AQUA

for catherine

You deserve better.

The horizon devoured what was left of the sun. Smears of summer hues tainted the eventide sky. Everything was quiet, serene, as the islands basked in the refreshing thrums of the ocean waves.

It was twilight.

And there, water swishing against her bare ankles, was where she stood. Alone.

I knew exactly whom she was thinking about.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but words failed to pass my lips. I wanted to reach out, say that I was here, here with her on this secluded shore… and that she wasn't as alone as she thought. I felt the need to approach her, to stand in the shallow water with her, to talk about life with her.

I wanted to watch the sunset with her—but I remained stiff.

And it dawned upon me… how she captivated me in ways unimaginable.

She was so dedicated, and so…

… beautiful.

But I was getting ahead of myself. We were barely friends.

I sought courage within me to speak, although when I did my voice cracked awfully.

"Kairi…"

That's when she pivoted her stance to face me, her cerulean eyes sending a wonderfully nauseating tremor into my sensitive gut.

And all she did was stare. She was scanning me, scrutinizing me… as if she had great difficulty comparing illusions to reality. But this was reality. I was real. I was here. It may have taken her a while, but at the point of recognition she smiled a smile that was worth the heated wait.

I took a step forward, feeling the thick layers of wet sand shifting under my shoes. And before I knew it, I felt the frigid sensation of water splashing at my jeans and through to my legs. My eyes grew so wide that it hurt and I nearly lost my balance.

"Cold, cold, cold," I grumbled through my clenched teeth, reaching down and rolling up my dampened pants legs to my knees.

"You didn't have to come."

"I know," I replied, my voice barely audible as I straightened my posture and eyed her. She was beaming again; but that grin was hiding something.

It almost made the moisture in her eyes seem slightly unnoticeable.

But I noticed. And then she knew I must have noticed, for she abruptly reached up with both her slender wrists and brushed at her eyes. When she dropped her hands and began fiddling with her fingers, the streaks of tears were still evident.

I bit into the insides of my cheeks, not believing the next words I uttered.

"The only guy worth your tears is the only guy who won't make you cry, Kairi."

Kairi cast her gaze downwards, staring past the clear water and at our feet. "Your shoes…" she simply answered, apparently unable to reply to my previous comment.

"I know," I said again, feeling repetitive. The wind began to pick up, tousling Kairi's silken cranberry hair.

Kairi closed her eyes, and I felt buried.

She couldn't be more than five feet away from me, but she looked so isolated.

Waiting, for him.

"He promised," Kairi said suddenly, her tone light, her fingers curling into fists. "And I'm so… so sorry for crying over him, because I told myself I wouldn't. But I didn't promise him that, because I knew it would be a promise I would never be able to keep."

I watched her struggle with her words, wishing there was a way, one way, for me to somehow help her. To ease her pain… because someone like her shouldn't have to go through all this. But I watched, silently, for I knew she had more to say.

"Moving on is so easy… so simple. It's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult… the worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned. I don't miss him, Roxas—I miss who I thought he was." Kairi opened her eyes, whites fringed with scarce pink. Unshed glistening tears graced her lower lids. "Sometimes, when just one person is missing… the whole world seems depopulated."

She was breaking me. That was it—I felt broken, seeing her in this state of emotion. The cold freshwater at my legs was nowhere near as numbing as Kairi's sadness.

"Hey," I said, as bright as I could, trying to lighten things up despite the disappearing sunlight. "It's not over… some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it's letting go that gives us more strength."

Kairi's eyes seared into me for a while, and I couldn't help but feel nothing but vulnerable under her strong gaze. Then, her stare weakened almost instantly as the tears she had been holding back decided to spill. Miniature rivers ran down her cheeks, sliding over her soft facial features, delicate like a porcelain doll's… a porcelain doll that had just cracked.

The droplets of liquid crystal collided with the ocean we stood upon, creating small swirls of ripples spreading across the surface of the water.

"Kairi… don't…"

"Don't what? Cry? Feel bad? I try so hard, Roxas! Day after day, I just feel so—"

"Broken?"

"Yeah, and without him everything seems really—"

"Pointless?"

"Yes! Because I can't help but think that we'll never—"

"Be together?" I felt iced to the bone, and soon enough words were tumbling out of my mouth against my will. "That it seems like you'll never regain happiness because there's always an obstacle from getting what you want? That the only person you've ever felt affection for will never, ever be yours? That it drives you crazy when you can only think of that one person when you first wake up, day in and day out, and every night in bed?" I shook my head, averting my eyes from Kairi. "And that, for once, just once, you'll be with that special someone and they'd… they would feel the same way."

I had no time to see Kairi's mixed expression before the sun dipped below the horizon and vanished.

Darkness.

"Roxas…" Kairi's voice was strained. "Why…"

I murmured, "My summer here at Destiny Islands led me to realizations. I didn't know how it could be possible… it's just that… you… and everything else… I… don't get myself, really. I know it's crazy… I don't know how it could happen, or if it's within rationality or logic at all, yet… I can't stop thinking about you."

"But you never… spoke to me. You always talked to Selphie, or Tidus…"

"Kairi… it wasn't intentional. My feelings. It wasn't, it really wasn't, believe me. It just… happened. When I came here, I had nothing. I didn't know I was looking for love until I came here. And I met you. All I wanted was to see other worlds—I want to see 'em all."

The night filled with an apprehensive silence.

I heard Kairi draw in a shaky, deep breath. "… That's what Sora said the day before we were separated."

I felt a lump grow in my throat, and guilt crumbled within my insides. I felt something heat up behind my eyes. "I'm going home… tomorrow."

My eyes had long since adapted to the dark, but Kairi's reaction was inscrutable, so I could not see a thing. But I did hear, and I heard the swishing of water lapping in my direction, and I did feel… and I felt Kairi's arms around me, embracing me tightly, as if she did not want to let go… ever.

She was sobbing into my chest.

"I understand that pain comes with love, but why did I have to love so much?" Kairi choked out between her wrenching, aching tears.

My arms hesitantly rounded her fragile body. I savored her citrus-scented hair brushing against my chin… her cold body and shaking shoulders caused my heart to throb terribly. Moments passed, countless moments… and finally, around the same time the moon resurfaced from the fleecy clouds, Kairi's sobs quieted.

"Kairi… if I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you when I leave for Twilight Town… but I did, I do, and I will."

"That's a mouthful," Kairi softly remarked, and then… she laughed quietly. Perhaps it was a rather empty one, but it was still a laugh… and I had been the cause of it.

I smiled. And I think Kairi smiled, too.

That's when I knew wholeheartedly—she wouldn't be crying for a while now.