I hate this guy. I really, really hate this guy. I really, really, rea—
"Hail to your lordship!"
"Oh, it's you, Horatio." Hamlet cast a bored glance over the three men who had just entered the room.
"The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever."
"Yes, I know." Silence. "Um…I mean…oh, fie. How goes it with you? Why are you here from Wittenberg?"
"A truant disposition, my lord," Horatio replied, smiling wryly.
"Ha! Right! Horatio, being truant! No, truly, what brings you to Elsinore?"
"Your father's funeral." You only spoke to me five times during it!
"You mean my mother's wedding? I'm fairly sure that I saw those same disgusting puddings at both feasts; that's how closely the wedding followed." He stopped short and gave a great gasp that was somewhere between a honk and a tweet. Marcellus nearly choked trying to hold in his laughter. "My father!" Hamlet shouted. "Methinks I see my father!"
Horatio looked more than a little taken aback. "Um…where, my lord?"
Hamlet smiled benignly, and said, as if explaining to a little child, "In my mind's eye, Horatio."
"Ah." How in the world are YOU the prince of Denmark? "I think I saw him yesternight."
"Saw? Who?"
"Your father." Obviously.
"My father?" Hamlet repeated, staring blankly into space.
"Yes." Has he always been this slow? "For two nights these two guards have seen a figure dressed like your father. They did not speak to him while he strode by, and told me of this; I saw him myself on the third night."
"But where was this?"
Um…guards? Night? "My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd."
"Did you not speak to it?"
"Yes, but it did not answer me. It looked like it would speak once, but the cock crew and it hastened away."
"'Tis very strange."
"As I do live, my honour'd lord, 'tis true, and we thought you should know of it."
"Thank you. Do you hold the watch tonight?"
"Yes, my lord."
"I will watch tonight. If it assume my noble father's person, I'll speak to it, though Hell itself should gape and bid me hold my peace…" He stopped, placed a finger on his chin. "Wellll…perhaps not if Hell gapes, but…speak not of this, my friends. I shall meet you on the platform 'twixt eleven and twelve."
"Our duty to your honor." They bowed and left. Hamlet was quite unaware of the hysterical laughter echoing from the corridor. He was back to his thoughts of Claudius and his father.
I can't wait for tonight. I really, really can't wait for…stop it! No! Aaaaargh!
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