Disclaimer: All of the original and familiar characters are property of Meg Cabot and her series The Mediator, but the plot and new faces are property of me.

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Chapter 11

As I am walking away I strain my ears for any sounds of Jesse coming after me, but none come. I keep on walking and thinking. I bet he doesn't even notice I'm gone.

After about five blocks, I break into a run, just dieing to get away from all of my problems. My feet are pounding on the sidewalk and it feels good to just be running. Maybe I should do it more often.

The lights pass me quickly and soon I am plummeted into darkness; I am letting my feet take me where they want to go, so I have no idea where I am headed, and I really don't care. I am still running, breathing heavily, letting the cold air sting my lungs. I can already feel the stitch in my side, but I won't let that stop me. I am constantly thinking. Thinking about Jesse and Paul, about my future, about what it was supposed to be like with Jesse: picture-perfect.

But some pictures aren't perfect, I think to myself. Take for example that one of me and Gina—

It was a matter of speech! Another part of my personality yells at the first part.

FINE! The first one yells, then there is blackness, and I can't see five feet in front of me.

I stop, and try to figure out whether or not I should turn around. Or if I can even remember which way I came from. Suddenly I realize I shouldn't have let this happen. Something bad is bound to happen. But I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself.

With confidence I take steps forward, then somebody grabs my arm, and I feel my breath catch as I spin around—ready to attack.

I throw the punch, and I hear someone double over and moan. A flashlight is dropped and a silhouette of my attacker comes into my view. For once, I decide to ask questions first and punch later.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, rage smothering my tone of voice.

"Suze…" The voice is weak and muffled.

It's Paul! I don't know why, but I am happy to see him, suddenly, I feel like I am not alone in this world. I have a friend.

"Oh my God! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—I thought you were—" I catch myself before letting Jesse's name slip.

"You thought I was who?" Paul asks while standing up while I grab his flashlight.

"Just a rapist."

"Come on, Suze. Me of all people, know that you, wouldn't be afraid of a rapist," Paul says while smiling at me and rubbing his jaw.

"I'm sorry," I say while motioning to his jaw.

"Don't worry, it's not made of glass," Paul smiles again and then steps closer. "So are you going to tell me what you were afraid of, or not?"

I turn away from him and shine some light on our surroundings. It's the Mission's graveyard. Funny how your subconscious knows exactly where you should be—Jesse's tombstone is here, we still haven't had it removed yet. I should be with Jesse, I think, and then turn back to Paul.

"Oh, him," Paul says while sitting down on one of the benches. I sit next to him and suddenly I feel warm. I get closer and shiver. Paul wraps his arm around me.

"How do you always know, Paul?" I ask.

"It's the look in your eyes; the look of complete happiness. The look I know I can never give you." Paul sounds so sad that I almost want to cry.

"Oh Paul. I don't know what to do. Jesse is mad at me. We had a fight, and it was about the most stupid thing." I sigh and snuggle in closer to Paul, loving the physical closeness, something I rarely get from Jesse.

"What was the fight about?" He asks while squeezing me tighter.

"Jesse refuses to be physical with me. He barely kisses me, and when we do get into it, he has to stop it, so we don't 'feel pressured to go further'," I sigh again.

"Suze, Jesse loves you and he doesn't want you two to make a mistake and jump on the bandwagon took quickly."

I think about what Paul is saying, and then I look up at him, and shine the light in his eyes. "Well, what if I want to 'jump on the bandwagon'?" I ask viscously.

"Well, then you would know that it's not just girls who get pressured into sex with their boyfriends. It can be the other way around too." Paul looks down at me, and then pushes the light out of his eyes so it's illuminating us.

I am too stunned to talk. Is that what I have been doing? Pressuring Jesse into sex? Oh my God! I stare at Paul, who has a smirk on his face. Damn he looks good, I think and then regret it, because I should be making my way back to Jesse to apologize for my actions. Instead I am here, snuggled up to Paul in the dark, alone, about to jump his bones, because I am so horny.

Paul smiles down at me, and I can tell that there isn't a dark thought in his beautiful head. I just know, at that moment, that he has nothing to do with the demon, and that I can't wait any longer. I tilt my head back and close my eyes.

Paul's lips are on mine before I can say, "Kiss me."

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Paul's hand goes up my skirt while his tongue is in my mouth. He kisses differently from Jesse, but it's still good. My hands find their way under Paul's shirt, and I slide my palms up to his pecs. His body is all warm and inviting.

I'm enjoying the kissing, and then suddenly Paul picks me up and sits me on his lap. He lays me down on the cold, stone bench and begins kissing me much more fiercely. My hands, which are now out of his shirt, slide down his back. I then feel his butt, which is very nice. In the mean time, Paul is kissing my neck. He then comes back to my mouth and does this funny thing with his tongue and I am so startled that I leap up and fall on the ground.

"What was that?" I ask, my eyes as wide as a startled deer's.

Paul just shrugs, and then sits up on the bench. I am right next to the bench, so he doesn't have to move to help me up. He sits me close to him, and once again I can feel his warmth.

"You have totally ruined the moment." Paul says while wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I look up at him, and he looks down at me, and I know he knows that it is coming. "Paul."

"Suze," Paul says with sadness in his voice.

"I can't do this. I can't do this to you, and to Jesse, and well to me. I just need to think about it," I pause and see what kind of reaction I'm going to get out of Paul. "Are you mad at me, Paul?"

"No," Paul says quickly. "I completely understand. But just know this: I'm here for you when you need me. But I only ask of you, is that you don't play with my emotions."

I nod my head, and then I do a double take. Noooo, Paul can't be sending that demon to threaten me…it's just too wicked…even for the old Paul. Paul smiles down at me and hugs me tighter, and I shiver at his touch. It's not him, it's just I'm thinking and I was deep in thought.

"You're as cold as ice," Paul comments, "come on, I'm sure Jesse and your mom and your step-father are all worried sick about you. Let me take you home."

"Okay," I say while getting up. Paul doesn't take his arm off of my shoulders, and on some level it feels good, but then my instinct kicks in and I shiver again. We walk around the Mission and past the parking lot. And then when we walk about another block, before I see Paul's black Beemer in a parking spot looking very comfy.

Paul is a gentleman and opens my door for me, this time I hold my skirt tight around my legs. If he notices, he doesn't let on. I just sink back into the leather seats while the heat blasts and Paul weaves his way to my house on the tree-lined streets.

While I am sitting there in the bucket seat, I feel my feet, and they hurt. My whole body aches and I want to just collapse and fall asleep in the nice warm comfy environment.