The Secret Diary of Ron Weasley, based during the events of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

- Egypt's great. Fred and George tried to lock Percy in a pyramid, Ginny got sunstroke, thought I saw Hermionie but it was only a kebab vendor. Bought Harry a pocket sneakascope. Twins put beetles in Bill's soup. Percy kept polishing his head boy badge, it acts like a bloody night light he's polished it so much! Dreamed about killing Percy with his Head boy badge. Also drowned Draco Malfoy.

Bloody Hell Scale: 4

- Sirius Black escaped from prison, Harry ran away from home, Scabbers is ill and I'm still sharing a room with Percy! Trying to persuade Hermionie to do my potions essay, but she is having none of it. No sign of Harry yet. Mum Panicking. Fred and George set off fireworks in Ginny's room. Still haven't packed for Hogwarts. Desperate spider attack, three of them on my bed! Hermionie saved me from them. Ah Hermionie. Dreamed I was imperial wizard with swooning girls…then Hermionie woke me up…I don't think the cold water was necessary.

Bloody Hell Scale: 7

- New teacher on the train. Harry fainted when Dementors swept the train, buff new teacher scared off Dementors by flashing…his wand at them…Hermionie also seemed impressed –mental note: Must learn that spell- Still haven't done potions essay. Halloween feast mediocre, Harry and Hermionie went to secret meeting with McGonagall, I swear Lupin was making eyes at me during the feast.

Bloody Hell Scale: 6

- Told Hermionie that Professor Lupin seems to fancy me. She laughed, which was rather heartless. Received note at dinner in Lupin's handwriting…didn't open it. Snape shouted because I hadn't finished the essay for potions. Smarmy git. Dumbledore's lost his sherbet lemons (that's not all he's lost if you ask me) is offering a big reward for their safe recovery but Hermionie won't let me go search for them. The sour look Snape had on his face today I could swear that we had stolen them!

Bloody Hell Scale: 8

- Black broke into Hogwarts, tried to kill me as I slept but my amazingly powerful wizards aura must have scared him off. Lupin been following me around, says he's trying to protect me…I don't think its normal for protectors to stand over you whilst you sleep. Hermionie thinks I'm being paranoid and still won't do my potions essay. Her stupid cat keeps attacking Scabbers. Decided that I'll turn it into cheese if it tries again so Scabbers can have some revenge. Hermionie is being a witch; Harry is being a jerk…think I will hold auditions for new friends.

Bloody Hell Scale: 8

- New Friend Auditions didn't go as planned. Harry turned up but didn't know about the auditions, two first year girls also turned up…they were looking for Nell Fiends Auctions…I told them to try next door. Went to Hogsmeade, Harry attacked Malfoy but all ended in tears and I had to go to see Lupin and Snape…at the SAME time to save him…the things I do for him! Think Snape's forgotten about my essay. Not talking to Hermionie, her cheese killed my rat!

Bloody Hell Scale: 8 ½

- WE WON THE QUIDDITCH CUP! GO ME!…I mean us…us…Wood can't stop crying…he really needs to find himself a girlfriend. Hermionie still not talking to. Fred and George got Hogsmeade party food. Harry being a jerk over winning, Draco looked like he was gonna throw up when we won. Think I'll go sing our Quidditch cheer outside the Slytherin common room…this time I'll take the invisibility cloak; my body still aches after last time.

Bloody Hell Scale: 9

- Buckbeak executed, Scabbers not dead, YAY! Got dragged down under the Whomping Willow by huge black dog into Shrieking Shack. Scabbers not a rat but Peter Pettigrew, dog not a dog but Sirius Black. Harry + Hermionie came to save me. Lupin appeared, tried to hit on me again, was angry so pushed him away. Did shackle myself to him later to make him feel better. Lupin turned into Werewolf. Oh yeh Snape knocked unconscious…BEST MOMENT EVER! Ended up in hospital. Harry + Hermionie did something weird but some how managed to save Buckbeak and Black, Snape really pissed coz now he won't get the Order of Merlin. Won House Cup, got new owl, invited Harry to stay over summer…he's still a jerk.

Bloody Hell Scale: 10