Hope Anew

Chapter 2: Maybe, Baby

"Jack?" Hope peered into the darkness of the caves to see Jack and Sayid sitting by the running water. They were both looking concerned, and Hope had a sinking feeling that she was to blame.

"Hope," Jack looked up at her, and stood to shepherd her inside.

Sayid ducked his head, looking uneasy. Hope knew that Jack must have told him her news when Sawyer had overheard them talking. She greeted Sayid softly, trying to put him at ease. Jack looked at her, waiting for the reason for her visit.

"I wanted to apologise for earlier," Hope began. "I've been kind of stressed…"

Jack held up a hand to stop her. "Don't worry about it, Hope. I know it's been tough."

Hope nodded and looked at Sayid. He sat silently, almost as though he was alone. Hope watched him curiously, and suddenly he stood, cupped her face with his hands, and gently kissed the centre of her forehead. She supposed it was a Middle Eastern thing, and she appreciated the intimacy of the gesture. There were not many castaways' who entered her space anymore, and Hope hadn't realised how much she missed the human contact.

"Congratulations, Hope." he said quietly. His face broke into a small yet encouraging smile, and she realised that he wasn't sure of her feelings on the subject.

Hope smiled back, reassuring him as much as she could. "It's pretty amazing." she said softly.

Sayid smiled his knowing smile and looked momentarily at her stomach, "A miracle."

He took his hands from her face and gave her hand a soft squeeze of support as he left her alone with Jack.

Jack jumped in quickly, "I'm sorry, Hope. I shouldn't have told Sayid. I was worried about you, and I thought that he might be able to …"

"It's okay, Jack." Hope cut in before he could beat himself too far into the ground. "I should tell everyone anyway. But that's kind of why I came by."

Jack raised his eyebrows expectantly and invited Hope to sit beside him in the space Sayid had vacated.

"Well," Hope continued once she was seated, "I wanted to make sure that you're sure. About the baby, I mean. There's definitely a baby?"

"It's my best guess. Still, I could be wrong. Sometimes women miss a period in times of stress or agitation. Have you missed more than just this month's since we arrived?"

Hope thought for a moment, answering quietly, "Maybe last month, right after Boone…" she continued quickly, "but I wasn't really paying attention at the time."

"So, you can't be certain?"

"No," Hope's tone showed conviction when she went on, "But just the one should be enough, right? I mean, I've never missed before."

Jack's face took on a strange expression for a moment, and he looked closely at his patient. "How do you know?"

The mystery of Hope's lost memories had still not been revealed, but she often referred to her past, or made references to recent popular culture without skipping a beat.

Hope looked surprised, and then smiled softly, "I don't know how I know. Sometimes stuff like that just comes out of my mouth before my brain has time to catch up. I figure it has to be true – stuff that I just know about myself and my old life, without needing to think."

"Hmmmm," the Doctor looked bemused.

Jack had never been too pleased with his diagnosis of Hope's condition. After an initial consultation with her soon after the crash, and finding only the usual post-plane crash injuries, he had pronounced that she would probably get her memories back in time, and decided that in the meantime they should name her and treat her like any other member of the group. Jack had chosen 'Hope', with some help from various other people, due to the tattoo on the inside of her wrist that boasted the word. He thought at the time that the group could use some hope, and he never expected her amnesia to last so long.

"Okay," he said softly, "If you're usually regular, and now you've skipped, my first assumption is that you're pregnant. That is, of course, only if you and Boone were sleeping together…"

He let the question hang in the air until Hope gave a small nod. Part of his job was prying into people's personal lives, but he felt bad making Hope re-live her most intimate moments with the man she had loved and lost.

"Well," Jack continued, "I think its best just to wait. I don't think you can possibly be more than a couple of months along, and if you are pregnant then other symptoms should show themselves relatively soon. I think you should go and see Claire. Find out first hand what it feels like to be pregnant, to give you more idea of what to look for in yourself. Okay?"

Hope smiled a little, "That's what Sawyer said."

Jack was taken aback, "You told Sawyer?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded. "We're friends. Plus, he just happened to be the poor soul who stumbled upon me when I was inches from a breakdown."

Jack smiled, thinking of the unlikely pair that they made. It was just like Sawyer to watch over the castaway who was feeling the most adrift in a sea of troubles. It might take his mind off of his own secrets, if only for a little while.

"Okay," Jack said, wrapping up their appointment, "I have to go and check on Jin. I think he pulled a muscle earlier, putting the raft together. No big deal, but, you know, it's my job."

"It's your life," Hope countered. She looked at him softly, "Thanks a lot, Jack. We're lucky to have you."

Jack smiled, "Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself."

He was almost out of the caves when Hope spoke up, "Jack?"

He turned, and she walked over to him to speak quietly.

"I think that maybe I'll keep this a bit quiet for now, okay? I mean, Sayid and Sawyer both know, so it'll probably get around anyway, but maybe I'll wait until we know for sure."

"Good idea," Jack smiled and touched her shoulder in a supportive way, "Your secret's safe with me – you've got Confidentiality."

As Jack walked away Hope mumbled to herself, "Then how come Sayid knows?"

Hope sighed and went back into the cave for some water. She wasn't sure of what to do next. Everyone was advising her to visit Claire, but the only person Hope really wanted to talk to was Boone. He would have touched her stomach tenderly and smiled from ear to ear when she told him. He would have been such a proud dad.

Hope was lost in a peaceful daydream about Boone and herself raising a beautiful, dark-haired child, when Shannon and Sayid wandered into the cave for some water.

"Hey," Shannon gave Hope a genuine smile and a hug of greeting.

"Hi," Hope returned the hug looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Sayid leant down to kiss her cheek – a gesture that Shannon had told her was reserved for family only. Men did not go around kissing just anyone where Sayid came from. Shannon had once told Hope that Sayid saw her as Boone's wife and himself as Shannon's husband. By some strange, non-existent connection, she was his sister-in-law, and therefore she was family. Since that day, Hope had felt much closer to Sayid, and she found that she didn't really mind him knowing her secret.

Shannon wandered over to the water and Hope raised her eyebrows at Sayid, asking silently if Shannon knew about the possible-baby. He dispelled her fears with an almost-invisible shake of his head, and Hope breathed a small sigh. Somehow she felt that Shannon would be a difficult person to tell.

"So, how's it going?" Shannon asked innocently, taking a swig from a water bottle.

"Okay, thanks. How about you?" Hope was glad for the lightness of the conversation.

"Yeah, fine." Shannon paused before continuing. "I went to see Boone today…"

Hope knew that Shannon often went to visit the spot where they had buried her brother. Sayid had taken Shannon there one day while she was still struggling with shock and sorrow, saying that she needed to tell him all of the things they had not said in life. Hope could never bring herself to go and 'visit' Boone. Her loss was still too strong to stare in the face like that, even after admitting how much she missed him to Sawyer earlier in the day.

Hope swallowed hard before asking, "Oh yeah? How was it?"

"It was nice. You should go."

Hope was tired of this talk already. She was running on empty, and spoke too harshly, "Why? Does he miss me?"

Sayid stood beside Shannon, his dark eyes searching Hope's. Shannon hung her head a little and filled her bottle in silence.

Hope sighed, "I'm sorry, Shan." She walked over and hugged the blonde's wiry frame, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say things like that. It's just been a big day."

Shannon wiped a forming tear from her eye and smiled her forgiveness. "It's okay. I just think it would be good for you."

"I know," Hope sighed again, wondering when she became so difficult to be around. "I will go, but I have to wait until I'm ready."

Shannon nodded sagely, and Hope was jealous of the calm, spiritual path that Sayid seemed to have set her on.

"See you at story time, then?" Shannon asked softly.

Story time was a Hope/Walt Production. Hope had found a book of fairytales in her luggage from the plane, and she had started reading the stories to her young fishing partner. It hadn't taken long for word to spread, and soon people were even venturing from the beach to listen to Hope read aloud. Since Boone's death it had fallen to Walt to carry on the reading, since Hope no longer had the heart to put into the stories. It had been months since story time began, and Hope sometimes wondered what they would do when they ran out of fairytales.

"Sure," Hope agreed, watching Shannon walk away with Sayid's protective arm around her. She touched her stomach despite herself, and wondered whether she could manage to take care of someone else, as well as keeping herself together.