She looked so beautiful laughing with her children. This was what he had wanted for his life, his Sarah. Damn Sydney! Harm was still staring intently at the photo in his hand when the sound of the doorbell caught his attention.
Great, just what he needed, company. Harm was running through a variety of possible explanations on his way to the door. Somehow, long lost Uncle was the only thing that sounded workable, even if it wasn't very believable.
Putting on his flyboy, naval officer stance, Harm swung the door open hoping his grin didn't scream pedophile.
"Morning, Commander, uhm, I mean Harm," Harriet Roberts grinned sheepishly as she shuffled past Harm with three children in tow.
"Harriet!" Oh brother, how was he going to explain this … wait a minute. Harriet? What was she doing here? She'd never mentioned knowing anyone else who looked like Mac. She also doesn't look very surprised to see him. Closing the door behind her, Harm took a deep breath, his brain feeling like scrambled eggs, and cautiously followed Harriet into the family room.
"Mac did tell you that you're helping Bud with the kids today?" Harriet asked on her way to the other room.
Mac! His brain was screaming at him again. What had been the mild pounding of an ordinary hangover was quickly beginning to feel like someone was taking a jackhammer to his head.
"Bud should be here any minute. I should be back by five o'clock, maybe. It's too bad Mac had to go to California, she was looking forward to today too," Harriet rambled as she began taking off the children's coats.
Fornia is California. Okay, one mystery solved. Unconsciously rubbing one temple, all Harm had to do now was figure out everything else.
"Can we go play with David and Matt?" Five year old AJ asked practically bouncing in his pants.
"Me too!" Four year old Sarah added.
"Oh, mom! Does she have to? She's a girl," AJ whined.
"You know the rules. You all play nicely or you don't play at all," Harriet admonished working on extricating young Jimmy from his winter garb.
"Where are the boys? Mac said that David would be 'helping' while she was away," Harriet chuckled, still struggling with a squirming Jimmy. Mac had a way of making every little boy feel very important.
"In the kitchen. Under the fort." Harm pointed aimlessly in the right direction.
"Okay guys, you heard, everyone is in the kitchen, and be careful with Susie." Harriet tapped Jimmy lightly on the bottom then gathered all the coats, hats, and scarves and piled them neatly on the sofa, still talking a mile a minute.
"Guess while the cat's away, the rats will play. I can't believe you're letting them do that. Mac always blows a gasket when they take her good bedspread. You didn't let them take the good spread did you?" Harriet stopped suddenly at the blanched look on Harm's face.
"Are you okay? Do you not feel well? Maybe I should take the kids back to my house."
Staring wide-eyed at the pretty little blonde girl trying to keep up with AJ, "Is that...Sarah?" Harm stuttered.
Harriet turned, her eyes following Sarah as she ran into the kitchen and then looked back at a pale Harm. "Yes. Maybe you should sit down, Commander."
"I think I will, Harriet." Harm walked over to the large sofa and flopped down heavily. His eyes flew open once again at the picture frame resting on the end table. On one side of the frame was his and Mac's wedding photo, the two of them coming out of the chapel under the arch of swords. The other side of the frame held the invitation, May 20, 2000. They were married almost five years ago. Good God, he must be dreaming.
That's it! This was all a dream. He hadn't woken up yet. This was what his life would be like if he hadn't screwed up royally in Sydney. A wave of contentment washed over him. Maybe his life hadn't turned out this well, but he was going to enjoy the dream while it lasted.
"I'm sorry, Harriet. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I'm okay. It will be fun spending the day with Bud and all the kids. You go off and have a good time. By the way, where are you going?"
"Today is our five hour lunch day." Harriet took in the blank expression on Harm's face. "You know, when some of us gals who used to work at JAG get together for lunch and probably dinner too, and laugh, and tell stories about all the stunts you men pulled." Harriet was still a little worried about Harm. She, Mac, Jen, and a few other women got together almost once a month. How could Harm not remember?
Recognizing the concerned look in Harriet's eyes, "Oh, was that this weekend? Don't know how I could have forgotten." Harm came back quickly, grinning widely when he saw the wave of relief wash over Harriet. "Why don't you run along? I can handle the kids alone till Bud gets here." Yeah, right. Six kids. Who was he kidding?
"Are you sure?" Harriet felt a little better but still...
"I'm sure, Harriet. You said yourself, Bud will be here any minute."
"Yeah, he just stopped to rent a couple of movies and pick up some popcorn." Harriet reached for her handbag.
"Okay, then, you go have a nice time and don't worry about the kids." Harm practically pushed Harriet out the front door. He was anxious to get back inside and start looking for more traces of history to fill in the blanks his dream didn't seem to have seen fit to supply.
Returning eagerly to the family room, Harm started his search for information. Somewhere there had to be family photo albums that would fill him in on what he was missing.
Harm looked around the room again. Noticing some built in cabinets, he took three large strides, and opened the doors. It took several tries, but finally, the third set of doors hid the treasure he was seeking.
The first album he pulled out held the photos of Mathew's birth. Harm was overwhelmed with a sense of pride and pain. How he wished this dream would allow him the memory of that. He tried to imagine his hand resting on his wife's large tummy while their son squirmed inside, eager to be born. Turning slowly through the pages, he smiled at a photo of Mac on the easy chair in the family room, nursing the tiny baby. She looked positively radiant.
How could he have been so stupid? All they had missed because of one mistake in judgment, one moment of fear. How many other times could he have chosen differently and still salvaged some of this wonderful dream?
Harm's smile grew wide with pride when he came to the photo of his grandmother Sarah holding Mathew. According to the detailed descriptions Mac had carefully placed throughout the album, it was taken the day of his christening. Flipping the page, there was a large photograph of the four generations of the Rabb family: Gramma Sarah, Trish, Harm, Sergei, and Mathew.
Closing the book, Harm wondered what was keeping Bud and decided maybe he should go check on the children. Turning towards the fireplace, his heart stopped when his eyes focused on the rest of the photographs on the mantle. He'd been so overwhelmed by the photo of Mac and the children, he hadn't paid any attention to the other photos displayed.
Oh, dear God. No. It couldn't be. This wouldn't be a dream, it would be a nightmare. Harm took one frame in particular from the mantle and walked to the kitchen, where the kids were happily running around and under the table, occasionally taking a brief detour around the island and then running back again.
David was a good looking boy. Harm could see it now. He had the same unsettling smile that Matt had. Of course, they were cousins. Counting with his fingers, it didn't add up. Something was different. Harm couldn't help the deep sigh that escaped. If it meant having a chance to be with Mac, it probably wasn't too steep a price to pay, that is, assuming Mac comes home before he wakes up.
Going back to the family room, Harm put the photo in its proper place and picked up another photo of him and Sergei. They were laughing, each carrying a young boy on their shoulders. He wished he could remember this world. There was another photo of Harm, Sergei and Trish laughing on the beach. It looked like it was taken near her home in La Jolla. Apparently, in his dream world, Sergei had never left for Russia. He had stayed and developed a close family relationship.
Then, Harm spotted it. There it sat, more evidence staring him in the face. Sergei's wedding picture. Well, maybe in this world Lieutenant Witch wasn't so bad." Harm snickered. "Who was he kidding? Lauren Singer had to be a bitch in any world, dream or real.
Chapter FiveThe sound of crashing thunder snapped Harm back to his current reality. Rushing to the kitchen, the blanket, along with what few dishes atop the table had been hidden underneath it, now lay scattered and broken on the floor.
"Nobody move," Harm ordered. Scooping Susie and Jimmy up in each arm, "The rest of you, to the other room. March, carefully. Don't go near the mess on the floor."
"Don't worry Uncle Harm, I'll help," little Sarah beamed. She looked just like her mother with golden locks, only she had a large red bow holding the hair off her face.
Harm couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his face. She was beautiful, not only her face, all of her was beautiful.
"How old are you now?" he asked following the troops out of the kitchen.
"I'm four. Mommy says I'm a big girl. She doesn't know what she'd do without me." Waving her arms, guiding the boys into the family room, Sarah smiled up at Harm. "You can clean up, we'll stay here."
Ah, yes, a little Harriet in the making. Debating what to do with the two toddlers, Harm was saved by the doorbell. For just a few minutes, he'd forgotten Bud was coming.
Putting Susie down to open the door, Harm grinned widely at Bud, "Perfect timing." Without further explanation, Harm dropped Jimmy into Bud's arm, and grabbed the movies and popcorn and set them down on a nearby table.
"You'd better keep an eye on her too. I have a bit of a mess to clean up." Harm pointed at Susie and headed for the kitchen, for whatever reason, he was delighted to have to pick up any mess made by HIS children.
"Yes, sir," Bud replied out of habit. "Do you want me to dress them too?" Bud wasn't sure why the Rabb kids were still in their pajamas at almost ten o'clock in the morning, but maybe Mac's being away this time was more difficult for Harm than anyone had realized.
"Thanks, Bud. That would be a great help." Damn it, he'd forgotten all about getting the kids dressed. If he was going to pull this day off, he was going to have to stop thinking like a sailor and start thinking like a father. Easier said than done. Thank God it was Saturday, he didn't think he could handle work and the children. Where were those aspirin?
Now, he needed a broom. Nothing in the kitchen looked like a broom closet. Where would Mac, keep a broom and dustpan? Harm grabbed the blanket and searched for the basement door. Maybe he'd find the broom on his way to the washer downstairs, "that is if the washer is in the basement", he mumbled out loud. Before he could move in any direction, the phone rang.
"Rabb," Harm barked into the phone.
"One of those mornings, huh?"
"Mac!" Harm's face lit up.
"Expecting someone else to call?" she teased.
"You sound great," Harm practically hummed.
"You sound pretty good yourself, sailor." Mac took a sip of her coffee.
"When are you coming home?" 'If there's a God, please let it be before I wake up,' Harm prayed.
"Don't know yet. If all goes well, we might wrap this up today." Mac hated being away from the house. The whole reason she took the job with the Secretary of Defense was because of the limited need to travel. If the accident hadn't involved so many dignitaries, she'd still be home with her family.
"I miss you." It was a risk, but if they were married, surely he told her things like this all the time.
"I miss you too." Mac's heart swelled. They'd been married almost five years and it still felt like it was only yesterday.
"Hurry, home," Harm sighed heavily into the phone.
"Is this going to be one of those phone calls?" Mac's voice dropped a few octaves.
"I wish. Bud and the kids are here." The last thing he needed now was to dwell on the things her voice did to him.
"How's that going?" Mac's voice was still sultry and low.
"Fiiine," Harm squeaked out. Clearing his throat. "By the way, where's the broom?"
"The broom?" Mac's voice was back to normal.
"Yes the broom." Hopefully she wouldn't think he was completely nuts.
"It's in the same place it always is, the hall closet by the back door." Mac's brow was curled deep in confusion. How could he not remember where they keep the broom? "Harm, is something wrong?"
"No, I just love you and want you home by my side, that's all." He'd always wanted to say that to her without fear of repercussions.
Mac still got goose bumps when he said things like that. She immediately forgot all about the broom. "I've got to be in the lobby in ten minutes. Tell the kids I love them. I'll let you know when I'm coming home. Love you." Softly, she blew a kiss into the phone.
"Love you too." Harm continued holding the phone long after Mac had hung up.
Harm found the broom, and had cleared up the broken and spilled mess on the floor by the time Bud was back downstairs with the children.
When Bud announced the plan was to go to McDonald's for lunch and wear the kids out, Harm was totally shocked. He literally cringed at the thought that the fatherly Harmon Rabb actually took his children to McDonald's.
Slowly the concept of keeping small children moving in a confined safe place was beginning to sink in. Harm soon understood had they gone to a local park, it would have been too easy for any of the six children to sprint off in a different direction while he was catching David on the slide, pushing Matt on the swing, or changing Susie's diaper.
Of course, this realization was brought to light when Bud 'reminded' him of just those same events happening on their monthly outings before they discovered the sanctity of McDonald's.
"I had no idea how I was going to tell Harriet, I'd lost Jimmy." Bud had a truly pained look on his face recounting the first time they'd lost one of the kids. "I was never so happy as when that lady came walking up to us carrying Jimmy on her hip, asking if we knew the little boy. I mean, well, maybe I wasn't so happy when she said she thought he might belong to us, being dads out alone and all. What do you think she meant by that, sir?"
After having listened to Bud tell several stories about how both of them had, at least momentarily, lost every one of their children except Susie, Harm wondered how could Bud possibly ask such a thing?
"Has Harriet ever mentioned misplacing one of the children?" Harm asked calmly.
"Mm, I see what you mean." Bud took a bite of his apple pie, then glanced up into the crawling tubes. "Do you see the boys?"
"No, but I'm sure Sarah's keeping them in line," Harm chuckled to himself. If there was one thing he was sure of after today, Sarah was another over achiever like her mother. He was so happy she survived in this world. Even if it was a dream, he felt he really knew Sarah Roberts now.
Harm took another bite of his salad and wished he'd brought a camera. Jimmy was a few months older than Susie and a little bigger, but the two toddlers played together happily. Watching them buried and laughing in the small cage of colored balls was the most priceless thing he'd ever seen. A pang of guilt swept through him. How many other priceless moments had he thrown away that night in Sydney without knowing? He wished he never had to wake up. This was about so much more than just wanting to be with Mac.
While Bud rambled on about the General's reaction to his decoding the car salesman's black book, Harm watched the children intently. David looked much like his mother, but he had the Rabb smile that he and Sergei shared. Mathew was ordered straight from the deal on the steps at headquarters, Sarah's looks and his brains. Well, at least he looked like Mac, except for the green eyes. Both children had inherited his green eyes. Matt had his mother's slightly darker complexion and rounded face. His eyes were wide as saucers like Mac's. It was strange looking at her eyes in the wrong color, yet it was incredibly healing as well. He couldn't remember a time in his life when he felt so full of peace.
Susie was adorable, if he did say so himself. She had fine curly light brown locks. He wasn't sure where the curls came from. He'd have to ask Mac if she had curly hair as a child. She had the Rabb eyes, color, shape, and all. When she smiled the Rabb smile, her eyes twinkled and sent something inside Harm soaring higher than a tomcat. The best thing had to be when she wobbled over and said 'Duh.' It took a few times before Harm caught on, that was Daddy.
"Do you think I should be worried, I mean about the General?" Bud asked, oblivious to Harm's wandering thoughts.
"Uh, no. He's still getting a feel for everyone in the office and I think he's just discovering what we've all known all along. You're a man of many hidden talents." Harm tried to nod assuringly at Bud.
There was one good thing about Bud's willingness to carry on a monologue while Harm watched the children. He was easily able to discover that at least some things had not changed. Bud had still lost his leg in Afghanistan, both he and Bud still worked at HQ, and General Cresswell was the new JAG. Now if he could just get Bud to chat about a few other things…
Chapter SixHarm sat across the bed, his back propped up against the wall, reading the children's classic's version of The Prince and the Pauper. Susie was snuggled sleepily in the crook of his arm, her head leaning against his chest as she watched him turning the pages. Mat and David were fighting heavy eyelids listening to Harm spin the tale.
He was thankful that somehow the children's bedtime of eight o'clock had slipped into the conversation when Mac called to say she wouldn't be home until tomorrow. David and Mat had made sure Dad remembered about continuing the story. He and Mac had apparently changed from picture books to children's classics a few months ago, and Mat loved it. Even Susie didn't mind not having any color pictures, she seemed perfectly content to lie in her dad's arms and listen to his deep voice lull her to sleep.
Kissing the boys good night after they'd given up the good fight, Harm grudgingly kissed and tucked a sleeping Susie into her crib and closed the door behind him. A single tear made its way slowly down his cheek. His heart was breaking. Not only had he lost all these years with Mac, but because of their stubborn bullheadedness, and Mac's endometriosis, having all this in his world might never be available.
Making himself comfortable in the family room, Harm sat surrounded by piles of photo albums. Before he woke up from this dream, he was going to know every inch of history he'd missed with Mac and his two children.
Somewhere in the middle of the night Harm had fallen asleep on the sofa looking at the photos from his and Mac's honeymoon in St. Martin. He'd been dreaming of the sun, the beach, and Mac in his arms, when the sound of the doorbell dragged him forcibly from his wonderful dream world.
His eyes barely open, Harm stumbled across the room towards the door and pulled the heavy door open.
"Admiral!" Harm instinctively stood at attention. Any remnants of a sleepy haze vanished the instant the sound of pounding footsteps echoed behind him, followed by the loud cheering of small voices.
"Grandpa AJ!" David and Matt cried, bouncing around like Mexican jumping beans. Not wanting to be left out, Ginger barked and gave the admiral her paw. Hm, Harm hadn't seen that trick yesterday.
"Good morning, sailors." AJ bent over and hugged each kid. "Where's your sister?" he asked Matt.
As if on cue, Susie made her voice heard, loudly.
"I'd better go get her," Harm said without hesitating.
"I hope you don't mind my coming early. I know you weren't expecting me till dinnertime, but Sidney and I thought with Mac gone almost two weeks you could probably use the reprieve." AJ followed Harm up the stairs as he spoke. "We thought I could take the kids to our house for breakfast and bring them back when we come for dinner."
Sidney? Hm, now how did his and Mac getting married keep the Admiral and Sidney together?
"Well?" AJ asked a little sternly.
"Oh." Harm hadn't meant to ignore the admiral, he was just a little confused. First Sergei and Lauren, and now the admiral and Sidney. He really needed to find out what happened in this world. Obviously, if David was three, Sergei and Lauren got together long before Lauren's stint on the Seahawk, if she ever had a stint on the Seahawk, and Sidney should have vanished from the scope years ago. "Sorry, sir."
"Harm. I thought we broke you of that habit," AJ scowled.
"Yes, sir. I mean, AJ," Harm sighed in frustration, picking Susie up out of her crib. "If you don't mind. I'd really like to keep the kids for the day, but if Sidney can spare you, I won't complain if you want to stick around." Harm tried for a casual smile, hoping he didn't look too desperate. Apparently the admiral, or AJ, was a big part of their lives. Maybe he could fill in some of the holes.
"I'm sure she won't mind," AJ smiled. "You get her dressed, I'll start KP duty." A boy on either side of him, AJ took hold of each of their hands and left Harm with his daughter.
"Well, what do you think of that, young lady? Grandpa AJ." Harm changed and dressed his little girl, "Grandpa…" he quietly chuckled, his head shaking in amusement the entire time.
AJ had pancakes mixed and cooking when Harm and Susie made their appearance downstairs.
"He doesn't make the fun shapes like you do, Dad," Matt fussed until he saw the reproving look in his father's eye. "Do you think maybe you could teach Grandpa AJ how to do it?" The kid wasn't quite four years old yet and he was already learning to master the Rabb smile.
Meanwhile, Harm's heart was racing. Every time Matt said Dad, Harm's heart took off as though he were doing nine Gs in a tomcat.
"Maybe," Harm smiled, noticing the corners of AJ's mouth fighting a smile of his own.
Breakfast went much more smoothly than the day before. Everything seemed to be going more smoothly than it had the day before. Harm stayed downstairs cleaning up the kitchen while AJ took charge of cleaning up and dressing the boys.
When Harm was done with the kitchen, he picked Susie up out of the high chair and returned to his spot on the sofa from the previous evening to continue perusing photographs. Every so often, he'd look down at his watch. He really had underestimated how much work went into parenting. He was going to have to remember to compliment moms more often when he woke up back in his world.
Looking at his watch once again and then towards the stairs, he contemplated if maybe he should go check and see if the admiral needed help. Susie had been playing happily in a corner of the room moving the contents of a large box filled with stuffed animals to one side of the box, and then lining them up by size again on the other side.
Thinking she should be okay for a few minutes, Harm quietly made his way up the stairs. The closer he got to the boy's bedroom, the louder the giggles were becoming. When he reached the door, it took everything in him not to burst out laughing. The admiral was in the middle of a two sided pillow attack, rolling on the floor, laughing hilariously. No wonder the boys were so excited to see him this morning, a comrade in arms. Harm laughed to himself wondering how long it would be before AJ taught them all the ways to kill a man with their bare hands. He had to give the admiral some credit, at least the boys were dressed.
As he suspected, when Harm returned downstairs, he found Susie pretty much right where he'd left her, still playing with her stuffed animals.
The day went by too quickly. The 'men' had played a fun game of touch football in the back yard while Susie took her morning nap. After lunch and a little indoor playtime, all three kids took an afternoon nap, of course, neither AJ nor Harm would admit to snoozing during the ball game on TV. Having arrived a little earlier, Sidney had been tempted to find a recorder to tape the snoring serenade, but decided they looked so cute, she'd cut them some slack.
Making a little extra noise in the kitchen to help wake them up, Sidney placed the lasagna she'd brought into the fridge and joined the now awakened sailors in the family room.
"So, when is Mac coming home?" She asked, taking the empty spot on the sofa next to her husband.
"Originally, yesterday. When that didn't pan out, she said she was going to try and catch a flight home tonight, but she hasn't called yet, so I'm assuming it's dragging on another day," Harm shrugged.
"This is the first time she's been away this long, isn't it?" Sidney reached over and took AJ's hand in hers.
"Uh…" Harm had absolutely no idea what to say. "It feels like it's been forever," he covered. If AJ hadn't mentioned this morning that Mac had been gone two weeks, he wouldn't even have known that much.
"Well, just be thankful that planes with foreign diplomats aren't shot out of the sky every day," AJ added.
"Mm, though, nothing surprises me anymore." Harm's mind was elsewhere, looking up the stairs, he was thinking it should be about time for the kids to be waking up.
"Accidents like this help remind us to be thankful for friends and family." Sidney stood up and reached for the empty glass on the table. "Would anyone else like something to drink."
"No, thanks, I'm thinking the kids are due to wake up. I'm going to go check on them."
No sooner had Harm reached the top of the stairs then AJ noticed the lock turning on the front door. He could see the feminine frame outlined through the beveled glass. Quickly, he padded into the kitchen.
"Mac's home," he whispered. "I suspect she wanted to surprise Harm. I thought it might not be a bad idea to find something to do in here." AJ stepped up behind Sidney at the sink and wrapped his arms around her.
"You're such an old softy," she smiled.
Meanwhile, Harm stood for a few minutes at the doorway of each child's room to just watch them sleep. There really was something angelic about a sleeping child. Not wanting to neglect his company, Harm forced himself to return downstairs.
Dropping her bag to one side of the doorway, Mac slowly walked to the family room. She suspected from the overwhelming silence that father and children were undoubtedly napping. Though, she thought she'd seen both AJ and Sidney's cars out front, she knew it was unlikely everyone would be napping.
Harm hadn't even made it all the way down the stairs when he saw her back standing just inside the family room. In any world, he'd recognize the woman he loved from any angle. Rushing down the last few steps two at a time, Harm practically flew into the other room.
Swinging her around in a bone crushing hug, Harm kissed the top of her head, then slowly worked his way down her face until he captured her lips in a toe tingling kiss.
"God, I missed you," Mac hissed softly when Harm finally stopped kissing her.
"You have no idea," Harm whispered in her ear, unwilling to ever let go of her.