Hey there. This is Emily and Monica. We've been wanting to write the following story for a while; a DM/HG fic addressing all the overused clichés of the relationship. Don't get us wrong; we LOVE the couple. We just hate the numbers of stories that use some of these. Not to say that we (we being only Monica) don't use some of these clichés every now and again. This is for pure enjoyment. Please don't flame us because you think we are making fun of you. We aren't. We're just having fun. (And, as Emily so helpfully points out, making fun of Monica).

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. Not the characters, or the locations, or especially the over-used plot points.

Anything in bold, like this, is not an authors note, but a remark from us (again, not a note) pointing out some clichés that are a little less obvious, and not always used as often.

So some of these things in this chapter are a little exaggerated from the normal cliché. But it's fun to read. So deal with it.

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Dear Ms. Granger,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been made Head Girl for the upcoming school year. I'm sure this doesn't come as a shock to you, seeing as it is the most standard of plot points writers use these days. Enjoy your year.

Headmaster Dumbledore

Hermione Granger read and reread her letter happily. This was the moment she had been dreaming about since she was five years old, even though she didn't know that Hogwarts even existed! She would finally get a room of her own! No more sharing with those two sluts, Lavender and Parvati!

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Dear Mr. Malfoy,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been made Head Girl for the upcoming school year. I'm sure this doesn't come as a shock to you, seeing as it is the most standard of plot points writers use these days. Please do not think this odd at all, because you have suddenly become the second smartest in your year!

Headmaster Dumbledore

Hmmmm… Head Girl? Dumbledore got a little lazy while writing his letters, apparently…

Draco Malfoy read his letter and began to tear up. You see, Draco had recently become very sensitive. He had even recently taken up the guitar to release his frustration over having been abused for most of his childhood.

He read the letter again. He couldn't for the life of him figure out exactly who the Head Girl would be. Who was the smartest girl in his class? Draco had no idea.

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Hermione was staying at the Burrow this summer. Which ended up proving a little awkward, because she and Ron just broke up. It was very depressing for her, so she decided to make some big changes.

As in, Hermione was now a slut. Let's get straight to the point. She now had, as every single writer of Hermione/Draco stories likes to point out, 'curls that cascaded down her back.' She had also, as most noticed and wrote about, filled out in the right places. To say it in short, Hermione was a babe.

Now, let's cut the crap, and get to the point where they meet up for the first time, because that's what everyone does.

They were on the Hogwarts express right now. Everyone had been drooling over Hermione all day. She had just found out that her cousin would be visiting her from America! She was going to visit Hogwarts, because she -magically- had a magic cousin. Her cousin, as a thank you for letting her cousin stay with Hermione at Hogwarts, sent Hermione lots of make-up and a hot new wardrobe.

She first had to visit the Head Boy/ Head Girl compartment on the train, because, of course, there was one.

When she got there, she was shocked to see none other than Draco Malfoy, the bleach blonde babe.

Wow, Hermione thinks to herself. He got hot.

Wow, Draco thinks to himself. She got hot.

Both were in utter amazement. Draco even stoped to think, she is so hot, she could be my answered prayer. She could help me work through all the emotional baggage I have from being beaten as a child.

At the same time, Hermione had less articulate thoughts. Oh, baby, I want to tap that.

"I didn't expect to see you here Malfoy." Hermione managed to say, even with her rather inarticulate thoughts running through her head.

Draco gave his 'Mione, as everyone has called her since forever apparently, a look.

"I wrote you a song my love." Draco pulled out a rather large guitar out of thin air (and no, it wasn't magic) and began strumming skillfully. It is still unknown why he had a Muggle Fender Guitar.

We made up the following lyrics, mainly because this is the point in the story when most would use a song from another artist. We don't want to get kicked off, and thought it would be funnier with our own cheesy lyrics. Enjoy!

"It goes a little bit like this."

Draco began to sing in an excellent singing voice. Because, of course, he is an awesome singer. Didn't you know?

Hermione, I love you,

Since the moment I saw your face

Your cascading curls

Were golden locks from Heaven

I don't care that you're a mudblood

I just love your sexy bod

This is the part of the story where Draco goes crazy, and starts banging his head to the tune of the totally rocking song. His bleached hair is tossing in the wind, even though, you know, there is no wind.

Hermione I LOVE YOU!

WON'T YOU BE MY VALENTINE!

JUST KISS ME!

DID I KISS YOU?

BECAUSE I WANT TO KISS YOU!

I HATE YOU! SO KISS ME!

Suddenly, Hermione was love struck. She, being the newly found slut she was, jumped on him and shoved her tongue down his throat.

Hermione left the room with a smile on her face. She was in love. She ran down to the compartment Ginny was in.

She ran in, and, not noticing Ron and Harry, yelled, "Ginny, you won't believe what happened!"

Ginny grinned and yelled, "Did he kiss you!"

We actually did read something like this in a fic. Ginny had no idea Draco and Hermione we even being CIVIL to each other, let alone making out with each other. Yet she asked if they kissed anyway. Apparently, Ginny is a psychic.

"Ginny, you are a psychic!"

Ginny grinned (again), "I know."

"Woah, woah, woah," Ron said. "Kissed who? What's going on?"

"Ron, don't be dumb!"

Ron, who is always dumb, actually, for once, has a right not to know what's going on.

"Yeah, Ron, how can you NOT know? Everyone knows that Hermione and Draco are destined to make out in the Head Boy/Head Girl Compartment," Harry said, waving his fingers around knowingly, acting like he knew everything.

Yes, we really need to find a thesaurus.