The Secret Diary of Severus Snape, based during the events of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
- Had nice summer, tortured lots of French people to find out if Potter was anywhere nearby…fun torturing and no Potter to be found. Yay me! Stayed out of the sun as got sunburn walking along boardwalk in moonlight, blame Potter for lending me his suntan lotion, will have to torture him more next year. Search for perfect Christmas present for Potter still turning up nothing.
- Yay! Can expel Potter! Or could if he had chosen Slytherin…stupid sorting hat making mistakes again. If can get to him first then might be able to get rid of him before stupid Scottish hag finds out…
Stupid Scottish Hag and stupid old fool, found out I'd had Potter and Weasley in my dungeons, spoilt all my fun, must ask Filch to change locks, don't want anyone walking in on any embarrassing moments…bet stupid old fool would love that!
- Must plan revenge of stupid old fool…may have to spend summer on it as making Potter's life miserable is all consuming right now. Also having to put up with stupid smiling simpleton being around. Made pact with Stupid Scottish Hag to drive him out of school before half term…McGonagall suggested strip tease, but thought he'd enjoy it too much if only Chamber of Secrets was open again…
- Stupid Quidditch team lost again…stupid new seeker's brooms didn't help. Though Potter nearly killed yay! Go tampered bludger! Found stupid smiling simpleton had a use…lost bet with Dumbledore, stupid old fool, had to buy him Sherbet Lemons. Potter in infirmary though yay! In other news, Chamber of Secrets was opened…think it could have been Potter, anything to have him expelled.
- Slytherin ahead in Quidditch again, stupid Gryffindor trying to stop us. School thinks Potter is heir of Slytherin, Dumbledore adamant that he isn't…think might be Dumbledore…could be why Voldemort is afraid of him…Granger been petrified…lessons very quiet when ask questions without her. Think saw two Crabbes and Goyles running around other day…think I should lay off the blood lollipops for a while.
- Potter not heir of Slytherin, memory of Voldemort in diary apparently…still think it was Dumbledore. Ginny Weasley was taken; Potter went after her and brought her back…blah blah blah! All people unpetrified…blah blah blah! Lost more bets with Dumbledore…stupid pay check going on stupid Sherbet Lemons for the stupid old fool…if wasn't end of year would take it out on Potter, ah well can stew over the summer in Bulgaria and make life living hell for him next year…GO ME!