Death's Manager
Courtesy of SilverWolf7007
Chapter Four – Evolving Cheese
Or, The Achievement Of Plate Domination And An Aspiration To Larger Things
The Great Hall had emptied quickly, not because the students were so eager to get to their lessons, but simply because the choices for breakfast had been so dismal.
Hermione privately hoped that this was a sign of the House Elves beginning to resent their enslavement, but somehow even she doubted that this was the case.
As was usual of a morning, the food was left on the tables until halfway through the first lesson, just in case a student was running late, or in fact had a free period and had slept in, and wished to have something to eat even after breakfast was over. This option was mostly for the students who were unaware of the whereabouts and method of entering the Hogwarts kitchens.
On most mornings, this was a good idea. On the morning in question, however, it would probably have been better for everyone had the House Elves removed the breakfast dishes immediately after the Great Hall emptied.
Had this particular event happened on any other morning, Minerva McGonagall probably would have realised exactly what she had been watching whist awaiting the end of breakfast.
In fact, had it been any other morning, the House Elves wouldn't have been so distracted that they allowed such an abomination onto any of the tables, let alone that of the staff.
Unfortunately, this wasn't any other morning, and the House Elves had been incredibly distracted.
As such, upon the staff table was a plate.
On this plate, there was some incredibly mouldy cheese that was ever so slowly oozing its way across every inch of the plate and onto the table.
This mutation of gouda was not only achieving Plate Domination and striving for greater things, but was also beginning to spawn a civilisation all of its own…
The list of problems at Hogwarts was growing with every passing moment.
Somehow, in all the confusion, even Severus failed to notice that there had been very few Slytherins in the Great Hall that morning.
Had anyone taken the time to think about it, they might have reached the conclusion that, being at the bottom of the castle, the Slytherin dorms had been completely flooded and they had all drowned.
This was, thankfully, not the case.
Others may have suspected that the Slytherins were behind whatever was happening that morning. While this was a slightly more radical theory than their drowning, it was also untrue.
In fact, the Slytherins had merely chosen to stay in their Common Room for the morning.
Really.
Draco was staring at the thigh-depth lake of milk that had once been their Common Room with an expression of pure revulsion.
It was, unfortunately, an incredibly accurate measurement of depth - because Draco was standing in it.
For poor Pansy, who was nearly an entire foot shorter than her best friend, it was up to her waist, and she was glaring at him from the door to the Common Room, waiting for him to join her so they could head to Potions. The rest of their classmates were with her.
"Draco, stop being such a bloody wanker and get over here!" Blaise demanded. He was holding his bag above the milk, trying to keep it dry…well, damp, at least.
Sighing and sending his roommate a nasty glare, Draco waded across the room and joined them. "All right, I don't like it, but we've got to go. Too bad we missed breakfast."
"Yes, why was that?" asked Theodore, who had been asleep during the whole debacle.
Pansy rolled her eyes. "Well, while you were snoring your head off -"
"I do not snore!" he protested loudly. He received several sceptical mutters from the girls, and four very undignified snorts from his roommates.
Ignoring this, Pansy continued with her explanation. "Well, Crabbe and Goyle were trying to kill one another, Blaise was stuck under his bed, Draco was stuck in his bed, several of the younger years were too scared to leave their dorms, a few of them actually couldn't leave their dorms, and Millie was as asleep as you were. And as such, we were all sorting out those messes, and breakfast time passed us by."
"Oh."
"Oh indeed," Draco muttered. "Come on, let's get to Potions."
They left, a flood of milk heading out the door before they did.
Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Parvati had followed Severus down to the dungeons to attend Potions and to try and work out exactly what was going on. However, all five of them had, in their distraction, managed to somehow forget that Gryffindor had this particular class with the Slytherins.
This would not normally be a cause for so much distress – or, if it was, it was nowhere near the same intensity.
For some reason, both the Gryffindor students and Severus alike were under the impression that the Slytherin students would do nothing but hinder the hunt for causes and Harry.
Crabbe and Goyle had dropped out of Potions and had separated from their friends to join Minerva, Ron, Neville and Lavender in Transfiguration.
Draco, Pansy, Theodore, Blaise and Millicent, however, had hurried down to the dungeon classroom and managed to beat everyone else. Ignoring the ankle-depth milk as best they could, they set up their cauldrons.
It wasn't long before the Gryffindors arrived, Severus on their heels. The students quickly took their seats and the professor headed to the front of the room.
Once there, he began pulling books from his drawers and cupboards, piling them on his desk.
Suddenly, he stopped short and stared in surprise at the Slytherin students.
"Can I take a wild guess and surmise that we're studying causes of sudden downpours of milk today?" Blaise asked innocently.
"Funnily enough, yes," Severus replied in a dry tone. "Also, we're trying to figure out what happened to our ever so precious Gryffindor Golden Boy."
"Something happened to Potter?" Theodore asked, voice almost hopeful.
Pansy poked him in the back of the head as Hermione replied. "Yes, he vanished. Right in front of our eyes, in fact. We think there's a possibility that the two events are connected."
"I wouldn't doubt it," Draco muttered.
"Have we ruled out the Dark Lord as a cause?" Millicent queried.
Allowing the Gryffindors to field the inquisitive Slytherins, Severus returned to emptying his desk and cupboard of every book that might possibly have a slight relevance.
Seamus nodded. "Oh yeah. You know, I have a theory."
"Let's hear it, then,' Dean prompted.
"I reckon a bunch of really bored, really powerful beings drenched us and nicked off with Harry just for something to do."
"Odd as it may sound, coming from me," Draco began. "But I actually agree. At least, I wouldn't completely discount it."
Severus sighed, straightened up with the last armful of books, and surveyed the nine students. It was strange, the way they were completely ignoring House rivalry.
Then again, he thought wryly as he began passing out the books, there really wasn't anything like the sudden appearance of a large quantity of milk to bring people together in order to work out a solution.
And if there was, then Severus really didn't want to know about it.
Wow, I am having so much fun writing this…
Semma – Thanks heaps!
LoonyLoopyLisa – Oh yes, it shall be very chaotic. And fun. Though it probably wont be for a few chapters yet.
ISC – Oh (shudders) EW. I don't blame you, that's got to be an awful smell. And hee hee, yes, well, the rubber baseball bats…heh…I have no explanation. It was…random.
Sabine Strohem-Moss – Thanks, and neither can I….
maleficus-lupus – Hee hee, glad you like. And no, it's only a sequel to the play, and can probably be read without it but enjoyed better with it…don't mind me, I just want people to read the play, lol.
cRazy-GIrl-3000 – (snicker) Glad to see you enjoying yourself…
ReginaLucifer – Tom's glad you like him, and Sylvan's looking forward to redecorating too. Oh, and the pranks shall be fun…
Kurai Shinigami – Heh, thanks. And yep, very amusing, so keep it up I shall. I'm kinda curious as to how many chapters I can keep people covered in milk for…
Pearl-Magicgirl – Glad you like the story…and the rubber baseball bats.
DeppDRACOmaniac – Well, the killing of the Twinkle might make Dumbles sad for a while, but I doubt it'd kill him… Hm, must remember to mention the warming of milk next time we visit with this lot. And Draco, I'm sure, would have loved to have had his broom in this chapter…
duj – Thank ye.
mlovektowsing – Good to know! Glad you're enjoying.
Ceejaytee – Ick, it would be sticky eventually, wouldn't it…glad you like the bizarreness, I'm finding it fun. As for Dumbledore's socks, well, I think there might be forces at work making them missing rather than him just running out…
Well, that was fun. In the next chapter, Harry has a conversation with his first dead contact, and gives out the shock of that person and Tom's lives. Or unlives, in one case.
Please review!
S. Wolf