The Secret Diary of Albus Dumbledore, based during the events of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
- Snape tried to kidnap Ron and Harry again…had to go rescue them from the dungeons, hope Snape doesn't change the locks, it's always fun to walk in on him in compromising situations…never know what a potions master will get up to in his spare time. Hired new defence against Dark Arts teacher…about as qualified as Trelawny is to be a butterfly…Snape not very amused so made bet with him that he would be of some use this year.
- Ran out of Sherbet Lemons again, hope win bet with Snape, blew next three pay checks on brand new diary…then found out Ginny Weasley was trying to get rid of one…must remember to check e-owl before I buy anything in the future. Chamber of secrets been opened again…Potter seems to be taking the blame, Snape is blaming me though…stupid coincidence…stupid smiling simpleton seems to be slowly redecorating the castle…keep finding new portraits everywhere instead of mirrors.
- Bludger cursed in Quidditch match, needed to do something to try and win bet with Snape, random house elf running around will take the credit for it instead. Broke Potter's arm but boy still caught the snitch…stupid boy made me lose bet with Stupid Scottish Hag…at least still have some sherbet lemons. Also found out stupid ginger haired know-it-all has been eating same amount of breakfast as Hagrid…have decided to ration it otherwise there would be none left for me…maybe should ration Hagrid's too so I can have seconds…
- One good thing come out of new interior decorator…mirrors don't keep getting broken by Flint, saving me a fortune in magical mirror repairer. Pigeon also flew into office today…thought it had got lost but was new form of owlmarketing…trying to get my to buy Herbology book polish…who do they think I am? Sent it down to Professor Sprout, who got all excited.
- First year with feathery wings nearly blinded me this morning…stupid plant loving hippy woman went and gave out Herbology book polish to all her classes! Think I need to get revenge, sent stupid smiling simpleton (now sporting dragon jelly legs) down to redecorate…backfired though as she gave him Herbology book polish to shine his teeth with…thank god there are no mirrors left, if Flint hadn't broken them, stupid smiling simpleton would have! Hagrid got arrested today; something about Slytherin seeker eating…maybe rationing his breakfast wasn't such a good idea after all. Went past stupid ginger know-it-all today and heard him grumble something about 'still not head boy'.
- Decided to play hunt the sorting hat with Fawkes today, but stupid bird got lost…again. Snape also told me that Potter didn't turn up to Potions and neither did Weasley…was worried for a moment, but then remembered saw boys going into girl's toilets and all my fears were assuaged. Potter told me later that he'd gone to save Ginny Weasley from Basilisk…who does he think I am? Obviously got lost on the way to Potions again, though somehow he managed to make stupid smiling simpleton more stupid and smiling and simpleton like than he was before…so gave him a special award for services to the school…after all don't think could have gone another year with stupid smiling simpleton as interior decorator. Hagrid released from Azkaban as Slytherin seeker turned up…said had been in France…knew that exchange programs were more trouble than they're worth. Also found out that Potter had been doing magic tricks with the sorting hat…jerk…must find way for revenge…haven't seen Sirius Black in a while, maybe it's time I visit him…