Death's Manager
Courtesy of SilverWolf7007
Chapter Nine – What the?
Or, The Sherbet Lemon Stash Dumbledore REALLY Shouldn't Have Stolen
Peppy's revelation didn't quite have the reaction on the humans that the House Elves expected.
They did not, as they themselves would have when faced with such news, scream, cry, hide or proclaim that the world was doomed forevermore.
In fact, Dobby noted as he watched them from over Peppy's shoulder, they were just staring. Although, every so often one of them would seem to suppress a scream – surely that was the only explanation for the twitching lips?
On the other side of this, Severus was struggling to keep a straight face. Surely the greatest fear of the House Elves as a race wasn't really mutating mould-ridden cheese?
But judging from their pathetically hopeful faces, that would appear to be the case.
"Perhaps," he began in a tightly controlled tone. "It would be prudent if some of us investigated this infestation in the kitchens. Would anyone care to volunteer?"
Had Neville and Harry been there, they would have scoffed at the absence of volunteering from their fellow Gryffies. Well, except Hermione. Because they would have known that she was only staying to see to the mental wellbeing of the House Elves.
Draco, Blaise and Pansy, of all people, stood up on their desks and volunteered. Had Harry been there, he would have teased them for Gryffindor tendencies.
Parvati also stood. "I'll go too, Professor."
Severus looked over the investigation crew with an amused smile. "All right. You four head down to the kitchens. Once you're done, report to me in Professor McGonagall's classroom. Miss Granger, Miss Bulstrode? I want you two to take the House Elves somewhere quieter." With a frown, he looked at Dean, Seamus and Theodore. "And I suppose you three had best come with me up to Professor McGonagall's classroom."
The students immediately followed his instructions.
History of Magic with the ineffably oblivious Binns was finally over, and it was arguably time for lunch.
Ginny and Luna, who had managed to be the first students into the Great Hall, were mildly shocked to see that while there were many Hufflepuffs, several Gryffindors and Slytherins and even the occasional early Ravenclaw in the Hall, there were no teachers and less food.
Frowning, Ginny decided that now would be a good time to introduce Luna to Bast and Damon – and interrogate them about the food, of course.
She pulled her unprotesting friend down the halls and soon came to the one door that repelled milk. Pushing open the door, she watched the milk flow in…and then flow right back out again.
"Oh good, it works," said a voice from the back of the room. "I'm glad you're here, Gin, it seems we have a problem."
Luna drifted back towards the voice. "Hello. I'm Luna."
"I'm Bast. Um, you don't look like Ginny."
The blonde seemed surprised. "I don't? But I thought we were identical!"
Ginny, knowing Luna better than most and able to recognise the other girl's sarcasm, snorted as she headed deeper into the room. "I am here, Bast. What's the problem? And," she added, looking around. "Where's Damon?"
Bast winced. "Ah, well, that would be the problem. Damon just vanished."
"Vanished as in vanished like Harry?" asked Luna.
"No," Bast told them grimly. "Vanished as in with bells and a snap. Vanished as in summoned to the office of Death."
Ginny's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, that's so not good!"
"I don't understand," admitted Luna, somewhat more lucid than normal. "Has he died?"
Bast sighed. "No, worse." Luna looked stunned, so he quickly continued. "Summoned as a guest. Probably by invitation of Harry."
"Oh. Where he may be required to reveal that he, you, and Ginny were partly the cause of Harry's being there, yes?"
Ginny nodded. "That'd be the problem."
Draco was not a Gryffindor. He was quite proud of this fact.
However, it negated one explanation as to why he had volunteered to lead an expedition to investigate the validity of the House Elves' claims.
After a few minutes of discussion, the four of them worked out why they were all here.
Parvati, of course, actually was a Gryffindor, which pretty much explained it all.
Blaise was positive that he, Draco and Pansy were just insane. No one else had a better idea, so the excuse stuck.
Since they were in the dungeons anyway, it didn't take them long to reach the kitchens. Outside the portrait of fruit, they paused to discuss their strategy. Or something like that.
Draco laid his plan out for the others. "I was thinking we open the portrait, one of us looks in, and then assuming the House Elves are right we run like hell. If they're wrong, we head in for some food. Any problems?"
There were none.
Carefully, Blaise reached out and tickled the pear. The moment the portrait swung open, both Pansy and Parvati stepped forwards and looked inside.
Draco and Blaise waited tensely, becoming more and more nervous the longer the two girls stood staring silently into the kitchens.
Finally, Pansy and Parvati slowly moved backwards.
As though suddenly awakening from a trance, Parvati slammed the portrait closed again as Pansy grabbed Draco's arm. Parvati grabbed Blaise's and they quickly pulled the boys from the area at a run.
Sick of being dragged around, they dug their heels in half way between the Potions classroom and the Great Hall.
Taking in the expressions of fear and horror on their faces, Draco took a flying leap at the nearest conclusion. "The House Elves were telling the truth?"
Pansy shuddered. "They were. And…"
"It was horrible," Parvati continued numbly. "Absolutely revolting. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat cheese again – not that I could anyway."
"Lactose intolerant?" asked an understanding Blaise. When she nodded, he smiled wryly. "Me too. And I can honestly say really don't like what's going on here at the moment."
"We need to go and tell Snape what's happening," Draco broke in. "And put some more distance between us and the kitchens," he added, glancing pointedly at the shaken girls.
Blaise nodded. "Come on then, ladies. The next part of our quest awaits!"
Rolling their eyes, Pansy and Parvati began to follow them to the Transfiguration classroom.
Unlike the Potions class, the Transfiguration students had the most boring lesson possible – well, as long as History of Magic was left as an exception.
Nothing of use had been found (predicably) and even Crabbe and Ron falling off their stools and later desks several times into the milk, while quite amusing, couldn't completely lighten the mood.
Although, Neville, Lavender, Goyle and Minerva all snickered every time it happened.
Not long before lunch, the boredom was exterminated by the arrival of Severus, Theodore, Dean and Seamus on his heels.
"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed in surprise. "What on earth?"
"Sorry to just barge in, Minerva," he said, seating himself on her desk. "But the House Elves have just come to us claiming to be being attacked by maliciously evolving cheese."
She blinked in shock, not processing that the boys that had arrived with the Potions Professor were sitting with their classmates and talking in low tones. "My goodness," she managed finally. "Do you think it's true?"
He shrugged. "No idea. I sent some of the students to investigate."
Minerva looked over the students in the room. "Six of them?" she asked.
"Oh no. Miss Granger and Miss Bulstrode are consoling the hysterical Elves in another room," he told her.
"I…see…."
Albus usually spent his mornings in his office, signing papers, occasionally meeting with parents or Ministry officials, and dealing with various other school business.
Usually, he also spent all of this time eating lemon drops.
So of course, when deprived of his lemon drops, Albus couldn't bring himself to do anything else. And as there was no one he had to meet, there wasn't anything that couldn't wait.
Knowing that he'd have to do it all eventually, Albus decided to hunt down a temporary replacement for his precious lemon drops.
Naturally, his first inclination was towards sherbet lemons, an addiction he had given up the same year Bill Weasley started at Hogwarts.
It took him a while to find any. For some reason, they were all stashed in the same place, as though someone was hoarding them.
Nevertheless, this didn't worry him. The sherbet lemon stash in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom had just become his.
Had Albus known the outcome of this pilferage, he might have chosen a different sweet to replace the lemon drops.
The last thing he should have picked to steal was Harry Potter's sherbet lemon stash.
Now, I'm fairly sure that they're lemon drops in the US editions and sherbet lemons in the UK (and Aussie) editions, but I'm just going with the fact that in most fics I read he has lemon drops, and I personally am addicted to sherbet lemons (I blame Alaina).
So that's my excuse.
Albus, as you can see, has pretty much signed his own death warrant. Silly old man…
Kaaera – Oh good. Glad you enjoyed it, and yeah I figured that James, Lily and Siri were obvious. As you can see, Dumbles did a very silly thing.
Kurai Shinigami – Heh, thanks!
mercyangel – Thanks heaps, glad it helped your morning!
maleficus-lupus – Heh, well here you are then.
LoonyLoopyLisa – Thanks, and hey, don't worry about it!
poff-it – Oh, probably.
SmellyCat190 – Whee, thanks!
goddessa39 – Hm, Dumbles helping the cheese…no, he hasn't gone that far…yet…
DeppDRACOmaniac – Oh yeah. Thanks. And also…yes, I have to agree…everyone and their cheese are uprising, really. Well, so maybe Dumbles isn't just now, but with Harry's rebellion going on, that involves a whole heap of people.
ivan the terrable – Glad you think so!
ISC – Funnily enough, its one of my faves as well. I do like the next one too though. Oh dear. Though of course they weren't going to be happy about it. Hm, well, probably not too much of a goth, perhaps a little bit…certainly with the nails. Then, I'm not a goth, and my nails are currently black (Harry inspired me).
Shakespeares Whore – Oh all right, but be gentle with them. And try not to get Rowena and Helga too drunk. I did a bit more of the Master Plan today, so I'm getting there! And ouch…falling off the bed was probably not a good plan. Glad you like Cedric. And the chapter in general. And the fic…heh. So thanks.
mlovektowsing – I rather liked that part myself!
Great Many Thanks to all.
In the next chapter, explanations are given, someone is remembered, planning for pranks begins, sherbet lemons are sucked…and Harry sends people into shock again.
Please review!
S. Wolf