Oneshot-Sakura and Ino's troublesome habit of loudly fighting over Sasuke has interrupted one nap too many for Shikamaru's liking...
Hey there. This is just a mini fanfiction I decided to write after seeing something veeeeeery interesting on a fansite. -Insert evil smirk and scary music- Lemmie know what you think of it.
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The sky over Konoha one summer afternoon was a beautiful cerulean blue, dotted with white fluffy clouds. Birds trilled idly, every so often darting through the air like tiny acrobats to light on a branch or building with seamless grace. However, despite the beauty of the day, a storm-front had started brewing in the streets...
"Get lost Ino-pig! Sasuke is mine!"
"Not a chance Forehead-san! I'm the one he loves!"
Sakura and Ino had each latched into one of Sasuke's arms and were tugging him in opposite directions. When it seemed as if the planned on ripping him in half, Sasuke detangled himself with a grunt of irritation, letting the girls continue fighting with each other-without him in the middle of it. They were so intent on their argument that they didn't realize it, and just continued screaming into the other's face.
Why do they have to keep bothering me?
Sasuke thought to himself. Their obsession was starting to get really creepy on top of being annoying as hell. He figured he'd wait a few minutes for them to get distracted with each other, giving him a chance to sneak away. If he left now, their 'Sasuke-kun is leaving' senses would kick in, and they'd just follow him again.
Unbeknownst to the trio, the screaming had woken up a certain lazy genius who lay half-cloud-watching-half-napping atop a building right next to them. Shikamaru sighed, frustrated that he had been disturbed, and jumped down from his perch to stand next to Sasuke.
"What are those troublesome women screaming for now?"
He muttered, folding his arms over his chest. The boy next to him had his hands stuffed into his pockets, and made no move save to close his eyes.
"Same as usual. Getting into a catfight."
Shikamaru shook his head slowly back and forth.
"You'd think they could come up with better insults at least."
"What do you mean?"
"Well to start with, Ino means boar, not pig. They're different sub-species, since boars are both smaller, faster and bearers of thicker fur than pigs. They also have tusks."
Sasuke nodded as if he cared, but of course didn't. He was wondering how soon he could chance making a run for it.
"I guess so, but Sakura does have a big forehead."
Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"Please, Ino's forehead is bigger than Sakura's."
"As if."
"No I'm serious."
"Prove it. I'd bet that your wrong."
Sasuke seemed to know how to push everyone's buttons, and Shikamaru was no different. It was common knowledge that he was never wrong. Hence, he sighed reaching into his pocket and walking toward the girls.
"Fine, I'll prove it. So troublesome..."
Sakura and Ino hadn't gotten to the point of physical violence yet, but were well on their way. They were shoving each other back and forth, each alternating shoving the other and screaming an insult. Both froze, watching quizzically as Shikamaru stepped between them as if he hadn't noticed what was going on.
"Hold still."
He sighed, holding a tape measure up and measuring a frozen Sakura's forehead, both by length and width. He then turned around and did the same to Ino. That finished he stuck his hands in his pockets and walked back over to Sasuke. The girls just followed him with their eyes, dumbfounded, wondering what on earth he had just done.
"Calculating area using the measurements I just took, Ino's forehead is exactly two squared centimetres larger than Sakura's."
"Say WHAT!"
Ino shrieked in horror. Sakura perked up at first, then glowered evilly at her rival, a smug gin on her face. Oh yes, she was soooo loving this. In a chalkboard dimension somewhere, Inner Sakura yelled 'Shaaaaa!', punching her fist skyward in triumph.
"Ha! You hypocrite!"
Sakura cried, pointing an accusatory finger at Ino.
"You've got no ground left to stand on! Now I get to call you 'Ino-pig forehead-san' and it's absolutely true!"
"It's not true! It's not! Shikamaru you made a mistake! That can't be right!"
Shikamaru bristled visibly and snorted, picking up a nearby stick and tracing out the numerical calculations he had made mentally onto the dirt road.
"Sorry Ino! It's all perfectly correct!"
Sakura sneered, checking over the math and coming to the conclusion that no errors had been made.
"Wow, you were right."
Sasuke muttered approvingly. Shikamaru snorted.
"See, I told you I was right, and now I've wasted ten minutes of quality cloud-watching time. You all are so troublesome..."
"This can't be happening!"
Ino sobbed, clutching her head in her hands and wailing to he sky.
"Ino-chan you are so done!"
Sakura cried with glee. Now that her achilles heel had been transferred to Ino, there was nothing that could stop her. She started chanting 'Ino-pig forehead-san' over and over again, chasing the blonde down the street while she screamed about the things she would do to Shikamaru when she got hold of him. Shikamaru stood and dusted himself off, muttering one final 'troublesome' before turning and jumping back onto the rooftop.
Sadly, just when he had thought that he could take a nice little nap, another piercing cry of 'Sasuke-kun!' Broke through the air. He heard a muttered curse from Sasuke who was still on the street below as he turned on his heel and started running from the group of insane fangirls who had appeared on the street behind him. The vibrations caused from the hundreds of stampeding feet jostled, then shook Shikamaru right off of the roof causing him to fall to the ground with a thud. Dust rose in a cloud around him as the fangirls passed by.
"Troublesome women."
He muttered, spiting out a mouthful of dirt. He picked himself up and started brushing the dirt from his clothes again.
He decided that he really needed to start napping safely inside his own house.