A/N: Bare with me, this was mostly done at night while I was half asleep and rather tired, so yeah.
XD
"What's that you have, Avelona?"
"Another book, Chire'ni loaned it to me."
"I see. Is it good?"
"It is very good. But, mother? Why does…why does Chire'ni think I'm…scary?"
"She…said that to you?"
"No, she says nothing to me. She says that to her friends, and I see it in her eyes. Why am I scary, Mother?"
"You're very different, Avelona, we are all different in one way or another, and we try to understand each other and accept these differences, but I will not lie to you. You are sometimes a little more different, and Chire'ni is very afraid of this difference, many people are. It is the demons you harbor within you, there are many, and they are strong. It is very frightening that this could happen, and I am very afraid as well, I am afraid for you. Perhaps Chire'ni does not want to get close to you because you are too easily lost because of this."
"Because of my demons…if I killed them, will Chire'ni want to be my sister?"
"I am sure she would."
Raven groaned and turned over in her bed.
"Lady Sorceress, wait!"
"Yes?"
"Ah, well, I wanted to know your name. I am Malorek Rechior, a friend of prince Valhand. How do you do?"
"I am Avona. An apprentice sorceress to the wizard Mordak traveling back to her homeland."
"And a princess as well it seems…ah, Valhand and I were hiding in the curtains lining the throne-room walls, we saw what conspired. I heard you say your mother was the queen of your land, would that not make you a princess?"
"I suppose, but personally I prefer not to think of myself as such. 'Princess' is merely a title humans formed to make themselves feel more important than each other. In my land we have no such titles, and I am only treated differently because I am different. As you can obviously tell."
"Well, ah, yes, I won't deny that I know. But I'm sure you'll find that, not being entirely human myself, I'm not going to treat you as some evil creature to be feared. If you'd give me the chance, I am certain we might become friends and learn quite a bit from each other. Mayhap I can help you, if you wish for help."
"Truly? Have you experience?"
"With your particular, ah, condition? No, none. You are a walking impossibility to all my knowledge and expertise. But, I am not the only one in this land who could contribute, however I am quite certain that, given time, I truly could become a worthy asset to you in this."
"Very well then, I look forward to it."
Raven tossed again, a grimace on her face. She tried to wake herself up, but her mind was already pulling itself back into another dream.
"Ah, the famed White Magus, I am honored to finally see you face to face, Avelona."
"Who are you, and how do you know me by name?"
"Your reputation proceeds you. I am Judora, the Back Magus."
"And exactly who decided you would be my opposite by name, Tainted One?"
"Hohoho, you catch on quickly. Think of me as your rival from now on."
"Why?"
"Why? Well it should be obvious, dear child, you are the one who banished my master to the abyss, for that you must pay."
"Well then, I expect I should be worried. I suppose the Lucifer's Messiah, what do your kind call him? Trigon? Yes, I suppose he was just a good practice session next to you."
"Don't play that game with me, Avelona. You yourself don't understand how you did it, but I do, I know exactly what happened. And I can tell you right now that it won't work so well on me."
"How, how do you know me when I don't know you? How do you know this?"
"Hn, wouldn't you like to know?"
Wake up, you'll want to wake up now, come on. Raven's eyes fluttered open, hearing that familiar voice in her head, her voice, and yet, not her voice.
Who are you? She asked.
I am you. The part of you that you hate, that you try to suppress, the part of you that you worked so hard to rid yourself of, even now that you have purified me, you still fight against me. Why? Do you truly hate me so much still? Why is that when I no longer torment you, when you are free from me, when there is no longer a need to push me away? Why do you continue to cage yourself when it is no longer a matter of great risk for the entire universe?
Because I don't want to be like you.
But you don't have to be like me, you can change me a little if you want, you can be whatever you want to be. But you're afraid, afraid of what might happen to you, afraid of whether or not you'll still be yourself, and afraid of what the others might think of you. Raven didn't respond. You don't have to change, and you will always be yourself. But, it is only hurting you, me, us, when you restrict me to the demonic body. You have come a long way in dealing with your new freedom, but there are still things you've yet to explore because you're afraid. You let yourself free a little in that dance club, but you allow the natural attraction other males will undoubtedly have for you to bother you too much. You need to learn to just have fun, like Zira.
But Zacroma and I are complete opposites—
How opposite? You're half demon, and she's half angel, but you both had a human mother, you were both brought to Azarath as special cases. Do you think that being half angel is a walk in the park either? She's learned to let loose and have fun in spite of the severity of her upbringing, why can't you do the same?
…You're not going to leave me alone until I do, are you?
No, because you aren't going to let it go, you can't. I am only you, speaking the things that are hidden deep in the back of your mind, the things that are bothering you.
When you say, I don't have to change, then how can I appease this…problem, and not change?
You are Raven, but you are a caged Raven. You won't be changing, you'll be displaying more of you than you ever have. You will be truly free. You will think the way you want to, speak the way you want to, act the way you want to. Though you are free of your bonds, you are still operating in a set of rules that were made for you during your childhood, the boundaries that you've yet to break yourself of.
Raven got up from her bed, and walked over to her dresser drawers. She opened one, and pulled out a hand mirror, one that hadn't seen anything but that drawer in ages. One reason being that the glass was now cracked.
The door has been opened, and yet you are still inside the cage, still clinging to something that was never a very favorable prospect, because everyone fears change sometime.
I will not change, it will be the outward me that changes. Raven thought to herself, still staring at her fragmented reflection in the mirror. She walked over to the trash can and tossed it in. But it will have to be gradual.
An indoor cat cannot become an outdoor cat over night if they are scared. Dark Raven agreed.
XD
"So, what all did you dream about?" Rorek asked her.
"Well, first I dreamed about Avelona's adopted mother, we were talking about Chire'ni and why she was afraid of Avelona. They thought that if Avelona rid herself of the demons possessing her, Chire'ni would be her sister finally, or something like that. Then I sort of woke up for about a second, not much, and then it changed." Raven answered, furrowing her brow. "Next, I was talking to you, as Malorek Rechior, but you were obviously in a human form, and had somehow managed to befriend the prince of that land named Valhand." She went on.
"Never heard of him." Rorek said, shaking his head.
"The name rings a bell," Malchior mused, "But go on."
"I think I made a scene in front of the king, and blurted something out about my mother being the 'queen', only I guess I somewhat concealed the fact that the civilization was underground, and my adopted mother happened to be drow. I did make it known that I wasn't exactly human, however, but I did have some story going on about being an apprentice to the wizard Mordak." She said.
Malchior smiled, "Now that sounds familiar." He said. Rorek murmured an agreement.
"I think you told off the King and the royal advisors for something, you were fairly young at the time, and it was the first time we'd spoken to you." Rorek said.
"We were also discussing a bit about my 'problem', you said you might be able to help me, even though I was a 'walking impossibility'. You said you wanted to become friends, though I get the feeling your initial goal was a little more than that." She added.
"The word 'duh' seems to apply here." Malchior sniggered.
"But that's not all," Raven said, frowning in thought, "I sort of shifted dreams again, though I was trying to wake myself up, and I dreamed about the first time I met Judora I think. But what she said…She said she was going to be my rival because I had sealed Trigon away, but she also said…something else. I was taunting her about thinking she'd be a match for me when I had defeated her master, but then she turned around and told me that not even I knew exactly how I'd done it, and that she did, and she said that whatever it was wasn't going to work on her." Raven crossed her arms over her chest. "And that makes me wonder, how could Avelona, who was powerful enough to defeat Trigon and seal him away in the first place, have so much trouble with Judora? It doesn't make sense." She said.
"Well, we don't know that she did have trouble with Judora." Rorek pointed out.
"Exactly. Avelona always defeated Judora, no matter what trickery she used, but she never killed Judora. For some odd reason, she was always reluctant to do so." Malchior said, his face screwing up as he fought hard to remember.
"You think she might have felt just a little kinship, even though she refused to think of Judora as her sister?" Rorek questioned.
"Maybe but…this changes things. We thought Judora was only bitter and insane, but she was tainted when Avelona met her, meaning she would have been there to get revenge on Avelona, for all that. It wouldn't have been anything personal, and Judora might not have hated her, but what did she care if her sister was killed? They'd never grown up together, never known each other, and ended up on opposite sides of the spectrum." Raven mused, "But Avelona might have felt, even though they were only sisters by blood, they should still have some semblance of kinship. However that would have been erased after Judora used you two against her, and then that would explain the immense hatred I have for her."
"Not that we'd need any help hating her, but yeah, that would also explain why we hated her so much as well when we first saw her." Malchior said.
"We didn't exactly remember her, but I know she remembered us from the way she was acting and smirking." Rorek put in.
"That's about it, and then, after that…well," She wondered how she was going to say this, "I had a talk…with myself."
"You mean Dark Raven?" Malchior asked at once.
"Yeah, I guess." She answered. It seemed apparent that, somehow, Rorek had found out about Raven's temporary loss of self, for he didn't seem at all surprised either (Slightly shared conscious?). "But it's more like, I don't know how to explain, it's like I'm talking to myself, and yet its another me. But it's still me, my own thoughts."
"We understand, go on." Rorek said with a nod.
"What do you think happened?" Asked Malchior, not concerned, just curious.
"What you thought happened, only, to a different degree. You were right, I have been suppressing myself, and that little…scene was due to Dark Raven getting fed up with being ignored and suppressed. Or rather, me being tired of caging myself." She explained, shifting a bit uncomfortably with the subject.
Malchior didn't help either. "You mean resisting the fact that you want to sleep with me?" SMACK! "OUCH! D! Is it just me or did your slaps just get harder?" He moaned, rubbing the satisfyingly red bruise on his cheek that was shaped like a hand.
"Shut up! It's bad enough without you making lecherous comments. One more and I'll toss you out of the room, I'd rather just speak to Rorek about this anyway, so don't make this difficult!" She ordered.
"Yes ma'am." He squeaked, shrinking under her glare.
Rorek turned his own death glare from Malchior and regarded Raven again, "So, what you're saying is that your darkness is getting restless because you continue to suppress it?" He asked, turning the subject back on focus again.
"Yes, even though…well, I don't have to, not anymore. What's going on is that I've still been clinging to the harsh upbringing I was put through, knowing that the moment I lost control over my emotions, more than my own life was at stake. The rules, the boundaries, everything that was hammered into me as a child no longer matters now, and though I've been able to 'let loose' a bit, I'm still holding back, 'keeping myself in the cage even though the doors open'." She explained. "And deep down, that isn't what I really want. I want to be free, I have forever, but now that I am, I don't know how to be. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, it does. So, what you need to do is learn how to let yourself relax into this newfound freedom." Rorek mused.
"Good thing we have someone who's done that exact thing." Malchior said. When they looked at him strangely, he elaborated, "Zacroma, of course. Remember, she was probably put through the same harsh training that Raven had, having the same boundaries and rules set out for her, though probably not with such a degree of fear hanging around her, only that she might be discovered. And look how easily she was able to break free of all that and let her real self come out like a shooting star. If there's one person who can help you free yourself, it would be her."
"Yeah, Dark Raven, er, I mean, I was thinking along the same lines." Raven agreed.
"Good thing she's been trying to do this ever since she joined us, you just have to actively try and let her." Rorek said, "I mean, I don't expect you to start liking that shopping thing, nor will you drape your room in bright colors," He mused.
"Exactly. So, now that that's taken care of, what next?" Malchior asked.
"Next? Next, I confront Chire'ni." Raven answered, instantly gaining jumps.
"I hope you don't plan on going alone." Malchior said, suddenly defensive.
"Of course I do! I can't talk to her properly if either of you are hovering around me, ready with a fireball the moment she shows signs of hostility, which will be the second I find her again. This is all assuming she's still in that house of course, she might have left." Raven said with a sigh.
"At least let us follow you enough that we'll know if you need any help, she doesn't have to know we're there, and even if she does we won't be able to hear what she says." Rorek said.
"No, I want to do this alone. I can't explain why, but I just feel it wouldn't be right, even if you two were out of earshot, the fact that you're there would still make a difference." She told them.
"Raven, don't be thick, she's going to try and kill you again! You know it! You can't reason with someone like that." Malchior told her.
"I'm not going to reason with her, or try to change her mind. I just want to talk to her." Raven answered, "I can take care of myself, I'll be on guard this time, I'll even make sure I have an open wound ready in case she decides to try something. But please, let me do this alone."
Finally, they nodded their heads in agreement, but they didn't look at all happy about it. "When?" Asked Rorek.
"Tonight." She answered grimly, "The sooner, the better. It can't wait any longer."
"Or else it will fester." Malchior said.
XD
It was noon, and Zacroma was up and about, easily tired, but still about. She had enough energy to play video games with Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Rorek, but seemed to get mysteriously out of breath during periods when she tried to get up in order to get something from the kitchen. Many times both Raven and Malchior had to look away to hide their smirks as Beast Boy rose each time to the occasion and swiftly got her whatever she asked for. Rorek and Cyborg pretended not to notice, only this was harder for Rorek as the fact that he wasn't offering to get Zacroma what she wanted as well was a bit obvious. After all, he was still a gentleman, whether he had more of Malchior in him or not. But after a few times, Zacroma began asking Beast Boy specifically. She started batting her eyelashes and sugaring up her words in a form of flirting that was so fake and obvious it could have been brushed aside as a joke.
It was a relatively quiet afternoon, there were a few emergencies, but nowadays only two or three of them were needed to handle it. Raven and Malchior pared up to take care of Dr. Light, and by take care of I mean walk up to him and have him on his knees begging for mercy without doing anything whatsoever. Cinder Block tried making a bit of a mess, but Cyborg kicked his butt by himself and didn't have any trouble.
But in spite of that, the weight of the coming evening was keeping Raven's spirits low. Malchior did, of course, try to 'cheer her up', but only landed with a bruise on his left cheek, and a very amused Rorek. But Raven need to figure out what she was going to say, and what to do in a worse case scenario. The day drug on, and she wished she'd just gone sooner, but thought it'd be best if it was dark first and her leaving wouldn't be noticed very easily. If the other Titans knew what she'd set her mind to do, they wouldn't let her go alone, and she knew that couldn't happen.
XD
Raven took a deep breath, and landed on the familiar patch of land, scattering a few small spiders, and making a rather large one, probably Zerr, scuffle at a lightening speed towards the house. This gave Raven some hope, if Chire'ni had left, she'd have surely taken Zerr with her, at the least, Zerr was her favorite. This also seemed to be good as Zerr would probably alert Chire'ni she was here. Raven had often wondered, previously, if Chire'ni, as Shenira, had been able to actually communicate with her spiders, now she was sure of it. The spider was a drow's sacred symbol, they were the creatures drow seemed to have the most affinity for, so the fact that Chire'ni's spiders served her in a way made sense.
Raven walked slowly across the lawn, her footsteps squeaking on the deck. She opened the door, preparing herself for a sudden blast of, something, anything, but it didn't come. She walked in, and saw Chire'ni in her kitchen, back to her, and in human form.
"I suppose you're here to kill me now, aren't you?" She asked when Raven entered the room. She hadn't even looked up.
"No." Raven answered flatly.
Chire'ni turned around to glare at her. "Stop toying with me, Avelona. I'm sick of it. Just kill me and be done with it, already, I've had enough." She said.
"If you want to die so badly, kill yourself, because I'm not doing it for you." Raven snapped irritably. "And you know what? I'm sick of it too, I'm sick of this entire thing. I'm sick of the dreams, I'm sick of the memories, and I'm sick of being called 'Avelona'. You think you've had enough you arrogant brat? What horrible thing ever happened to you that you can just mope around wanting to die for no reason? You're the last of a dead race, you should feel special, you outlived them all and survived through the ages on your own. And you know what? I doubt you ever had to deal with the pain of a heartache, that you ever had to go through real pain and suffering. What did you do anyways? Dig yourself a hole and twiddle your thumbs all these centuries? I would think that someone of your age would have wisdom enough to obtain an open mind." She said.
"Did you just come here to lecture me?" Chire'ni asked.
"Yes, I did, and you're going to listen to me whether you want to or not because you need to hear it. And stop me if I'm wrong because I don't particularly like the image I have of you right now and would like to change it." She answered. "When you were young and Avelona first 'darkened your doorstep', you were scared of her. And why shouldn't you be? You were a child, and though you were exposed to many different cases of mental illness, none were quite as bad as what you saw in her. You didn't understand her, and the fact that she was possessed by many demons just made things worse. So you were afraid of her, big deal, you could have gotten over that after she regained her sanity. But you stayed distant, and because of this, you were cut off from your mother as well, because she continually spent time with Avelona, helping her with her problem.
"This is what I think happened, you became bitter because Avelona had taken your mother away from you, but you're such a stubborn brat you didn't realize it was your own fault. You clung to your fears, and kept away, building up a hatred for Avelona, all the while she was building up a love and longing for you, wishing that you might be her family. The entire demon thing was just an excuse to justify your hatred, you convinced yourself that you hated demons in general, and Avelona was possessed and harboring many demons, which gave her frightening powers. You told yourself that she was really evil and putting spells on everyone so that they wouldn't see that she was a monster. You told yourself that somehow you had resisted, and that her friendliness and outward wish to be your sister was a result of her trying to win you over another way. You were so caught up in this, you didn't even stop to consider that maybe, just maybe the attack on Val'hilran was the work of another demon. And even if it had been Avelona, have you any idea how hard it must have been being possessed by those demons? She was a walking impossibility, keeping any semblance of sanity while under that kind of stress, how could she not have lost control a few times. But you didn't even stop to wonder the kind of torture Avelona must have been going through, did you? You didn't even ask yourself what it must have been like, to be possessed by even one demon, much less many.
"And yet, to this day you're still convinced that you were in the right, that you did nothing wrong. I expect this sort of narrow-mindedness from humans, but not from an aged fay. Avelona was obsessed with you, she did just about everything just so you might call her 'sister'! She loved you, and even after you betrayed her, after you killed her, she, I, still retain that emotion. But I can't, for the life of me, fathom why. You are a selfish, close-minded, self righteous, brat who, in spite of her years, has yet to grow up and let go. I don't much like this view of you, I much prefer the one I had of Shenira, the strong, respectful woman who I really thought I had an odd, yet strong bond with." Raven told her.
There was a pause at the end of this speech, in which Raven was staring at Chire'ni sternly, but the drow wasn't looking her in the eye. Finally she spoke, "Are you done?" She asked, but her voice was uneven, trembling, as if what Raven said was shaking her up a bit. Good.
"Almost." Raven answered. "Zacroma lived, but just barely, which is the reason I didn't come sooner and kill you. If you're going to continue trying to kill me, leave my friends out of it." Raven hissed at her dangerously, "I don't want to kill you, I really don't. In fact, deep down, I still feel the wish that you would be a friend to me instead of an enemy. But if that happens again, if anyone I love gets hurt because of your immature obsession, I won't kill you, I'll throw you into the very realm that you sent me. Understood?"
Chire'ni didn't have to answer, her tanned face had gone very pale in comparison to the skin color she'd chosen. But she nodded anyway.
"Good. However, if you finally decide to forget all of this and don't bother me anymore, I promise I won't come back to haunt you ever again. You can just forget about me and learn to enjoy the extended life you were given. Likely you haven't been able to do much of that if you still remember everything that happened all those years back so clearly." Raven told her, turning back around so she could leave through the door. "I'm going now, but I hope you'll chose peace over war."
She was almost at the door, when Chire'ni finally spoke. "You aren't Avelona, are you?"
Raven stopped, and shook her head, "I am Raven." She answered.
"You're different, very different and…I'm sorry." Chire'ni said.
Raven sighed, her shoulders and her head drooped down, she was biting her lip and cringing with an inward pain, "I wish I could believe that." She said, "But I don't know if I can. Goodbye Shenira, Chire'ni, whichever. I hope we never have to see each other again." And with that, she left.
XP
A/N: Alright, now that that's out of the way, I can start working on the next plan of action here. The good news is, I think I have most of it figured out in my head, bad news is, you guy's will be seeing many evil cliffies in the near future. Gomen nasai!
Silverwinged-Raven: Nope, I got some of it from the Forgotten Realms, but that's from the Daughter of the Drow line of books. Mostly, though, I got my info from they're awesome!
Obsidia: LOL! Yeah, dragons are hot. Ever read Dragon Bait by Vivian Velde? That story's awesome. As for contacting you, I'll get to that today! But right now I've got to get something to eat, my stomach's yelling at me for waiting this long. Ja ne!
Strange, that's all I really had to say. I mean, to most reviewers all I'd be saying is either 'yep!' or 'hey thanks!', so to everyone else, those apply I guess.