The Secret Diary of Marcus Flint, based on the events of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Number of first years cursed: 0

- V. bad day, broke another mirror, Mum says if I carry on this way not only will I never win the House Cup back off Wood, she'll start making me wear a paper bag over my head. Started practising curses for new year at Hogwarts with Slytherin seeker…accidentally made him vanish…could cause problems next year; stupid first years, if they weren't such perfect curse targets none of this would have happened.

Number of first years cursed: 9

- Have decided to wear rather large hood when walking around inside…broke three mirrors walking down to dungeon…never noticed they were there before, I swear this place has a new interior decorator…keep seeing pictures of stupid smiling simpleton everywhere I go…somehow ended up with one above my bed…

Number of first years cursed: 27

- Still not found seeker…wonder how long it will take to apparate to Mars to check for him…we've looked everywhere else, even under Crabbe's head! Blonde haired ferret boy keeps badgering me about being on the team, he's becoming worse than Diggory…actually no one is worse than Diggory, may have to use him if can't find other seeker, have made him broom boy for now…whole team has nimbus 2002's, can't wait to see Wood's face…in fact where is the little Scotch git?

Number of first years cursed: 81

- Team have new theory on whereabouts of seeker; think Hagrid might have eaten him. Broom boy is new seeker, but still couldn't beat Potter to the Snitch, even on a faster broom and Potter had a broken arm! Whole team blames Hagrid, have told Dad about theory and he is going to speak to Fudge about him. In other news Chamber of Secrets opened, whole school fears Slytherin more…blah, blah, blah…all think it's Potter…blah, blah, blah…God am starting to sound like Potter.

Number of first years cursed: 107

- Put curse on stupid smiling simpleton…been walking round with jelly legs for a week now…some defence against the Dark Arts teacher, but women still fainting every two seconds around him. Snape and Dumbledore looking equally sour faced…think Snape lost another Sherbet Lemon bet to Dumbledore, stupid old fool never shares any of his winnings. More people petrified…now back to Quidditch…God am starting to sound like Wood…he really needs a girlfriend. Had Hagrid taken to Azkabahn for seeker eating.

Number of first years cursed: 1079 (cursed some of them lots of times)

- Won Quidditch Cup again – take that Diggory! Lost House Cup to Wood, stupid Scotch git; he went around crowing, "I've got the bigger one", until I told him "Yeh, but I've got all the balls." Seeker not been eaten by Hagrid, got lost in France and refused to ask for directions apparently. Fudge had to let Hagrid out of Azkaban though. Stupid smiling simpleton fired as decorator due to lack of imagination and serious condition of his legs…when he tried to remove jelly legs cursed ended up with dragon's jelly legs…ah hope next year is this fun.