Potentially Problematic

Sophie Dawly

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga or anything else I reference.

Notes: Thanks to everyone that reviewed! I really appreciate it.

(3 – Never talk to Strangers)

(1)

"We have ways of making you talk." Chaos tried to sound menacing, but was, for the most part unsuccessful. His previous interrogation attempts had caused Momo to burst out into a fit of giggles, and she had to be escorted from the makeshift questioning room.

"Mom told me you had run away and joined the circus!" Assistant Scott exclaimed suddenly, then brought a hand up to hide his face. "I'm sorry… this is just very emotional for me. Not too long ago, I thought my big brother Scott was a peace-loving vegan circus performer. Someone I could idolize. Someone I could look up to. Now I see that my hero is nothing more than a sham. A fake."

"You guys are both named Scott?" Shion raised an eyebrow.

"My mother didn't like to complicate things."

"Dude, that makes no sense." Jr. commented.

"Those are harsh words, brother." Assistant Scott's evil brother also named Scott narrowed his eyes.

"Listen - - If you don't tell us who you're working for…" Jr. clenched his fists. The URTV was losing his patience.

"The temperature on this ship has dropped approximately 78 degrees in the last 15.4 minutes." KOS-MOS informed Ziggy.

"Yeah…" Jr. agreed, easily distracted. "Hammer, what's going on?" He paged the bridge.

"We had to shut off the heat. It was getting too expensive." Hammer's voice was crackly over the intercom. "And we're already in a lot of debt as it is…"

"Havin' money troubles, kid?" Evil Assistant Scott was gloating. Jr. had enough.

He drew his handgun, fired three warning shots in the air, and then aimed the gun at the hostage's face. "If you don't tell me who you're working for…" Jr. cocked back the gun and narrowed his eyes. "I'll shoot."

"Well, if you kill me, you'll never find out who I'm working for."

"I'm not going to kill you." Jr. smirked, and aimed the gun a bit lower. Evil Assistant Scott went pale and began to sweat.

"You… wouldn't…" He squeaked.

"Oh yes I would… I have ways of making you useless to a woman!"

"I resent that!" Shion folded her arms across her chest and glared at Jr., looking very upset.

"For the love of God, Shion!" Jr. lowered the handgun and turned around to face the annoyed scientist.

"Professor Dark!" Evil Assistant Scott hung his head. "I was working for professor Dark all those years. I never went to work for the circus. I had never even considered it. I was a Vegan for a brief period of time, now I've just decided that if I stop eating red meat, that'll be enough."

"I knew it!" The Professor jumped up. "I knew you were in league with my arch-nemesis!" He rushed forward and began shaking Evil Assistant Scott. "Where is he? Where is he now? What is he going to do with my robot!"

"That information…" Evil Assistant Scott managed to get out. "…is strictly confidential. The boss man doesn't like to tell me all that much. But no one is threatening my manhood at the moment, so I'm kinda in a generous mood, so I'll give you a little hint. Within the Encephalon, there's an Encephalon, accessible via the Forbidden Devices. But you already knew that. So getting there shouldn't be a problem." He smiled. "Now If you'll excuse me, I really have to get going." Evil Assistant Scott stood up as the ropes that bound him fell away, as if they hadn't been secured properly. The outline of his form shimmered a little, then he disappeared entirely.

"What the hell happened?" Jr. looked around, trying to find the evil ninja.

"Did he just do a gate jump?" Shion asked.

"Unconfirmed. However, it is statistically low as it is unlikely that one could gate jump from this location." KOS-MOS explained.

The ship seemed to rumble, and they all heard a sputtering sound coming from the engine room.

"Hammer, what just happened?" Jr. paged the bridge again.

"Well, apparently the generator stopped working. I'd fix it myself, but I need tools that we can't afford right now."

"How are we supposed to save the universe if we can't move!" The Professor jumped up and down emphatically for a few seconds.

"That's fantastic." Jr. said sarcastically. "Should we all get out and push?"

"Affirmative." KOS-MOS nodded, and headed for the exit.

"KOS-MOS, wait! Where are you going?" Shion chased after the android.

"Wait. I think I can fix this." Ziggy said thoughtfully.

(2)

"Wow! We managed to cover all our debts and we've even got a surplus of cash!" Hammer said excitedly. The whole crew was up on the bridge, and Ziggy was gloating.

"We haven't had money to spend in years." Tony sat back in his chair.

"Ziggy – how'd you do it?" Jr. asked the cyborg.

"I realized that I had never collected on my life insurance policy. It turned out to be a lot of money…" Ziggy explained.

"You never collected on your life insurance policy?" Shion turned around. "How do you forget something like that?"

"After I was reanimated, I was too preoccupied with things like contemplating the meaning of existence and wishing I hadn't been reanimated. Then I tried to run from my past by taking on near-impossible missions for the government. That kept me busy for a while."

"Oh." Was the only appropriate response Shion could think of at the moment.

"If my emotion centers were more developed and fully functional, I may feel sympathetic to your situation." KOS-MOS informed Ziggy.

"Er… Thank you."

"Well, now that the money situation is under control, we should probably focus on finding Dark Professor." Jr. changed the subject. "Momo, could you plot a course for… Hey! Where'd she go?"

"I'm the navigator on this ship." Hammer was incensed that Jr. had the audacity to ask a 100-series to navigate.

"Yeah, but she's less likely to get us lost!" Tony stood up in his chair for dramatic effect.

"Scanners are unable to locate Momo anywhere within the vicinity." KOS-MOS notified her creator, Shion Uzuki.

"She probably got herself kidnapped- again." Hammer reclined comfortably in his chair until Matthew's kicked the back of his seat. "OW!" Hammer rubbed the back of his head and turned to glare at the Capitan.

"HAMMER'S RIGHT." Zaza, another Elsa droid came rushing onto the bridge.

"Woah – calm down!" Tony said. "Is that smoke coming out of your ears?"

"IT'S ALL MY FAULT. I FEEL TERRIBLE." Zaza hung his head.

"What's all your fault?" Jr. asked.

"I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT…"

"Get to the point!"

"I WAS GOING LEAVE THE ELSA TO SEE WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE. BUT THEN I GOT STUCK UNDER A PILE OF SCRAP METAL AND HAD A HEART ATTACK. WITH A PLASTIC BAG STUCK ON MY HEAD. MOMO WAS KIND ENOUGH HELP ME BUT AFTERWARDS SHE WAS VERY TIRED. THEN THE NINJA CAME AND TOOK HER."

Jr. looked away.

"SHE PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT AND MANAGED TO BEAT HIM ABOUT THE HEAD WITH AN UMBRELLA."

"Then what happened?" Shion asked out of concern.

"HE LURED HER AWAY WITH PROMISES OF CANDY."

"Yeah… that's Momo." Tony shrugged, sounding indifferent.

"Damn bastard." Jr. punched the wall ineffectively. He then began spewing expletives in any combination he could imagine.

"Shion." KOS-MOS turned to the scientist during Jr.'s tirade. "The word F!$# is not programmed into my vocabulary. I will require a definition to add this to my dictionary."

(3)

"The Ninja probably took Momo back to wherever it is Dark Professor is hiding. But the question is where. And what would he want with her?" Jr. pondered aloud.

"I told her to be wary of strangers offering candy…" Ziggy grumbled.

"100-Series Realians do not readily accept information that has not been programmed into the main database." KOS-MOS said in a consolingly emotionless tone.

(4)

"What…happened?" Momo wasn't sure where she was, except that it was dark. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light she observed that she had been locked in an unusually small barred cell.

"You're finally awake." A voice spoke from the shadows, where Momo couldn't see. "I'm claustrophobic." Momo spoke in a whisper. Already, she could feel the cell walls closing in around her, forcing the air out of her lungs.

"Perhaps you're wondering why I've brought you here. Why I've even bothered to have you kidnapped – well, the truth is Scott screwed up. He was supposed to get the scientist, but I suppose you'll have to do." The speaker took a few deep breaths to calm himself and then continued; "I need you to build something for me."