Forever
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of its characters. I also do not own the song "My Baby Shot Me Down" by Nancy Sinatra. Betaed by FantasyOrReality (thanks for all your help!).
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen ai, songfic, deathfic, alternate universe.
Pairing: 1x2x1
I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight
Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.
Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"
Bang bang, I shot you down
Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, I used to shoot you down.
Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.
Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.
Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...
I met Duo when we were just small kids. As one of my eccentric caretakers would have said, we were 'knee high to a grasshopper'. That's an absurd saying if there ever was one, but I digress. We met one sunny afternoon at a playground that seemed to be equidistant to each of our residences. We both lived on the wrong side of the tracks you see. Our small playground consisted of only a slide and one swing. We didn't seem to have anything in common at first. He was tall for his age and had long hair the color of fall leaves. I was short for my age with unruly hair the color of coffee. He was obviously as American as apple pie while I was born of a Japanese mother and some unknown father of European descent. He had these big, brightly colored eyes; and mine were dark and slightly narrowed. Duo was loud and energetic; I am quiet and introspective. I still am to some extent I guess.
It was not until we were discovered that summer day in the park did we found out we did indeed have something in common: we were both orphans and we had both run away from the people who were responsible for us.
The religious people who ran the Maxwell Church Orphanage came for Duo first. The people from the Willow Bark Group Home were not far behind them in coming for me. We fought to stay together that day. I could only hope that I would see him again someday as they put me in the van and drove me away. The look in his eyes out of his van window told me that he wished the same thing.
I wonder if even then I knew what he would come to mean to me. I wonder if he… never mind. It doesn't pay to dwell on those thoughts.
Two days later I was summoned to the office of Mr. Lowe, the man who ran our group home. I sat on the edge of the folding chair and folded my hands in my lap.
"Heero," he said, "I have recently had a visit from Father Maxwell. He is the priest who runs the Maxwell Church Orphanage. He tells me that his charge, Duo, is the boy you were seen playing with in the playground. Well, apparently, he has been begging incessantly to see you again," Mr. Lowe leaned back in his chair and waited for my response.
"Me? He's been begging to see me?" I asked, a little amazed and ecstatic that Duo would beg to see me.
"We have decided that since the two of you have become such fast friends, we would like that to continue. It would be good for the both of you to have a good friend. As long as the both of you follow house rules, you may meet and visit Duo whenever you would like".
When I showed up at the playground that weekend (with complete permission this time), Duo was sitting on the swing with a grin on his face.
"How did you do it?" I asked him in an awed voice.
"Easy! I told them you were my best friend ever!" Duo could have knocked me over with a feather.
"Really?" I asked, somewhat confused. Why would he want me to be his best friend?
Duo jumped off the swing and stood in front of me. He spit on his hand and held it out, "Forever".
I did not even think about the emphatic surety in his voice as I spit on my own hand and smacked our palms together in a handshake.
"Forever," I repeated with a grin.
&&&
It was when we turned eleven or so that things started to change. It was a time of upheaval in the world and in our lives. What a time for something to go so terribly wrong.
We had seemed to go down two totally different paths. Where I was studious, Duo was indifferent. Where I was somewhat of a geek, Duo always had a large circle of acquaintances at his disposal. I was law abiding (for the most part), and Duo was law breaking (for the most part). Neither one of us was considered adoptable anymore. Whenever one of us was considered for adoption over the years we decided to act out as much as possible until the people were not interested anymore. We really could not bear to be separated. I was sure I could not survive without Duo and I was pretty sure he would be lost without me. That may sound arrogant but who else would put up with him? I teased him about that often, even as I was starting to realize how beautiful his eyes were, and how graceful he was compared to me. And I saw the fear in his eyes every time I talked about what would happen if I left. He was scared of losing me or of losing everything.
I heard the bad news almost as soon as it happened; an explosion at the Maxwell Church Orphanage. The whole place had been destroyed, no survivors found. It was terrorists they said. I did not care. I felt like my life ended when the report said that there were no survivors. No Duo. No laughing violet eyes, no boisterous laugh, no wicked sense of humor. Duo had my heart even then. To find out at eleven that the person you have loved with all your heart is gone … well, let's just say that it was not the best time in my life. I locked myself in my room. I refused to eat or come out for anything but using the bathroom. I did not talk when anyone from the home came in and tried to convince me to move on with my life and other such platitudes. I did not even go to the memorial service. I could not bear to face that, to actually say goodbye. In my heart I was never going to be able to say goodbye. He had promised me forever, damnit! He swore to me one time that he never lied.
"You lied, Duo," I remember whispering over and over as I stared out the window and cried.
'Heero, boys don't cry,' I seemed to hear the silence whisper; a memory of him. I had scraped my knee badly and there was blood streaming slightly down my leg. He had told me then that boys don't cry. He was wrong. They do cry, and pretty badly too.
A month later I was finally shoved out of the home and told to go outside for the day; that I needed it. They told me that I looked unhealthy, and I probably did. I walked and walked until I found myself in the very playground I had met Duo in. I sat on the swing and let my legs dangle. The place was full of memories, and I made myself try to remember every one. I was never going to forget Duo, no matter how long it took.
A rustle in the bushes alerted me to the presence of someone else. Imagine my shocked face when Duo stepped out of the bushes. He was dirty and thin. He looked as if he had not showered in some time. He also looked like he had not had a decent meal in about the same amount of time.
I remember crying as I leapt out of the swing and ran to him. I hugged him tight to me, and I did not want to let go. I think I was crying. But then again, so was Duo.
"I thought you were dead!" I remember gasping.
"I – I was not home when it happened. I was out fucking around like usual. I didn't want to go to your home because I did not want them to treat me like a charity case, and now I have nowhere to go. I have been living back in these bushes and trees ever since. I was just waiting for you to come back so I could tell you I was okay," Duo explained as we sat down on the ground.
"You don't know what it did to me, to think you were gone. I am so sorry Duo, I know how much they meant to you," I really was sorry. Duo had cared about the Father and the Sisters at the church, as well as the other kids.
"You know, I was never a religious kid," Duo scoffed, "And now, I tend to believe that the Grim Reaper is the only entity who matters at all in this life"
"In Japanese, the God of Death is called Shinigami," I tell him. I had learned a little about Japanese culture in school and from some books.
"Ah, Shinigami. Cool frickin' name for a God of Death, right?" Duo smiled a smile that never reached his eyes. I could tell that he was trying hard to make normal conversation. Although, what a normal conversation would be under these circumstances I did not know.
"Duo, I missed you," I confess.
"I missed you too Heero. You don't even know how much," he told me, letting the mask drop.
"Come back with me. They will let you live in the group home with me, and then we can spend a lot more time together," I urged.
"You are the best friend a guy could ever have Heero. But, I have to say no. I am going to find my way alone. But, I do have a present for you," Duo pulled out what looked like a cash box, "When you need to meet me somewhere, or you need to talk to me, leave a note in here and bury it under that pine tree. I will do the same. Promise me you will come back once a day to check it, okay?" Duo asked. I nodded. We buried the box together.
I was surprised when Duo took a pocket knife out of his black pants.
"What's that for?" I asked.
Duo sliced the palm of his hand and then held out his hand for mine. As always, I gave it to him without reservation. I always gave him everything without reservation. I hissed in pain as he sliced my palm. He grabbed my hand in a handshake.
"You are the only one I have left Heero. Everyone else has left me. Promise me that you won't leave too?" he sounded desperate, and afraid.
"Forever, Duo. Just like when we were little," I tell him as a drop of our mingled blood hits the ground and beads up as it is covered with dirt.
"Forever," Duo nodded, seeming to be satisfied.
&&&
We continued like that until we were about sixteen. Whatever I could scrape up for him in any respect I put in a bag and hid it in the bushes. I left instructions for him in the cash box. We met at least twice a week. Over the five years from eleven to sixteen, we changed considerably. Duo grew tall, and his braided hair finally managed to reach his waist. His beautiful eyes only grew more beautiful, and his lashes were long and thick. If he put on a dress he could possibly pass as a girl. He never wore anything but black and red. He did not go to school, but he was wicked intelligent. He managed to get a job and a bed working for a salvage yard, and I knew he was still breaking the law by night. He could pick any lock you put in front of him, and no one had ever managed to keep him captured for very long. It was too bad he kept mixing it up with the wrong people. I wished at the time that I could convince him to stop this, and come home with me, but I knew it would be a pointless question. Duo was determined to live on his own. It only made me admire him more. Duo had managed to live a life he enjoyed to some extent. I was still in the group home, living vicariously through Duo.
I don't know how I ended up so smart, but at sixteen, I was about to graduate high school. I excelled at computer sciences, and was excellent in all my other courses as well. I had been tutoring on the side, and I used that money to buy myself a laptop. I took it with me to see Duo, and I started to teach him about computers too. He in turn taught me about how to blow up things, and how to pick locks to some degree. He often joked that a magician never reveals his secrets.
I think that it may have been only about a year earlier that I started to realize that I was attracted to boys. I told Duo about it, like I told him about everything. He told me that whether it is a boy or a girl does not matter to him. He told me that no matter a person's gender, you fall in love with who they are, not what they are. And he was right, because I realized I was in love with Duo not long after that.
Funny how the thought of losing someone can bring clarity to your life, eh?
Duo had been out with some friends of his when it happened. They had been blowing up some shit when a gang showed up and claimed that Duo's group of friends (I'm not stupid, I know they were a gang, but Duo did not feel comfortable with me saying that) were on their turf. Well, long story short, Duo ended up shot. One of his friends that escaped ended up throwing pebbles at my window at the group home. It was the middle of the night, but I heard it. I had been waiting for this to happen, when Duo would finally be hurt by his delinquent activities. I got up and opened my window. I think his name was Connor. I stared at him and waited for the news.
"Are you Heero?" he asked quietly.
"I am"
"Duo's been shot"
"I'll be down in two minutes"
I pulled on my jeans and a ragged blue t-shirt. I tied my sneakers and grabbed a jean jacket. I snuck down the stairs and out the door. Duo had been training me a little in what he called 'stealth'. How to get around without anyone knowing you are there.
Connor and I walked in silence. We came to a small warehouse that looked abandoned.
"Why isn't he in a hospital?" I seethed.
"Refused to go. He said you would know what to do," Connor shrugged.
I did know. I had taken some first aid classes, and I knew how to take care of something small. That was what Duo was betting on. But, it was not small. Duo was trusting me with his life it seemed. The wound was big, and he had lost some blood. I ran to his side and I almost cried.
"Hey 'Ro," Duo said weakly.
"Duo, I'm going to fucking kill you," I said lovingly.
"I know, I know. Can you fix me?" he asked roughly.
"I will try my best, but won't you please go to a hospital?" I asked.
"No! No hospitals!" he snapped.
I turned to his friends, who all looked shamefaced.
"I need clean towels, steal them from the laundromat if you have to. I need boiling water. I need a needle and strong thread. I need some kind of needle nose pliers, and I need a sharp knife," I issued the orders. They quickly divided up the tasks, and set out to do them. I stayed with Duo.
"When did you learn how to remove a bullet?" Duo asked, still the smartass.
"You are fucking lucky I like medical shows on TV," I told him. I held his hand and stroked my thumb over the soft flesh, "Duo? I'm fucking scared for you"
"You're scared? You don't get scared," Duo said jokingly. I looked him in the eye.
"When you get out of this, you owe me. Big time," I told him.
"Ah, and here I thought you were doing this because you loved me," Duo sighed dramatically.
"I do love you, more than anything. That is why I do this. I keep helping you, and patching you up. I don't turn you in even when I know you were the one who committed this crime or that crime. You are all I have, and when this happens, I get scared that you are going to go away," I said sadly.
"It will be okay," he said. Wasn't I the one who was supposed to be comforting him?
"Duo Maxwell, you are the most amazing person I have ever met," I told him.
"You ain't so bad yourself Heero Yuy," Duo sounded weak.
I spent the night digging out the bullet and stitching him up as carefully as possible. When it was still dark, I ran out to run an errand of my own. I used what little skill I had at stealth to go to the hospital and steal some antibiotics. I came back in time to see Duo waking up after passing out due to pain.
"Take one of these per day," I told him.
"What are they?" he asked curiously as he swallowed one.
"Antibiotics," I told him.
"You are going to be in trouble when you go home, aren't you?" Duo asked.
"Yeah, they will probably try to transfer me to another home. I will run away before I let them take me away. I will just come live with you until I can get us an apartment," I told him.
"I don't want you living on the streets," Duo said.
"Only for a short time. I am about the graduate. I am good enough at hacking that I can get us enough money to live on for some time," I told him.
"I don't want your charity," Duo told me with a weak shake of his head.
"It's not charity. It's totally selfish. I meant what I said Duo; I love you. And I will do just about anything for you if you will let me," I told him. Then I walked away.
What did you expect? Did you think it would be all violins and flowers? A big crescendo as we kissed for the first time? Nope. As always, I just told him the words that were in my heart. I always followed my instincts and my emotions. Those were the only things that were true to me.
Sure enough, I was asked to pack when I came back home. It did not matter to me. I could hack internet access, and Duo always said I could stay with him and his friends. It would be rough for a few months, but we would make it work. I was gone before the social workers arrived to take me to another home.
I showed up at the warehouse with the small amount of things I owned later that day. No one said a thing. They just showed me where I could put my stuff and then left me alone. Duo was still sleeping off his injury at that time. I started researching how I was going to finish high school, take care of Duo, hack enough funds to get us on our feet, and try to get myself a reputable job all at once. At this point college seemed to be something far in the future. I did not know if I would ever go, but it could wait for now. We were still young you know?
So, at that point I learned to live the life of the dispossessed. We stole people's gym ID's to copy them and fake them, so we could shower once every other day. I hacked enough money to keep us fed at least once per day. We were young, we could take it. The money went into a bank account I had set up by hacking, only accessible to Duo and I. I never thought that I could be happy living a life of crime, but I did not feel too bad about it. I don't think that we were really hurting anyone in the long run.
Duo never mentioned my declaration of love after that night. I do not even know if he remembered it. Through the haze of pain some things may have been forgotten. I did not mind. I knew that he would still be my best friend no matter what. I trusted him, and I know he trusted me to not make a big deal of it. We had known each other forever it seemed. And although my dreams were sometimes full of him, I never pushed the issue. I would never push him.
It was right after my high school graduation that I suggested that Duo and I take a vacation. We had the means to do so. I told him we could go anywhere he wanted. He thought about it for a bit, and then he smiled a wicked smile at me.
"What about Jamaica?" he said, more than likely jesting. I was not jesting when I told him wherever he wanted to go.
"Okay," I told him.
From there it was a matter of booking everything and forging papers. Luckily no one looks too seriously at a couple of teenage boys going to the tropics. We just acted like idiots and talked constantly about tits and alcohol. No one even gave us a second glance. We played cards on the plane, and went straight to our cabin on the beach after we disembarked.
We were not even really paying for the cabin. I managed to hack the woeful security system that guarded the financial records of the management company that owned the cabin. I reserved the cabin for two weeks and marked it as paid in full. No one even asked for anything but the identification saying that we were the ones to reserve the cabin.
And it was nice too. I had found it on the internet. It was right next to a trail that led down to the beach. It had one bedroom, and a queen-sized bed. Don't worry; I was not going to ruin Duo's dubious virtue. There was a hammock on the porch, and I planned on sleeping in it or on the couch in the living room. Duo had never slept in a queen-sized bed in his entire life, and I felt like it was something I could do for him. There was a kitchenette, and a bathroom with a large Jacuzzi tub.
"Holy hell Heero! This place is like a palace!" Duo yelped, launching himself onto the bed. The coverings were snow white, with these aquamarine and khaki accent pillows. It was very serene feeling. Duo wiggled himself into the mattress and then jumped back out.
"What are you doing?" I asked curiously as he started to strip.
"I am going to get underneath these covers and take a nap. How are we supposed to party without getting our beauty sleep?" he asked in a sing-song voice. Then he just jumped underneath the covers until they almost covered his head. He actually audibly moaned at the high thread count of the sheets. I just shook my head and went to leave.
"Heero? Where are you going?" Duo asked, his voice muffled by a pillow.
"I was going to go take my own nap," I told him, gesturing to the front of the cabin.
"Oh, okay," he said quietly. I knew I must be imagining that he sounded sad. I left the room and softly closed the door.
I didn't take a nap. I went into the nearest town and grabbed some groceries and supplies, and then I hooked up my laptop and checked out the local attractions. And only then did I allow myself to check out that hammock.
I had a rude awakening that evening. Duo climbed into the large hammock with me and grunted as he fell on me.
"What the hell are you doing, Duo?" I asked as I brushed his hair out my mouth.
"Checking out the hammock," he said.
"While I'm in it? Couldn't you have waited?" I asked, somewhat irritated. I still had not opened my eyes.
"Ah, why wait. Plus, you're comfy. Hey, I don't want you to sleep out here. The bed is big enough for both of us, ya know?" I could sense that he was fiddling with his braid, which he only did when he was nervous about something. I swatted his hand away from his braid and tugged it affectionately.
"Whatever you say baka," I told him.
We swung there for a bit before I mentioned that we should have some dinner before we went out. I had to get out of there anyway, Duo was starting to have an affect on me. I did not want him to feel what kind of affect either.
I was a better cook than Duo, so he told me he was going to shower while I made dinner. I threw together a simple meal of salad and sandwiches and waited for Duo to emerge.
When Duo came out his hair was still wet and loose.
"Hey Heero, can you comb my hair for me?" he asked, tapping a wide-toothed comb against his thigh.
I dusted my hands off on my jeans and sat down on the couch. Duo sat down on the floor between my legs and did not seem to notice that his bathrobe had parted in several places. I swallowed roughly and combed his hair. I had done this several times before, of course. I also knew how to braid it. After I was done combing it I went to braid it but Duo stopped my hand.
"Leave it down," he told me. I shrugged and gave him back his comb.
We ate in relative silence, and then Duo cleared the table while I went to shower.
When I got out of the shower I opened the bathroom door a crack and yelled out to Duo, "What do you want to do tonight?"
"Clubbing!" he yelled enthusiastically. I laughed.
"Are you sure?"
"Hell yes!" I heard Duo do a little shuffle of his feet. I combed my hair and decided that I would never be able to do anything with it. I grabbed my clothing and started to dress. Ragged jeans, white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black boots went on. I left the majority of the buttons on the shirt undone due to the humidity. I sighed at my reflection and decided it would have to do.
"What the fuck is the hold up Yuy?" Duo asked. I opened the door and walked out. Duo had gone out to the front room, so I grabbed my wallet and checked my fake ID.
Duo was humming in the living room, and I walked out there. Why oh why did he have to look so good no matter what he was wearing? Black boots, black jeans, and a red t-shirt that clung to every muscle in his chest and back. The jeans were slung very low, revealing the curved bones that defined his hips. My mind wanted to cry out 'no fair'. My mouth was so dry that I couldn't.
"Let's go," he said with a smile.
Most of that night is a blur. I remember arriving at the first club, where we had a lot of drink. I remember a lot of drinks involving umbrellas of various colors. I remember dancing with a lot of people, male and female. I remember dancing with Duo a number of times. I also remember Duo dragging me out of there by the elbow, yelling about an even cooler club down the street. I remember more paper umbrellas, and more dancing there. By the time Duo dragged me out of there yelling something about a bonfire party; I was completely drunk and sweaty. I imagined I smelled like booze, smoke, and general exertion.
There was a bonfire glowing on a private beach that happened to be within walking distance of our cabin.
"What a happy fucking coincidence!" I yelled drunkenly. Duo laughed loudly at that, nearly stumbling on the cool sand.
I was pretty much done drinking, but I watched Duo from a spot I had staked in the sand. Someone was playing drums, and he was dancing in the firelight. There were very few times when I felt I could observe him without being caught. His long, shiny hair; the long legs; the very cute ass; the slim hips; and the graceful way he moves. People were just drawn to Duo. He moved through the crowds like water, making everyone smiled. I was content to just watch him from the sidelines. The drumming stopped and someone started playing music from some sort of portable stereo. Duo came over and grabbed me, and brought me closer to the fire. We had dance together many times, but that time was different. It was like I was in another world, where only Duo and I existed. I danced just for him, and with him, and then he was gone, saying goodbye to the nice people who had invited us.
"Let's go back to the cabin, okay?" Duo took my hand and led me away.
I remember both of us drunkenly stumbling until we got back to the cabin. I kicked off my boots on the porch and Duo did the same. He made for the front door while I headed straight for the hammock.
"What the hell are you doing? I told you, I want you to sleep in the bed with me!" Duo walked over and picked me up. He threw me over his shoulder and carried me in the house.
"Duo, put me down," I said wearily. He tossed me onto the bed and undid the button on my jeans.
"What are you doing?" I asked, not really caring all that much except for the fact that I was not wearing any underwear.
"Your clothes are covered in sand and sweat. They need to come off," Duo said as he pulled the jeans off. I thought I saw his eyes widen when he took in the fact that I was not wearing underwear, but then that was gone and he was unbuttoning my shirt. I sat up and tossed it off. I stayed where I was as Duo disrobed.
"Duo, you're naked," I slurred.
"Duh. I will be a gentleman, don't worry," Duo scoffed as he climbed underneath the covers.
"For once I wish you weren't," I heard myself say. I slapped my hand over my mouth and stared at the ceiling. What the fuck? Did I just say that out loud? I remember mumbling something about being sorry and how I should never drink ever again.
"Heero, do you remember that night I got shot?" Duo was playing with his hair again. I slapped his hand away.
"Yeah," I sighed, "You fucking scared me to death that night"
"You told me you loved me," Duo said softly. When did he get so vulnerable? I shook my head. Damned alcohol making me hear things.
"I did," I said warily.
"Did you mean it?" he asked. I turned on my side and looked him in the eye.
"Have I ever lied to you?" I asked.
"No"
"Then why the fuck would I joke about something that means so much to both of us? I meant it then and I still mean it. But I would never ask you for anything like that Duo," I told him.
"What if I wanted you to ask for that?" he inquired.
Well, fuck. He could have knocked me over with a feather.
"Huh?" I asked.
"What if I wanted you?" he asked me.
"You want me?" I asked him, now totally unsure of everything in this world.
"We have known each other forever it seems. You are the only person that has ever stood by me no matter what. You never asked me for anything, yet gave me all you could. You never judged me, and you were never ashamed of your street rat best friend. You have always been my partner in crime, and in life. I knew when we were young that there was something special about you. Do you remember me telling you that you fall in love with who a person is, not what they are?" I nodded, "I don't know how long I have been in love with you, but it must have started long ago. Even though I have admittedly screwed around, I always wanted you more than anyone else. You have this beauty, this fierce beauty. I don't think you even know how good looking you are," he shook his head like he was perplexed. I just frowned. He laughed.
"What?" I asked him.
"That frown. It has always cracked me up. It is enough to make anyone else run for the hills; but to me it is just another quirk of yours. People misunderstand us Heero, they think we are just punk kids without any path in life. But I know better. You are some kind of genius, and I am doing pretty well for myself. We are going to make it, aren't we?" he asked me.
"I always knew we would. Remember, you never lose a fight. You never have," I told him.
The silence between us grew palpable, like Duo was waiting for something. I know I was. I kept repeating in my head that he needed to say something, to say anything that would make everything okay and not weird between us. Say something that would bring us closer. Tell me what you want me to do, anything! It's not like I had any experience with this stuff. I had never dated anyone in my life. I was a virgin in every respect. I think I may have kissed a girl when I was little or something, but I was not even sure about that. Duo inhaled like he was going to speak, and my eyes darted directly to his. Those beautiful, violet eyes. I tried to put my emotions into my gaze, to speak to him that way, but I felt like this moment was going to pass by before we knew it. I was scared.
"You were going to say something?" I asked him.
"Yeah," Duo breathed the word, and I thought all was lost. Here I was, naked in bed with the man I loved, and all I could do was stare at his eyes.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked me. I nodded, and wanted to cry. Duo Maxwell did not ask anyone for kisses. They were usually given freely. I felt bad that I did not offer, but what the hell was I supposed to do?
Duo moved his head so that our noses were touching, and I could smell his alcohol-laced breath against my mouth. He moved his head slightly forward and our lips touched, gently, tentatively; Just a brush of the lips in a sweet, single kiss. I felt a single tear course down my cheek to join with our lips.
"Why are you crying? Boys don't cry," Duo sounded shook up as our lips parted.
"Duo, if you knew how many times I wished for that exact moment, you would have cried too. And besides, I cried for weeks when I thought you had died," I confessed.
"But I'm here now, and alive, and I want you to touch me," Duo said as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me flush against him in the bed. My skin met his skin from toe to chest, and it made me shudder.
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked him, "Because if this is just because you are drunk as a skunk and lonely, we are going to have problems. I will not want to let you go. I have been waiting years for you, and I want all of you. If you are not ready for that then we shouldn't do this. I do not want to have you be the one to break my heart," I told him. And I meant it. I would rather have not had him in this way if I knew it would end badly.
"I cannot predict the future, Heero. But I can tell you this: I have never given someone every bit of me. I have screwed other people, yes. But I have never been screwed. And I have never made love. But right now Heero, I want you to make love to me. I want you to take all of me. I want to have you moving inside of me. I don't want to let go," he told me, and his eyes started to shine suspiciously bright again.
I kissed him then, and then that kiss deepened. The kisses led the caresses, and those caressed led to so much more than I had ever hoped for. In the end, when I was inside of him and he was calling my name, I did cry at the beauty of it. I sobbed his name as I reached completion, and I swear I could hear him repeating that he loved me over and over again.
In the morning I awoke to him staring intently at me. I had a headache and my whole body ached, but I still offered him a tremulous smile. He smiled back at me, and it was like the sun came up with it.
"I love you," he said to me. I grabbed the back of his head and brought him to me for a sweet kiss.
"I love you too. Don't ever doubt that, Duo Maxwell," I growled.
"Forever?" he asked me.
"Forever," I told him. I took him in my arms and we made love again, this time with Duo inside of me. I can't remember ever feeling so complete.
&&&
Two years later, I was about to turn eighteen. It was summer, and the city was having a heat wave. Duo and I had been living together since we returned from our vacation to Jamaica, and I had never been happier. I had a surprise planned for right after I turned eighteen. Recently, they had legalized same-sex marriages. Duo had not said anything about it, but I knew he was aware of it. Duo paid close attention to the news.
I had stopped hacking about a year before that, because I had a decent job doing what I did best: hacking. I hacked into computers for companies and told them how I managed to do it so that they could close those loopholes. As a matter of fact, up until a week ago I was still doing that work. Duo was still working at the salvage yard, and he too had gone legit. He sometimes joked about being tamed by me. I just laughed at him and told him he had just grown up a little.
I had managed to save a little money, and I took it to a jewelry store. Once there, I bought Duo this platinum band with these black chips embedded in it. And then, the day after my birthday, I blindfolded him and got him in my car.
"Where are we going?" he asked me.
"It's a surprise," I told him. Well, he was game, and so I drove.
I wish you could have seen his face when I took off the blindfold and we were standing in the self-same park we had met in when we were very small. It was a little more run-down now, but I still got down on one knee and asked him to marry me. I had never seen Duo actually bawl until that night.
We were married only three months later, in front of a judge, with two of Duo's friends as witnesses. I became Heero Maxwell-Yuy, and he became Duo Maxwell-Yuy. What had begun when we were just 'knee high to a grasshopper' was then complete. We were one, and I walked around with this permanent and alien grin on my face.
Two weeks after our wedding, Duo started to act a little weird. He was gone sometimes without explanation, and he took to wearing a cap on his head. We made love with the light off, and he started to look a little thin. When I asked him what was wrong, he brushed me off and made a joke, like he was trying to change the subject. I didn't know what was going on. Back then, I started to think that he had found someone else maybe, but I pushed those thoughts away, and just concentrated on loving him as best as I could. I trusted him. I loved him, and that was what mattered.
It was only three months after our wedding that I got the call. Duo was in the hospital, and I needed to hurry. I do not remember driving there. I do not remember anything except seeing Duo on that bed, with tubes and machines everywhere. I remember sobbing at the fact that his eyes were closed. A doctor pulled me aside and calmed me down.
"Duo is dying," she told me.
"Duo is dying?" I asked her, not comprehending the words.
"Yes," she said with a nod.
Duo is dying. Duo is dying. Duo is dying. Duo is dying.
Those words reverberated in my head, and I still did not understand, "What do you mean he is dying?"
"Duo has an inoperable brain tumor. Did you not know?" she asked kindly.
"Brain tumor?" I shook my head. This was not happening.
"He has had it for about four months now. We tried everything within our power to rid him of it, but we were not able to stop it. If we had caught it earlier, maybe we could have gotten rid of it. But now, he is in a coma, and we do not know if he will ever wake up," the doctor pulled out a file and gave it to me, "You have some decisions to make, Mr. Maxwell-Yuy. You can either wait for him to wake up, or you can pull the plug and let Duo die in peace. I can have some cancer specialist sit with you and tell you everything else, but I think you should probably make any phone calls you need to make to get your family here, and give everyone a chance to say goodbye before Duo passes on," the doctor left me alone then, in the room with the beeping machines and the dripping tubes.
I walked back over to the bed and looked at my husband, "You bastard. You son of a bitch. You lied to me! You promised me forever! And now, I cannot even say goodbye to you. You took that away from me Duo! I do not have anyone else! You were all I ever had, and the only person I ever loved! What the fuck am I supposed to do now, huh?"
I remember crying for a long time while I held his cold hand. I barely remember the doctors telling me the chances of Duo waking up. I barely remember them telling me about the fucking tumor and about the survival rates. I could only think of everything my life had added up to. It had only added up to Duo. And now, everything that was Duo was gone. If I lifted up his eyelids, that violet color remained, but it was not the same. That was not Duo in there. And that made up my mind. I asked them to pull the plug while I made the funeral arrangements.
Duo had asked to be cremated. I had his ashes put in an urn that was all black, with white marbling. The urn was to be buried, in a joint plot that I had purchased. I took off my wedding ring that day, and put both of our rings on a chain around my neck. Only a few people were at the burial service, which would have suited Duo just fine. I just remember feeling like I was being buried with him.
At the age of 19, Duo Maxwell-Yuy was dead. At the age of 18 I was a widower, and my life was over.
I tried, I really did. I tried to go back to work, but my laptop reminded me of how Duo used to bug me to get off of it and come make love to him. I tried to eat, but eating anything I liked reminded me of how Duo loved my cooking. I tried everything I could think of; but let's face it: life is not worth living without him. There never has been anyone else for me, and there never will be.
So, all there is now is this note. I have donated everything we had to charity. The only things left are this notebook, this pen, the necklace around my neck with two rings, the clothing on my back, and a sharp knife; Duo's knife.
When we were young we swore a blood oath to be together, forever. Well, forever is going to start as soon as the last drop of blood leaves my body. I am going to be with him. I gave him all that I am, and when he died he took it with him. He was my best friend, my lover, my husband, and my soul mate. Please understand, he's all I ever wanted. And now I want to be with him.
My attorney has my will. He knows of all my wishes. I am to be cremated and buried with Duo. Our rings are to be donated to charity after I am found, since I am not taking them off. I have no more worries, I am sure everything will be taken care of.
I will be with my Duo again. He is my life, and my soul, and my redemption. I will be with him forever. That's how it should be, after all.
Sincere regrets,
Heero Maxwell-Yuy