Ok so here it goes, my first attempt at a SVU fic... with my fav pairing :) I'm not sure if much of this makes sense, so I'm hoping it does but if it doesn't then feel free to say so but in a nice way please :) Feedback is always appreciated...
They both know there is a space between them. It's the details that remain unspoken that eat away at everything they could have. Olivia knows why it will never work, but she would never change a thing, for it is that space between them, the detail that remains unspoken, that is her everything. This misguided attempt at something could collapse and she wouldn't care. It's the space between them that keeps her alive. It's that detail that remains unspoken that is the reason why she and Casey can never really be together. It's the other woman, the only woman she truly cares for, that reminds Olivia that whatever this is with Casey is about to end.
Casey knows she can't change anything between them. It's the unspoken detail, the other woman, the woman who got to Olivia first, that changes everything. Casey knows where Olivia goes every time she has a day off. She knows that Olivia takes every opportunity to go and see her. It's that unspoken detail that lingers in the cold air between them as they stare at each other, wondering what's become of whatever it was they had.
Olivia would never dream of leaving Alex and Alex knows that Olivia is trying to make something work with Casey. Alex understands it because it's hard to be in a relationship with somebody you technically don't know. They've vowed not to let Alex's being somebody different interfere with what they had. They are everything to each other and as Alex goes out for dinners with her "boyfriend", she knows that he will never know her like Olivia does. He will never know her name isn't Emily. As she lives her life as somebody different, she thinks of Olivia who lives a life without her. They lead separate lives, except for the sacred moments when they escape their worlds and retreat to their own planet where nothing else matters. Where Alex can hear her real name being whispered in her ear and it doesn't matter that Olivia isn't meant to know how to find Alex or that Alex is meant to be Emily, somebody who hasn't even met Olivia Benson. For a day or weekend of stolen moments they can be themselves, without fear, without judgement and without the other people who don't matter. Casey never even enters Olivia's mind. It's only when the time comes to leave their little world that Olivia remembers the people in the world she lives in.
Casey knows that while she can share dinners with Olivia after work, if there is a day or weekend off, Olivia will be gone. They'd made it clear that it was never going to be something serious between them, that Olivia was involved with somebody else, but Casey can't seem to figure out what she really wants from this. It's not that she loves Olivia, in fact she is quite sure she doesn't. It's as if she isn't in love with Olivia but with the idea of love. Tired of loneliness, Casey just wants what everyone wants. She's seen the way Alex and Olivia look at each other, the image of the two of them remains burnt into her memory, making her envious, not of Alex but of both of them… for having each other.
Standing in amongst the decayed ruins of what could've been, Casey and Olivia stand in an uncomfortable silence for everything that could be said has been said with the unspoken. The space between them has become somewhat of a messenger, passing the messages back and forth between them. It's the unspoken detail, the trips Olivia takes to see Alex, that has ruined what will now never be, reminding Casey of what Olivia and Alex have that she may never have.
It's now that Olivia decides to speak. "It's not working."
Spoken words hold a clear certainty to them, whereas unspoken words are always uncertain. Unspoken words are mysterious, and it is no mystery as to what has happened to them. It is time for clarity.
Casey looks into Olivia's eyes, unafraid of the truth. "It's over."
Olivia speaks in a whisper, only audible to the space between them, which carries her voice over to Casey.
"It never started."
They go their separate ways. Casey is off to find out what she really wants. Olivia, however, has everything she wants. It's Saturday tomorrow and she has the weekend off. For Olivia, it's her chance to run her hand through Alex's blonde hair and whisper in her ear. For Alex, it's her chance to hear her true name whispered by her favourite voice and remember the person she used to be. It's their chance to pretend nobody else exists, that there is nothing else in the entire world but the two of them. It's their chance to fall asleep in each other's arms knowing that even if both of their worlds crash and burn they can run to the secret universe they've created.
Olivia wouldn't change it for the world, and if this means there will never be anybody else then so be it. She doesn't need love in her real world, because there will always be a space between her and anyone else she tries to date. That space has a name – Alex.