Absolution - chapter 7

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Lee slept that night, better than he'd slept in a long time. He still woke a couple of times when Kara groaned in pain in her sleep, but he was able to get a few hours in here and there. He even dreamed, about her of course, his dreams often seemed to revolve around Kara. In this one, she'd been teasing him about something, though for the life of him he couldn't remember what by morning, but she'd thrown a shirt over his head and taken off at a run, him following closely behind. Her knee had been as it was before the accident and she was quick as the wind - well matched for him. He'd finally trapped her in a corridor with no exit and had her cornered ... and then he woke up.

He groaned, partly because he was still exhausted and craved more sleep, but mostly because he'd wanted to continue his dream to the logical conclusion. Of course, the wet spot on the bed might be a bit tough to explain. Calm down Lee, he told himself, You need to work on regaining her trust and friendship before even considering anything else.

He sat up, dropping his legs over the side of the bed, and rubbed his eyes. When he could see clearly again, he looked over to Kara's cell to find her still sleeping. Good, she needed rest in order to heal. She was sprawled across the bed, one leg hanging slightly off - that was also good. He hadn't seen her out of the fetal position until now - hopefully she was beginning to feel stronger and less vulnerable.

He made sure the guard was preoccupied and then walked over to the bars separating them, leaning on them and sighing . He put his fingers to his lips, kissed them and held them through the bars toward her. "Be well Kara," he whispered, and he smiled sadly.

"Morning Captain," the guard said, pulling out his keys and heading to Lee's cell door. "Ready for another day?"

Lee took a deep breath. "Guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

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Several hours later, the guard admitted the Commander to Kara's cell. She'd been awake for some time, but Lee had been gone by the time she'd stirred. Adama came and sat on the bed beside her.

"How are you holding up?" he asked kindly. She looked him in the eye, but only bobbled her head slightly and shrugged. "Had better days - I understand. Well, things should get better soon - you're out of here now, and that has to be an improvement." He smiled tenderly at her. "The doc tells me you weren't very cooperative with him last night though." She rolled her eyes skyward with a kind of 'well, you know how it is' expression on her face. "I know you don't particularly like him, but he is here to take care of us, and like it or not you have to cooperate with him." She sighed. "He won't put you back on the duty roster till you talk to him and he gives you a thorough checkup. I've added one condition as well - you have to talk to someone - I mean talk about personal things. You can talk to me, you know that, or if you feel more comfortable with someone else I understand, but I need to know that you're getting some support." He reached out and held her hand. "I'm worried about you Kara. I love you and I don't want to see you continue to hurt like this."

Kara didn't say anything, but she managed a small smile and squeezed his hand. Adama stood up, still holding her hand.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

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"Good morning Captain. Have a seat." Roslin waved a hand at Lee, motioning him to the chair opposite her.

"Good morning Madam President."

She studied him closely for a moment before continuing. "Is it good?" she asked earnestly.

Lee marveled once again at how perceptive she was. She had a way of looking at you that made you feel as though she could see into your very soul. "Better than it could be." Lee smiled weakly.

She nodded, a small, sorrowful smile on her face. "I understand." She paused a moment, shuffling papers on her desk in preparation for their discussion.

"Can I ask you something?" The words came as a surprise - even to Lee himself.

Roslin stopped what she was doing and looked up. He had sounded so ... desperate. "Of course."

"Why Kara? Why her?" The words tore themselves from his mouth. He hadn't even been aware he'd been thinking them. "Why did you send her to Caprica?"

Roslin took off her glasses and folded her hands on the desk. She knew this day would come eventually. But she still didn't know what to say to him. How to justify sending the woman Lee loved to her probable death? There really wasn't anything she COULD say, other than the truth. She owed him that much. She looked up and flinched as she saw his face. The naked pain and sorrow was something she had rarely ever seen in a human being before. He was suffering terribly.

"It was something that had to be done. I felt it necessary for the survival of the human race." She paused a moment. "I'd like to be able to say it was because Lieutenant Thrace had the skills necessary for the job, but the plain truth is that I felt she was the easiest to coerce into betraying the fleet."

Lee's eyes widened. "You coerced her? You didn't order her to go?"

"You really think she'd follow any order I might give? She barely follows your father's orders."

"What made you think she'd be willing to betray my father so easily? She loves him like a father."

"Love is a powerful emotion. It can be used to do a great many things. Kara loves your father and would blindly follow him anywhere. All I did was shake her trust in him, and she was willing to believe in me and my ideals."

"You used her," Lee said quietly, feeling like he'd just had all the air knocked out of him.

"It's called politics, Captain Apollo. There's a reason it has a reputation for being dirty."

Lee shook his head disbelievingly. "I should have know there was something else. Kara would never just leave like that." His voice went one notch quieter. "You made her feel like there was no reason to stay." He paused a moment. "And so did I," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut to block the memory of how he'd yelled at her twice that day, and refused to accept her apology. No wonder she'd left! She'd felt betrayed by the two people who mattered most to her. "Do you have any idea how much she's suffering because of it?"

"I am truly sorry, but it couldn't be helped. Lieutenant Thrace is a very tough person - she'll get through it. Imagine what it would be like for someone who isn't as hardened as she is."

Lee thought about it for a moment and nodded. She was right about that. He sighed. "I wish you would have asked me to go instead of her."

"You never would have gone."

"If I'd known you were going to send Kara, I wouldn't have hesitated to go for her." Roslin could see the truth of his statement. He really did love her and would have been willing to die for her.

"I did what I had to do to save the colonies. You do what you have to do now to save her." She put her hand on his, offering support.

"I will."

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Kara sat on her bunk cross-legged. She'd had enough of just sitting around thinking though. Her head ached from the effort of trying not to think. But she wasn't allowed to work yet - not till she talked. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Nope, no desire to talk about it at all. She just wanted to go back to normal - back to flying, Viper repairs, card-playing - yes, even paperwork. Anything would be better than this limbo.

Suddenly she got up and left the room. It was time. Time to get it all out. All of it. And there was only one person she could talk to.

She knocked on the hatch door.

"Yes?"

She opened the door and stepped in. "Do you have a few minutes?"

TBC