The Beginning of the End… Well, Sort of
Chapter I
When the Baudelaire children left their house, or at least, what was left of it, they knew their lives would be much different than the great one that they were used to.
Now, before I tell you about what happened after they left the remains of their mansion, I will have to start with their history.
Klaus Baudelaire was a brilliant boy, he loved to read and study trees ( A/N: By the way, many things I will write in this story are not true, and I do know the real story very well.
So this story may have a lot of weird stuff in it, but oh well, that just shows how weird I
am. It's a reflection of myself, I guess…).
He was a handsome boy, above all of his geek-ness, but he just loved to study, even though he was one for the ladies wink wink!
He hadn't known many girls in his life that he fancied, he had two sisters, I think that would make a guy not like girls in itself.
Klaus really liked girls, maybe even a little too much.
He never told his sisters, well, not this early in the game, at least.
He was special, though, and he hoped one day his brains would help him in the lover's game.
But enough about Klaus!
He had a wonderful, well, uhhh… special sister.
Her name was Sunny.
Sunny was not just a female, but also a male (unique ?).
She had the talent of biting (as you probably know, she had an infamous set of pearly whites), and the talent of being a contortionist and a ventriloquist.
This separated her from many people.
She was very special, indeed.
Her little doll friend's name was "Good Ol' Billy".
Billy frightened many, and charmed equally.
But Sunny had different feelings for her little friend.
She loved him, and loved him dearly.
Her mother gave it to her as a gift on her first birthday.
Even though she was too young to contemplate just what this gift meant, she still loved it just as much.
This gift really meant something else, it was a copy of her dead uncle, William Baudelaire.
You will not hear much about Bill, due to his tragic death (never sleep in a bed full of muffins… squirrels shivers).
Her mother loved Bill dearly, until he died.
Then her love for him fell apart.
She told him to switch professions from a scientist to a psychiatrist, but nobody listened to that.
His death was so painful for her, but over time, she learned to cope with it.
Aside from that, Sunny was a great girl ?
Very interesting.
She knew everything about biting, even though she was quite young, it fascinated her.
Then there was Violet.
Beautiful, great, and tom-boyish Violet.
All boys loved her.
She had long black hair, and glowing blue eyes that nobody could look away from.
She had a body to match.
And as we all know, guys love pretty girls!
Most do, at least.
She was not interested in men, though, she was to busy inventing.
Yes, Violet was a brilliant inventor.
If you were to combine Violet's inventing skills with Klaus' knowledge, you would get an Einstein (I do not know where Sunny's teeth would come in on that one).
Violet loved her family more than anything else in the world.
She had a porcupine named Georgie, who was one of her only best friends, sadly enough.
Violet was at the tender age of 12 and a half where I am starting off, Klaus was 10, and Sunny was 2.
Their parents were their best friends, and they loved each other so much.
One day when Klaus, Sunny and Violet were out shopping for new school clothes, they saw a hideous looking man with hair all over his face (yes, growing there, not bangs), and horrid teeth come walking over to them.
He proceeded to talk:
"You must be the Baudelaires," the man said, without letting them answer, he started again "Well, I'm sorry to say your parents are dead.
Your house was bombed by the Nazis, is what my theory is.
We all know the Nazis are not fans of dirty Jews such as yourselves." he pauses to cough bitches, you just won't die! .
"I hope you understand.
There must be some reason for all of this nonsense.
But watch your backs, whoever committed this terrible crime must not like any of the Baudelaires.
I think we all know what happened to your uncle.
It was not a mistake on the London Zoo's side…"
Violet thinks "This man will not stop talking.
Maybe if I give him a cracker he'll shut up.
Like a parrot." She giggles to herself Klaus looks at her.
Confused.
Sunny is standing looking up at the man with her jaw open, she thinks "If I could talk, I would tell you to shut the hell up!
You just need to stop talking, so I can hear myself think."
"…so that would conclude the reason why that whole controversy is still stirring between Danielle and Harold…" he keeps going.
Now the Baudelaires are utterly confused.
So, cleverly, Klaus says, "Well, we better get going.
Thank-you for delivering the terrible news.
We appreciate you coming all this way to tell us.
You know you could have just called us, right?"
"I cannot yell that loud, so don't call me a smart ass.
Because I am not." the man says.
"He wasn't saying you were…" Violet says quickly.
The man interrupts, rudely, "Well, whatever. I do not respect your ignore-ance of moi.
So please just stop talking.
I will be on my way now."
"Ehay dluow ton gnikat post." Sunny declared.
This meaning, "That man would not shut up.
He needs to get a life."
"We completely agree, Sunny." Violet said.
"Do either of you even realize that our parents are gone?" Klaus said, almost crying.
"They are? Where did you get this nonsense?" Violet asked, confused.
"Did you even listen to the man?
He made it clear in the beginning when he said our parents are DEAD!" Klaus was now yelling, getting shushed by the store clerks.
"I guess we won't be able to prove that true until we get home, now will we?" Violet asked, being smart.
"Pierre, please drive us back to our residence."
"Jyes, Madame." Pierre agreed.
Pierre was their long-time driver/baby-sitter.
He was also good friends with the Baudelaire adults.
The car ride home was a silent one, until Sunny saw something unusual a few blocks away from their house.
There was a giant bubble that had formed around their house, it was strange looking, like something out of an alien movie.
"Nazi!" Sunny yelped.
Klaus followed Sunny's hand to see where she was pointing.
He noticed this.
It then caught Violet's attention.
They were all speechless, as they pulled up to their block.
Their neighborhood was mobbed.
So many people surrounding their house, mostly news reporters, as policemen tried to push people back from the scene.
They saw their mother running out, yelling.
She looked surprisingly happy.
They could read her lips, she was yelling, "I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! I CLONED SOMETHING! A PORCUPINE! YES! HAHA! FINALLY!"
Violet immediately knew it was Georgie.
She pleaded for her mom not to experiment on Georgie, her mom didn't understand her undying devotion to making this porcupine happy, and giving it a lot of love.
Without touching it, of course, that would hurt.
Violet already tried that, it cost a trip to the hospital, and a large hospital bill.
She saw her mother holding Georgie, on a leash, as Georgie was trying to bite her.
She knew there was something wrong, her mother looked like she had been snorting Lysol… Again.
See, this is the problem with having scientists for parents.
There was one other problem, her father was no where to be seen.
Now she was worried.
Klaus did not understand any of this, and neither did Sunny, of course.
They pulled up to Mrs. Baudelaire, and Pierre rolled down the window, "Claire, vas on dis Eard arrr zu doing? And vy do vo have Violet's porcupine on a leash? Zat iz very odd, indeed."
"I FIGURED IT OUT, PIERRE! I have CLONED the PORCUPINE! BRILLIANT, I AM! BRILLIANT!" Claire yelled, with a huge smile on her face, almost fake, but it looked like her face was about to crack.
She was thrilled, absolutely thrilled.
Since Violet was the oldest, she knew the most about her mother, she knew her mother had been studying how to clone her entire career.
All 28 years of it.
Claire grasped for the door handle, but could not find it, she was still wearing her dark glasses for her science work.
"Pierre, you IDIOT! Help me find the door handle!" Claire yelled in psycho-anger.
"Jyes, Ma'am. Immediately, Pierre vill ve at vor service."
"Good. Now just open the door.
Oh, and hold this disgusting but soon to be popular… uhhh… thing.
It's gross, and spikey.
Yuck."
Claire said, handing Pierre the beloved porcupine.
She got in the car, completely dazed.
When Klaus noticed there are about half a dozen policemen running up to the car yelling.
Violet assumed her mom was wanted by them, and she wasn't wrong.
Claire started yelling to Pierre, "DRIVE, YOU IMBICLE!
DRIVE!
DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LISCENSE!
YOU ARE WORTHLESS!
GOOO!"
Of course, Pierre always does what he is told, so he pulled off as fast as possible, making the tires squeak in an extremely high pitch that probably only dogs can hear… Like Shaye!
Now police were shooting at the car, Violet was squeezing the blood out of Klaus' hand, and he was doing the same to her.
Sunny was holding onto their legs since she was sitting on Violet's lap in the car.
"OH MY GOD!
MOM!
WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU DO!
WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Violet yelled in disgust and despair.
"DON'T WORRY!
JUST KEEP DRIVING, PIERRE!" Claire yelled, now everybody was positive she was completely psycho.
"NO!
I am not going to be arrested for your stupidity!" Pierre said, in a normal voice.
He ripped off his false curly mustache and the car came to a screeching halt.
"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING!
I OWN YOU!
I CREATED YOU!
WHY ARE YOU GOING TO JUST THROW ALL OF THAT AWAY!" Claire yelled, scratch that, Claire cried.
Sure enough, as the car came to a complete stop, the police open all of the doors to the car, and pulled everybody out.
They grabbed Claire, 'cuffed her, and took her to the Looney Bin. As the now orphaned Baudelaire children watched their mother be taken away, they heard the distant sound of a Lysol can hitting the pavement, and heard their mother's final words to them, "V.F.D will set you free! Stick it to the man! Yes, I stink, therefore I AM!"
I guess that's what you get for making a "revolutionary discovery".
Now Georgie was back in Violet's hands, where he belongs.
Pierre was very happy now, he is no longer posing as a French man with a false accent, but he is himself.
"So, how does some ice cream for everybody sound?" he suggested in his nice, natural, Southern accent.
"First, I want to know where my father is. And see if radiation killed anybody near our house, as weird as that sounds." Violet said, in a calm voice.
They pulled up to the Baudelaires' home, and the bubble was gone.
She figured it must have popped, (both she and I do not know what happens to a radiation bubble post-sitting, if that makes sense) or something else weird of that sort.
The house was filled with dorky looking men with glasses wearing white suits that covered their entire body.
Violet walked into her house, Klaus and Sunny followed.
As she was about to walk in the door, one of the ugly men said to her, "Excuse me, miss.
This house is contaminated.
Nobody but us scientists are allowed in the house."
"But this is my house.
Our house.
And we think our father's in there.
We need to get him out, immediately." Violet exclaimed, in the calmest voice she could find.
"Ma'am, if anybody was in there, they are far past dead.
I don't think you understand, this is an extremely dangerous crime scene that children like you do not need to be privy to.
Please take my advice and step away.
There was an unidentified person in there, anyway.
They were taken away, though.
We believe the person was sleeping when the event occurred." the man said, he seemed fatigued of Violet.
Violet turned to Klaus and Sunny, "Dad was napping when we left, do you remember?"
"Yes!
I do.
This is horrible.
Mom is insane, she didn't even care that he's dead!" Klaus yelled, excitedly. But not in a happy way, that would be sick.
The man in the white suit had moved on, he walked away.
Hopefully he was letting out some of that anger he had built up inside of him.
Everybody headed back to the car.
It was completely quiet until they got to the car, they sat in there for about 30 seconds before Pierre turned on the car or started talking.
"Listen kids, I am so sorry.
You do not know how sad this makes me.
I am now unemployed.
And plus, no offense or anything, but I do not know what to do with three children!
I am a single man!
I cuss!
I drink alcohol!
I'm a terrible human-being!
How am I going to raise three children!
Alone!
I do not even have a girlfriend!" Pierre yelled, he wasn't mad at anybody, except Claire Baudelaire, of course.
"Pierre, it's okay.
It's not your fault at all.
It's our mom's, actually.
It's not your fault she's a psychopathic scientist, now is it?" Violet said, sympathetically.
She felt bad for Pierre.
She felt bad for her siblings, but the person she felt least for was herself.
She knew it sounded wrong to say that, but she was not the kind of "taking" person, she was constantly giving to others.
This depressed her.
Klaus and Sunny were speechless this whole time.
They could find no words to say, and the words they had to say made no sense whatsoever.
"Well, Violet, thank-you so very much for those inspirational words. I respect your opinion, and that definitely helps my self-esteem in this issue. Now, let's go get ice cream."
So they went and got ice cream, and lived happily ever after. The end!
YOU BELIEVED THAT! Oh no, there WILL be more stories. They're coming your way.
Please tell me what you thought of my story, whether your thoughts are negative or positive, I'd really like the feedback!