An Unfair Act of Vengeance
Notes: Sorry this took so long to post, but the good news is that the next few chapters are already done, and I'll be able to post them soon! I've also been busy recently, but I have read all the reviews, and they've been really helpful, thanks for them all, and keep them coming!
Summary: Nick is trying to recover, but finds it nearly impossible. The team is finally allowed to process the scene once the bombsquad has cleared the rest of the mine. Dr. Alberts requests to speak with Grissom and Catherine, and they have no idea what they're going to find out...
All he could see were the rafters... then everything began to grow darker. The pain was unbearable... Suddenly everything turned white, and then he could see it. The Plexiglas walls that once more surrounded him... but, this time it was worse... this time it was accompanied by the sight of his own blood that soaked his jeans and dripped slowly down from the sides of the coffin...
His eyes opened wide, and he found himself lying in a small, white room. As his vision cleared he could see a man in white looking over something. He tried to speak, but something was caught in his throat. A quick glance down showed a largetube forcing something into him...
"Ah, good, you're awake... oh, and don't try to talk. I'll get that tube out of you in just a moment..."
He could distantly hear the words, but they meant little to him. He tried to hide the fear that was once more threatening to overtake him... You're just in the hospital... you're going to be fine, there's nothing to worry about...
Dr. Mark Gibbons could easily see the terror in the young man's eyes. It was unsettling to see how much the poor guy had been through. He glanced down at his chart once more, before he slowly approached the recovering CSI. He felt the man flinch as he carefully began to remove the pipe.
"Sorry, about that, but you've beenout coldfor the past four days... And, we had to get some food into you somehow... For now, though, you just need to get some rest. You have a lot of people waiting to see you; do you want me to let any of them in?"
Nick closed his eyes... He could already see their faces... his families' looks of pity... Catherine's grief and overbearing concern... Warrick's guilt... Sara and Greg's pathetic attempts to be strong... Grissom's shame that he had so easily succumbed to Dr. Alberts, so easily given in to the pain that had been inflicted on him. But, then again, that'd be nothing compared to the looks of disappointment... I should've been stronger... I should've been able to stop it all... and they know it...
"N-no... N-not n-n-now at least..." It took all his strength to say it, and he quickly collapsed back into his pillow.
"Ok, if you say so..." Gibbons replied casually. It was sad seeing someone beaten down like this, and he was slightly disappointed at the guy's answer...
Grissom immediately stood as the doctor exited the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The rest of the team was also standing by the time he made it over to them. A quick glance over his shoulder showed that Nick's parents were just returning from getting some food...
"Can we see him?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Brown, but he does need to rest..."
"How is he supposed to rest when he's got to be scared to death. We need to be with him; he needs to know that we're here for him..."
"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that right now..."
"Why the hell not?"
"I'm only doing what your friend asked..."
"What, Nick told you he didn't want to see us?" Grissom quickly piped up, unable to mask his growing concern.
"Not you in particular, I merely asked him if he wanted to see any visitors. He said no."
"Look, Mark... could we talk somewhere in private?"
He sighed, "Ok, Gil, but I can't tell you anything that I feel would breach doctor patient privilege."
"I'd expect nothing less."
He sat down slowly behind his desk. This was going to be extremely difficult...
"Ok, Mark, why don't you just give me your opinion here? Does Nick's refusing to see visitors actually mean anything?"
"Gil, you're a friend, and I hate giving good people bad news. And, while I'm not an 'expert' I deal with these situations daily. In my opinion, I'd say your friend is suffering from more than just Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or even Hypoadrenia. I get the sense that he is feeling extremely guilty, and that he's scared of essentially everyone, including the nurses and myself. I'd say that his not wanting to see his family and friends right now could be because he is feeling guilty, and doesn't want anyone to see him in his current condition, physically or emotionally..."
"But, you think it's more likely that he's afraid that..."
"That all of you will be ashamed of him, or at least disappointed in him... Actually, I'm thinking he is going through both. Everything he has gone through over the years in his file supports that, and when I read through his evaluation I'd say that he's always felt like this to some extent, at least since he was nine..."
"Yeah, except after Walter Gordon buried him alive..."
"He gladly accepted visitors." Mark finished for his friend. "I don't know what else to tell you, Gil. I do have a strong background in psychiatry, and I'm not sure what type of action would be best to get through to him now. Certainly not sending him anywhere like an institution. That would only increase his guilt and shame; making his condition even worse... Then again, I can't honestly say that letting him go home would be the best option either..."
"You can't give us an answer. I know that, he still has a lot to get through, but in the end all it'll come down to is if he is willing to get better..."
"Essentially, yes... just be careful with how you deal with the situation, Gil. One wrong step could completely push him over the edge; making recovery impossible..."
"We can't allow that. He deserves to have a better life; I suppose it's largely up to us to make sure he has that option..."
"Actually, it's completely up to him, Gil. Remember that... it may be hard, but you need to accept the fact that he'll never really be the same..."
He couldn't sleep... everytime he closed his eyes those images would come back to him... He would see Dr. Alberts hacking away at his arms. He would see the sledgehammer flying from out of nowhere, only to crash painfully into his leg... He would see a large dagger sticking out from his gut; the blood drenching his hands and clothes. He would see that high school girl throw him down onto his bed as she laughed mercilessly...
He shook his head. A small flutter outside the closed blinds of his window managed to catch his attention. He could see the wheelchair next to his bed, but found it impossible to move...
The nurse ran straight to the room, without stopping to look at the growing number of people in the hall. She wasn't sure what he needed, but even if it was just a glass of water she didn't want the poor guy to have to wait...
"What do you need?" she asked softly as she closed the door behind her.
He didn't respond for a few moments... "Can- could I g-go o-over b-by the w-window?"
She looked at him curiously, but figured it would be fine for him to sit the wheelchair for a while...
"Sure, here I'll help you into the chair..."
She wrapped his bandaged arm carefully around her neck, and slowed down when she saw him wince. After several strenuous minutes she had him standing with his weight completely on her. With a grunt she managed to lower him down into the wheelchair, and rolled him the rest of the way to the window. With a slight bit of hesitation she reattached his IV.
"Whew, if you want any more help moving I'll have to call another two nurses to help. Of course, with you they'd probably be lining up outside the door." She smiled brightly at him, but it began to fade when she saw the look of helplessness, fear, and shame in his eyes. "You're welcome..." she whispered to him quietly before quickly leaving. She hoped he didn't think she was being rude, but in the end she doubted that it would matter much either way.
Nick sighed, and was barely able to turn the lever to open the blinds. His eyes looked out over the gloomy courtyard. A few birds flew around chirping as they went from tree to tree in the small courtyard. He looked up at the dark, cloudy sky...
Grissom answered his cell phone without bothering to glance over at the others still sitting quietly in the hallway.
"Grissom here."
"Hey, I've got some good news for you guys. First, bomb squad has finally determined the entire mine is free from any more explosives, so you guys can get in there. And, Dr. Alberts wants to talk to you and Catherine. I told him I wasn't promising anything. And, last but not least, the Phoenix Police Department is sending one of their CSI teams in to investigate Alberts' Institution."
"Ok Brass, we'll be there in a few minutes, I'll have Warrick, Sara, and Greg head over to the mine."
"Good, Sofia, and Vega are waiting there already... H-how is he doing?"
"He won't let anyone in to see him, so we're not entirely sure."
"Poor kid, that isn't a good sign, but he's tough. He'll pull through in the end."
"I hope so."
He walked quietly over to his team. This wasn't going to be easy, but he had to do it.
"Hey, Gil, did you get through to the doctor, can we see him?" Catherine asked, unable to wait any longer.
"No," he replied slowly, "we can't just force ourselves on Nick. He'll let us in when he's ready."
"You can't be serious. We all know Nick better than that."
"It doesn't matter Sara, we don't have a choice. And, we still have a job to do. You, Warrick, and Greg have to go back to the mine to collect evidence. Bomb squad finally cleared the rest of the mine, so the structure is completely safe."
"What about you and Catherine?" Greg asked.
"We've been invited to have a little conversation with Carl Alberts..."
"Gil, I... why should we waste our time talking to him. We don't need a confession."
"No, but, nevertheless, it could shine some more light onto the situation. Besides, I have a few questions for him, and he'll only talk if we're both there."
"Okay then. If you need to do this, I'll go along with it. Let's get going..."
Half an hour later Warrick slowed the SUV to a stop outside the abandoned mine.
"Greg, you process Alberts' car. Sara, we'll take the inside. We bag everything. This guy is going to be buried by evidence got it? I don't want there to be a single hole in this case."
"Got it. I'll come in and help you guys finish when I'm done with his car."
Grissom held the door open as Catherine hesitantly entered the dimly lit room. Brass was glaring relentlessly at Alberts, who merely smiled blankly until the two entered.
"I wondered how long it'd be before you two arrived."
"We're only going to listen to what you have to say if you answer some questions."
"Naturally, I would hate for any of my actions to go unexplained to the great Gil Grissom."
"Fine, let's start. Why Nick?"
"I thought that would be blatantly obvious. You see your team has parts. You're the brain, you tell everyone what to do, Ms. Willows, and Miss Sidle would be the legs. Mr. Brown and Mr. Sanders would be the arms. Pancho... he'd be everything else. You all make up the heart and soul of the team, but he holds you all together. Without him; your team falls apart."
Catherine found herself glaring at the man sitting there as well. He's too calm. He should be watching someone bash in his leg with a damn sledgehammer...
"Even so, why do you care about breaking our team apart?"
"Oh dear, Gil, you really must be confused. You see, I devoted my life to trying to help others. I instantly bonded with Walter Gordon. We had some type of connection, and it allowed us to become good friends. When his daughter was arrested it broke him. He was devastated, and as his friend I was as well. So, naturally, I helped him commit a perfect act of vengeance. We were quite lucky Pancho decided to show up; otherwise I wouldn't have had nearly as much satisfaction through all of this..."
"Don't call him that. You don't have the right..."
"Why not? I know him just as well, if not better than you do. In fact, if I hadn't reported that his babysitter molested him you would never have found out. Besides it's not like you ever really cared about him. You just treat him like he's nothing; like he is some insignificant piece of trash."
"You couldn't understand what it's like to actually care about a friend. You had some psychotic connection to another lunatic."
"My, Gil Grissom, how defensive you are... But, I must say, you truly judged him unfairly didn't you? I mean, you assumed that he learned all about birds from a TV show... Has he even been given the chance to work solo on an important case?"
"I've made some mistakes, but I determine what cases people take based on their abilities..." He cringed as he heard the words come out. It wasn't what he had meant to say, or was it?
"Ah, so you like Pancho, you just don't respect, or appreciate, him."
"Why am I here?" Catherine interrupted. She wasn't about to let this guy send her friend into a serious guilt trip...
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter: Nick still can't manage to face anyone, and the situation grows more confusing for him when a stranger goes into his room by mistake. The team continues to collect evidence, but they are finding it harder to focus as they see firsthand the items used to hurt their friend. Meanwhile Grissom and Catherine confront Dr. Alberts with Brass...