A/N: Once again, I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I promise you all, this story WILL be finished. I love it too much to let it sit here and rot. Updates may continue to be slow, though.

That said, I hope you all enjoy the chapter! Please review if you read!

Even though Far Far Away was a large, glamourous kingdom, it always seemed as though everyone in town noticed whenever a newcomer drove in the gates, especially if the carraige was the least bit unusual. This was the case the day before Shrek and Fiona's wedding ball as a large, ornate, sky blue carriage drawn by four perfect palimino horses entered the kingdom. Since they weren't expecting the return of the princess this time, they didn't follow the carraige through the streets to the castle as they had when Fiona arrived. However, there was a great deal of pointing and gossiping throughout the streets as the mystery visitor passed by, and messengers ran on swift feet to alert the king and queen.

As the carraige pulled up to the palace steps, Lillian and Harold stepped through the large wooden doors. Shrek and Fiona followed close behind them; neither Shrek nor Harold looked too happy about being there.

"I still think this is a bad idea, Lillian," Harold muttered crossly. "It simply isn't going to work."

"I'm afraid I've got to agree with you there, yer majesty," Shrek replied in his thick accent. "No offense, but...I doan't think makin' the Fairy Godmother jealous is really a good plan." All four of them were aware of the scheme Lillian had cooked up; she hadn't thought it was fair to keep it from them, since they were all involved.

"Shh, she's here," Fiona said, tapping Shrek on the arm to quiet him. She looked excited.

There wasn't a great deal of pomp and circumstance surrounding this arrival; a footman merely stepped down to open the door to the carriage with a low bow. As soon as Shrek caught sight of the woman who stepped down onto the long carpet that was rolled out daily for visitors, his jaw dropped. She was the spitting image of what Fiona looked like as a human, and he suddenly understood why his wife bore only a vague family resemblance to her parents. Her looks had come from the woman standing before him.

"Rose," Lillian called out in greeting, stepping quickly down the stairs with her arms held out to the red-haired woman. The two embraced and kissed one another on the cheek.

"My darling little sister, it's so wonderful to see you," Rose replied, holding Lillian at arm's length for a moment. "My, my, you haven't changed a bit since the last time I saw you."

"You look just the same as well, Rose," Lillian replied, truthfully. It was hard to believe that Rose was the older sister; there were hardly any lines or wrinkles on her fair face, and the ones that were there were so thin, they were hardly visible. Her vibrant hair didn't hold even a trace of silver in it. "I still can't understand why you don't find yourself a husband. Goodness knows you have plenty of suitors," she added, linking her arm through her sister's as they walked back towards the others.

"I'm quite happy ruling on my own, Lillie. I don't need a man messing things up for me. Besides, if I got married, I wouldn't have nearly as much fun!" she said with a sly grin. Before Lillian had a chance to reply, Rose broke away from her to hold her arms out to Fiona.

"As I live and breathe, it's my favorite little neice!" she exclaimed, drawing the ogress in for a hug. She didn't seem the least bit taken aback that Fiona was no longer a human.

"I'm your only neice, Aunt Rosie," Fiona replied, giggling as she returned the hug.

"Oh, pish, tosh. What does that matter?" she replied, laughing, then turned to Shrek and held her hand out to him. "And you must be Shrek. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to meet my little Fiona's husband!"

A little awkwardly, Shrek took the delicate hand offered to him and shook it, not really knowing what he was supposed to do. Still, he smiled back at the woman; she was the first person he had met in Far Far Away who hadn't at least done a double-take the first time they saw that the princess and her husband were ogres. She seemed to just accept them, right off the bat. Shrek liked her already.

Harold, however, didn't seem quite as friendly towards his sister-in-law. She turned to him with a slightly forced smile, as though he were really just something distasteful that she had to swallow in order to be polite, and offered her hand to him. "Harold."

"Rose," he replied, taking the hand and bending to plant a quick kiss on it. An awkward silence threatened to ensue, so Rose clapped her hands together and smiled brightly as she turned back to Lillian.

"Well! Let's go inside and have a cup of tea, and you can tell me all about what I've got to do," she said, linking arms with both Lillian and Fiona and dragging them into the palace with her. Shrek and Harold were left standing outside, blinking at one another.

"Women," Harold muttered, seeming disgusted by the amount of estrogen in the air. Shrek shrugged.

"She seems nice, though," he said. Harold snorted.

"Nice to you, perhaps. She's never liked me. Doesn't think I'm good enough for her sister," he said, looking annoyed.

"Because of the frog thing?" Shrek asked. Harold shook his head.

"No. We just don't get along. She's too independent for a woman," he answered, sounding a little indignant. Shrek said nothing; he knew that Lillian was every bit as independent as her sister. The difference was, Lillian had a knack for making Harold think that HE was the one who was in charge. There was an awkward pause, and both of them suddenly realized it was the first time they had been left alone without one of their wives to facilitate the conversaion. "So..."

"So...heh." Shrek looked around, rocking back and forth on his heels for lack of anything else to do. After another pause, Harold cleared his throat.

"Right, then. I think I'll just...go have a look around the kennels, wot wot? See you at dinner," he said, heading off down the steps. Shrek was left alone, a little unsure of where to go. Donkey was spending the day with Dragon and the kids, since Shrek had to be at the palace to greet Fiona's aunt. Puss had gone off by himself to who knows where; although he was definately a part of their group, now, he still liked to maintain a little bit of his loner quality.

"I'll just look around town a bit," he called after Harold, who was already almost out of hearing distance. Shrugging, he headed out of the palace gates to make the short walk into the city. He wasn't the least bit concerned about walking around as an ogre anymore; the people of Far Far Away had, for the most part, grown accustomed to the idea of its princess and her husband being ogres. He even saw a few of them smile and wave hesitantly as he passed, and he offered tentative grins back at them. The kingdom was a bustling, busy place in the daytime; on every corner, there were street vendors catering to tourists, specialty shops, restaurants of all different kinds.

As Shrek glanced in the window of one of the smaller restaurants, his stomach rumbled. "Guess it couldn't hurt to grab a bite to eat," he said aloud to himself. He glanced up at the name of the place - Buon Alimento - before heading on inside.

He had just been seated at a table when he realized there was something strangely familiar about one of the patrons sitting a few tables diagonally to him, in a corner booth. The man wore a hat pulled slightly over his forehead, but it wasn't entirely obscuring his face, and a dazzling white smile was visible as he laughed at something his companion was saying. Shrek couldn't see who the other person was, other than the back of her head. He watched the two of them, absently giving the waiter who came by his drink order while trying to figure out where he had seen that smile before.

After a few moments, the woman at the booth got out of her seat, excusing herself to the powder room. The man she was with looked up at her as she left, and Shrek's upper lip curled slightly when he realized that it was none other than the Fairy Godmother's precious little mama's boy, Charming. However, the look of disgust was quickly replaced by one of utter shock when the woman turned so that he could see her face, because he recognized her, as well. She was none other than the ugly stepsister who ran the Poison Apple pub.

Just as Shrek was having his own realization, Charming noticed the ogre for the first time, and a look of horror automatically graced his features. He waited until his date was gone to stand up from the table and make his way over to Shrek.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. Shrek rolled his eyes.

"Fer your information, I happen t'be orderin' lunch," he growled, purposefully opening up his menu to peruse the items offered. Charming reached over to push the menu back down to the table.

"If you tell anyone about what you've just seen..." he said, trailing the threat off.

"So yer ashamed of yer date, is that it?" Shrek said, nearly snarling.

To his surprise, Charming actually looked as though the comment had stung him. "I...well, no, it's not that..." he faltered.

"You'll go out with her as long as no one knows about it, is that it?" Shrek asked. "As long as she doesn't hurt your pretty-boy image?"

"That's not it at all!" Charming defended, but Shrek could tell he had struck a chord with the blond man. "It's just..." he trailed off, sighing. "I just don't want my mother to find out about Doris. I'm not ready yet, and...well, I want to be the one to tell her. If she hears it from anyone else, she'll be furious."

"And just why should I agree to keep any secrets fer you? You tried to take my wife away from me," Shrek replied. Charming glanced towards the door of the ladies' room, hoping to finish the conversation before his date returned.

"Look, I know my behavior towards you and Fiona was absolutely wretched, and I...well..." he hesitated, as though the words were very hard for him to say. "I'm sorry, all right? I was just following Mother's orders. And I'm not doing that anymore," he explained, glancing more and more often to the ladies' room. "I know you owe nothing to me, but...will you please just agree not to say anything about this?"

Against his better judgement, Shrek grumbled in agreement. "Fine. But don't expect any more favors from me, yer highness," he said, adding the title in sarcasm. Putting his menu back down on the table, he left a few coins to cover the cost of his drink and walked out of the restaurant. Suddenly, he didn't feel the least bit hungry anymore.

A/N (again): Well, there it is! Hope you enjoyed! Oh, just for those of you who might be inclined to argue that Doris, the Ugly Stepsister, is actually a man in drag...if you watch the film with the filmmaker's commentary on, the producers specifically say that Doris IS a woman. She's just an unattractive woman with a deep voice and a bad makeup job.