Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's work, including all characters, places, and past events from her works. However, the plot and storyline of this individual story belongs to me. Please, no stealing.

Authoress Note: I am SO sorry, everyone! To be completely honest, I was so busy cowriting fics with my friend, that I entirely forgot that I had something posted under this username! I swear I won't let it happen again, and without further ado, Chapter One!

Psychology Sucks: By: Black Magic Rose

Chapter One: A Change in Plans

After further planning, Thayet and Alanna decided it would be best to give Jon some notice, so that he had time to stew and sweat over the prospect of being addressed about his lecherous ways. Well, that was Plan A, at least. Not a half hour after Thayet left Alanna's quarters, she came across her dear husband, this time not flirting, but kissing.

In a moment, the queen had flown back down hallways and up stairs until she was banging once more on the Lioness's door; not waiting for an answer before entering. Alanna jumped as the door slammed behind her queen and rose, looking confused.

"What happened?" the redhead questioned.

"That adulterous bastard!"

"Calm down!"

"That festering bubble of sex-driven pus!"

"Thayet!"

"I'll murder him! I'll melt him and his precious crown in a vat of oil! I'll-"

At this, Alanna felt she had no choice but to slap her sovereign across the face. Alanna winced, it had been a little harder than she had intended. But when Thayet brought her had back up and straightened her posture once more, she looked calm, cool, and collected, a huge difference from her expression seconds before. Aside from the red handprint on her face, at least.

"Feel better now?" Alanna asked, putting her hand back at her sides.

"Much, beside the throbbing. Thanks," the queen took a deep breath. "We're not waiting as long as we thought we would to execute Operation Therapy."

Alanna appeared stricken. "Why not? What did he do?"

"I caught him, not flirting, but kissing that Court girl. The nerve! So we have to get back at him sooner, or I'll kill him. I swear."

"Come now, Thayet! If we act sooner than anticipated, he won't have any time to stew over it! That gets rid of half of the mental torture!"

"No, it doesn't, you'll just have to be extra ruthless during the 'therapy session'. Besides, if you think about it, if he gets to worked up over it, he'll investigate further and want a name of the psychiatrist, then he'll go looking. Soon enough, he'll find that you don't exist and everything will be ruined. We're better off with an element of surprise, and he's better off not killed at my hands."

Alanna appeared thoughtful for a moment. "Well, I suppose you're right. How much sooner are you thinking?"

"Tomorrow."

"I can't be ready by then!"

"Too bad. I want you in my set of rooms at five-thirty tomorrow morning. Our session will be at eight. Got it?" The queens tone was official, the same one she used when assisting her husband in the throne room in writing new laws, decrees, and solving problems of the common folk.

Alanna nodded. "I suppose."

Thayet was grinning evilly at the thought of their plot taking action. "This is perfect. I'll arrange for the contacts and other stuff to be sent to my rooms tonight…Jon will never have to know. I'll go and find him now, and tear him off of whatever Court lady he's womanizing now, and break the news. Want to come?"

"No. might be too suspicious."

"All right. I'll go alone, then. Have a nice day." Her tone had gone from official to evil to casual in only a matter of seconds; it seemed she was already preparing the casual front she was planning to use with Jon.

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About another half hour later, Thayet finally found Jon. He was alone, and there were no Court ladies in sight, but Thayet was still suspicious; they could be hiding anywhere in the high-ceilinged atrium where she had found her husband.

He smiled as she approached. "Hello, Thayet. I've been looking for you."

"I've been looking for you." she said, stopping about two feet away from him. "We need to talk, Jon."

The king looked puzzled. "What about?"

"Have you noticed anything about our relationship lately? Anything you haven't liked or wanted to improve?"

"Erm…nooo…" he said unconvincingly. Thayet let it slide, he'd be getting it the next morning.

"Well, I have. Jon, honey, we're supposed to be the most prominent couple in Tortall, but we're not completely as good as we can be together. So, I've arranged for us to meet with a famous therapist from the Yamani Isles. She isn't well known here, but she's quite good, and she agreed to meet with us tomorrow at eight in the morning, despite the short notice. It would mean a lot for you to come."

"Do I have to?" he asked, looking nervous. Thayet gave him a look that clearly said, 'are you kidding?'

"Yes, you have to come! This is couples' therapy, Jon, not individual therapy!"

"But…I have a…I have a thing."

"What thing? I'm sure you can reschedule that. This is important."

"I…erm…can't. It's very important."

"I see. More important than me?"

"No, but…very important."

"More important than sex?"

Jon was dumbstruck. "What!"

"If you don't come, you're sleeping alone until we can get another appointment with her. And let me remind you, this is her first time in Tortall; she is a very busy woman."

"Well, if you put it that way, I suppose that I could manage to make it…eight-thirty?"

"Eight."

"Eight-fifteen?"

"Eight."

"Fine," the king finally said, sighing. "Where?"

"The west sitting room in my set of chambers. I'll be sleeping there tonight."

"All right, pumkinbun."

"Pumkinbun? What was that about?"

"Nothing, just a new nickname. It fits, doesn't it?"

"…No. Not really."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Eight tomorrow. Remember."

"I will."

Thayet looked evil once more, her eyes narrowed menacingly. "You'd better." With that, she turned on her heel and left the room, heels clicking on the tile floor.

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Seven forty-five the next morning, Thayet's dressing room.

After much work and effort, Thayet smiled and stepped back from the chair Alanna was sitting in. "It lives!" she proclaimed happily.

"Does that mean I can look now?" Alanna asked. Thayet nodded enthusiastically. The Lioness stood and turned around, gasping at her own reflection in the full-length mirror.

Thayet had gone out to the University and retrieved a maroon blazer worn by all of the students, and had then sewn on the crest of the Yamani Isles. On the lapel was a button indicating a major in psychology. Alanna wore this with a long, straight white skirt that had recently become popular among the University girls. Her hair was straight and pulled back into a messy and twisted bun, with intentionally stray hairs that made her look like she had been up all night studying. Thayet had used makeup to alter her complexion, masking her freckles with pink coloring at her cheekbones and painting her lips a deeper shade of peach. Alanna's eyes were green, masked by a potion that was dropped into the eyes to create a contact of sorts that could be removed.

"I look…ridiculous." was all Alanna managed.

"You look like what we need you to look like, so shut up." Thayet chastised sharply. "Now, come on. We have to go and wait for Jon."

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I'd write more, but I really need to be going and I want to get something posted. Not too many laughs, but the next chapter is couples' therapy, remember! Three will probably be up next weekend, I hope I didn't lose you all!

Next time: Jon is apprehensive about the entire therapy affair, but eventually gets a little too into it for Thayet and Alanna's comfort, suggesting trust games and asking questions of his own, and eventually asking his 'therapist' if she would mind diagnosing his and Thayet's marriage problems! What's more, he's also asking for a 12-step program to get off of his uncanny addiction to 'the chase…'