The Letter

Kagura Kyo Shinra

Warning: This story contains shounen-ai (boy-boy love), which parents may not find suitable for children.

Disclaimer: I own a pen and one sock and a broken button, but I do not own an iPod or Pilot Candidate/Candidate for Goddess/Megami Kouhosei.

Gareas raced down the hallway of GOA to the garden. He was supposed to meet Ernest there an hour ago but lost tract of time because of all the fun he was having with Leena. As he reached his destination, he immediately pushed the doors open and nearly tripped down the stairs to the tree he was supposed to meet Ernest at.

"Sorry, I'm late," he laughed.

And then it happened.

A pain struck his chest like a vice tightening around his heart. He was sure he was dying, and all the times he shared with Ernest flashed through his mind. His legs wavered, and he had to grab onto the railing to support himself, wishing that his own death was the cause of his sudden pain.

Ernest wasn't there.

Gareas pulled out the letter he had found on the floor of his room and reread the simple note asking him to meet Ernest at 7pm. It wasn't new. It was at least a year old. And in Gareas' foolishness, he had forgotten. How could he forget that Ernest could never write him a letter again?

"It must have fallen," Gareas laughed, the pain increasing as he did. "And I forgot he's gone, but my behavior is the same."

It had been a year ago when Ernest did ask Gareas to meet him there, and like this time, Gareas had been late. It had been a short, direct conversation but powerful all the same.

"Sorry, I'm late," Gareas said.

"I knew you would be," Ernest laughed. "I only just got here too."

However, Gareas learned later that Ernest had lied. He had waited for over an hour for Gareas, but he was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. Perhaps if Gareas had the ability to look inside people's harts like Ernest, he would have seen that. Or maybe he didn't even need that power, and he was just too blind.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"It's hard for me to say, so I'm going to just say it," Ernest sighed. "It's hard for me to open my heart to people, but with you, it's different. Even when the things you do hurt me, I still don't mind because I know you don't mean to. Everything about you makes me happy." He stepped closer. "Since we were candidates together, Garu, I've known how I felt about you. I've known that I would do anything for you. I think I'd even die for you."

Ernest's words came as a shock to Gareas. He had never noticed. He had never bothered to look. He always knew that Ernest cared more for him than all his other friends, but he never realized how deeply that devotion went. With a blush, Gareas looked away from his friend. He couldn't look into those soft eyes and hear his kind words. He couldn't look at him and tell him he didn't feel the same.

"Ernest, I had no idea."

"I know. I didn't want you to know, but I had to tell you. It makes me feel better knowing you know."

"Ernest . . ."

"You don't have to say it," Ernest smiled. "I can see in your heart, Garu. I know you don't love me."

Gareas felt a strange shame inside of him. He wanted to tell Ernest that he did care for him because he knew it would make Ernest happy, but Gareas didn't feel that way, and Ernest would never believe that he did. Ernest was a true friend, he deserved everything that would make him happy, but Gareas couldn't make himself love him.

"I just wanted to finally tell you."

"I'm glad I know. I'll make sure I don't use it against you."

But he had used it against Ernest. Every time he wanted anything, he could get it through Ernest. Just by smiling, he could make Ernest hand him anything. And even now, he showed up late.

"You're thinking of my brother, aren't you?"

Erts' words drew Gareas from his self-hatred. He spun around to face him, face the image that was part Ernest but so different than him.

"How did you know that?"

"Don't worry. I didn't look into your heart. I never do that except in battle," Erts said. "I spoke with Leena. She asked me to come here."

"Leena? Oh, she must think I'm crazy. I told her I was going to meet Ernest, didn't I?"

Erts nodded. "She was partially certain you were going to kill yourself, but I assured her you wouldn't do anything so stupid after my brother died trying to keep you from doing exactly that."

Tears filled Gareas' eyes. He tried so many times to forget that Ernest was dead because of him, but he could never really forget.

"I'm sorry," Erts continued hastily. "That was stupid of me to say. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to make you sad. You shouldn't blame yourself over Ernest's death."

Gareas started to wipe his eyes but stopped. Somehow, it was easier to see the world through the blur of his tears. When everything was in focus, it always seemed too real, too painful. He couldn't stand being comforted by Ernest's brother, the brother Gareas had fallen for when he should have made himself fall for Ernest.

"I didn't mean to. It happened before I knew Ernest's feelings," Gareas mumbled.

"What happened?" Erts questioned. "What didn't you mean to do?"

"Most people see how similar you are to him, but really, you're very different. You look different and you act differently. I don't exactly know how, but you are."

"I want to hope that's a compliment," Erts laughed. "But then isn't it kind of an insult to my brother?"

"I don't know," Gareas admitted. "I'm sorry, Ernest."

"Why are you sorry to him?"

Gareas replayed all the times he had been late, all the times he had flirted with Ernest just to get what he wanted, and he knew that Erts would hate him if he knew the truth about it. But he had to admit. He could never lie to Erts. He could never make Erts wait.

"I was terrible to him. I used his feelings for me against him."

Erts stepped up to Gareas and wiped the tears out of his eyes. Gareas felt a small hint of despair at seeing the world clearly again, but his pleasure at seeing Erts' eyes and feeling Erts' fingers on his face overpowered it.

"He knew what you were doing."

"What?"

"Ernest couldn't help look into your heart all the time. He knew that when you flirted with him, you were only doing it to get something."

"Then why did he do it?"

"Because he cared about you and wanted to make you happy. And he could probably see that deep down, you didn't want to hurt him. He probably could tell that if you could make yourself love him you would have."

"He saw all that in my heart?" Gareas asked. "Is that what people with your power do? Always look into the heart of the one they care for, to make sure they are happy?"

Erts backed away from Gareas and turned his face from him.

"That's what Ernest did, but I don't think I could. I would be too afraid of what I would see inside. What if I saw no hope for me and . . . that person? I don't think I could take that."

Gareas stepped closer to Erts, wishing for the first time that he had telepathy as his EX. He could see it in Erts' face. There was somebody out there he cared for. Somewhere in GOA there was a Gareas to his Ernest.

He grabbed Erts by the shoulder, spinning him around and clutching so tightly that he was sure he was leaving a mark.

"Who's heart are you afraid to look into?" he demanded rougher than he wanted to.

Erts looked at Gareas with a flicker of fear in his eyes. Immediately, Gareas released him, ashamed of the fear he had caused in Erts. He never wanted to be the one to cause Erts any pain or worry.

"I'm sorry. That's none of my business."

"Maybe it is," Erts whispered but Gareas didn't hear.

His mind was racing through everyone he had ever seen Erts speak with, and the images stopped on one young candidates Gareas had only seen a few times, the candidate who had fallen into his goddess¾ Zero Enna. Erts was always either speaking about Zero or to Zero. He was the only pilot who spent so much time with the candidates.

"It's that Zero guy, isn't it?" he asked. "No, don't answer that. It's not my business."

Erts let out a small laugh. "It's not Zero, and even if it was, he's so obvious and truthful with everything he feels, I wouldn't have to look very hard to know how he feels."

"You're always talking about him."

"He has a great deal of potential. I believe that one day soon, he will pilot the White Goddess."

Gareas stared at Erts. With anyone else, he wouldn't have taken their words so seriously, but coming from Erts made them seem truer.

"That good?" he questioned bitterly. "His time is just beginning, and mine is just ending."

"What do you mean?"

"She isn't responding to me as easily anymore," Gareas admitted. "It's getting harder everyday. I understand what Rioroute meant when he asked how long we can stay being pilots. It's not fair."

"But being a pilot is all that you are, Gareas. You are a wonderful person, and I can sense that you still have a long time to be a pilot. However, nobody can pilot forever, and you're lucky that you're so wonderful, you'll have a good life after you're done piloting."

"Erts," Gareas gasped. "I have to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"I never really understood why Ernest told me how he felt when he knew I didn't feel the same way about him, but now I do."

He stepped closer to Erts, but the young pilot backed away slightly. Gareas was not phased.

"I don't have the same EX as you and Ernest, so I can't look into your heart, Erts, but even so, my declaration is just the same as Ernest's was."

"What are you saying, Gareas?"

"If I could look into your heart, I would. Even if it pained me to see that you didn't care, I would look so I could learn how to make you happy."

A smile spread across Erts' face, and he looked away with a blush. "If you could look, you wouldn't feel any pain, Gareas."

Gareas closed the distance between them and placed his hands on Erts' shoulders, staring deeply into the young boy's eyes and not allowing him to look away this time.

"Do you mean that?" he asked.

Erts nodded, trying to look away, but Gareas followed his eyes.

"Erts . . ."

He leaned in and pressed his lips against Erts'. After only a sliver of hesitation, Erts opened his mouth, accepting Gareas inside. His hands spread over Erts' body, desiring to learn every inch, to know every curve and smooth line. And for the first time in a long time, Gareas was able to feel something good, but was he betraying Ernest?

"Don't worry," Erts said as they pulled away. "Ernest would be happy because we're happy."

"How did you know I was thinking that?"

"My EX," he replied as if it was obvious. "I'm not afraid to look in your heart anymore. I know how you feel now."

"Maybe you are a little like your brother," Gareas teased. "Don't I get any privacy?"

"I'm sorry," Erts answered quickly.

Gareas laughed and stroked Erts head. "I was only joking. I don't mind if you do it."

Gareas bent down and kissed Erts ear, whispering something to him. With a blush, Erts nodded and took Gareas' hand in his own. As they reached the stairs, the Victim alarm sounded, echoing throughout all of GOA.

"Of course," Gareas groaned.

Erts smiled and winked. "It's alright. We've got plenty of time later."

He released Gareas' hand and raced up the stairs. Gareas began to follow but stopped. His gaze returned to the tree that he and Ernest had spend so many peaceful hours under as candidates and pilots. He rushed over to it, pulling out the letter from Ernest again.

"Come on, Gareas!" Erts yelled from the top of the stairs.

"I'm coming!"

He bent down and set the letter at the base of the tree. "Thank you, Ernest."

With one last look, he raced up the stairs after Erts. Behind him, an artificial breeze from the vent blew the letter away. It rolled and spun across the garden as if dancing to celebrate.

The End