Zombies Day Out
"Dude, I'm so happy I got promoted to act 2, now I'm bigger and stronger than before, I bet I can kill that barbarian that killed my friend Jim" the zombie said "uh….Tim, I'm right here" Jim says "oh…well….I was making it dramatic, I cant wait to get that damned barbarian that killed….oh wait, never mind sorry, but he still killed other friends, are you hungry man, I am starved" the two zombies wander out of the cave and into the open "do you know who this Tal Rasha guy is?"
About an hour later the two arrive near Lut Gholeim. "la la la la" a child sings as he runs through the desert. "Jim look, small brains, those are so yummy" the two begin to shuffle towards the little child, "god I wished I could run like those zombies in the movies, those guys suck" the child sees the two slowly coming towards him, "what the…" the child says, he begins to walk away "you zombies are so slow, I can practically walk away from you two" "why you little brat….I'm going to hurt you so bad…" he begins to shuffle faster "nya nya nya nya nya nyaaa" the kid pokes this tongue out of his mouth "oh your gonna get it now" just then, Jim feels something snap "WHA….." his left leg falls off "ha ha ha" the kids laughs at him "hey you stop, back before I died, I was a marathon runner, you don't understand us" dust poofs out of his eyes "we zombies have…feelings too…your…so…misunderstanding…waaa" he begins to cry "I'm gonna go now" Jim begins to shuffle away "im just go into town and get some Ahla King I love their hamburgers"
Jim arrives back at his guard spot and notices everyone is dead "aw crap, that barb came through here, didn't he" out of a corner a skeleton appeared, dude, where were you, we needed your help, I bet if you where here we coulda killed that a-word" "hey, I got hungry and me and Tim decided to go into town and grab a brain or two" "hey yeah, where is Tim?" "Oh Tim, yeah, well…he broke his leg…" "is he alright" "yah, he is probably back near town still their crying because of how us undead are 'sensitive' and we still have 'feelings', speaking of feelings, has Betsy said anything about me lately, I'm totally gonna get with her", "sorry to tell ya this man, but….that Barb killed Betsy" "HE WHAT! OH HE IS GOING TO DIE NOW!" "Calm down, I think Durial took care of him anyway" "oh well, im gonna go see if I can pee so I can pee on his body
Jim walks down into the Durials lair and finds that the body of the barbarian is lyingo the ground. "Hey big D, how…how are ya doing" "WELL…" he says in a very deep voice "…THAT BARB THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE ME, AND WELL, I F'ED HIM UP GOOD!" the two begin to laugh, "watch this D!" the zombie turns to the corpse of the hero and begins to do the dew…. "numbah 1 time buddy" the body is drenched is a kinda greenlish yellow "HOLY CRAP JIM, WHAT DID YOU EAT, THAT IS SO RAUNCHY, JEEZ, AND THAT'S JUST YOUR PEE, I FEEL SORRY FOR THE GUY WHO IS NEAR YOU WHEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE A DUMP!" "ha ha ha ha ha…." Just then Jim feels a sharp pain in his back, "UH, JIM, HAS THAT AXE ALWAYS BEEN IN YOUR BACK!" "…no…" he says weakly, then he falls to the ground "LOOKS LIKE THAT BARB CAME BACK FOR ANOTHER SPANKING….OH CRAP, DIDN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE BEHIND HIM, WEL….IM SCREWED"
Jim awakens in the third act "son of a bitch, cant I ever stay dead?"…………to be continued, only if you people want me to