Chapter One
"You know how I feel " He had said it casually and yet with such meaning that it had spun her off balance. She wondered how she had gotten into this mess in the first place. How every moment of her day was taken up with thoughts of him, of the conversations they shared, those private moments with people all around them. The laughter, the jokes only they could laugh at that nobody else understood. How she missed him when he wasn't there, how she knew he was in the building before she saw him and how that smirk and that blonde hair turned her stomach inside out. Yet she still lived her normal life, came home to Riley , her husband. Shared his life and loved Him, but still thoughts of the other man, Her other life seeped into her mind. She had told Riley about him, casually , the new man at work and Riley had nodded absent mindedly and she had left it at that.She could not share her feelings with anyone else , how would they understand? That everytime she thought about him she smiled and everytime she said his name her face lit up.Everytime someone else said his name she felt instant possession and what a name . "My names William " he had said when he first met her."But My friends call me Spike"
"How do you feel?" She said quietly, aware that others in the staff canteen could hear them.Spike shook his head at her. They were sitting as they normally did at the end of the table, side by side, legs touching. When he had first brushed her leg with his, she had thought it an accident and had moved her own leg out of the way,but his leg had followed hers and now that was as she always sat.Next to him and always touching, leg, foot, arm He still didn't answer and she spoke again."Spike?"
"If you don't know that " he said roughly "Then I'm bloody out of here" He shoved his chair back and strode out of the canteen with the table of eyes following him. She looked after him and sighed. The table of eyes looked at her for explanation, she shrugged. Pushing back her chair slowly she started out after him.
"Buffy?" Andrew queried. She smiled at her friend but she said nothing,touched him gently on the shoulder and walked out of the staff canteen after Spike. She had worked in the store for almost 12 months, since coming to England to be near her Mom and step-dad Rupert. She and Riley loved England and although she had to work the night shift to afford the house they lived in, she quite liked her life , had been settled, until five months ago when Spike had started here too. He was married too. to Dru, he didn't mention her much but Buffy sensed that He wasn't happy ,or was that wishful thinking on her behalf. Lately she had hoped that Riley would want to go home to the states.She despised the thoughts she had,but couldn't make them go away.
She knew where he was, she could hear him throwing stuff about. She watched him from the door of the stock room as he repeatedly kicked a box.
"Hope that's not fragile?" she said lightly, feeling anything but. He half turned and glared at her
"Fuck off Buffy" he growled and continued to kick the box like a demon.Buffy sighed, but she couldn't go.
"I just want to know how you feel?" she repeated This time he stopped the kicking and faced her. His jaw pulsated as he glared at her."Spike?" He sighed and slumped to lean back against a pile of boxes behind him. He looked suddenly weary and Buffy wanted to hold him. She stepped toward him,hesitating and stopped a couple of yards in front of him.He said nothing and wouldn't look at her , after a few seconds she turned to leave, but he jumped up and held her arm.
"You asked for this remember."she turned to look at him and he began to pace." I think about you all the time, I'm at home and your there, the stuff we laughed at ,the bloody silly stuff we've said" he paused his pacing to look at her. " I feel that you're the only one who knows me and I've been with Dru for bloody forever, but even she doesn't get me" he smiled at her and her insides melted. " I want to be near you all the time, the little touches at the table ,when we're horrible to each other.When you leave here in the morning I miss you like mad and to be honest now it's driving me up the fucking wall.Now they're talking about moving me to another store" Buffy gasped and he tilted his head at her." I want to stay, but can you give me a reason to?"