Chapter Six
Pushing
Elizabeth Cutler keys the door to Life Sciences open. It is twenty three thirty hours, almost at the end of Beta shift, but she cannot rest. Her mind crowded with tensions and concerns, she decides to get a few day's head start on the Inventory of their supplies. Normally it is not a hard job, and could easily be finished in half a shift, but it is either that or sit in her quarters moping.
As she steps into the room, motion and heat sensors automatically turn on the lights, revealing the unoccupied laboratory. This is one of the stations normally used during only one shift, all members of Life Sciences being on Alpha's oh-eight-hundred to sixteen-hundred schedule. Only when the need is pressing, such as during and after a planetfall, are the shifts extended as needed. Presently there is no excess work to be done. Liz crosses the laboratory to the storage room in the rear, opening the door and stepping in.
Picking up a padd, she downloads from the computer the latest inventory record, and sets about matching what is expected to be present with what actually is.
x
Allowing herself to become engrossed in the work, giving away her attentions and concerns to the strictly ordinary duty inside the smaller supply room in the rear of the laboratory, it is some time before a soft voice impinges on her consciousness. Pausing, she listens, mildly surprised to hear the sound coming from the outer room. It has quite some time ago crossed the 'zero hour', so she is surprised to hear voices of any kind. She realizes a moment later that it is the computer's synthesized voice, but it is not speaking in English.
Peeking out the door, she is even more surprised to find Tia Anlor working at her station. The young Auran woman really ought to be asleep, Liz thinks, it being well after 0100, until she realizes the same applies to her.
Tia is seated at her desk with her back to Liz, engrossed in her work. Curious, Liz steps out, crossing the room silently.
When she is standing directly behind the younger woman, she can see what is on the screen which has her friend so absorbed.
Though the Auran has learned to understand and speak English, she cannot read it fluently yet, particularly the highly technical material implicit in biological research, so this is the one room in which she makes use of the Universal Translator. She has set it to read off the text of the material presently on the screen.
It doesn't take Liz more than a moment to realize that the text she can see is an analysis of the human genome. Tia then brings up, as Liz watches silently; information that had to have come from Phlox's multiple in-depth analysis of her own physiology. As Tia works, Liz reads the work over her shoulder. Tia is so engrossed she is leaning in close, examining some aspect in detail rather than enlarging it and losing the entire surrounding image. She is still completely unaware of her friend behind her. Tia's readouts shift to the left side of the screen. On the right side of the screen a graphical image appears labeled 'Tucker, Charles III, Cmdr.'
"What are you doing?"
x
Tia shrieks, turning so quickly she slips off the stool and would have fallen to the floor had Liz not grabbed her. "Liz – I did not know you were here!" Her voice is over an octave higher than usual, and on her face is a look of utter panic!
It is so different in here with the UT turned on; the Auran words being translated into fluent English. Tia turns, franticly slapping at the controls on the computer, blanking the monitor and silencing the voice.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to know what you were doing."
Tia turns back, her face filled with absolute terror. "I – I – I – Research!" She stammers, guiltily. "I am doing Research! I am sorry! I am hurting nothing!"
"No, you're not hurting anything. I was just …" Something in the woman's embarrassed response makes it clear. Suddenly she realizes that she understands everything. "You're comparing Commander Tucker's human and your Auran genomes." Tia says nothing, but shakes her head franticly, her expression clearly saying 'Don't figure it out, please!'
But Liz ignores it. "You said earlier that you cannot become pregnant – but that's not entirely true. Is it?" Tia reaches out, clutching Liz's hands in a desperate grip.
"Please! Please do not tell anyone! Please!" Her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she begs her friend. "Please do not tell!"
x
"All right, honey, just calm down. There's no need to get worked up. I'll keep your secret – because I've just worked out what it is."
"How? How could you know!" Tia gasped, still terrified, but the fear giving way slightly under her astonishment.
Liz laughs softly. "Honey, I always say I'll play poker with you any day of the week! You are so innocent that sometimes you amaze me. You said you 'can't get pregnant', but what you really mean is that, at this point, you can't get pregnant by the one person in the universe that you give a damn about getting pregnant by!" Tia looks away shamefully, unable to meet her eyes. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I can guess what brought this all on."
Tia does not look at her, but there is no need. She nods, dejectedly. "Auran and human physiology, they are so different! So different! It may be impossible. And it is so perverted! So sick – disgusting!"
"To Aurans? That you are thinking about having a child with Trip Tucker?"
She nods, blushing furiously, unable to meet her friends eyes, humiliated at having been caught giving in to such disgraceful thoughts. "It is wrong! Disgusting! I am so ashamed for even thinking of it!"
x
Liz smiles, reaching out and turning Tia back to look at her. The woman's face is a bright gold, and Liz ignores her 'lightning-shot' eyes. Tia is so overwrought she has forgotten to be embarrassed or to cover up the 'shameful' sight. "There's nothing to be ashamed of." She assures her. "I think it's wonderful." Tia's expression turns to astonished delight. She had been giving in so much to what her people's response would be that she had been denying her own self.
"You're a long way from a solution, but I'll be glad to help." If possible, Tia's response is even brighter. "You're going to need help in this anyhow. Between you, me and Phlox, I'm sure we'll eventually find a solution."
"Do you think you can?" She asks in desperate hope. The solution had seemed so far from her, and now…
"I know we'll try." Liz assures her, but before Tia can charge off on an enthusiastic rush, she says firmly: "But only on one condition!" She makes certain she has broken through the younger woman's ecstatic burst and has her full attention.
"I want you to talk to Commander Tucker first! Get his side. Be very certain you both want this. I know you are fertile only three days a year, one day every eighteen of our weeks, which is why you lock yourself away after what happened on Elanis IV, but believe me; an unexpected pregnancy is no joy!"
For a moment the golden woman does not answer, but then bows her head. Liz decides that this is as much as she is going to get at 0120 hours.
"Now come on." She says, reaching to turn on the monitor. "Let's see how far you've gotten."
xxx
"Personal Log, continuing from last evening. It's 0519 and I cannot sleep!" Liz Cutler sits up on her bed, her knees up, blanket pulled over her legs and onto her lap, hugging it. She is still in her night clothes, silken shorts and spaghetti strapped top like most women wear. She wonders when the last time was when she'd started recording a log as soon as she woke up, this time after barely two hours! She decides the answer was 'never'; not until today.
"My life is Hell! Two days ago my biggest problem was getting a report on mitosis shifts on specimens from Alpha Kirini logged on time. Now I'm pregnant – and I don't want to be! And I seem to have inspired Earth's first, or is it the second, interspecies conception, if you count Commander Tucker and Ah'Len – if anyone can believe that! Last night I barely did, now I feel lost and worse!
"I'm so confused. Part of the time I want this baby! Part of the time I can't stop thinking about how great it would be! Part of the time it scares me out of my mind, so much so that I keep thinking of aborting it! I'm the only one thinking about that; and I feel like a monster for doing so.
"Last night – this morning – I was doing inventory, and I suddenly realized we have everything in the store room to mix triaxamine. Thirty cc's and they could never get me to Sick Bay fast enough to prevent miscarriage. That really made me feel like a monster!
"Then I talked to Tia Anlor, and she is doing everything she can to find some way of getting pregnant. It's a billion to one shot, but I can't tell her that. Ever since we talked and she started thinking about refanli – their word for it – she got to thinking …" She threw the blanket off her, jumping to her feet, unable to stay still.
"Oh, Damn It! Why'd this have to happen? Last night I was going to mix triaxamine, then I wanted the baby, then before I went to bed I panicked and changed my damn mind, now this morning I want it again!
"And I've done the worst possible thing I could do. I've named him!"
xxx
Two hours later, in the Mess Hall, Hoshi has just sat down at a round table large enough for six when Trip Tucker, Malcolm Reed and Mother McCabe approach. "Good morning." Trip says. "Are these seats taken?"
"Not at all!" She says, grateful for the company. She usually eats with Tia and Liz, but this morning Tia is not on duty and Liz is so stressed out she probably would not be much company. Hoshi suspects she would be having breakfast in her quarters.
As the three sit down, Trip on her left, followed by Malcolm and Mother McCabe to either side, left and right of her, there is a moment of silence. She turns to Patricia, seated opposite her, the two men on her left. "So, how are you settling in?" It has been barely a month since the woman has joined the crew, and Hoshi remembers it had taken her considerably longer to get her 'space legs'.
"Just fine." Patricia says; her eyes flicking to Malcolm and then giving Hoshi a small smile that communicates more to the woman than either man picks up on. Hoshi grins in return at the unspoken message.
Before either man can 'protest', they are joined by Tia Anlor, arriving at one of the two empty seats to Hoshi's right. The young golden woman typically does not wear a uniform, not being a member of Starfleet. This morning she is wearing a blue dress that Hoshi notes is considerably shorter than she would have worn, and she is known for wearing barely modest attire indeed. She glances at Malcolm seated next to Trip and therefore out of the Engineer's view as he looks at Tia opposite him. Hoshi sees that the Armory Officer has definitely noticed Tia's abbreviated outfit in quite unnecessary addition to her stunning physique, and has very quickly covered up that notice, very much aware of being in Patricia's and Trip's presence. Neither of his friends, he thinks, particularly Patricia, would appreciate his attention to the young woman if they had noticed. Hoshi tries very hard to suppress a smile.
Hoshi had not expected Tia's arrival, and when the young woman sits down opposite Trip, she sees that the golden woman is somewhat distracted. Removing a small white disk that was attached to her right earlobe, Tia sets it down on the table before her. Trip and Hoshi recognize it as the small music player that Ann Anderson had given her, onto which she had downloaded a copious volume of Earth music.
On Tia's face is a mystified expression. She looks about the table at her four friends; then focuses on Trip. "Shar-les, may I you a question ask?"
"Oh course." He assures her, surprised at her hesitancy. Normally she is not reticent about asking questions, a trait that had caused numerous uncomfortable situations in the past. He is almost glad she is being a bit more discrete, though he does not want her to be apprehensive either.
"More songs did for me Ann Anderson load down. One …" She picks up the tiny white disk uncertainly. "One truly sense makes not!"
"What is it, more rock and roll?" He recalls her fondness for the uninhibited music of Earth's mid- to late-twentieth century.
"Daai."
"And only one doesn't make sense?" Malcolm cannot resist asking. "I'm impressed."
"Mosti?"
"Well, usually one's all I ever get!" Patricia slaps his arm, but cannot repress a grin.
"All right, I'll take a stab at it." Trip promised. "What is it?"
Tia holds the disk up between thumb and forefinger, as if showing it to him would focus her thoughts. Her tone is vague, growing more mystified as she searches for the words. "A woman … she something to do likes. Seems she others telling is, but in her rhythm I lost getting am. Asking others … if 'do you like it' is. Seems they agree, and over and over she it says, but sense it makes nyasi."
"Well, what does she say she enjoys so much?" Trip asks, quite unenlightened.
"Says she…" Tia hesitates, trying to get the woman's forceful rhythm, hoping it will help make the point clear, "'push, push in the bush'."
The four humans go utterly silent.
x
"Well…" Trip tries to say, but the word comes out split. Swallowing, he tries again. "Well …" His eyes flicker to Malcolm, who seemed to be waiting quite expectantly for his friend to explain, and then to the two women, one of them a Priest, who regard him with quizzical expressions. "It's, um… it's …" His voice dies.
"Daai?" She can not understand his hesitancy in answering so simple a question.
"Err …" His eyes again flicker to his friends, then back to Tia. "I'll, err, I'll tell you later."
Tia sighs feelingly, slapping the table. "Kraanstat, what this 'I'll tell you later' you so often say is?" Her voice rises sharply in her frustration, carrying to surrounding tables. "I a simple question ask! What 'push, push in the bush' is!"
Trip can actually feel a combination of apprehensions light his face as conversations at nearby tables stop, several eyes turning to them.
He has to admit he can understand her frustration; he thinks with a measure of guilt as he realizes how true her words are. He frequently used this way of avoiding personal, or delicate, questions in public. He'd spoken to her about the subject; only to have it pointed out recently and very emphatically that a lot of times 'later' never came.
"All right, I'll tell you!" He says a bit too sharply, drawing his feelings back a moment later, realizing his words are carrying as well. He pauses, then continues more quietly, trying to maintain a reasonable tone. "Just … keep your voice down, will you?"
Tia leans forward, complying with his request by asking so softly they can barely hear her; "What bush pushed in is? 'Pushing in a bush' sense makes nyasi!"
x
He has to admit he can understand her viewpoint. It is a fundamental, physiological difference between Aurans and humans, one he had learned early and then later from deeply personal experience. As such he can understand that this concept would not exist among Aurans, therefore it would make no sense to any of them. But how to…
He forcibly kills this train of thought, which is getting him nowhere. He is, however, hugely relieved that surrounding conversations have resumed as their own words no longer carry. "The bush … right." He, unfortunately, notices Reverend Patricia looking at him, and the explanation dies in his head. "The, ahh … the …" He glances away from her and his eyes meet Hoshi's. She has a knowing smile on her lips as she sits waiting. He shakes his head, trying to think of something, trying not to see either woman! "The, um, 'push'… well … that is …" He glances at Malcolm on his left. The man is smiling, clearly enjoying his discomfort. Trip glares at him, very glad for a target.
"Hey, you're so smart; you take a crack at it!" He demands.
Malcolm gives him a wider grin and a look as if to say 'all right, watch how it's done'. He turns to Tia, feeling more than just a little smug.
"Tia, the 'bush' they're referring to pushing into is –." He catches a movement to his left, and sees Reverend Mother McCabe beside him lean slightly forward, an expression of deep curiosity on her face. "Is…" Hoshi, to his right beyond Trip, also leans forward slightly, in expectation of an 'education'.
He closes his eyes, focusing on shutting them out and rallying his thoughts. When he opens his eyes again all three women are watching him expectantly, waiting. Rallying, he charges ahead. "The push … I mean the bush they're pushing … I mean that's being pushed into …" McCabe leans further forward, making it impossible to ignore her. "I mean…" His voice fades away.
"Yes?" Mother Patricia asks innocently, her voice fraught with sweet challenge.
Malcolm swallows so hard it hurts, tries to clear his throat and tries very hard to block both women out of his consciousness, focusing on Tia between them. "You see, human women have …" Hoshi gets even closer, and he cannot filter her out.
"Go on." She urges him.
"Yes, Malcolm, go on." Patricia also coaxes ever so sweetly. "What do we have?"
Malcolm opens his mouth and absolutely nothing comes out.
x
"Hey, guys!" Elizabeth Cutler greets them brightly as she arrives with a tray, taking a seat between Tia and Hoshi. She notices an intense undercurrent of emotion at the table. Everyone seems extremely attentive to what Malcolm is saying; except he isn't saying anything, but simply sitting with his mouth open. As she sits down, he looks at her with an expression of deep gratitude. "What's up?" She asks him, wondering why he looks so happy to see her.
Tia turns to her. "They explain trying to, but explaining nyasi!" She says, clearly frustrated. "I a simple question ask, but answer they do nyasi!"
"Well, what is it?"
"What 'push, push in the bush' is?"
Liz smiles. "Oh, that's simple." She pats her abdomen and says very softly, to be heard just at this table. "That's how I got into this mess!"
"Ah!' Tia exclaims loudly, everything finally making sense! "The 'bush' a human female's pubic hair is! And it the male's penis 'pushing' into her vagina that feels so good is!"
The room goes completely, utterly silent.
While Patricia and Hoshi are confirming Tia's conclusion, Trip and Malcolm fervently wish that the bulkhead beside them would simply rupture and blow them out into space!
xxx
Rev. Patricia McCabe walks down the corridor toward her office after the most entertaining breakfast she could ever recall when she hears a call from behind her. She turns, finding Elizabeth Cutler a few feet back. "Yes, Child?" She asks. Elizabeth comes up to her.
"I – was just hoping we could talk."
"Of course." She says, resuming her journey. The women walk together in silence for several moments, at least until they reach a portion of the curving corridor where no one else is in sight. "I'm sure you've had a lot on your mind."
"Damn right!" Liz says feelingly, but then looks at the woman, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I -."
"Think nothing of it." They continue in silence for another few yards.
"I'm going crazy!"
"I can understand that." McCabe commiserates. "This is a big change in your life. Sometimes I wonder just how I would handle it"
"Better you than me." McCabe looks at her, surprised. "Blast it, that's not what I – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound insulting."
McCabe smiles. "I'm hardly insulted, child."
"Jim's taking this a lot better than I am!" Liz complains; her conversation fragmented in accord with her thoughts. "I'm going crazy, and he's practicing to be a daddy!"
"Everyone handles things differently."
"How would Lt. Reed handle it, if…?" The words die in her mouth as she realizes how blatantly intrusive they are, but Patricia just smiles at her.
"He'd probably launch himself out one of his own torpedo tubes!"
xx
They reach the Pastoral Office, an unused and converted crew quarters, so distinguished now by an image of a white dove painted upon the door. Though of the Anglican Church, McCabe had decided that this would be a less segregating image to the crew of so many faiths represented on this ship. She presses the 'open' button, and the door slides aside to admit them.
"Don't you lock it when you're gone?" Liz asks; the question past her lips before she can think. Rev. McCabe looks at her in mild surprise.
"Why in the world would I do that?"
x
Inside the room is the answer to both sides of the question. The room itself is as Liz remembers it, essentially five chairs scattered about; two on either side of a round table which is set slightly to their right. The layout of this room is such that the majority of the room is to the right of the door, only a short portion existing to the left. Within one wall to the right is a large closet that Liz already knows contains various Vestmentary worn in the course of the Services the Priest leads, and what supplies she needs in the performance of her duties.
The only feature to distinguish this room from any other is actually almost straight in from the door, a half meter wide white padded square resting upon the floor before a large reproduction of the cross the woman wears suspended from her blue collar. This one is about one meter high, a red Roman cross behind which the eight white 'arms' of a Maltese cross are visible. On the vertex of the red cross is a squared black Temple cross upon which is a red banner with a thin gold cross slanted to the right. The quadruple Cross is fashioned in intricate detail and affixed to the bulkhead before them, illuminated by a directed spotlight from the overhead.
McCabe continues into the room, going to one of the chairs on either side of the round table, but she looks back to find Liz standing just inside the closed door. She is staring at the large cross before her. "If you would prefer…" McCabe offers, indicating the padded square, but Liz shakes her head.
"I've made up my mind." She speaks to the red, white and gold cross. It takes several more seconds before she can tear her eyes from the image and look at McCabe. Her eyes reflect the anguish she can no longer keep hidden. She tries to speak normally, but her voice is overwhelmed by sadness.
"I'm having the abortion."
Patricia McCabe finishes pulling out the chair. "Won't you sit down?" She invites softly.