasers, he might have been knocked out of the air. The two boys exchanged glances, and afterwards they disappeared for sometime before showing up at the celebration party with a stock of food and cajoled their other friends to join the revelry.

It both pleased and dismayed Lily. On the one hand Quidditch would be better with them talking to each other. On the other hand, they would no longer be so preoccupied with their own problems that they couldn't be bothered to investigate her secrets.

xxx

I hope you enjoyed it!

I would love any suggestions, and opinions on the Cannon stuff i mentioned at the top...

Also there is this thing called 'Review Replies' that i just discoved... so if you are logged in or leave an email it will be easy to reply to your review which is cool!