The Very Secret Diary of Tom Riddle, based upon the events of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Number of people corrupted: 0

- V. bad day, am still a book, when wanted to be a dark lord, didn't think being human needed to be specified after all 'The evil dark lord' commands much more fear than 'the evil dark lord of typewriters'; though could be worse, could be a whiny girls diary… Have developed very bad cough; Lucius should invest in some Pledge or least hire an exterminator for these dust bunnies, especially the killer white one. House elf walked into patio door again was v. amusing. Malfoys need a new decorator; Green, black and silver was so fifty years ago.

Number of people corrupted: 0

- Got dropped in cauldron of old tatty books, thank God am out of Malfoy's house and away from killer white dust bunnies gnawing on my corners. Seem to be seeing a lot of red at the moment, think I should get my cover checked. New house has gone for the rumble and tumble country look, so ten years ago, but at least is better than Green, silver, black…and more black. Owl flew into patio door today; was v amusing, though had strange feeling of déjà vu.

Number of people corrupted: ½

- Discovered nothing wrong with cover; whole family are ginger…am so glad am bald; a ginger dark lord really wouldn't work. Feared killer white dust bunnies had followed me to new house, but discovered was the ginger know-it-all chewing on my corners. Really beginning to miss walking; thought of experimenting with covers as wings; discovered draws aren't the best place to try flying.

V. V. bad day; I sunk lower than 'the evil dark lord of typewriters'…have become adolescent girl's diary; lacking opposable thumbs makes it rather difficult to rip oneself in half…however is very good for gossip…this Potter seems like a real jerk.

Annoying rat keeps scampering around…have a sneaking suspicion have threatened it before.

Number of people corrupted: 1

- Was right, Potter is a jerk; spoiling the plans of a misunderstood tortured individual, he could at least have had the decency to die like his parents. Got back to Hogwarts…have strange craving for sherbet lemons for some reason. Dumbledore now Headmaster, stupid old fool and some Scottish hag now deputy Head…am beginning to wonder why older self didn't take over this little 'fortress of good' when was mad, bad and powerful. Hagrid now gamekeeper…wonder if he's improved at Scrabble…After failed flying attempt decided girl should carry me round castle. Got V. bored and decided to open Chamber of Secrets again; evils really do have more fun.

Also Hogwarts seems to have acquired stupid smiling simpleton…keeps grinning and girls keep fainting…no wonder is defence against dark arts teacher, if I had legs or could fly you wouldn't see me for dust.

Number of people corrupted: 1

Number of people petrified: 3 and one married cat

- Basilisk rampage not so much fun as thought it would be…it's just not the same when you can't gloat over corpses…well there haven't been any corpses yet either…think I need to have word with Basilisk about that.

Stupid smiling simpleton seems to be losing the fainting effect; only eighteen out of twenty collapsed today…think I'll stick with forbidden curses…much more fun and cheeks don't ache afterward.

Too many mudbloods running around…wonder if could get girl to chain them all down in the dungeon…would make gloating much easier.

Number of people corrupted: 1

Number of people petrified: 5 and one married cat.

- V. bad day; got very wet. Thought I got dropped in puddle…then saw ghost girl…thrown into girls' lavatory worse than being a diary or evil Dark Lord of Typewriters. Met Potter, was right in suspicions…is a jerk. Decided to show him past…didn't realise hadn't had time to colour the filters on it…stupid advances in technology –grumble-

- Kidnapped ginger haired diary writer…GO ME! Was going to take her to Slytherin Common Room, but thought that was first place would look so instead took her to Chamber…later realised had made her write 'her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever' in blood on the wall…note to self: Decoys only work if haven't actually taken captive there…Potter got lost on the way to Potions and pretended that he had come to rescue ginger haired diary writer…jerk… Set Basilisk on him, GO ME! Then stupid Fawkes got lost too, was playing hunt the sorting hat with Dumbledore again. Potter stole hat and did stupid magicians trick with sword. Must remember to feed Basilisk more so doesn't try and eat Fawkes again…stupid Christ like figure blinded my snake! Note to older self: Destroy bird before Potter.

Potter killed Basilisk – note to older self: Actually kill Potter first – v. not impressed. Though Potter did get fang through the arm, yay for Potter's immanent death…then stupid bird cried and Potter got better…note to older self: Just kill them both…Was nearly human when Potter decided that the fang would look nice through my diary…v. not impressed…am not Bill Weasley, I don't wear jewellery…fang still also poisonous…WORST MOMENT EVER! Why can't Potter stop interfering? Note to self: Next time make covers of diary from stone so STILL POSIONOUS FANG can't hurt it. Without diary lost will to live so decided to pull a Fawkes. Must remember to memo older self.