The Very Secret Diary of Cedric Diggory; based on the events of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

- Came home from surprise trip to Australia today. Dad took me for beating Potter to the Snitch last year, found flying very difficult upside down; can understand why Australians won Quidditch World Cup they hosted…all other teams must have fallen off their brooms…after all magical sticking charm I used is illegal in organised wizarding sports after the 1517 incident when the referee, two seekers, bludgers and quaffle got stuck to one of the goalposts…took three weeks before crowd realised the match wouldn't continue!

Speaking of Quidditch, Dad got tickets for the World Cup, got to get up far too early so am going to take Pops Permanent Pep Pills to keep me awake all night.

- In retrospect pills not such a good plan, got so excited during match nearly fell out of top stand…luckily was during Veela dance so nobody noticed. Met Potter at the Port Key; is it just me or did Granger look more like a small woodland creature than she did last year?

All Ron could talk about was Krum, think Lupin would be heart broken if he knew…ran into Wood too…that boy really needs to find himself a girlfriend – seemed to be hanging around with Irish Hufflepuff girl…must have been my imagination after all the Irish hate the Scots more than the English. Accidentally walked past water tap into French Quarter…had to be French Quarter – rest of the campsite was crawling with snails and frogs.

Death Eaters attacked camp…something about Butterbeer and Fireworks always turns into an old fashion muggle roasting. Campsite destroyed…in confusion saw Irish Hufflepuff girl setting fire to Wood's tent – knew he couldn't have a girlfriend; either that or he's guilty of insurance fraud. Ran into house elf in confusion – knocked me flat on my back – would make an excellent addition to Hufflepuff House Elf Rugby Side – Yellow Bellied Badgers; must talk to Dean Thomas about it.

- Triwizarding Tournament to be held at Hogwarts – People going around talking about death and glory; bet Potter thinks everyone's talking about him again. Good thing about having Frenchies here – no more killer white rabbits running around the castle – can't understand how they got here in the first place – thought could only get them from mail order in the prophet.

On side note: Entered Triwizarding Tournament, twins tried to steal my limelight by turning into Dumbledore twins. Spoke to Dean Thomas; have scheduled first Hogwarts House Elf Rugby League Game – Red Mane Lions Vs Silver Bellied Snakes a week next Thursday.

- Name came out of Goblet of Fire – am Hogwarts Triwizard Champion – Yay! GO ME! Then Potter had to try and muscle in on the fame and glory (don't mind so much about the death) – Dumbledore says his name came out of the Goblet too – think Dobby must have had something to do with it.

On similar note Dobby popped the ball during the Hogwarts House Elf Rugby League match…maybe someone should have told him that the ball was meant to be kicked between the goal posts not spiked on top of them – think he's been reading up on American Football not Rugby.

Potter felt guilty about cheating – told me first task was Dragons…didn't know would have to fight McGonagall during tournament.

- Saw Draco wandering around with strange white fur collar to his robes, looked oddly like ferret Potter and Moody were playing ping-pong with yesterday.

Dragons turned out not to be McGonagall – are actual dragons, had to steal rugby ball shaped egg from nest – at least Dobby wouldn't be able to pop it. Potter went showboating on his broom – Krum did his duck impression – scared the dragon so much she broke her eggs. Seem to have lost of girls following me about the school – well more than usual – bet Wood wishes this happened last year – he might of got himself a girlfriend.

- V bad day not only does Potter steal Triwizarding limelight but also got attacked by rather large rabid squirrel…realised later was only Granger with a box of SPEW badges…I did wonder what happened to all my nuts.

Decided to take long bath as egg looked very dirty; the House Elf Rugby League has started up again, must see Dean Thomas about the line up for the Yellow Bellied Badgers, there's no way we should have lost to the Clipped Wing Ravens 0 – 127 last match, it was v embarrassing though think that if Winky hadn't been crying so much she'd have gotten those 237 tries she missed.

- Went to Yule Ball, Cho may be good at Quidditch but she's not very good at dancing, thank God! Hid the fact I couldn't dance either. Potter was quite good though. Granger seemed to forget her squirrel heritage, looked more like a deranged form of pink poodle.

Told Potter he should bath and wash egg; used it in last House Elf Rugby League Match; Yellow Bellied Badgers Vs Silver Backed Snakes…lost again! Really must talk to Dean Thomas, is starting to be v humiliating!

- Am beginning to think that there's something going on that I should know about; first Malfoy is all ferret like, Granger is becoming more squirrellesque every passing minute and today I could swear I saw Krum walking around as a sharkman and Potter looked like the think from the Blue Lagoon! Next thing you know Mad Eye Moody will turn into a Death Eater!

Oh and came first in second task of Tournament! GO ME! Take that Potter and all your moral fibre!

- Decided House Elf Rugby League was a very bad idea – came last in the league! Have decided next year that will have to get Winky moved to Red Mane Lions – Dobby obviously wasn't enough of a handicap to their team. Started final task for Triwizard Cup, was drawing with Potter so went into Maze at same time - Krum went crazy; stupid shark man attacked blonde frenchie – something about calling Hermionie a badger – would have attacked her too, she's obviously a squirrel or maybe a chipmunk at a push. Potter nearly beat me to the Cup, but decided we should call it a draw – stupid Potter!

On a side note was killed by Dark Lord – regret not talking to Dean Thomas about Winky now and think Cho still has my favourite jumper. Rematerialised during Voldie v Potter battle, told Potter to take body back – didn't feel like being main course at next Death Eater luncheon…after all they were given the name for a reason. Met Merlin the other day – said he wants me to be his new apprentice – YAY ME! Seem to have become heartthrob of the afterlife. All girls agree I was too pretty to live – Men all agree I was too pretty to die…I'm sure there should be something wrong with that order.