Author's note: IMPORTANT! This is how it all started, way back when…I read "A Second Chance by Sally Reeve" and I thought "what about poor Daniel?"
So, I started mentally writing in an addendum to her story, involving someone for poor Daniel, then I started to put it on paper…And the rest, as they say, is history…
Thus, for this next piece and for the pieces that follow, it helps if you've read that one. If you HAVEN'T read that one (oh, so worth it!), then you can still follow this, but there may be questions afterwards…
I've asked and Sally has graciously granted me permission to print these. This really picks up about part 12 of her piece, and true to its name, really follows the adventures of Daniel and Jennifer with a little of everyone else thrown in for good measure.
So, with a deep, Jaffa-esque bow to the fabulous folks who have inspired, encouraged and helped me – Sally, Ruthie, Cathain, Heather, Dave and Ted, Ray and Chris, among countless others to whom I owe a great debt of gratitude, here we go!
They rode in silence back to the pleasant bungalow at 4075; somehow Daniel sensed she wasn't really there. He didn't have the energy to think about it; the way Jennifer still seemed "frozen", as if the snow and ice they'd encountered on P3X 832 hadn't yet melted.
She had that steely look on her face; it hadn't left since the horrific scene at the top of the mountain. It had all been so confusing and chaotic; and true to her nature, after the initial shock of the moment had worn off, she had simply taken charge, shouting orders at the soldiers around her, even though Captain Gibson outranked her and Sam had specifically left Gibson in charge before she attempted to reach Tasha on the bridge.
So much for the fun of being on a mission together, Daniel thought sarcastically to himself. When Jennifer and Captain Gibson had been selected from SG-17 to accompany this mission, both he and Jennifer had been looking forward to it; Dr. Greene's work was fascinating to them both, and Daniel knew she had long yearned to serve with Jack and Sam on a mission as part of SG-1.
Once off-world, they had both observed the mounting tension between Tasha Greene and Sam as if on the sidelines of some brutal game; their exchange of helpless glances the only indication that they were aware of it. Jennifer had flatly refused to engage in the furtive undercurrent of discussion on the matter, unlike Gibson and Ferretti, who had gleefully enjoyed this little game of one-upsmanship between the two women; he wondered briefly if it had been guilt from this that caused them both to forget themselves when it turned deadly.
That the rest of them had all made it off the mountain was due in large part to her efficiency, Daniel knew, and her ability to put aside what had obviously been a harrowing event for her as well as for him, if the blood curdling scream that had come from the depths of her soul in that tragic moment was any indication. It had sounded through the wind in unison with his own as their friend had fallen into the abyss.
Vaguely he was aware that she had violated several chain of command rules by doing what she had done; there would be consequences for it. At this moment it appeared to be the only indication that the event had affected her in any way.
During the debrief, she had echoed the disastrous mission exactly as it was related by Gibson and Ferretti, including her own protocol gaffe. Though neither Gibson nor Ferretti put any emphasis on this part, by virtue of their all too brutal recall, it became obvious. Daniel imagined that only he knew the true level of fury Jennifer felt for Dr. Greene at that moment; obvious to him in the way she bit out the words during her recitation of the events.
But he just didn't have the cycles to think about any of this now; he could only be grateful to her for her presence. This was one night when he really didn't want to be alone; every time he shut his eyes, the image of Sam slamming against the canyon wall forced them wide open again, along with the tear in his heart.
Back at the house, she efficiently ushered them both inside, and guided Daniel towards the bedroom, her soldier's sense telling her that they would need as much sleep as they could get before they went back to P3X 832 on the recovery mission the next morning.
Daniel let her guide him to the bed; as he sat down heavily on the edge, he reached for her, putting his arms around her. He really needed to hold someone – her – at that moment, but her embrace was reserved.
Jennifer felt a crushing sense of guilt; she just couldn't be there for him, this gentle, wonderful man that she loved. As much as she realized that she needed to go to bed, she knew she couldn't hold him, not in her current state of mind.
He looked directly at her now; her dark eyes were unreadable, only a small portion of them reflecting the normally strong love he felt from her. Not only had she not taken her hair down since they had returned, she had stopped before the debrief and made it tighter, reflecting the nature of her efforts to shut out the events of the day.
"I'm not quite ready for sleep yet," she fibbed gently, rubbing his back affectionately. "I'm just going to tidy up the kitchen a bit."
Daniel nodded mutely; he knew this was her way of dealing with things. The trauma they had been through had completely tuckered him out; he was so tired, he imagined it wouldn't take much for him to drift off, and true enough, as she drew the covers up around him, he dropped off into a fitful sleep, interrupted by the vision of Sam again and again.
But at the sound of the crash, he bolted upright, startled. He jumped up and went toward the kitchen.
Jennifer was on her knees on the floor, arms crossed in front of her, hugging herself, the remains of the coffee mug she'd accidentally knocked off the counter in pieces on the floor. He stood in the doorway for a moment, not sure what to do.
She reached up and yanked her hairpiece out, throwing it across the room; as if she was angry at it, somehow blaming it for the sudden shattering of her resolve to remain detached and emotionless. It bounced off the cabinet and clattered back noisily across the floor. The curly locks fell immediately around her face, framing it with the softness of her true humanity.
Daniel felt a wave of sadness and empathy wash over him as he watched her. He approached her slowly, retrieving the traitorous hairpiece, crouching down to carefully pick up the shattered pieces of the mug. Throwing them in the garbage, he returned to where she was still rocking herself on the kitchen floor. He reached for her, tentatively.
She looked up sharply at his touch, her eyes red and raw.
"I can't believe she's gone," Jennifer said wretchedly, her voice strangled with emotion. She put her head back down, the tears flowing freely now.
Daniel sighed, rubbing her arm affectionately. He said nothing; her thoughts mirrored his own.
She looked up again, a new type of anguish haunting her pretty face now.
"What if it had been you?" she whispered in a horrified tone, as if suddenly realizing the frailty of their very human lives.
He sighed again, this time with a small sense of relief that she had let down the wall that had gone up after Sam had fallen. He was beginning to think he might have lost them both up there on the malevolent mountain on P3X 832.
"This is what I've really been afraid of since the first day you kissed me in the lab," he said quietly.
"You were afraid I'd be in your kitchen crying and breaking your dishes?" she said, in a morose, slightly sarcastic tone as she reached for the broom and dustpan to sweep away the tiny slivers of the mug that might still be on the floor.
"Well, that too," he said dryly.
She giggled in spite of herself, wiping her eyes.
"I was afraid to get involved with you, because I've already lost two people I loved to this insanity we call a life, and I didn't want to love anyone else it might happen to," he said, in a quiet, sad tone of voice. "Now it's happened to Sam," he finished, the last words barely coming out in a whisper, as they made their way around the lump in his throat.
She looked up at him, her heart breaking anew at the look of terrible sadness on his face, the depth of his need for her suddenly dawning in that moment. She reached for him, tentatively, sliding her arms around him, wanting for all the world to make his sadness go away.
Her gentle, affectionate touch warmed him, soothed him; his own emotions over came him then and he pulled her close, sobbing quietly at the loss of their friend.
As she faded in and out of consciousness, the now annoying song kept running through her head, over and over again. Sam knew that if she sang Jingle Bells to herself, she could be rid of it, but the thought of having Jingle Bells stuck in her head at this moment seemed even worse torture than the incredible cold and pain that she felt here in the frozen cave.
She was grateful for the mental activity, anyway; she decided it was good for her to be distracted from her current plight, and if she was thinking, at least she wasn't dead – yet, she thought with a sense of irony.
But the words and the tune of the song painfully reminded her of what had happened just before "the" party, the one where she'd seen them together, where they'd had the infamous exchange. Even though they'd put aside some of the stony conversation, the hole caused by that nail she had driven between them was still there, she thought.
What no one from that party knew was that she'd been down to see Pete in Denver the weekend before, and that she'd told him it was over; she knew she couldn't put aside her feelings for Jack enough to be a full participant in what had been blossoming between she and Pete.
All the way back to Colorado Springs she'd played that song over and over again, obsessed, in some sort of inescapable attempt to punish herself, it seemed now, thinking about how perfectly the words had fit her situation; she was still haunted by it.
The walls are thin here in this motel room
Some fool is raging overhead
He's preaching the gospel according to
Johnnie Walker Red
Yeah, I could use some Johnnie Walker Red right now, she thought to herself. Of course, she really hadn't wanted any kind of alcohol since the party, but if she were going to drink that much ever again, now would be a good time to do it.
The pain in her ankle flared, pushing her rudely towards consciousness again.
Stupid bitch, Sam thought, annoyed, in that moment not sure whether she was referring to Tasha Greene or herself.
Four hundred miles talking to myself
Me and your memory end up here
Well, a few more than four hundred, but still….It seemed appropriate, somehow, that she would have this time to reflect on the tumultuous events that had occurred in her personal life recently. Maybe this is what it's like to have your life flash before your eyes, Sam thought curiously.
I tell myself I'm gonna be alright
But it's still not clear
Yeah, it's still not clear, Sam thought sarcastically. She wasn't at all sure she was going to be alright at this moment. In fact, it seemed an ironic twist of fate that, as she drifted closer to death here in the icy crevasse, that she would be plagued by the haunting melody and the ensuing memories.
There are some sins that you can justify
But not the one I'm guilty of
I had a choice one last chance ago
But I turned my back on love
Pete's handsome face flashed briefly before her then, causing her a different kind of pain.
Did I just miss,
The last exit to Eden,
Is this the only love I'll know,
Like a Judas kiss,
Did my heart betray me,
Back on the road I never chose
Whatever mistakes she had made with Pete in light of her feelings for Jack could certainly have been forgiven, if she and Jack had worked out, she thought. But Tasha was there now. The song continued on in her thoughts.
I can hear the man upstairs, he's crying out
"Fall on your knees, the end is near"
We both may need a savior, tonight I fear that mine
Is the one that I left waiting far from here
Yeah, I most certainly need a savior about now, Sam thought bitterly. Jack's smiling, brown eyes appeared to her now, as her brain chose this moment to remind her of the countless times he had saved her life on various missions.
Did I just miss
The last exit to Eden
Did I just miss
My only way out of here
Did I just miss
The last exit to Eden
Did I just miss
My only way out
There is no way out of here, she thought, her mind teetering dangerously on the edge of dejection now. She knew that they would at least come back looking for her body when all was said and done; she took a small measure of comfort in this.
She faded blissfully back into semi-consciousness, now populated with vague, strange dreams of Jack. He was taking her clothes off and wrapping himself up with her in a warm blanket. With the relative comfort of this particular seeming hallucination, she let herself slip into the complete black that had been chasing her.
Daniel barely noticed the fact that she was ordering Jack around; in the ensuing chaos of miraculously finding Sam alive in the crevasse of the canyon, he couldn't think about much. It seemed only natural to him that she would take charge in this situation; he knew quite well she was probably the only one next to Teal'c capable of managing it in that moment. The rest of them were really too stunned to lead anything; Captain Gibson and Lieutenant Ferretti seemed almost grateful for her ability to command in that moment.
And Jack had really needed to be ordered away, when Sam had gone into cardiac arrest while they carried her down the mountain – if Jennifer hadn't stood between Jack and Sam, allowing the medics that had come for her to restart her heart, the whole mission might truly have been a recovery instead of ending as the rescue that it was.
Daniel felt as if he were in a cloud the whole time, and the debrief was agonizing as her second round of chain of command violations in less than 24 hours came glaringly into view; he desperately hoped that the military machine would also take into account the desirable results of her actions.
When she and the other two soldiers were dismissed; she got up and stoically left the room. There were a few final comments; General Hammond ordered the standard review of her actions with both Colonels O'Neill and Taylor, then the meeting was over.
Daniel noticed her a fair bit ahead of him, also heading to the lab – it was safe to call it their lab now. He was pleasantly surprised at this; he had figured that she'd probably head off to the gym to go a few sparring rounds with Teal'c as she sometimes did to let off some steam. The Jaffa got a kick out of this exercise, too; it amused him that the diminutive young woman seemed to know no fear and went blow for blow with him to the end of the round.
He himself needed a calm, familiar place to collect his thoughts and take a deep breath from the emotional roller coaster that had just occurred; he would be glad to have her there with him. After all the times during his tenure with the SGC when he had thought he was completely alone in the world, and with still lingering memories of his painful childhood, her warm, comforting presence was the only thing that made him feel safe any more.
He could hear soft, muffled sounds as he approached; when he entered the lab, she was sitting on one of the lab stools with her head down in her folded arms on the lab table.
The mental fog he had been in dissipated, and his heart melted at the poignant sight of this tough as nails soldier sobbing as if her heart would break. It reminded him of what he loved about her; even the trinium-plated soldier's façade that he knew covered a very real, wonderful woman.
She looked up at him as he gently closed the door behind him; it was a look of emotional exhaustion, mixed with relief and happiness at the sight of him; much like what he himself felt. As he sat down on the stool across from her, she reached for him; they embraced as if death itself were after them.
They held each other for a long time, eventually punctuating their sobs with quiet conversation. They cried with joy at Sam's miraculous rescue, and Jennifer expressed her fears for her career after what she had done.
"Well, if they really do court martial you and drum you out of the military as a function of what happened, I've got an opening for a lab assistant," he said in his teasing, loving tone, gently pushing the hair away from her tear streaked face. She rewarded him with a giggle.
Renewed by the sharing of these intimate moments, they dried each other's tears, then they turned off the lights and prepared to leave their troubles behind them in the lab.
"Should we look in on Sam before we go?" Daniel asked as he closed the door.
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jennifer answered.
At the infirmary door, she stopped. She touched Daniel's arm and indicated with her head in the direction of the bed where Sam was; Colonel O'Neill was sitting next to it, with one of Sam's small hands gently clasped in his own.
"Maybe we should check back tomorrow," Jennifer said with a smile.
Daniel returned the smile with one of his own at the sight of his two friends. "Yeah, that's a good idea," he replied. Impulsively, he took her hand and they headed off to relax in the comfort of their own home for the evening; Jennifer still had to face the music with Colonel Taylor the next day.
From Dr. Fraiser's office, where he sometimes retreated when he did not want to be noticed watching over his friends as he was doing now with Samantha Carter and Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c watched them as they left the infirmary hand in hand, a smile stealing its way across his normally stoic face at this discreet sign of their true happiness. Indeed, all was right with the world.