Death's Manager

Courtesy of SilverWolf7007

Chapter Five – Anyone for a Rebellion?

Or, The Chapter in Which There is a Dead Person

After spending twenty minutes arguing about the logistics of being killed by a rubber baseball bat, Harry and Tom had come to only one possible conclusion:

That there was no logical reason, and that whoever or whatever had invented that clause in the Death's Manager contract was either drunk, stoned, insane or so very sly they had outfoxed themselves.

Harry was voting for the first reason, while Tom thought insanity was a far more likely cause.

Once that discussion was out of the way, they moved to the Filing Cabinet of the Dead, as Harry dubbed it, and began hunting for interesting files.

It wasn't long before they came across the first currently dead individual that interested Harry – and it was quite possibly the last person Tom was expecting Harry to want to talk to.

"Are you absolutely sure, Harry?" the Manager asked one last time.

Harry rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yes Tom, I am very sure. Besides, who would actually miss a chance to speak with Salazar Slytherin?"

"Uh, let me see, anyone Sorted into any house but Slytherin?"

"Shut up, Tom."

"Oh, so you don't want to talk with Salazar, then?"

Harry glared.

Chuckling, Tom pulled the file towards himself and opened it to the very back.

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing, or do I have to sit here and be bored while I wait for you to finish?"

Tom didn't bother to answer. "In the back of each folder is one last section, detailing which part of which afterlife a person has ended up in. It's quite useful to know when you're attempting to pull them out."

"Is it something you need to know?"

Frowning thoughtfully, Tom looked up at him. "Actually, now I think about it, it is. If I didn't know where they were, I wouldn't be able to summon them properly. All sorts of things could happen…we could be drowned in coffee."

"Oh geez. In that case, be very sure that you know where they are…I've have enough being doused in beverages for one lifetime."

Tom snorted. "I can only imagine…thankfully. You might want to be thankful that you're here now."

"Other than the obvious reasons of how much fun I plan to have, was there any reason you felt the need to state that?"

"Oh yes. Think about it. Hogwarts is full of milk."

Harry blinked slowly. "Yes," he drawled. "I can honestly say I noticed that."

"And what happens to milk when you leave it out for too long?" Tom prompted, a hint of impatience in his voice at Harry's comment.

As he came to the obvious realisation, Harry shuddered in disgust. "Oh gross, you mean if I was still there I'd be covered in off milk!"

"It is a logical conclusion," Tom pointed out.

Harry snorted. "Logic has no place in my reality."

"I'm not surprised."

While Harry was snickering, Tom turned back to Salazar's file, a blue ballpoint pen in hand.

"What are you writing?" Harry inquired.

"A summons," Tom told him. "It's a far simpler process than one would expect, really. I just write in when, where and why I want Salazar to show up here, and he does so at the appointed time."

Harry grinned brightly. "Cool."

"It kinda is, huh? So, when do you want our first guest to show up?"

"Soon. Unless you have something else we could do…?"

"All right, I'll give him a few minutes."

Once Tom had finished writing, he placed the pen on his desk and looked up at Harry. "You know, it strikes me as interesting."

"What does, exactly?" Harry asked, somewhat suspicious.

"You're about to meet Salazar Slytherin, founder of Hogwarts, and you're wearing pyjamas that are still damp with milk."

There was utter silence in the office for a total of one minute and twenty-six seconds.

"Oh crap," Harry yelped.

Tom snickered as Harry scrambled to his feet and began trying (in vain) to rid his pyjamas of any and all remaining traces of milk.

While Harry was frantically ringing out his clothing, Salazar Slytherin appeared in the office with an odd combination of softly ringing bells and a sharp snapping.

This caught Harry's attention, and he abandoned all hope of cleaning off his attire and looked up to face the dead wizard…who was covered in a thin layer of red and gold glitter.

Harry, who had recently had the same thing happen to him in opposing colours, winced in sympathy. "A Gryffindor on a revenge kick?"

Salazar looked over at him in surprise before nodding. "Godric, in fact. And you are?"

"Oh!" Harry blushed. "I'm Harry Potter. Pleased to meet you."

"Of course," the man murmured, gaining a snort from Tom and a pair of rolled eyes from the quickly recovering Harry. "I don't suppose either of you want to tell me what I'm doing here? Godric and I were having a perfectly civil prank war when I was called away."

"That's possible?" asked a sceptical Harry. "I've never heard of a perfectly civil prank war…perhaps a moderately civil one, though."

"Well, if you want to be completely accurate, it was closer to moderately civil than perfectly."

Tom cleared his throat, hiding his amusement at the two when they turned to face him. "You're here, Salazar, because Harry over there wanted to meet you."

Salazar turned and looked at Harry in a new light. "Are you a Slytherin student at Hogwarts?"

"Uh, almost. I was nearly put in Slytherin, but at the last moment the Hat changed its mind and picked…uh…" Harry mumbled the last word so quietly that Salazar couldn't hear it.

"I'm sorry?" the man asked politely. "I didn't quite catch that, although I'd have assumed Ravenclaw."

Harry shook his head mutely. "No, I'm, uh, a Gryffindor."

Tom was fairly sure that, were he not too dignified to do so, the Founder of Slytherin House would have fainted. Or swore.

"Then why on earth did you choose to meet me over Godric?"

"Morbid curiosity?"

Salazar replied with a glare.

"Oh all right, if you insist. Well, I was just wondering, did you really leave a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets for an heir of yours to kill off Muggle-born students with?"

"Of course not!" Salazar exclaimed, highly offended. "Why in Merlin's name would you say that?"

"Because the last known descendent of Salazar Slytherin did so about fifty years ago."

Salazar seemed to take several minutes to think about this. "Well, that's not good," he responded finally.

"Ya think?" Harry asked in a sarcastic tone.

The older man ignored his comment. "That Chamber wasn't supposed to have a basilisk…who put a bloody basilisk in my bloody Chamber?"

"Oh dear," Tom murmured. In a louder voice he changed the subject. "So Harry, was this the only reason you wanted to meet Salazar?"

Harry, who was not as dense as some of his teachers (ie Snape) made out, easily caught on to Tom trying to change the subject away from very large snakes with killer eyes. "Actually, no. I was hoping you'd help me out with a little project."

Intrigued, Salazar allowed himself to be distracted from what could have been an hour long rant and turned to the Gryffindor. "And what kind of project is this?"

"Well," Harry began, an evil smirk beginning to appear on his face and worry Tom. "I need a very, very detailed and incredibly accurate map of Hogwarts, including all the secret passages, sealed rooms and private quarters of teachers past and present – you and your fellow founders included."

Both Tom and Salazar found themselves staring at the teen in shock.

The Manager of Death was the first to recover sufficiently enough to speak. "And what do you need such a map for?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "For one, to make sure there's no way Voldiekins can get into the castle. Two, so I can get everywhere around the place, even into places that Dumbles can't, in order to play pranks and to train myself and my friends in defences and some curses that might be considered a little dark."

Having a feeling that there was more, Salazar prompted him in a dazed tone of dread. "And three?"

"Three?" Harry said with a positively devious smirk. "Why, number three is so that I can take over the school with more ease. The current administrative leader just isn't performing adequately at his job." Seeing the dawning horror on both faces, Harry consolidated it with one last comment. "I want to remove Dumbledore."

Ah yes, the wonderful Plot. Harry has a Plot; therefore the story suddenly has a Plot.

Kelsey—aka Howl – Yeah I love the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, but I don't think I wrote like Douglass Adams! But I'm flattered you think so. Anyway, glad you're enjoying it, and thanks!

ReginaLucifer – Well they are right down the bottom. And no, I don't think I'd bother getting up either. And I reckon you're right, people will get a bit phobic of milk.

Kurai Shinigami – Yeah, poor Pans. Poor short people. Poor me…as one of the aforementioned short people.

ISC – Yay! Well I'm guessing it smells better now than it did, breathing inability aside ;-). And thanks. Also, your review made me giggle…thankfully not in class, though!

Sabine Strohem-Moss – Hee hee, thanks heaps!

marajade179 – Wow, thanks! And as for your suggestion, you'll see it in the next chapter! It was a great idea and fit right in!

mlovektowsing – The superhero voice is right, it's a very good thing. Though if they're still getting along once the crisis is over, chaos may ensue.

LoonyLoopyLisa – (shudders) It would, wouldn't it? Aw man. Glad you like it!

Thanks again guys, as always you brightened up my day(s).

Next chapter is an interlude, in which we discover exactly who is behind this and the beginnings of why, as well as gain a glimpse at the Daily Prophet.

Please review!

S. Wolf