Potentially Problematic

Sophie Dawly

Disclaimer – I don't own anything in here.

Authors Note – This is probably going to be the second to last chapter. I don't like to make things too lengthy… it really doesn't work out with my attention-span.

(5 – Who is Chuck Norris?)

(1)

"Everything is all set up." Shion sighed and took a step back. "Now all we have to do is wait for the equipment to charge and we're good to go." She looked around, only to discover that she had, in fact, been talking to herself.

"I guess I should get everyone else up here…" She reached into her pocket for her Bunnie phone, only to discover that it was not there. "That's strange…"

(2)

"Come in, you filth."

"Ahh…" Momo had started shaking again. The last time she had encountered Orgulla, her friends had been there to protect her. Now, she was all alone.

"Welcome to this holy confessional. Now… confess your sins!"

"Um-" Momo squeaked.

"I will listen to anything." Orgulla's eyes narrowed.

"I… I…" Momo was thinking. "One time… I was at band camp… and…" She stopped. She had never been at Band Camp. Sakura had. She was recalling one of Sakura's memories, before she had gotten sick. Momo decided that she might as well finish the story anyway; "I was at Band Camp, and all the big kids were making fun of me…And… I had bad thoughts towards them."

Orgulla was silent, thinking.

"Now that you have confessed your sins, you are forgiven." She said simply and stood up. Orgulla reached for a box on her desk and removed a cigar from it. "Name's Orgulla. I believe we've already met." She extended her one hand and lit the cigar with the other.

"I'm Momo!" Momo said brightly, shaking her hand.

"No. You are Disciple number Nine." Orgulla corrected.

"Oh. Okay." Momo shrugged.

"Well, Disciple Nine, the work we do here is very important." The woman removed the cigar from her mouth as she prepared herself for a long speech. "The universe has become a very corrupt place. I seek to simplify matters - To… purge the world of its sins." Orgulla blew a smoke ring with such elegance that Momo couldn't help but stare.

"How are you going to do that?"

"'We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.' Goethe." Orgulla paused dramatically. "I will remedy this confusion by simply destroying everything. Professor Dark has willingly supplied the means for me to do so – the Uber Dark Erde Kaiser. That's where you come in."

(3)

"Target confirmed. Commencing Encephalon Dive." KOS-MOS reported monotonously.

"Be careful, Allen." Tony cautioned. "You'd better come back."

"I will." Allen said, sounding much braver than he felt. He was glad to have someone that noticed him and cared about him, but at the same time he could do without the weird looks he was getting from everyone else with the exception of KOS-MOS, who rarely cared about anything.

Ziggy, KOS-MOS, Shion, Allen, Jr. and Chaos returned their attention to the small metal object and waited for the world around them to spin and fade, and turn to something completely different.

"Where… are we?" Shion looked around. They appeared to be inside of another ship, but she wasn't sure.

"It can't be…" Ziggy spoke with disbelief.

"Do you recognize this locale?" KOS-MOS inquired, taking note of the cyborg's reaction. "Yes. This is the ship where I was stationed…" Ziggy looked off into the distance, staring at something no one else could see. "I met my wife here…" His voice suddenly became very low, almost inaudible. He felt something gentle at his back, and turned his head.

KOS-MOS was attempting to comfort the cyborg by placing a hand on his shoulder. Their eyes locked.

This display of friendly concern was not lost on the android's creator, Shion, who smiled at KOS-MOS's display of sympathy.

"That's KOS-MOS! -Dependable, and providing comfort for a friend in need… and shiny, too. Kind-of like a refrigerator." Shion hadn't meant to speak out loud.

"We shouldn't linger." Chaos announced.

"Right." Ziggy nodded.

(4)

"But I really don't know anything about mech construction!" Momo said pleadingly to Orgulla.

"There is no reason to lie. To lie is to commit a sin. And when you commit a sin, you must repent." Orgulla said airily. Momo went pale.

"No! Not the dark scary place!" She begged, crying hysterically as Orgulla dragged the girl to a rather small black closet, threw her in and shut the door.

"You must use this time to beg for forgiveness, Disciple Nine. It is for your own good." Orgulla said, though Momo barely heard her as she banged on the walls of the closet pleading to be let out.

"Your Mom would be ashamed of you!" Momo sobbed as Orgulla walked away. Such an accusation made the woman stop abruptly.

Before she could fully realize it, tears began to form in Orgulla's eyes. "I…never knew my mother." She whispered. Rushing back over to what can only be described as a closet she placed her ear against it, listening for some kind of sound, only Momo had become silent.

"Orgulla." Evil assistant Scott entered the room clothed in his ninja garb. "They're here. That muscular German cyborg is with them."

"A-alright." Orgulla tried not to look distracted. After Evil Assistant Scott left she returned her attention to the closet.

"Momo… you've made me realize something very important today. I'm a total bitch." Orgulla sighed. "I – I'll get you out. But this door is stuck so I'm going to have to go find something to get it open." She left, praying silently that she would make it back in time.

(5)

"Shion." KOS-MOS called after her creator as the group began to move forward. "It would be wiser, strategically, to split into pairs so that it is possible to cover more ground in the least amount of time."

"That's actually a really good idea." Shion said thoughtfully. "Okay then KOS-MOS, why don't you come with m-"

"I will go with Ziggurat 8." KOS-MOS stated before Shion could finish her sentence.

"Oh. Okay then." Shion shrugged. "I guess I'll go with chaos and Jr. can go with Allen-"

Jr. looked at Shion wide-eyed and horrified.

"Okay, Jr., you come with me and Allen can go with chaos." Shion said. Jr. noticeably relaxed.

"Yup. I'll go with my friend Chaos." Allen glared at Jr. This expression of loathing was lost on the URTV who was currently having an argument with himself.

"Wait – what did he say?" Jr. asked Shion after Allen and chaos turned to leave.

"Don't know. I think he said something about being gay. I wasn't really paying attention." Shion shrugged.

"Oh. Right."

(6)

"Alrigh, Momo – I'll get you out of here!" Orgulla, wielding a crowbar attempted to pry open the door. I hope it's not too late… She found herself thinking.

The wood finally splintered and gave way, Orgulla found Momo lying unconscious on the floor. Gently scooping up the young girl in her arms, Orgulla headed for the exit. A small light on a nearby console lit up.

"It looks like you're friends are here, little one." Orgulla smiled.

Just then, the door opened, and Jr. rushed in.

"It's you!" He said, his voice seething with hatred. The red haired boy drew his handgun and aimed it at the religious zealot.

"W-wait! I'm on your side!"

"What are you saying?" Shion sounded incredulous.

"This girl… she has inspired me to give up my evil ways… now I have decided to become a vegan circus performer and leave behind this life of hatred and malice."

"But what have you done to Momo?" Shion asked out of concern.

"She's just unconscious. She'll be alright." Orgulla assured her. "Can you come and take her from me?" She asked Jr.

"Oh my GAWD you found her!" Allen appeared in the doorway and flicked his wrist in an uncharacteristically gay fashion. Even chaos was a little wierded out.

"Dude… don't ever do that again." Jr. advised.

"Well, well, well. And here I was thinking that I was going to have to hunt you down." Professor Dark appeared in the doorway.

(7)

"I can't believe we've gotten ourselves captured by the Dark Professor!" Allen kicked at the wall of the group's cell, and then immediately clutched at his foot and howled in pain.

"Well…" Jr. trailed off. "It wasn't a total loss. I managed to steal his wallet." He shrugged. "I hope Momo wakes up soon…"

"It's times like these we have to ask ourselves – What would Chuck Norris do?" Chaos said contemplatively from the dark corner of the cell.

"Who's Chuck Norris?" Momo asked, sitting up.

"Momo!" Jr. said, relieved. "You're awake!"

"Good. Momo, do you think you could use the Hilbert Effect to scramble the electronic locks?" Shion asked.

"Okay – I'll do my best!" Momo nodded. The Observational 100-series realian closed her eyes and began to concentrate, the air around her shimmered and became distorted.

The cell phone in Jr.'s pocket went off.

"Hey! That's-!" Shion lunged forward, not even giving the boy a chance to cry out. "My Bunnie phone! You stole my Bunnie phone!" Shion clutched the cellular fiercely, her eye's filled with pure hate.

"But – but you don't understand!" Jr. pleaded as a blue yo-yo fell out of his trenchcoat pocket, along with the Dark Professor's wallet, a E.S model figurine, some comic books and Canadian currency.

"Hey! That's my yo-yo!" Allen snatched it up off the floor quickly. "I thought I had lost it again!"

"Aren't those Tony's comic books?" Momo asked. "And that's my E.S. Asher model! You even gave it to me! Jr. – how could you?"

"But-! It…" Jr. hung his head, feeling very ashamed. "But it wasn't me! It was HIM! He told me to steal everything so you guys would get mad at each other and kill yourselves off! He told me to burn things! And hurt people! And kick puppies! Like right now, he's telling me to kill kittens by drowning them in putrid toilet bowl water."

"That's my Canadian money…" Chaos shook his head.

"I always knew there was something about him…" Allen whispered to Shion, who nodded in understanding.

" 'He' who?" Momo tilted her head a little to one side, clearly not understanding what Jr. was trying to say.

"You really ought to be seeing someone. Like, a professional psychiatrist hahahahaha!" Allen laughed.

"I don't get it." Momo turned to Shion.

"Me neither. Allen, were you trying to tell a joke?"

"em… no." Allen started down at his feet. "Oh – look, the door's open." He pointed, trying to divert everyone's attention away from his poor attempt at a joke.

"Yay!" Momo stood up and clapped her hands.

"Great. We'll meet up with Ziggy and KOS-MOS, then get out of here." Shion said.

"Wait – shouldn't we destroy the Dark Uber Erde Kaiser first?" Momo asked.

"Hmm… That might not be a bad idea." Shion agreed. "Okay, let's do that."

"Hey! There's 64 missed calls on here!" Jr. exclaimed, somehow managing to get his hands on Shion's cell phone again.

"Give me that!" Shion made a grab for the cell, but Jr. stepped just out of her reach.

"And they're all from Miyuki!" Jr. announced.

"What? Lemmie see!" Allen reached for the phone.

"Just give me that back!" Shion demanded. "That's my personal phone!"

"Duh!" Jr. and Allen said in unison.

"Why is Miyuki calling you so much, anyway?" Allen asked.

"Because… well… we're dating. Exclusively." Shion explained, trying to make her response as brief and as vague as possible.

"Man, you took all the fun out of it. Couldn't you have at least tried to avoid the question?" Jr. sounded disappointed. "I mean, you had to go out and just say it."

"Jr., did you just call Shion a man?" Momo asked.

"Yeah, whatever. Same thing." Jr. waved her off. Shion looked like she was about to kill.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys, but we really should be going." Chaos pointed out.

"I like that idea." Jr. said quickly.

(8)

Ziggy and KOS-MOS were exploring the area, trying to be as silent as possible. KOS-MOS had already explained that their success rate would drop at least 84 percent if their presence was detected.

That was why the android had suggested hiding in the Janitor's closet- to keep from being detected by the enemy.

"Dude – you've been in the bathroom for over an hour. If you don't open the flippin' door..." A menacing sounding voice said.

KOS-MOS opened the door.

"This is not the bathroom." She explained.

"Oh. Sorry." The man, who was a security patrol officer, said politely and closed the door.

"Maybe we should go look for the others." Ziggy suggested.

"Affirmative." The android agreed.

(9)

"Okay, here's the plan." Shion said in an excited whisper. "Momo. I'm gonna need you to distract the Professor, while we sneak around and blow up the Dark Erde Kaiser. Hopefully, KOS-MOS and Ziggy will find us in time to help out. Any questions?"

Momo raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"Well, how am I supposed to distract him?" The realian asked.

"I don't know. Just start talking about stuff." Jr. suggested.

"Okay, let's go." Chaos said.

"Jr. – I'm scared!" Momo whispered urgently, clutching the boy's arm.

"Everything 'll be fine." Jr. assured her. "You just need to buy us some time. I won't let anything happen. I promise."

"Okay." Momo said, forcing a smile.

"…Momo?"

"Yes, Jr.?"

"Can you let go of my arm?"