Title: I can fly

Author: Black Perla

Summary: He wants to fly, but he's lost his wings. HPSS. Mentions of sex. AU.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, those belong rightfully to the genius who created them. The lyrics are from Gabriel –Lamb.

Warnings: Mentions of sex and kissing, nothing to explicit. And a sad ending. :'(

A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I was just listening to this song and I suddenly felt the urge to write; something I haven't felt in a long time. Hopefully I'm re-emerging from my writing block. Anyway read and review. I appreciate constructive criticism and ego boosting comments. XD Though if you feel the urge to flame, I'd ask you not to do so. Thanks.

It's strange… he'd always been there, a ubiquitous presence. I can recall the numerous times, when standing in a room full of people, I could feel a prickle on my neck, and somehow I knew it was him, staring at me through those fathomless depths of charcoal. He was always there, whether he was trying to save my life or get me expelled. Whether he stared at me in anger or in hate. Somehow he was… eternal. Yes, was. Because now he is dead. And I've stopped crying. There are no more tears left to express the painful anguish which is slowly clawing at my soul. I am physically and mentally exhausted. Tired of crying, tired of remembering, too tired to go on… tired. Screaming silently, searching for blissful pain to save me from the loneliness – anything to take my mind away. Peaceful darkness. Death.

I stare out of the window all day. My mind and soul flying away. I haven't touched any food for two days now, and no one can stop me from brooding. People are skirting around me as if I'm about to explode. But I'm not. No, there's nothing more left of my fiery spirit. That flame has finally died out. I can't help but think I've let him down so.

Ron and Hermione -the only ones who knew about us, keep shooting nervous glances at me, a silent inquiry: "Are you okay?"

No. I am not okay. I don't know if I'll ever be okay again.

I don't know how it all started. One day we were glaring each other's heads off, imagining the best way to kill the other. He enjoyed snarling at me, tearing me up with poison coated words, I glared sullenly, lifting my head with a spark of defiance in my eyes in silent retribution. The next moment I found myself pinned to a wall, his warm heat engulfing my body, his hips crushing into my thin, scrawny frame. He ravaged my mouth, kissed with a passion so deep, telling me how much he hated me, my idiotic bravery, my youthful exuberance, my foolhardy actions, how he despised needing… me. I kissed him back just as fiercely. My arms circling around his neck, then exploring his shoulders, his strong back. Leaving crescent marks on his skin, as I gripped tightly. As I tried to tell him how confused I was, how my world had turned upside down, how different and lonely I felt. How he was my only anchor.

My first time was fast, furious and painful. But I basked in his darkness, drawn to him like a moth to the flame. What was spiteful hate turned into a need so strong, our eyes no longer shooting flames of anger, but sparks of passion. A passion we did our utmost to keep silent. Private. Something which we needed as much as each other: privacy. And somehow it was working. I'm not saying it was a rosy romance, no, thank God it wasn't. It was a relationship based on longing and need. Silence and contact. Comfort and maybe even love, in our own twisted way. Somehow it worked. He was there for me, to hold me in his arms when I woke up from one of my nightmares. Just there. Silent, no questions. A comforting heat which surrounded me.

He was a private man. His shields were rarely stripped down. Only in those moments of passion, when he fucked me hard. When his eyes met mine. Me: so achingly hard, so needful; so much pain, so much release. I was his link to reality, and he… was mine.

I can fly, but I want his wings.

I can shine even in this darkness, but I crave the light that he brings.

I can love, but I need his heart.

I am strong even on my own, but from him I never want to part.

He was there, since the start.