Disclaimer: These lovely characters still aren't mine, but I'll put them back when I'm done.

Chapter Two - The Devious Plot

Even after Madame Pomfrey assured Regulus that Lockhart was going to be completely fine, he remained defiantly by the blonde boy's bedside. It wasn't really that he wanted to, more that he didn't want to go to class, but it made him look like a "respectable Slytherin." Besides, it was just Potions. Slughorn would just mess up his hair and tell him to go over whatever they'd done in the book later. He might've even done that now, if he hadn't left his book bag in the Great Hall…what a bonehead thing to do. He'd deprived himself of anything worth doing, except skipping class to wait for this prat to wake up, but that was only enough to keep him barely awake. Why on Earth did the Hospital Wing have to be so deserted on the one day that Regulus Black has to grace it with his presence? Just the other day, Sirius, James, Snape, and a couple of unsuspecting Hufflepuffs had wound up in there together, and now the whole place was deserted…not even some stupid Herbology or Potions mishap to laugh at yet. Damn it all, a son of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black should not have had to make his own amusement; it should have come to him. That was what House Elves, first years, and gay older brothers were for…

Regulus choked back hard when his thoughts turned to Sirius, and he quickly looked at the unconscious Lockhart…good, he was still out. That was another thing about being of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black: daughters should never be seen as vulnerable flowers, and sons should never be seen thinking. Andromeda broke her rule, of course…running off with that poetry-writing Mudblood and having a kid. Rebel as always, Sirius tried to break his counterpart rule, but, regrettably, didn't really have the brains to think enough to be worth counting, which was probably why he was a Gryffindor in the first place. Granted, Regulus didn't think that often either, unless he had to for a homework assignment; thinking was useful, sure, but it hurt his brain and gave him headaches something awful. Still, he sighed, folded his fingers pensively, and stared down at Lockhart, trying to decide whether he felt contempt or apathy towards the unconscious blonde.

It probably hadn't worked…and he'd kissed a bloke too. That was new, not necessarily bad, just unfamiliar. In all fairness, he probably wasn't gay, and Lockhart most likely wasn't either, but he'd take both of them down if it didn't get attention. He'd gotten the whole Great Hall's attention this week; it was almost a shame that Sirius wasn't the type to write home to Mother. Bellatrix might have – and, as Narcissa's betrothed, Lucius might have also gotten in on the action – but only if she took his stunts seriously, which, unfortunately, she didn't. Regulus sighed morosely; it appeared that the time had come to find a new Thing…and this had been his best idea yet, too. And he hadn't even made it last a full week. He could always threaten to drop out and become Hagrid's assistant…that'd go over really well. Or there was always pretending to be suicidal again. That had earned him a whole week of father's pep-talks, Sirius' disbelieving snarls, and mother's threats of dragging him to Saint Mungo's for observation. It also carried the regrettable side effect of having to sleep on pillows with Anti-Suffocation Charms on them. On most counts, they were the same as normal pillows, but the things they did to his hair…disgusting.

Suddenly, Lockhart shuddered and groaned, making Regulus fall off his chair in shock. Recovering quickly, he pulled himself up dusted himself off, and sat back down, pouting haughtily and glaring at the blonde; Lockhart still smiled grimly as he sat up. Pomfrey would probably have a fit if she'd seen, but she was uncharacteristically absent.

"Regulus," Lockhart sighed languidly.

"Lockhart," Regulus whispered, holding onto the other boy's gaze with all the effort he could exert.

"…Why did you wait for me?"

"Good reason to not have to go to Care of Magical Creatures."

"You could've just not taken it."

"How was I supposed to know it'd be useless?"

"It's not useless; you're just not that good at it."

"Shut up…"

"…It didn't work, did it?"

Regulus blinked, and, once the shock had settled in, sighed vehemently, muttering various inaudible curses. For once, he broke his stare and shifted his gaze to the floor, wringing his hands for lack of something better to do with them.

"I doubt it," he grumbled finally. "Potter and Pettigrew seemed convinced, but Sirius wasn't, and Lupin definitely didn't believe it."

"I'm sorry." It sounded half-hearted, but it was better than nothing.

"Whatever, it's not your fault. Guess I've gotta find a new thing to do…do you think I could pull off suicidal? I mean, I did it over the summer, yeah, but…dropping out to become Hagrid's apprentice is just too out there, and I-"

"Maybe you just weren't convincing enough…"

Whenever Snape mentioned some Muggle metaphor about thinking being a process of gears turning in a head, Regulus scoffed. It was probably just his Pureblood upbringing showing itself, but he really didn't like the idea of little metal things being the driving force behind his thoughts, few in numbers though they usually were. Now, though, he understood the comparison. His brain felt like it actually had things turning in it, and judging by Lockhart's cocked eyebrow and smug smirk, he was plotting something delightfully devious as well. Grinning, Regulus licked his lips and stared intently into Lockhart's eyes…they were blue, he'd never bothered to notice before.

"Lockhart…are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I would err on the side of yes. Merlin knows you love attention, and I could use some publicity myself…and this would definitely do it."

"And the girls love gay boys."

"That helps, yes."

"…You don't really feel like going to class, do you?"

"After I hit my head on the floor? Hardly."

"Kitchens?"

"Certainly."

A short walk and tickled pear later, Regulus leaned back against the counter in the kitchens, waiting patiently for one of the House Elves to bring the tea and food he'd asked for; Lockhart paced in front of him, absentmindedly fooling with his hair and scarf, scratching his head thoughtfully on occasion. Suddenly, he stopped walking with a sigh, closed his eyes and pushed his hair back with both hands, and actually adopted a pensive look. If he'd had glasses, it looked like he would've played with them. Right as the House Elf showed up – with a tray of tea, milk, sugar, leftover toast from breakfast, and two shining red apples – Lockhart let his hair fall back and put a hand on his chin. His eyes looked blank and far away as he stared at the wall. Briefly, Regulus wondered what he was getting into, but brushed it away and crunched into one of the apples.

"Tea?" he sighed through a mouthful of fruit, offering Lockhart an empty cup.

Lockhart nodded shortly and took the cup. Even just in his taking it, Regulus got a sense of how tense the blonde was making himself. His dark blue vein protruded dangerously from his thin arm and the far away look in his eye started to look hard, but he blinked quickly, shook his head, and got to work on his tea. What a freak…he took it with three sugars and about as much milk as tea; Regulus rolled his eyes a bit another chunk out of the apple.

"So…if we want to pull this off," he said in between chews. "We'll really need to get it set up, since apparently snogging you in front of everyone isn't enough."

"Pet names," Lockhart whispered over his tea. "We should have pet names for each other…it'll be cute."

"Okay. Reggie and Gildy work for you?"

"I was going to suggest Reggie and Gilly, sounds cuter and less…idiotic."

"Whatever, that works, and…what else?"

"Well, we should hold hands a lot, and if you snuck a hand up my leg every now and then that would help…"

"What about other touching?"

"Face is good, arms are better…I'd rather you didn't touch lower than my waist, but…if you have to do it, then go ahead."

"Eww, Lockhart. Merlin…"

"Just wanted to leave the options open. Also, please try to be charming and act intelligent. I'd like to project the idea that I have taste in who I date."

"I can be charming…and you're one to talk about intelligence."

"I have the highest grade of anyone in our year in Charms."

"Yeah, but Charms is useless!"

"It is not – look, this is getting us nowhere. Any ideas that you have, or am I going to decide everything about this little farce?"

"No hugging, that's about it."

"…I give you permission to feel me up, and you say 'no hugging?' What the hell?"

"Think about it, Lockhart: you can touch someone you hate, you can kiss someone you don't love, and you can snog someone who means nothing to you…to hug, you have to mean it."

"You're basing this on what?"

"My brother and Lupin. What else? See, somehow Sirius conned our father into talking mother into letting him have Lupin, Potter, and Pettigrew stay over this summer. Now that set me right off because mother was too busy watching them to care that I was threatening to kill myself-"

"Completely dense idea for a stunt, by the way, but go on."

"Anyway, so I found out about them not because I saw them snogging or shagging or whatever, I saw them hugging."

"…So?"

"That's how they say the hard things without having to really say them! If you hug, it really means something…more than kissing anyway. I've kissed my fair share of girls and it doesn't mean anything to me. Kissing's superficial, and hugging's not, and I really don't want to deal with the possibility of anything happening…you know, with us."

Lockhart cocked an eyebrow. "Why's this then? Afraid I might sway you to the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name?"

"No! I'm just being safe is all…besides, you like girls, don't you?"

"Of course I like girls! Which is why I-"

"No hugging, that's all I want."

"Fine. No hugging."

"Good…when do you want to show it off? Lunch? Dinner? Divination?"

"No, no. Let's wait until breakfast tomorrow."

"But wh-"

"Look," Lockhart explained curtly. "Had this happened without your little spectacle this morning, I'd go with dinner, but…let's face it. If we went to dinner prancing like a pair of nancy boys, we'd look pretty stupid. It would look desperate, it would look foolish, and, furthermore, it wouldn't look convincing. Also…your brother's a lot less coherent in the morning, so it's easier on us."

"Right then, morning."

Regulus gnawed into his lip slightly, but nodded in understanding. So Lockhart wasn't a complete idiot after all…surprising, but then, he was a fellow Slytherin, which implied that he had at least some brains. Granted, not everyone could be a genius like Snape, but that was just a sad and cruel fact of life. But tomorrow…oh tomorrow…it couldn't come soon enough for Regulus, and he gave a cunning grin at the thought. When he looked over to Lockhart, his grin increased and one slowly spread on the blonde's lips as well; eyes locked, they nodded in unison. By the end of the year, they'd be as well-known at Hogwarts as any student could be.

Sirius, however, had not been able to shake his headache all day, which had produced interesting results when he'd accidentally set James' trousers on fire in Transfiguration, but was irritating nonetheless. And Remus was just sitting on his bed, doing homework while his boyfriend writhed in pain – and shirtless – on his own bed. Clearly, he needed to get his priorities straightened out. Prefect or not, he should've known that Sirius and his headache were more important than some stupid essay for McGonagall. Besides, school was school…and Sirius Black didn't give his love to just anyone. Remus was intelligent, and kind, and cute, and sweet, and so adorably awkward sometimes, and he was a damn good hand at Charms, which was very useful with dating Sirius…and he wasn't afraid to tell someone when they were being an idiot, even if it was subtle and he did it to his bloody boyfriend. He was just a fucking charmer, but that didn't change that Sirius wanted some affection while he was ailing, and not just a Headache Curing Charm and a peck on the forehead either.

Groaning, he writhed a little more, hoping that Remus would get the message and come over to hug him, or play with his hair, or do something. But he didn't. He hummed some happy, Muggle tune and started flipping through his Charms textbook, like Sirius wasn't even there. No one could do that to Sirius Black…it was just unheard of! He'd have to get even, and he knew just the way. Sitting up made his head throb, but he stifled his groan so Remus wouldn't hear him. As quietly as he could be, aided by his bare feet, Sirius snuck across the space between his bed and Remus', and crawled in. Knocking over Remus' pile of books was an accident due to his long, sexy legs, but it was a welcome one. Remus barely had time to react before Sirius had his arms around the werewolf's waist and his head in his lap.

"Reeeeemus…" he whined, nuzzling Remus' stomach. "I'm lonely."

"You could try writing that Charms essay that's due on Friday," Remus chuckled lightly.

"But that means thinking. Thinking makes my brain hurt."

"It's supposed to do that, if you do it well enough."

"But my brain already hurts…"

"But I did the charm an hour ago!"

"But it hurts…"

"Maybe if your skull weren't so bloody thick."

"How can you make fun of me when my head hurts and I have a weird sense of foreboding?"

"…Foreboding, Padfoot? I didn't even know you knew what that word meant."

"You're doing it again…"

Remus sighed and began scratching Sirius behind the ears, making the dark-haired boy shudder gleefully. On instinct, his left leg began to twitch happily, accidentally knocking all of Remus' scattered books to the floor. This was one of the carryovers between Sirius and Padfoot, and even James had admitted that it was pretty damn cute. Granted, it had only been a one time thing, but that didn't detract from the utter charm of a blissful, twitching Sirius. Slowly, a grin spilled across his face and he made a series of noises that were somewhere between a cough and a laugh. Then, as soon as he had started, Remus stopped, trading the scratching for running two of his fingers up and down Sirius' chest and stomach, which achieved the same result of shuddering, twitching, and endearing noises.

"Now what's all this foreboding nonsense?" Remus asked cheerfully.

"I dunno," Sirius sighed contentedly. "I…I…nope, it's gone now."

"I just have that kind of power, do I?"

"Yeah…but, still feels like something bad's gonna happen. Dunno what, but…it won't be good."

"Being bad would entail that, yes."

"Shut up…can we shag?"

"We just did last night. I don't think James and Peter would appreciate that."

"Then can I stay here? Please?"

"Yes. Yes, you may."

"Love you, Remus."

"I love you too, Sirius."

Sirius sighed warmly and snuggled up closer to Remus…maybe it was just coincidence, but he felt like his headache was finally subsiding. Then again, maybe it was the fact that, regardless of Remus' insistence on doing his homework even while his boyfriend was being affectionate, his boyfriend's lap was decidedly more comfortable than the Hogwarts' pillows. Occasionally, Remus neglected his homework to reach up and scratch Sirius behind the ears again…and that was quite enough to get rid of that terrible sense of dread. Eventually, James and Peter came upstairs to the situation; Peter merely shrugged it off, and James groaned, vociferously lamenting how his best mates were getting action but Evans still hadn't given in to his "obvious charms, good looks, talent, and intelligence." It sounded like Remus was saying something reasonable, but Sirius couldn't have cared less; he had a nice place for his head, and it was going to stay there, quite possibly all night long.