Potentially Problematic

Sophie Dawly

Disclaimer – see chapter 5…or 4… 0r 3… Used some quotes of stuff from the internet that aren't mine…I don't own anything, okay?

Authors Note – Last chapter and Epilogue. Yay! The Epilogue has absolutely nothing to do with the story, it's more like a sequel only shorter.

(6 – Jimbo)

(1)

"Umm…" Momo ventured a glance over towards Jr., Shion, Chaos and Allen only to be met with stern glares. She turned once again to Professor Dark. "So, umm… do you like stuff?"

Jr. smacked his forehead in frustration. Professor Dark turned, and saw them.

"Well, well – if it isn't my arch-nemesis's associates."

"You know, we almost sound respectable when you say it like that." Jr. commented.

"Silence!" Professor Dark boomed.

"Just answer me this one question!" Shion said, although it sounded more like a demand. "Why do you want to destroy the entire universe?"

"Well… a number of reasons. For one thing, there are far too many fat children." The Evil Professor said simply.

"Did you just call me fat?" Momo's voice suddenly became loud. "You think I'm fat! I can't believe this! You think I'm a cow don't you! You're a horrible person, Professor Dark!" her face had turned bright red with rage. "And if a cow got the chance they'd kill you and everyone you cared about!"

"Jr.- what is she talking about?" Chaos whispered.

"Ah… I do so relish these times of peril." Jr. shrugged. "Actually, I just wanted to say that. I really have no idea what she's talking about."

"…and if a cow killed you and everyone you cared about, you'd be DEAD." Momo was shouting now, and it was kinda scaring the crap out of everyone.

"Removing object." There was a loud explosion and all the colour drained from the professor's face. "Target destroyed."

"KOS-MOS!" Shion grinned.

"Ziggy!" Momo smiled.

"Can we go home now?" Allen asked.

(2)

Back on the Elsa, with Professor Dark in custody, the crew pondered their next move.

"Something needs to be done about the little one." Orgulla decided.

"You talkin' to me?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, tell your alter ego or whatever to stop stealing all our stuff." Tony glared at Jr.

"You don't believe me?" Jr. sounded incredulous.

"Well… I mean, it doesn't seem very likely." Chaos said gently.

"What he said! Does this Alter Ego even have a name? What do you call him? Red Dragon? Hehehe…" Tony snickered.

"No…" Jr. then mumbled something inaudible.

"Sorry – I didn't catch that." Chaos folded his arms across his chest and waited.

"I prefer to be addressed as Sir Jimbo." Jr.'s voice became deeper, and more menacing. "And I don't care for the mocking tone in which you are addressing me."

"Jr.? Is this some kind of joke?" Shion raised an eyebrow.

"Jr. …?" Momo asked out of concern.

"Tell the cow to stop whining." Jr. – or Sir Jimbo ordered, in reference to Momo.

"Why does everyone think I'm fat?" Momo said, on the brink of tears.

"There's not much I can do about this now…" Orgulla sighed. "We'll have to wait until after we get to the Kukai foundation."

"What sort of thing did you have in mind?"

"That I cannot discuss in the presence of the malevolent spirit Sir Jimbo."

"What's going on? Why is Momo crying?" Jr.'s voice reverted to normal.

"Sir Jimbo will slowly begin to take control of Jr.'s consciousnesses." Orgulla explained sadly. "Something must be done."

"Something must be done before the Uber Dark Erde Kaiser is resurrected, you mean!" The Professor stumbled into the room loudly in his normal, obnoxious fashion.

"Hold the phone!" Allen stood up. "What does the Uber Dark Erde Kaiser have to do with Sir Jimbo?"

The Professor's eyes narrowed. "Everything."

"This will require and explanation." KOS-MOS said. "I have no records of anything pertaining to 'Sir Jimbo' in my main database."

"Sir Jimbo is an anomaly." The Professor explained. "In a sense. Sir Jimbo was created with the specific purpose of wreaking havoc by the Dark Professor many years ago. He somehow was able to place a virus in Dr. Yuriev's main database and add another component to unit number 666 –Rubedo in addition to Red Dragon."

"I'm confused." Momo said.

"That sucks!" Allen shouted. No one seemed to notice.

"That's not important. What is important is that an entity like Sir Jimbo exists for the purpose of causing a ruckus. And He's probably going to try and resurrect the Uber Dark Erde Kaiser to do just that!"

"…Did you just say 'ruckus'?" Momo asked, bursting into a fit of giggles. "heehee… 'Ruckus'! That's such a funny word. I mean… ah… sorry." She apologized quickly.

"SILENCE COW!" Jr. – now Sir Jimbo shouted.

"This situation is much graver than I originally thought." Orgulla said thoughtfully. "This calls for drastic measures."

"Momo!" Shion attempted to catch the young girl as she fled the room crying. "Poor Momo…" She murmured with genuine sympathy.

(3)

"I don't know why Jr. doesn't like me…" Momo sniffled when she heard Shion enter the women's cabin. "I mean… I'm energetic, lively… cute…" Her face suddenly contorted into the picture of despair. "Shion… I just described a dog, didn't I?"

"But Momo, people love dogs." Shion said consolingly without missing a beat, comforting the young girl.

For some reason, that didn't seem to help much.

(4)

"We must perform and exorcism as soon as we arrive back at the Kukai foundation. Time is valuable." Orgulla said gravely. Jr. had been dragged from the Elsa Bar and tied up in the engine room so that Sir Jimbo would not know of their master plan.

"I think this is taking things a little too far…" Allen commented. Momo and Shion were not talking part in the discussion, but they were present. It had taken a fair amount of coaxing just to get the depressed little realian to leave her room.

It was Tony's turn to make dinner – he was somewhere in the kitchen trying to cook.

"We should arrive at the Kukai Foundation in two hours, twelve minutes, eighteen point two seconds." KOS-MOS informed Orgulla after returning from the bridge.

"Good." Orgulla's eyes narrowed. "That gives me some time to plan."

"Dinner is served!" Tony said enthusiastically.

"What is it?" Chaos stared at his plate.

"Um… Astronaut food. I found it in a cookbook." Tony explained. "So… ah – eat up!"

While everyone else was staring at their plates, Momo decided to at least try the new food.

"Hey, this astronaut food isn't too bad." She shrugged.

"That's toothpaste, Momo. Tony was just too lazy to actually make something." Hammer glared at Tony.

"Oh." Momo shrugged. "Minty." And she took another spoonful while everyone else stared.

(5)

"This is a lot worse than I had originally anticipated." Gaignun shook his head, Mary and Shelly standing at either side as Jr. was wheeled off the Elsa in a straightjacket and a stretcher.

"There's no time to waste." Orgulla said. "Please, direct me to your nearest confessional."

"I think she's talking about the bar." Matthews explained.

"Right this way." Gaignun gestured.

(6)

"I don't do exorcisms. They're violent, dangerous, and well… stupid." Chaos folded his arms across his chest and eyed Orgulla, but she wasn't listening. Orgulla was too busy explaining to Momo how they would help Jr. by casting the demon out of his soul.

"In olden times the body would be cut and bled… occasionally even burnt until the body is no longer a suitable place for the demon to dwell."

Momo looked up from her notes. "Can you go back to the burning…"

"Really guys, I have a bad feeling about this." Chaos scratched at the back of his head.

"Silence, Yeshua." Orgulla's eyes flashed. She had insisted that only chaos and Momo be present at the exorcism.

"Huh… Momo…" Jr.'s voice sounded faint/

"Jr.!" Momo rested her hand on his arm. "Don't worry Jr. We know what to do! If we have to, we'll cut the demon out of you!"

Jr. winced at her touch. For one thing, she sounded way too enthusiastic.

Orgulla had already begun chanting and Chaos was holding a bowl of Holy Water, and not looking too happy about it. Every once in a while he'd spray some on Jr.'s face.

Momo was studying the red-haired boy intently, watching for signs that the exorcism was working.

Jr. endured all this silently, until Orgulla lifted a ceremonial knife above her head.

"Oh, God – guide my hand so that I may cast out all that is unholy!"

"T-The Holy Water was working! Please! I need more water! No knife!"

"I think Jr. needs to handle this." Chaos explained. "Anything we do won't matter. It's Jr.'s alter ego. He needs to face him." He set the bowl down and set up a full length mirror in front of Jr. "Let's go."

Orgulla sighed and set the knife down. "May the Gracious Lord smile upon you."

"Goodbye, Jr." Momo gave a small wave and smiled sadly as Orgulla and Chaos led her from the room.

"Can someone get me out of this straightjacket? Please?" Jr. called after them, but the only response he got was the sound of the door closing shut.

"Hehehe… Al-looone at last." The reflection spoke.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Jr. rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Rubedo. You're the one that screwed up." Jimbo folded his arms across his chest. "If it wasn't for you, you're friends would've been too preoccupied to destroy the Uber Dark Erde Kaiser… You just had to ruin my plans! If only you'd have listened!"

"What are you talking about? Why are you doing this? What do you possibly have to gain by destroying everything?"

"After I destroy the universe, I can resurrect the world in my image! There's still time if you let me…" Jimbo smirked.

"Never!" Jr. shouted. His aura flared up, and the straightjacket that bound him fell away. Jr.'s hand balled into a fist, and he shattered the mirror, and Sir Jimbo, into a million pieces that fluttered to the floor.

But he didn't stop there. Jr. wasn't completely satisfied until he had destroyed every single reflective surface in the bar.

Jr. destroyed all the glasses, all the bottles. He was in the process of destroying the shiny metal bar counter with a stool when Gaignun entered.

"What are you doing?" He asked, somehow managing to sound calm.

"Well, Gaignun…" Jr. threw the stool down and wiped his brow with his sleeve. "I got him. I got the bastard."

"We should have a party." Gaignun said thoughtfully as he stroked his chin.

"Yeah. Yeah – we should." Jr. jumped off the now destroyed bar counter. The universe was safe, and he had made peace with his inner demon.

Needless to say, he was feeling very, very pleased with himself.

( 07 – Epilogue)

(1)

And Gaignun threw a party, and not just any party.

In honor of the universe being saved, Gaignun Kukai threw a costume ball, and just about everyone was invited. It had taken nearly a week to get everything together, and everyone on the Kukai foundation was buzzing with excitement as the date of the event drew closer.

But something was quite clearly bothering Jr. Now that all the danger was over, Momo had become something of a recluse, still feeling hurt by the fact that earlier, his alter-ego had called her a cow.

This strange anti-social behavior continued even on the night of the costume ball… it was supposed to be a celebration, but Jr. couldn't help but feel a little glum, sitting in his cowboy costume.

"Cheese?" KOS-MOS, dressed as a waiter, offered him a tray.

"I'm not hungry." Jr. said sulkily. He angled the brim of his cowboy hat downward so that no one could see his face. The android then offered the hours d' oeuvres to Orgulla, who shook her head.

"I'm vegan." She explained, looking very difficult to take seriously in her ballerina costume.

"Jr., what's wrong?" Shion, dressed as one of the Hell's Angels, sat down next to the sullen U.R.T.V.

"I dunno… well, actually… it's Momo. I think she's still mad at me."

"Oh, dear… KOS-MOS? Do you think we could get a round of drinks over here?" Shion asked. "KOS-MOS? Hell-ooo?"

Apparently, the android was too busy starting at the cyborg security guard to pay any attention. Ziggy caught KOS-MOS's eye when he stepped aside to allow Momo to enter.

She was wearing an angel costume, a small pair of feather wings at her back, and her face lightly smeared with glitter to emphasize the fact that she was an ethereal being.

Jr.'s didn't actually realize he had been staring at the poor girl who, rather than take his reaction as flattering, assumed he was making fun of her. Momo quickly ran out of the main room.

Jr. immediately got up to follow her, not realizing that KOS-MOS had been trying to give him some cheese. He knocked into the android, sending the platter to the floor with a clang. He managed to yell an apology over his shoulder as he ran.

KOS-MOS stared at the platter, and the scattered cheese on the ballroom floor.

"$#!." She said in a flat monotone, to no one in particular.

(2)

Meanwhile, Chaos and Shion were having a conversation about Chuck Norris.

"A Hell's angel, and…?" Gaignun Kukai rested his arm of the back of Shion's chair, directing his question at chaos. Gaignun was dressed in the attire commonly associated with a surfer bum. His palm-tree print shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his muscular chest. Chaos was the only one at the table who was drooling.

"He's one of the Village People." Shion answered for him, as Chaos was unable to speak.

"Mind if I join you?" Gaignun asked.

"Sure. We were just talking about Chuck Norris." Shion shrugged as the Kukai foundation's director sat down.

"Who's Chuck Norris?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You don't know?" Chaos was incredulous. "Well," He began, finding his voice at last. "Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

"Shion!" Miyuki, dressed in a bumblebee outfit rushed up to the woman.

"Miyuki!" Shion stood up. And then they started kissing.

"Guys!" Jr. arrived, breathless. "Guys, I can't find Momo anywh- Oh God!" Jr. looked away from the young vector employees in love. "God!" He repeated just for emphasis, before walking away.

Chaos and Gaignun looked at each other.

(3)

"Ziggurat 8." KOS-MOS approached the cyborg. "Would you care for a refreshment?"

"No, thanks." Ziggy answered, then looked away. "Is there something else?" He asked when the android didn't leave.

"I appear to suffer from a sensory malfunction whenever I am in close proximity to you." KOS-MOS explained.

"Oh." Ziggy nodded, not really knowing what else to say. They stood by the entrance for a while, side by side in silence, watching the other dancers. And then, without drawing too much attention to himself, Ziggy took the android's hand, and she let him.

(4)

Jr. had weaved through the crowds, frantically looking for Momo, but he eventually gave up. He stormed into the Men's room, and threw a roll of toilet paper at the wall so hard it dented.

"WOAH!" someone said from an occupied stall. "Are you trying to kill someone?"

"Sorry, Allen." Jr. sighed and sat down in the empty stall next to him.

"You sound upset." Allen commented.

"Yeah, well Gaignun is making me go to anger management classes, which really pisses me off, and Momo's mad at me and I can't even find her…"

"Yeah. Relationships can be complicated. It's not like there are rules or anything. Love is a total anarchy – at any given moment, the woman you love could tell you that she's a lesbian and crush all your hopes and dreams."

"Yeah, well - anarchists are full of s!#. If they got their way and civilization as we know it crumbled, there would be total chaos with people running around and screaming in panic. You know what happens when people just run haphazardly like that? Scraped knees. No thanks." He paused thoughtfully. "Wait – what were we talking about?"

"I don't know. You know, my mom always had advice for situations like these." Allen said.

"Really? What did she say?" Jr. asked.

"When life hands you a bag of s!#, just set it on fire and leave it on life's doorstep."

Jr. thought about Allen's advice and got up.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"I've gotta go talk to Momo." He explained.

"Oh. Well, before you go, can you hand me some toilet paper?"

(5)

Momo was looking dejected and feeling even worse as she sat on the outside back steps, away from the crowds, drowning her sorrows in an orange soda.

"Would you care for some cheese?" KOS-MOS asked.

"No thanks." Momo said politely. "I ate the blue ones… they tasted like burning."

"Due to your melancholy state, I felt I could best be of service by bringing someone to see you."

"Thanks, KOS-MOS… you didn't have to – Jr.? What are you doing here?"

"I've been trying to talk to you all night!" Jr. said, sitting down. "I was looking for you and then KOS-MOS just dragged me out here!"

"I will be excusing myself now." KOS-MOS left.

"But I thought you hated me! You said I was fat!" She took a deep breath. "Who do you turn to when the only one you can trust is the one who made you cry?" Momo asked sadly, not looking at him. Jr. felt incredibly guilty.

"My alter-ego made me say and do things I didn't mean. Like stealing Shion's phone – I don't really like phones because I can hear voices in them, too."

"Y-you mean… you don't really think I'm fat?"

"No. You're not fat." Jr. said. "And I'm sorry my alter ego told you such horrible things."

"It's okay. I guess it wasn't really your fault." Momo said thoughtfully. "So… are we okay?" she asked.

"Yeah." Jr. placed his hand over hers and looked up at the vast expanse of stars that was outer space. "I guess the moral to the story is… something about how you shouldn't doubt your inner strength even if there are voices in your head telling you to do things."

"Maybe." Momo shrugged, smiling at him. "Or maybe there isn't a point at all."

"What you said is better." Jr. agreed.