The new chapter of sabbatical, dun dun dun! Inspired by my buddy Andrea for ideas, and dedication to Devon cause he loves Drew Carey (or did until he broke up with him to date Jim Carrey) Erhm, anyways, enjoy this chapter :) And yes this is the final chapter. Sad sad. There is a VERY short epilogue after this, (VERY SHORT) but this is the only good chappie left.

And yes, dedicatd to Andrea!

Sabbatical
Chapter Seven: Fear Factor & A Druken Night

The next morning the two, erm couple, or um partners (either way I say it, it makes them sound like they are sex partners, lol.) made their way down to the casino. You see, there was a huge competition being held at Mohegan Sun! Isn't there always? Anyways, today was the signups and beginnings of the special Edition Fear Factor, Gay Couples Edition. Why? Because the host, Joe Whatshisname, secretley loves gay guys. No offense to you Joe, we love you. Or do we?

"Come on Yuan, let's sign up." Kratos pouted, but remained a stern face.

"I don't want the whole world to know we're gay, you idiot," Yuan stammered, uneasily as they walked side by side to the signups. Wait, that didn't sound that good. How about.. they skipped side by side, hands tightly clasped together. Yes, that sounds more smexy. (Yuan bashes me upside the head) Ok forget the skipping.

"Names?"

"Kratos Aurion." Kratos spoke proudly. The dude, Joe whatshisname, looked up at Kratos.

"What a queer name... I like it!" He spoke. Yuan twitched and watched as the man glanced over in his direction.

"Name?"

"Yuan." He replied.

"You don't look chinese..."

"I'm not!"

"But Yuan is chinese-" Joe protested.

"It isn't!" Yuan hollered back.

"Pfft, fine. Last name?" Joe murmured, licking his pencil. He did that when he got annoyed. ( and no victor, not 'his' pencil, perv heheh)

"Aurion," Kratos chimed in.

"So you're married, interesting." Joe murmured and finished writing it down with his pencil. Kratos moved a few steps away from the signups with Yuan.

"Since when are we married?" Yuan asked uneasily.

"You don't have a last name, remember?" Kratos sighed.

"Oh right."

"Hey look," Kratos pointed over at the signups. Standing before it was none other than Drew Carey and... Devon? Since when did Devon become a usual in my story anyhow? Devon, get out of here (he laughs eviliy) ok... fine you can stay.

"Isn't that the fourteen year old guy Drew was dating?" Yuan asked curiously.

"Yes, let's just hope he didn't la-" Kratos began.

"Would you stop using vile language about Drew Carey. It gives me bad thoughts," Yuan shuddered. Following Drew and Devon was the last gay couple... erm... um... god damnit, I don't know any other gay guys! (thinks hard) Oh wait! The third gay couple was Marcus and david (Laughing my ass off) Just kidding, it was Bob Koffman, from bob's discount furniture, and the King off of the Burger King commericals? This is screwed up on so many levels.

"I'm coming out of the closet!" Sung Bob in the background.

"Shut uppppp," Devon sung backwards.

"Is this some sort of musical?" Kratos sang to Yuan.

"I suppose, but why?" Yuan tried to sing back. Glasses broke and big fat men wearing red suits surrounded Yuan with big flashy guns.

"I suggest you not sing," Kratos sang awesomley to his partner. The men left and Yuan sighed.

"All contestants for Fear Factor, please come back behind this inflatable wall." Joe spoke. The three couples walked up and watched him diligantly.

"Ok, you'll have to decide on your team color before we can start anything." Joe spoke grinning.

"Orange!" Devon and Drew sung in unison.

"Brown!" Bob and the King hummed, it sounded like some really crappy opra.

"Red..." Kratos began.

"Blue!" Yuan snapped.

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Would you just decide!" Joe snapped.

"Fine blue," Kratos huffed, with a stern look. Man, no matter what the situation he still had his odd personaility.

"Ok, here have these sexy wristbands to represnt your team color," Joe passed one out to each of the members. Yuan put his on easily but Kratos found it exremely hard.
"You're supposed to put it on your wristband. Hence wrist band."

"Oh he said wrist bands, I thought he said thr-" Kratos began, flushing a dark red.

"Stop while you're ahead," Yuan sighed.

"Let's go over the rules. Number one, no secret sex bouts during the competeion, and I mean that." He eyed Bob and The king suspiouscly. "Number Two: if you fail to complete a task, you are elimanted, and must suffer the shark tank of doom!"

"That's not part of the show..." Yuan began.

"Shush." Kratos quieted him.

"Number three: No other rules. Feel free to do whatever."

"Joe, I have a question." Kratos spoke, raising his hand.

"Yes?"

"Is licking against the rules?" Kratos asked timidly. Yuan starred blankly, wide eyes.

"No... why?"

"Just checking." Kratos eyed Yuan out of the corner of his eye with a mischevious look. Creepy, I think he might be the next Michael Jackson. Or the next... David Smith, you know on the ceral box, wholy shit! David on the ceral box! That'd be scarey.

"Ok, in the first task out of three, one member of the team must compete. Step forward now or be killed by pointy objects," Joe snickered.

Kratos, Devon, and Bob stepped forward uneasily.

"You're task will be to swim through a large pool of pudding while being molested by David Letterman!"

"What the heck kind of challenge is that!" Yuan blasted out. Kratos turned a deep scarlet.

"Now, undress!" Joe commanded. Inside Yuan's head, he mentally killed himself. First with a gun, then rocks, then limes. Limes gave him a alergic reaction, indeed.

"Kratos pull up your pants, your boxers are for my eyes only!" Yuan snarled.

"o.O This brings up the question... why am I dating older men?" Devon asked nervously.

"Does that mean your forfetting?" Joe asked with a grin.

"Never!" Devon spoke revealing his odd swimming outfit. He was dressed up like a huge goldfish. It's really creepy. Really really creepy. Bob, however, was wearing a speedo. Oh damn, it burns!

"Ok, go to your starting points!" Joe demanded eviliy. In his hands was a whip. Why he had a whip? Don't ask me, I'm just writing down what I see.

"You're going down, Kratos." Bob laughed eviliy taking his spot at the swimming pool starting line. Kratos glared back at him then uneasily sweated because he saw David Letterman swimming around the pool, dressed up as a shark, singing the Jaws Theme song, VERY loudly.

"You'll all perish before my sexy swimming skills." Devon cackled eviliy. (and the point I'm wondering is why I am putting Devon in a chapter dedicated to Andrea.. hmm, I knew they were a good couple)

"I am never going on a vacation again." Kratos pouted, which was so out of character for him! Bad oocness!

"On your mark!" Joe began but Bob coughed and rose his hand. "What?"

"I don't have a mark.." Bob spoke, winking towards David Letterman in the pool. Yuan watched from the sidelines, trying to avoid Drew Carey who was inching closer to him. Everytime he'd look away, he'd be closer. And closer.

"Anyways.. on your mark, get set." Joe began but Bob raised his hand again. "What now?"

"Get set for what?"

"To swim the damn race." Joe snapped, shaking his head unbelievabley.

"Good luck, Kratos." Yuan whispered from his position.

"On your marks, get set, GO!" And they were off!

Let's just say this race wasn't a pretty site. Cause like Devon was swimming like some wierd person while he sung a Mariah Carrey song (if Devon ever learns I'm bashing him this bad, he'll kill me). Bob was secretley enjoying the molesting part, dear lord, and kratos was swimming rapidly. He wasn't in the mood to be rear-ended.. at this moment.

Coming in first was Bob. How the hell. Second was Kratos.. and sadly third was Devon.

"But, I have fudge!" Devon yelled, as they all dried off and zapped into their clothes. He held up a big, delicious, enticing... scrumptious.. box of .. OH GOD DAMNIT, DEVON! GIVE ME THE FUDGE! "The author loves fudge." Devon lauged. (just for that I'm making Devon and Drew carey get zapped out of this competeon)

oddly, both Devon and Drew Carey magically vanished. Now was only one task left. It was between the King...and Yuan. And oddly Yuan began to have a bad mental image of the King, geting it on with Bob. How wrong is that? Why the heck do these thoughts go through my mind!

"Ok, gather round!" Joe called, adressing the competeors.

"Is it story time!" Bob squealed.

"Not exactly.." Joe answered, as each contestant took a seat.

"For this task you will each eat a very disguisting object." Joe declared. He Believe it or not, both members of the couples had to compete. So kratos and Bob have to do two tasks? Oh so unfair.

Anyways, they were all seated at a big table with silver lidded trays. Yuan uneasily glanced at Kratos who was eying his.

"Knowing this competeion, they'll make me eat Drew Carey's scab." Yuan sighed.

"For Yuan, he shall eat-" Joe unlifted the lid of Yuan's. And guess what was sitting there. Come on! Get involved reader! It was Drew Carey's scab!

"Drew Carey's Scab!"

"I feel bad for you," Kratos added in.

"Shut up.." Yuan sighed.

"Come on darling, why are you so shy." Bob all of a sudden said, stroking the king's chin. Ok... this is supposed to be a high rated T fic. Not some weird fic. Well, whatever.

"For Kratos, he shall eat-" Joe declared. Sitting on Kratos' plate was none other than the hair of Albert Einstein. Where do these people come up with this screwy tasks?

"Facial hair!" Joe grinned.

"At least it's not-" Yuan began but Kratos sent him an angry look.

"Bob shall eat-" Joe spoke walking over. He lifted Bob's lid and there sat a delicious looking steak. Hey wait a minute!

"That's not fair!" Yuan hollered, eyes watering from the steak.

"Oh screw a cow." Bob snickered.

"Don't mind if I do." A spectator said. Ok... moving on!

"And for the king, he shall eat-" Sitting on the King's plate was a delicious Burger King Whopper.

"This is brutal agony." Kratos sighed.

"Begin!"

Ok, as you guessed, it took Bob two minutes to eat his steak. Yuan, however, was finding it hard to eat a scab that came off Drew Carey. God knows what it is made out of! But he did eat it, just because he loves Kratos that much. Ngah.. Kratos, however, ate his hair he was given in two seconds. Yuan eyed him.

"Where did you learn to eat hair.." He was about to gag for several reasons.

"Didn't I tell you? I was a champion hair-eater back in the day." Kratos grinned proudly.

"That is so wrong." Yuan sighed.

Oddly, the King could not even take one bite of his whopper. So, you know what that means.

"And the winners of Fear Factor: Gay Men addition are none other than the married couple, Yuan and Kratos!"

Joe shoved a big trophy in front of Kratos. Kratos took it and waved to the few people who had gathered around to watch the show. Yuan, however, was gagging somewhere. He hated Drew Carey scabs, he really did.

As a congradtulatory victory meal thing, Kratos took Yuan out for a few rounds of beer. A few rounds turned into a few dozen, and a few dozen turned into thirty. How can they manage? Yuan banged his head against the table, drinking his thirth beer. Kratos, who was already drunk, and had been drunk, was riding the mechaincal pony that just so happened to be in the bar...

"Krattie!" Yuan squeaked. Kratos looked over and saw Yuan staggering towards him.

"Yesh, meh smexy Yuie?" Kratos asked innocentley, beginning to make out. Come on guys! This is like not good rated stuff. Save it for at home!

"I want you." Yuan squeaked.

"Let's go to the room." Kratos chimed.

"No please! Don't do anything." A poor old man yelled, as his eyes burned into scrambled eggs.

"Awwww, shut up you old fart!" Yuan squeaked, attempting to flip him off but ended up waving to him.

"Yuie, be nice to the local jellyfish," Kratos chimed in, placing a hand on Yuan's shoulder.

"Since when are we jellyfish?" Oprah Winfrey asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Since Spongebob said so," Yuan squeaked casually. How can anyone squeak casually? It goes against the laws of squeaking!

"And how does that make you feel?" Oprah asked, shoving a microphone into Yuan's face. However, he moved right before that, so the phone got shoved agains this ear.

"Krattie!" Yuan squeaked sadly. No further comment.

"Let go of meh smexy Yuie!" Kratos demanded, jumping on a mechanical bull and riding over to Oprah, carrying a huge jar of mustard.

"Not Mustard!" Oprah yelled in fear, dropping to her knees.

"Damn right it's mustard," Kratos chimed, dropped it all over her. Haha, teaches you a lesson Oprah. I mean.. we love you Oprah. Your shows rock. Eheh.

"Nooo, I'm melting!" And Oprah vanished.

"Ooooh Krattie. You saved meh," Yuan squeaked, jumping into his savior's arms.

"Are you ready for a drunken night, meh Yuie?" Kratos chimed, carrying him to the elevator.

"Yesh."

AN:

Oo I don't even want to know what they are capable of doing when they're both drunk and horney. I don't even want to know. And oh yea, there you go Andrea! Seeee, I told you I'd finish it. Well, remember, the short epilogue is coming up, which basically just ends off with them arriving back home, and turning back to their serious, boring selves. Hope you had fun with this fanficiton. I sure did..