Author's Note: This chapter has some harsher language, but it's only a couple of words, used for emphasis. Consider yourself warned. Please review, and above all, enjoy! gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 12: Gone for Good

He moved to push past her, but she stood her ground. She felt the first tears on her cheek. "You can't do this – I can't do this alone. I need you. We can work it out."

"You think you're any good to me now?" His voice was a furious growl that filled her head and made the tears fall faster.

The back of his hand hit her cheek and she tasted the blood in her mouth. Her feet lifted from the floor, and she screamed as she fell backwards. She hit the floor hard and lay still and silent. Her eyes lost focus but she could sense his seething form standing above her.

"Stupid bitch." His voice was quiet but stern, and she closed her eyes against it for a moment. "You're on your own."

He turned on his heel, leaving her sight, oblivious to her sobbing. "Wait…" she called out as he closed the door hard behind him, "…please."

"…please." Hope sat up straight in the dark, her hand flying subconsciously to her stomach. She wiped the tears from her face, noticing the pain in her cheek and the taste of blood in her mouth. She quickly threw her covers off and ran outside, reaching the tree line and vomiting on the ground.

She sat against a log to catch her breath, and threw sand over the place where she had been sick. Hope looked up at the stars and thought back on the dream that had been growing more and more vivid over recent nights, feeling the anger that the man radiated. She didn't know who he was, but she was afraid of him.

Hope stood and walked slowly back into Sawyer's shelter. She saw the bottle that Locke had given her, now half empty, and shivered at the memory of her dream. She knew that she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon. She grabbed a sweater and her notebook and quickly left the shelter.

"Hey," she whispered, sitting cross-legged on the sand. "How are you doing?"

Hope felt better just sitting near Boone's grave, so she sat for a long while, writing in her notebook and talking softly to him.

"I think there was another baby," she said as the first rays of light were hitting the shelters.

"Really?" Hope jumped a mile at the sound of Shannon's voice behind her.

"Sorry." Shannon grinned a little and sat comfortably beside her friend, "I didn't mean to startle you – I just came to see Boone."

"It's okay." Hope smiled back, and the pair sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you really think that you were pregnant before?" Shannon asked. "Is the father waiting for you somewhere?"

Hope shook her head, "I don't think so. He was pretty angry about the baby."

Shannon looked concerned, "Did he hit you?"

Hope nodded grimly, "Perfect backhander across the cheek."

"Bastard."

Hope smiled a little. "I don't think he was really daddy material anyway."

Shannon looked surprised, "You're really getting some details out of this plant juice, huh?"

"More and more as time goes on," Hope agreed. "Locke's remedies may not be delicious or nutritious, but they sure do the job."

Shannon nodded. She paused before continuing, "Are you okay?"

"About the dream?" Hope waited for Shannon's nod, and went on, "Yeah, I think so. I'm learning a lot about myself before the crash. In this case, I once thought I was in love, when really I was just young, lonely, and stupid."

Shannon nodded grimly, "Been there."

"Yeah," Hope smiled gratefully.

"But it gets better, right?" Shannon said cheerfully. "I mean, after all that crap is over, there's guys like Boone and Sayid – good guys."

Hope felt the familiar guilt creep into her chest. She had wanted to tell Shannon about her feelings for Sawyer, but the moment had never been right. Now it was right in front of her, and she was afraid to speak. She tried to remember how pleasantly surprised Shannon was to hear about the baby, but Hope had her doubts that she would be that lucky twice.

"Shan," Hope sighed. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay," Shannon sat up expectantly.

Hope took a deep breath and looked at Boone's grave. "I'm letting Boone go."

"I know," said Shannon softly. "It wasn't long ago that I thought you'd never smile again, but now things seem really good with you – it's great."

"Shannon, slow down," Hope said weakly. Shannon was beginning a rant, and Hope knew she would never be able to stop it once it started. "This is important, okay?"

Shannon looked surprised, "Okay. What is it?"

"There's someone else…" Hope trailed off and watched her friend's face carefully. Shannon looked like she had been hit.

"What?" she sat up even straighter. "Who?"

Hope summoned all of her strength to say one word, "Sawyer."

"What?" She stood quickly, and Hope could feel Shannon's anger bubbling to the surface. "How could you? How could you do this to Boone?" She gestured wildly at his grave as the tears formed in her eyes.

"Shannon," Hope stood with her friend, trying to be reassuring. "It's not what you think. There's nothing going on, and there probably never will be – I haven't done anything."

"Boone was in love with you," Shannon said hysterically. "He was finally happy – how can you throw that back in his face like this?"

Both women were crying; hit in the face with one another's words. Hope reached out for her friend, "It's not like that, Shannon. I was in love with Boone, too. There's no betrayal here."

"No betrayal?" Shannon stood close to Hope and whispered threateningly, "Don't you dare try to make yourself feel better about this. He would have loved you forever."

Shannon turned abruptly and stalked back towards her shelter. Hope stood stunned, with Shannon's last words echoing in her mind. 'He would have loved you forever.' She sat heavily next to Boone's grave, sobbing quietly. Thoughts about Boone turned over and over in her mind, and finally she sat up, looking at the grave with new clarity.

"It's true, isn't it?" she asked the grave. "You really would have loved me forever, wouldn't you?"

Hope felt the familiar breeze on her face, knowing that it was Boone sending her a message of comfort. She revelled in the feeling, remembering how he had encouraged her to let him go. As quickly as it had appeared, the breeze was gone again, and Hope felt a terrible feeling of emptiness without it. Somehow she knew that it was the last sign she would get from Boone – he was really gone for good.

A new wave of tears overcame her, and Hope surrendered to them. She stared at the grave, seeing Boone's sleeping face, and her heart ached so badly that she thought she would die of grief.

Hope woke hours later, feeling the midday sun hot on her skin. She rose quickly, said a whispered goodbye to Boone, and walked to the sea to wash the dried tears from her face. She walked back to camp through the water, ignoring Vincent as he sat outside and heading straight into Shannon and Sayid's shelter.

"Go away!" Shannon ordered, pointing a steady hand at the entrance.

"I can't," Hope whispered, feeling new tears forming.

Shannon was livid, "I said go away, Hope. I don't want to see you."

"But I need to see you." Hope sat next to Shannon on the sand, "He's gone, Shan."

Shannon's eyes suddenly filled with tears, and Hope knew she had understood.

"The breeze stopped, and now it doesn't feel the same," Hope continued. "I think he's really gone."

The first of the tears ran down Shannon's cheeks, and she spoke in a whisper. "It's been months, and he hasn't come back… I've been waiting and waiting – he should have come back by now."

"I know," Hope wrapped a comforting arm around her friend. "I've been waiting, too."

"I know how crazy that is," Shannon confessed softly, "But I guess I never thought he'd really leave me. Like maybe one day he'd just show up unexpectedly, and things would go back to the way they were."

Hope nodded.

"But it's been months…" Shannon repeated, going on in a whisper, "I don't think he's ever coming back now."

Hope sniffed, blinking away fresh tears, "Not now. He's gone."

The two women sat in silence for a long time, slowly coming to terms with their loss all over again.

"I'm sorry I freaked out before," Shannon said eventually. "I guess I figured that if you moved on, it meant that he really wouldn't come back. Like if you kept on waiting, then it would all be okay in the end, you know?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded. "I didn't mean to fall for someone else, Shan. Boone will always be in my heart."

"I know." Shannon brushed the sand from her clothes as she stood.

Hope stood with her friend and hugged her tightly.

"Sayid says that Sawyer really cares about you," Shannon said bravely into Hope's shoulder. "You have my blessing."

Hope knew how big this gesture was for Shannon. She held her friend tighter and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thankyou, Shannon."

Shannon nodded tearfully and released Hope from the hug. Hope turned gradually, giving Shannon a small wave before leaving the shelter and returning slowly to her own.