Hope Anew

Chapter 7: Night Terrors

"Mind if I sit down?" Hope asked Walt as she approached him by the fire.

Night had fallen, and the group from the beach could be heard walking through the jungle towards the caves. Story time would begin as soon as they all arrived, and Hope was finally looking forward to it again.

"Sure," Walt said good-naturedly, and Hope settled herself by his side. "How was your day?"

"Fine, thankyou," Hope said, smiling at his politeness. "I got to spend time with a lot of people today – it was nice. I enjoyed your golf game best, though," she added with a wink.

Walt grinned with pride. He started flipping through the pages of the well worn book of fairytales as the first of the beach group emerged from the undergrowth.

"How about 'Cinderella'?" Hope asked, waving to Claire as she and Aaron followed Kate to a spot near the fire.

"Nah," Walt shook his head. "Maybe something about pirates!"

"Pirates?" Hope laughed, "I don't know if you'll find anything like that in there. Maybe 'Peter Pan'?"

"Yeah!" Walt said enthusiastically, flipping to the contents page to find the story. "Maybe you could read tonight?" he suggested.

"How come?"

"My eyes are getting tired from reading in the dark," Walt admitted. "I didn't want to tell my dad in case he says I need glasses. Maybe I could just take a break for a little while and see if they get better?"

Hope looked concerned, "Are you sure? I think you should at least talk to Jack about your eyes – your dad won't even have to know. Okay?"

"Okay," Walt said reluctantly. "But will you read for tonight?"

"Sure," Hope smiled.

The pair turned to watch the last of the beach dwellers walk through the trees and take their places amongst the group. Sayid was last of all; carrying Shannon gracefully through the trees, putting her down softly on a log, and settling himself next to her. Shannon grinned over at Hope, and she smiled back – whether on a deserted island or not, Shannon knew how to get the Royal Treatment.

Hope saw Sun settling down next to Jin. She sat close enough to whisper softly in his ear, ready to begin translating the story into Korean.

"Okay," Hope saw a few eyebrows raise in surprise as she addressed the group. "Tonight's story was chosen by Walt. In his vast search for a story about pirates…" she smiled affectionately at the boy, "…he's decided on 'Peter Pan'. So – 'Once upon a time there was a family called the Darlings. Mr. and Mrs. Darling had three children; two boys – Michael and John, and a daughter named Wendy.'…"

Hope's words were still jumbled – she was yelling chaotic sounds at the man standing before her. He looked strangely familiar; a young man with dark hair and a strong physique. Her voice died away and Hope felt a sharp sting in her cheek. She felt her body lift from the ground, and she was flying like Peter Pan. She fell gracefully through the air for a moment, until gravity caught her and pulled her down hard. She tasted blood in her mouth as the scream escaped her lips…

"…please." Hope's eyes opened wide, and she saw the dark-haired man standing over her in the dim light of the fire. His face was in shadow, and it flooded Hope with fear. She fought for control of her mind and screamed desperately.

The man bent over her, and the firelight hit his features.

"Hope!" Jack bent over Hope and shook her shoulders hard. "Hope!"

"Jack?" Hope was breathless, watching as the man in her dream transformed before her eyes into a man that she knew and trusted. She cried with relief at seeing her friend, "Jack."

Jack knelt beside Hope and held her tight. She cried pitifully into his shoulder, completely unaware that she had woken the whole camp with her screams.

"It's okay," Jack whispered against her hair, "You're alright now."

After a few minutes of tears, Hope pulled away and gave an almighty sniff, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"I'm fine," she croaked; her throat dry from crying.

"Let's get you some water, huh?" Jack said soothingly, pulling her up from the ground.

"It's fine," he told the group. "Just a bad dream – nothing to worry about."

The crowd made various noises of disbelief. They all remembered the last time Hope's dreams had turned ugly; and no-one was keen to repeat the experience. But as it was still the middle of the night, they had no choice but to settle back down and hope that sleep would return to them. There was nothing that they could do for Hope but leave her in peace and let Jack do his job.

Hope and Jack walked into the main cave, and he handed her a full water bottle.

"Thanks. Feels familiar, right?" She joked feebly about her previous nightmares as she sipped the water.

"A little too much," Jack replied grimly. "Maybe 'soon' wasn't soon enough to talk about these dreams. Maybe we have to start looking at 'now'."

"Now works for me," Hope said with a tired sigh.

Jack adopted his well-known 'Doctor Tone' as he asked, "It's not the same dream again, is it?"

Hope shook her head, "No. In this one I'm talking to a man, but I can't understand the words that are coming out of my mouth – they're all jumbled. Then my cheek starts to hurt, and I can taste blood; and then I'm falling backwards. Then I wake up," she finished lamely.

"And how long have you been having this one?" Jack asked.

"A few nights," Hope said. "Three or four, maybe."

"Okay," Jack sighed deeply, and Hope noticed the dark rings under his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jack," she said softly. "I don't mean to drag you into this – not again. I can't believe this keeps happening to me."

"It's okay," Jack smiled comfortingly. "I've been thinking about it today; since you told me the dreams were back," he said. "I think that the only reason your memories come out in your dreams is that it's the only time you're not too guarded for them to get through."

"So, what can I do?" Hope asked sadly.

"Don't be so reserved all the time," Jack suggested. "Open up a little; let people really see you." He gave a small smile, hoping he wasn't overstepping his bounds, "Be honest with yourself."

Hope looked at the ground, determined not to start crying again.

"Like right now," Jack observed. "It's okay if you want to cry. Who are you trying to protect by keeping these walls up all the time? You weren't always like this, you know."

"Only since Boone?" Hope asked in a whisper, letting the tears fall silently down her face.

"Since Boone died, yes. Since Boone, no. You and Boone were so happy together. He was so in love with you, and now he's gone. I can't even imagine how hard that must be for you."

Hope's shoulders shook as she cried, and Jack moved to put an arm around her as he continued.

"You two looked like you had your own world when you were together." Jack turned Hope's face with his hand and looked straight into her eyes, "I think you're doing him a great injustice by pushing him out of your life like this. He's gone from our sight, but not necessarily from our lives. You should be talking about him, remembering him, keeping him as a part of you."

"I can't," Hope sobbed into Jack's already tear-soaked shoulder. "I miss him so much. I loved him so much. It's not fair, Jack – we were so happy."

"I know," Jack whispered. "But do you really want to keep feeling this way? You said it was time to make the changes – to move forward. You have to let go of this pain you're carrying around. These nightmares about your past will never go away if you can't even face your present. I think it's time, don't you?"

Hope smiled through her tears as Jack quoted her own words back to her. She knew the road would be long and hard, but she really did want to start feeling better.

She swallowed hard and whispered, "I don't know how to start."

"I think you should start by writing," Jack suggested. "You used to scribble like crazy, but I haven't even seen your notebook out for weeks."

"I haven't written since Boone died," Hope confessed, forcing herself to complete the sentence rather than letting her words fade away as usual.

"Give it a try," Jack urged. "I think it could really help you. Even if all you write is, 'Today I'm sad', okay?"

"Okay," Hope nodded and sniffed, wiping her sleeve down her wet cheeks.

Jack smiled at her childlike actions. He took the water bottle from her, tipped some water on his hands, and cleaned her face in a fatherly fashion.

"Thanks," she said softly, embarrassed at the extent to which she had fallen apart. "I'll try writing tomorrow."

"Good idea," Jack said. "Do you think you can go back to sleep? I'll stay up with you if you want…"

"It's okay," Hope smiled meekly, "I'll try to go back to sleep. It's late."

Jack stood and helped Hope up from her seat. He smiled encouragingly at her.

"It's going to be okay, you know," he said gently.

"I know," Hope nodded bravely. They exited the cave and stood for a moment, listening to the sounds of the others sleeping around them.

Jack threw a log on the fire, and sat down near it with his back against the rock that made the cave wall. He gestured to Hope to sit next to him, and she settled down by his side. She laid her head softly on his shoulder, and Jack watched over her as she surrendered to sleep.