My obession of the Killers (which I am so listening to right now! LOL!) has inspired part of this chapter. Random objects in my house have inspired the other parts. Ok, wish me luck!
Warnings: Language, Killers, Spoilers, some yaoi (I'd use the other word but I hate spelling long words )
"Yuan," Kratos poked Yuan very rapidly. Yuan woke up, in a very annoyed manor.
"Stop it! My head hurts as it is," He hissed angrily. Kratos got off the bed and shook his head.
"I told you that you'd get a horrible hang-over the next morning" Kratos spoke, sighing.
"I, was drinking last night?" Yuan spoke, in shock.
"Yea," Kratos spoke, thinking of the hell-filled night less then twelve hours ago. Yuan raised an eyebrow.
"We didn't.." Yuan began. Kratos shuddered.
"Oh damnit! Don't remind me! You kept asking all night," Kratos spoke, so annoyed.
"o.O thanks for not taking advantage of me," Yuan spoke.
"Ugh, I'm lucky I got out with my sanity," Kratos replied.
"Guess what!"
This time it was Drew Carey who broke down the door. Kratos gasped, Wasn't he dead!
"Aren't you dead?" Kratos asked. Yuan grabbed his blankets, pulled them tightly over his head, and hid under his sheets, in such a sucky mood.
"I live!" Drew Carey spoke. Kratos just starred at the fallen door.
"You broke down the door," Kratos sighed. Drew Carey nodded.
"Yea! But look here," He spoke walking over. He shoved three passes to the Killers concert O.o (GIVE THEM TO ME DREW CAREY! NOT TO KRATOS! TO ME!)
"The Killers?.." Kratos spoke blankly. Yuan rolled over, in his blankets.
"Who the frig are they," Yuan spoke. Drew Carey grabbed a giant pig and chucked it on Yuan's bed.
"Ack!" Yuan screeched jumping up and banged his head against the ceiling. The pig oinked then started to chase Yuan around the bedroom.
"Where did you get a pig?" Kratos asked. Drew Carey gave a sly smile.
"No where..."
"Whatever, would you just leave? You're stalking us and it's starting to creep me out" Kratos spoke, a little uneasy.
"But you guys so rock!"
"And that's why you chucked a rabid pig at Yuan?"
"He told me to!"
"He, told you to through a pig at him while he's in his bed?"
"Yep!"
"Yuan, did you tell Drew Carey he could chuck a pig at you?"
Yuan jumped onto Kratos' bed and clung to him. Which was odd seeing Yuan wasn't drunk. Maybe his phobia of pigs made him want comfort. Mwahahah.
"Yuan, get off me," Kratos spoke shrugging the half-elf off his arm. The pig was at the end of the bed, oinking evilly at Yuan.
"You told me last night at the bar I could break down your door and chuck random objects at you," Drew Carey complained petting the pig. O.o
"He was drunk. If you asked him to jump off the Whitehouse he would have."
"What's that?" Yuan asked, bitterly.
"Nevermind..." Kratos spoke, uneasily. Drew Carey gasped.
"Aren't you the one who blew up the Whitehouse!" Drew Carey gasped. Yuan glared over at Kratos, in confusion.
"No..."
"Ok Kratos, I can tell you're lieing," Yuan spoke glancing over. Kratos sighed.
"Get off my bed,"
"What if I don't want to!"
"Then I'll get the pig," Kratos spoke bending over as he picked up the pig. Yuan's eyes grew as wide as lakes and jumped over on his bed.
"Keep that filthy creature away from me!"
"So! Back to the concert, do you two want to come?" Drew Carey asked.
"Umm... whatever," Yuan spoke. Drew Carey nodded then ran into the bathroom.
"Any Idea on what he's doing?" Kratos asked.
"Nope"
"Maybe we should run for our lives down to the casino before he comes back out?"
"Good idea." Yuan answered, watching the pig intently.
Within moments the two were running out of the hotel room, chased by the rabid pig. It was a crazy chase! Yuan ran to the elevator, jumped in, the shut the door before Kratos could get in.
"Damn you!" Kratos spoke banging his fists against the elevator. The pig came charging down the hall, it's eyes beating bright red, foam flowing down his mouth.
"!" Kratos saw the pig then charged for the stairs. He ran down the first level of stairs with ease, but that all changed when he got to the second flight. In his way was a very odd man. He had no eyebrows, big fat moles on his face, yellow decayed teeth with most of the teeth golden, and wore trashed clothes. Basically he was a hobo with extra long toenails.
"Give me food or ye shall not pass!" The man hollered at Kratos.
"I don't have time for this, there's a pig after me!"
"Lucky, at least you have someone" The man spoke. Kratos starred blankly. Right...
"I meant a real live pig."
"I love pigs!"
"Not these kind"
"How do you know, mr. oddly colored hair"
"This kind will kill you, I am assuming. You will be torn to an abundant amount of pieces. This is the worst Sabbitical I've ever been on"
"hey! Don't use big words around me! How do I know you aren't talking about wanting me in bed!"
"If I wanted you in bed, I think I would have to be dead or druken beyond the point of no return," Kratos sighed. He turned his head and saw the pig charging down the stairs.
"PIG!" Kratos yelled and ran past the hobo. The man turned his head but the pig charged at his legs and sent him flying through the air to his eternal doom!
Kratos charged down the next flight of stairs faster. But his carefree, well sorta, run was interrupted by a random boot in the middle of the stairs.
"Boot!" Kratos yelled as he tripped over the boot and began to tumble down the stairs, banging his head along the way. The pig was still in hot pursuit. Kratos rolled down to the exit of the stairs and rolled out into the swingy doors.
"There you are Kratos," Spoke watching as Kratos landed on his back at the feet of the seraphim.
"The pig, he's after me," Kratos breathed heavily, he could barely speak.
"O.O!" Yuan jumped up and began to run. Kratos yelled.
"Help me up!"
"Oh riiiiight," Yuan spoke running back to Kratos and lifted him up. Once Kratos was up, the pig blasted through the swingy doors, snorting. His eyes were beating bright red, so shiny, and he starred at the two and snorted what sounded like a death call.
"RUN!" Yuan hollered as they ran into the casino. Once they made it into the main halls, where everyone was walking around, they turned around. Two fat men in black had cornered the pig and shoved him in a cage.
"Second one this week," one man said eating what looked like was human hair.
"At least we eat tonight!" The other man said licking his lips. Yuan and Kratos exchanged looks and walked down the hall.
"Between Drew Carey, the pig, and all this random shit, I just want to go home and I want things back to the way they were," Yuan complained sighing. Kratos looked over at his comrade.
"Come on Yuan, we should at least try to enjoy this trip," Kratos spoke. Yuan twitched.
"Kratos, how can I enjoy this trip? If I were just with you, and not all these frustrations maybe I'd enjoy it," he sighed. Kratos beamed at Yuan and leaned his head against his and made his 'Heh' sound.
"Now don't get all damn mushy on me!" Yuan complained uneasily. Kratos sighed and lifted his head back up.
"Wonder where Drew Carey went," Yuan spoke. Kratos shrugged but then realized he had grabbed the Killers Tickets from Drew Carey. Three of them.
"Yuan look, I have the tickets, want to go for the hell of it?" Kratos asked, more so as a joke. Yuan sighed.
"Whatever,"
"We have three tickets," Kratos noticed. "Who should come?"
"ME!" Author squeaks.
"What was that?" Kratos spoke looking at the ceiling. Yuan looked up also.
"Maybe it was God?" Yuan asked. Kratos slapped Yuan across the head.
"God only talks on Tuesday nights after happy hour, Yuan," Kratos advised. Yuan starred, with the most disturbed look. David Letterman suddenly appeared behind the two.
"Whoah! Who are you?" Yuan asked. David Letterman made a hand gesture.
"Welcome to the casino were people are never too tired to say Howdy!" David letterman spoke. Yuan and Kratos exchanged glances, as random people broke out in laughter.
"Whatever, let's just forget about the last ticket," Kratos spoke shoving it in his pocket.
"Good idea," Yuan commented, for once complimenting Kratos. Wowzers!
"Let's get going," Kratos spoke as he grabbed Yuan's hand and shoved the two of them through the crowd.
"Is this the line for the Killers concert?" Kratos asked as he saw a line near a closed door. A man turned around, called Will Smith, turned around. yes Will Smith, the rapper, the actor, and the one who swallowed a ten pound bag of potatoes.
"Nope. This is the hookup line, you stand here and get hooked up with someone then go in there," Will Smith spoke.
"Don't even think about it Yuan," Kratos warned. The two left then saw a stage, they walked over to see what was going on.
"Have you ever been rear-ended?" A man asked. Yuan glared at Kratos as he grinned. Kratos whistled
"Not yet," A fat man replied.
"Well we are going to play, GUESS-WHAT'S-MELTED"
"My underpants"
Kratos grinned over at Yuan as he stepped away.
"What the heck is wrong with you?"
"Nothing Yuan, let's just get to the concert." it only took the couple, I mean erm partners, oh wait, I mean, ok the two to find their way to the Wolf Den? Or is that at the other casino, I could really care less.
"I think this is it," Yuan spoke walking up to a security and showed them their passes.
"You do know you have blue hair," The security guard said starring at Yuan. Yuan starred blankly at the guard.
"No shit Sherlock," Yuan spoke (Omfg.. a Bob's commerical is on!) as he shoved his way inside, Kratos following.
"Get out of our way, we have backstage passes, well no, they are front seat, so anyway, get the frig out of my way," Yuan hissed. The crowd immediately moved aside to let the odd two through.
"Don't mind him. He's still moody from a night of drinking," Kratos spoke. The whole crowed went "oooooh!" and went back to talking.
The two were now in the front. Yuan glanced up at the empty stage.
"This is pointless," He spoke, yawning. Kratos looked over at Yuan.
"Just give it a minute," Kratos spoke. Yuan shrugged and looked down at his watch. After a minute was up he shoved a hand in Kratos' face.
"HA!"
"Ah, shut up Yuan," Kratos spoke.
"Yuan, look, that lady over there isn't wearing anything," Kratos spoke poking Yuan. Yuan whirled around to where Kratos was looking as a man wearing a Speedo starred back at Yuan nose-to-nose.
"My bad," Kratos spoke, stifling laughter. The man scratched himself, O.O, and then walked away.
"I hate you Kratos..." Yuan muttered.
"Why?" Kratos asked grinning.
"Because, I don't enjoy men wearing skimpy outfits," Yuan hissed. Kratos grinned widely.
"Besides me you mean," Kratos spoke. Yuan squinted his eyes and sighed. Grinning even widder, Kratos put his arms around Yuan.
"I knew you loved me," He joked. Yuan smacked Kratos across the face.
"We're in public you fool!"
"It was a joke... unless you love me!" Kratos spoke, clutching his side as he busted out laughing. Yuan scowled.
"I didn't say that!"
"And I thought it only happened when you were drunk," Kratos spoke, still in tears from laughing.
"Kratos shut up," Yuan growled, clenching his teeth as random people starred at the two.
"My dear lord Yuan, do you want me to hold you through the night?" This time he fell on the floor laughing. Yuan glared and kicked him (No not there D That'd be painful, he kicked him on the leg P)
"Denying it means it's true," Kratos spoke standing up. Yuan sighed and grabbed Kratos' hair and pulled his ear.
"Just shut up and we'll talk later,"
"Oh, Really?" Kratos asked, trying not to laugh. Yuan starred at the stage once more, what was taking them so long n.n
"Kratos!" Yuan sharply turned around when he heard the voice. Kratos also turned, then tripped over a random Coke can and fell into Yuan's arms.
"Mithos? I thought we killed you!" Kratos spoke stunned. Mithos shook his head. He was wearing an odd biker outfit. Odd.
"I went to Hawaii," Mithos spoke taking off his sunglasses. He starred at the two oddly.
"I got a tan and you two turned gay! Haha! Serves you right for falling in love with my sister!" Mithos spoke as he chucked a hotdog at Yuan and ran off. Yuan shrieked and dropped Kratos.
"Why did you drop me!" Kratos hissed standing up. Yuan starred, in fear, at the meaty fatty food in the demonic bun!
"It's made from pig..."
"Oh get over it Yuan! The pig is dead, and cooked!" Kratos yelled. Everyone ignored this sudden outburst except from one gothic chick.
"DAMN YOU ANIMAL KILLERS!" She yelled smacking Kratos against the head with her purse and charged off.
"Yuan, I need ice," Kratos whined holding his head. Yuan still starred at the hotdog.
"I'm not giving you if you don't pick up that 'thing' and throw it away," Yuan spoke, deeply afraid. Kratos looked at the hotdog.
"Oh for heaven's sake," Kratos spoke as he shoved the whole hotdog into his mouth and ate it.
"Thanks..." Yuan managed. Kratos sighed as he starred at the crowd.
"Yuan, there's something on your face," Kratos spoke looking over. Yuan twitched.
"What! Whatever it is get it off!" Yuan hissed. Kratos grinned and bent over and licked the mustard off Yuan's cheek like in that commercial. I love that commercial. Anyway!
"What the hell are you doing!" Yuan shrieked pushing Kratos away. Kratos, stunned, turned a dark red.
"You said get it off," Kratos spoke. Not wanting to logic with the auburn-haired angel, Yuan sighed. Secretly, he enjoyed it ( D )
"This vacation was a mistake," Yuan spoke holding his head in his hands. "I never thought I would be so annoyed with you, Kratos,"
"Sorry..." Kratos spoke, dis appointed. Sighing once more, he turned to Yuan.
"What can I do to make up for it?" Kratos asked, at least trying to make Yuan feel better.
"We'll talk after" Yuan said. Just then the Killers jumped onto stage blaring Mr. Brightside. Wh00t! ( I AM SO DANCING!)
"These are the Killers?" Kratos asked starring at the stage. Yuan bobbed his head up and down to the lyrics. Kratos, however, found the song entrancing. They exchanged glances.
"Yuan," Kratos began but Yuan hushed him then spoke once more.
"After.." He said seductively (Ok, that line just freaking creped me out D)
"o.O Ok" Kratos spoke.
"Hey you two! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!" They turned their heads as Drew Carey came charging at them, riding a huge pig. Yuan flipped out and jumped into Kratos arms and screamed.
"Run Kratos!" He cried as Kratos charged off, carrying Yuan. It was another chase. They ran out of the concert, right at the end of Mr. Brightside, snivel.
"Don't let me down!" Yuan commanded burying his head into Kratos' chest. With a rolling of the eyes, Kratos ran to the elevators.
linebreak
"Thank you," Yuan spoke sitting down on his bed. Kratos locked the door tightly, and made sure no one was in the bathroom. Heheh, SOMETHING is on his mind.
"Whatever," Kratos replied grabbing a bag of cheese puffs. Yuan yawned and buried his face in his pillow.
"You tired?" Kratos asked, a little disappointed. Yuan's ear twitched.
"Why? Are you planning on sending packs of pigs on me at night?" Yuan hissed, face still buried. Even though Yuan couldn't see, Kratos just starred at Yuan. It was one of those awkward moments.
"No, I wasn't planning that," But Kratos shut himself up. He lightly smacked himself across the face for saying that. Outside the window Chitty Chitty Bang Bang flew by, following by the flying car in harry Potter, then flew by the Pope from Tales and the Pope in our world x3 Go popes!
Yuan turned his head so he could see Kratos. Man was that heat a rising. Ok, wierd ooc are done.
"Then what were you planning?" Yuan yawned. He looked out the window and Michael Jackson was flying in a hot air balloon along with Martha Stuart. O.o...
"It's nothing," Kratos said shoving cheese puffs into his mouth. Yuan sighed and got up.
"Where are you going?" Kratos spoke nervously. Yuan glanced over at Kratos.
"I'm just going to get changed, god," Yuan spoke walking into the bathroom. Now you see, Kratos checked this bathroom, well when Yuan walked in there was twenty garden gnomes, and five pigs with glowing red eyes in the shower. See, Yuan didn't notice this until he got undressed and saw in the mirror the hideous group of creatures in his shower x3!
"KRATOS!" Yuan yelled at the top of his lungs. Kratos jumped off his bed, first made sure nothing was on the floor to trip over, then ran into the bathroom. See, Yuan was completely undressed, and was screaming and pointing at the shower.
"Yuan, what's wrong- Oh my fuc-" Kratos began as he shielded his eyes in horror. Yuan screamed louder.
"There are gnomes and pigs in the shower!"
"Put some damn clothes on Yuan! I don't need to see you naked!" Kratos hollered, face still buried in his hands. Yuan seemed very scared, and he was at all listening to Kratos.
"Get a broom and kill them Kratos! Kratos, do something! Grab the tv and freaking kill them! Smack them with boulders! Just do something!" The half-elf cried. Kratos bit down on his lip. Yuan wasn't listening to Kratos.
"You owe me for this," Kratos spoke clenching his teeth as he opened the shower. Ok this is where it gets really odd folks! The gnomes all starred at Kratos as the pigs charged at the naked Yuan (Lucky pigs 3!). Yuan screamed and jumped into Kratos arms.
"YUAN! GET THE FRIG OUT OF MY ARMS AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"
Standing behind the gnomes was known other than... ok we all know this, yep, you guessed it! Drew Carey! Oh my god, someone just shoot them!
"What the hell is wrong with you!" Kratos yelled as the gnomes grinned evilly. Yuan buried his head into Kratos' chest, once again. Kratos felt in the most awkward position. In a bathroom, with a flipping out, nude Yuan, rabid pigs and Drew Carey O.-
"Kratos!" Yuan chimed. Kratos pouted then ran out of the bathroom and shut the door on the caotic scene. He set Yuan down on the bed then went over to his own bed and banged his head against his pillow multiple times.
"Thanks Kratos," Yuan managed as he grabbed his clothes and shoved them back on.
"Is it safe to look," Kratos spoke. Squinting his eyes, Yuan sighed.
"Yes."
Kratos looked over at Yuan, who was still shaken up about the evil pig syndrome.
"I checked that bathroom before you went in there," Kratos spoke. Yuan, shuttered, then looked over.
"Why is Drew Carey stalking us," Yuan pouted, he seemed awfully afraid. Just the thought of five evil pigs and twenty gnomes in your shower with Drew Carey could creep anyone out, well only Yuan.
"Yuan, are you going to be alright?" Kratos asked, Yuan was squeezing his pillow tightly. Man did Kratos want to be that pillow D Usually Yuan didn't act like this unless he was drunk. Which Kratos knew he wasn't drunk, for once.
"They aren't going to kill me are they?" Yuan spoke uneasily. Kratos tilted his head and laughed.
"No Yuan, I'll protect you," Kratos spoke. For some reason that comforted Yuan. But not completely. Yuan still was shaking. Shaking like a leaf.
"Yuan, do you" Kratos began and tried to think of the right words. "Want to sit over here with me for awhile until the pigs and Drew Carey leave?"
Yuan looked over, he looked so pitiful and helpless. Aww! x3
"Thanks," He spoke getting up and sat down next to Kratos. He rested his head against Kratos' shoulder and sighed.
"Why are you so afraid of pigs?" Kratos asked looking down at Yuan. Yuan didn't move his head.
"I have no clue, but I don't even want to tell you the story, please understand," Yuan spoke. Kratos sighed then smiled down at Yuan.
"Heh, whatever Yuan," Kratos yawned. "I'm going to go check on the Drew Carey situation,"
Yuan grabbed Kratos by the sleeve before he could get up.
"Don't leave, not yet," He spoke looking at Kratos. (I smell love! Or is that a bean taco? o.O) Kratos looked back at Yuan, un sure what to say.
"Why?" He challenged. "I'll be right back," Kratos spoke. Yuan sighed, helplessly as Kratos got up and went into the bathroom. All was quiet. No Drew Carey or pigs. Kratos grinned then opened the shower. There sat a HUGE wedge of cheese. I mean huge! It took up the whole shower!
"Cheese?" Kratos asked. If Kratos had it his way, it would be a cheese puff. Ignoring this un threatening wedge of dairy, he shut the door, locked it then walked back over to Yuan and sat down.
"..." Yuan just starred at Kratos. He looked like he wanted to say something, or more so DO something but didn't.
"Well I'm tired, G'night Yuan," Kratos yawned, as he laid down on the other side of the bed. Yuan just looked over at Kratos, unsure what to say.
"Oh, alright," He stuttered. Kratos rolled over and looked up at Yuan who was still sitting on the bed.
"Unless you don't want me to?" Kratos asked, a smirk rolled across his face.
"Do what you want," Yuan spoke. It was meant in two ways. Kratos just starred up at Yuan.
"Humph," Kratos spoke sitting back up. With a smile, Yuan looked back at Kratos.
"You know what I said earlier about hating this vacation and that I was becoming annoyed with you?" Yuan asked uneasily. Kratos gave a stiff nod.
"Well, there's no one else I would want to share this odd time off with then you," He spoke, shaking a little. Kratos starred back at Yuan.
"Does that mean?" Kratos began. Yuan nodded.
"Yes"
"Then let's go!" Kratos spoke getting up. Yuan looked stunned. Go? Go where.
"Go where?" Yuan asked. Kratos looked back at him.
"Oh, I thought you wanted to go for a beer," Kratos spoke, a slight grin rolling across his face. Just like an evil piggy. What a weird mind I have.
"No, I don't want to be drunk this time," Yuan spoke. Kratos looked at him, in dis-belief.
"If that's the way you want it," Kratos spoke, smirking.
Authors Note:
That's all I'm going to say. Yep Yep. Ok what was my inspiration for Yuan being afraid of pigs? I have no clue. But It worked out I guess! x3 and Yes, I shall contiune this story and at all costs. It's turning out to be a humor but YuiexKratos story x3! See, I love this pairing! And I will contiune to! And the pairing Kraine shall burn in hell.. heh, sorry if that offends anyone.
And I think I should really start watching Drew Carey show again, maybe it will break my odd obession with him in my stories. But I still can't laughing over the gnomes, the pigs, and Drew Carey in the shower! Now, REVIEW!