Title : The Nearness of you
Author : Dùlin
Pairing : Chloé/Aya, mentioned Yohji/Aya
Rating : R
Warnings : Side B, spoiler for Glühen, angst, Aya POV
Disclaimer : Weiss Kreuz belongs to the lovely Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiss. Who are not me. The Nearness of You is the title of song by Norah Jones. Who is not me either. Feh.
O.O.O.O
I love being in Chloé's arms. Not that I'll ever tell him. He doesn't need me to tell him to know, anyway.
It doesn't have any kind of sexual connotation … or more exactly, it doesn't matter to me that it does. Chloé is about as fond of physical contact as me, and that's saying something. We're just comfortable around each other. We know where the limits are and not to push them too much. And we know that we'd go crazy without this.
Every time we do this, I somehow end up half on top of him, with both of his arms wrapped around me, my hands closed over his, and his breath tickling the back of my neck. Sometimes the cats join us on whichever bed or couch we happen to have chosen. Ken and the others know not to disturb us. Neither Chloé nor I would appreciate being interrupted, and Chloé is even more of a private person than I am.
"What are you thinking about, Aya ?"
His voice is barely above a whisper and a bit slurred. When he's relaxed like this, he often dozes off for a few minutes.
"You," I answer just as softly. "I was thinking about you."
I haven't fallen asleep yet, but I probably will soon, and he will watch me sleep when I do. It bothers me a lot less than it would have only a few years ago.
I can feel his smile on my skin.
"Not just me, Aya."
He's right. The reason why I'm comfortable with him is because he reminds me of someone else. It's only one of the reasons of course. Chloé is Chloé, and no one else could ever replace him, especially not after all this time and everything we shared.
I wonder if I remind him of someone, too. Somehow I don't think that he's attracted to my sunny disposition.
But then again, maybe he is. Chloé can be weird like that.
"Sorry."
His arms hold me tighter, and he nuzzles my hair.
"Don't apologize, Aya. You love him. I don't expect you to suddenly fall for me when you love another. I'm not even sure I want you to, to be honest with you."
If I were with anyone else, in any other place, I would immediately try to steer the conversation away to other subjects, or I would leave the room.
Chloé is exasperating half of the time. A real diva. I've been told that I can be pretty insufferable myself, but Chloé has it down to an art form. He can make you feel his disapproval with a mere glance if you do something as insignificant as pouring tea too loudly. He refuses to eat at the same table as me whenever I wear a color that he thinks does not suit my complexion, and he will brood for hours in the den for no apparent reason.
But I can't leave Chloé. First, because nothing short of an earthquake can make me leave him when he's holding me like that and I'm not exactly sure which heartbeat is his and which is mine. And second, because Chloé knows. He's been knowing ever since I arrived. I was glad that I didn't need to explain.
"You should go see him, Ran," Chloé says.
I must have forgotten to breathe, because suddenly his hands are rubbing my belly in small soothing circles.
"Hey, none of that with me, Ran," he teases gently.
He slowly helps me turn around in his arms and I put my arms around him too and bury my face in the crook on his neck.
"I can't, Chloé. I just … I can't."
"Why not ? You miss him."
It's not a question, so I don't answer it.
"Ran ?"
"He doesn't remember me, Chloé."
He shrugs. One more thing that those two have in common. The word 'impossible' is not a part of their vocabulary.
"Whining does not become you, Ran."
"I am not whining !" I say indignantly, raising my head just enough to glare at him.
"Of course you're not," he says in a cooing voice, and his hold on me tightens again.
"Bastard."
"Now that's the Ran that I know and love."
I give a start.
"Chloé ?"
"Yes ?"
"I don't want to lose you."
Chloé's fingers are stroking my hair now.
"That's good, because I wouldn't want you to lose me either, Ran."
"If I go back …"
"When you go back, Ran. When you go back …"
It's in those moments that I don't know if I should kiss him or punch him. I don't think either is a good option, really. I'd rather not face the consequences anyway.
"Chloé ?"
"What now ? Can't you just go to sleep, Aya ?"
"I hate you sometimes, you know that ?"
Silence.
"Chloé ?"
"I know."
"Doesn't it bother you ?"
He kisses my temple, tenderly, and suddenly I want to cry.
"You need someone to hate, Ran," he whispers next to my ear. "And I would prefer you not to hate yourself."
"But …"
"Go to sleep, Aya."
OWARI