Absolution - chapter 9

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Eloshia sat facing the President, waiting. The sacramental candles had been lit five minutes earlier but Roslin had yet to utter a word. So Eloshia sat patiently, offering up a silent prayer to the Lords of Kobol to give the troubled woman strength.

"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer, have mercy on your wayward daughter." Eloshia could hear the quiver Roslin tried to hide as she spoke.

"What troubles you my child?" Eloshia asked, as per the rites of confession.

"I have been guilty of selfishness. I have cared only for myself and what matters to me, and in doing so I've hurt others."

"The Lords of Kobol hear their daughter's prayer. But absolution will only be granted upon a full confession, and the promise of a contrite heart and humbled spirit." Eloshia made the symbol of the twelve, invoking the ears of the gods to listen to their daughter's words.

"Was I wrong Eloshia? I couldn't have interpreted the prophecy so wrongly could I? I am the dying leader. But am I the dying leader the prophecy referred to?"

"Only time will show the truth for what it is," she answered cryptically.

"I sent Lieutenant Thrace to her probable death for the arrow because I was sure that's what the prophecy was telling me to do."

"Then you did the right thing. Belief is what the gods require of us. Belief and trust. If the mission hadn't been what the gods had wanted, they wouldn't have protected her and brought her home safely."

"But they didn't," Roslin cried out, emotion breaking through her carefully schooled mask of calm indifference. "She was harmed, obviously. She came back a different person. Was I right to ask her to give her body and soul for me to fulfil my purpose?"

"We never know if the choices we make are the right ones till long after their repercussions have been felt."

Roslin smiled painfully. "How will that help my conscience?"

"It won't. Absolution from the gods isn't something that is given on demand. One must earn it." She smiled sympathetically at the other woman. "I realize that absolution and understanding may come too late for you." She laid a hand on Roslin's arm. "If it's any consolation at all, remember Lieutenant Thrace is her own person. She made the choice to go, not you. You merely asked. From what I've heard about her, she never does anything she doesn't want to do, even if it's a direct order." Roslin nodded ruefully. It was true - she was a woman who never let anyone decide for her. Probably drove Adama nuts, she thought. But it didn't change the fact that she herself felt responsible for Kara's precarious mental condition. And for causing Lee Adama so much pain as well. She wondered if he had any idea that people could tell how much he loved her. It had been obvious to Roslin herself right from the time he'd been ready to sacrifice all that remained of humanity to save her when she'd been lost.

"I pray for forgiveness. For wisdom. For compassion. And most of all for the gods to show me the path they've laid out for me and help me walk it unafraid."

"It shall be as you've asked." Eloshia joined her hands with Roslin's and bowed her head deeply.

"So say we all," Roslin whispered, closing her eyes in humility.

"So say we all."

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Adama opened his eyes and sat forward on the couch. "Yes?" he called out, trying to look as if he hadn't been sleeping.

"Dad?" Lee poked his head around the hatch, and saw his father take off his glasses and rub his eyes. He wasn't fooled for a moment. "Am I disturbing you?" he asked, walking into the room fully. "Because I can come back later..."

"No, it's okay Lee, come in," Adama said, putting his glasses back on and standing up.

Lee shifted uncomfortably but said nothing as he shut the hatch. Adama sensed something was wrong. They stood looking at one another for a few moments before Adama motioned towards the couch. "Sit down." Lee complied, and they sat in silence. Just as Lee began to speak, Adama asked what was bothering him, and they both stopped and smiled at their awkwardness.

"Dad, I just ... I just wanted to say ... I'm sorry." Lee looked up at his father and Adama could see sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry I ..." he struggled to get the word out, and his eyes filled with tears. " ... betrayed you." The tears spilled down.

Adama smiled sadly and took his son's hand in his. "It's alright Lee."

"No, it's not alright! I turned against you and everything you stand for." He was gaining momentum - finally allowing all that he'd bottled up inside during and after the coup to come out. "You once told me we all had to choose sides, but I didn't believe you. I thought I could sit on the fence and serve both gods, so to speak. I thought I could be an officer and still a civilian. I didn't see the conflict it caused inside me until it was too late."

"That conflict has always been here." Adama let go of his son's hand and put it on Lee's heart. Lee gave him a strange look. "I've always known your heart wasn't in the military." Lee began to protest but Adama shushed him. "You're a fantastic pilot, there's no one can argue that, but you've the heart of a politician. You care about people, about doing what's right. I know you've pushed yourself to succeed in order to be what you thought I wanted you to be, but it wasn't really you. I could tell you didn't want the position of CAG. You didn't want to be here at all, but your sense of duty made you see it through. I had a feeling it was going to crack eventually. You can't keep ignoring the war going on within you."

"But I should have chosen your side! You're my father - my own flesh and blood - how could I have turned against you?"

"You didn't," Adama said gently. "You were never against me. You were against the decision I made. And rightly so. It was the wrong one."

Lee stared at his father, jaw hanging.

"What, you've never seen me admit I was wrong?"

Lee shook his head. "I don't think so," he said slowly. "When did you figure it was wrong?"

"Pretty much right after I made it."

"So why didn't you take it back?" Lee asked curiously.

"Because a leader has to appear strong. Has to follow through on what he says or people won't follow him any longer. I made my choice, I had to live with it, same as you. And now we're both dealing with the consequences of our choices." Lee frowned. "No, it's not a lot of fun is it? But it's part of being a man." Adama clapped his son's shoulder lovingly. "And even though I don't always agree with the choices you make, I respect that you stand up for what you believe in. You've grown into a fine man - a man any father would be proud of." Adama's voice dropped low as he sought to control his emotions. "And I am proud of you son." He pulled Lee into a hug, and Lee held his father tightly, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "Now before you go, we need to talk a little bit about Kara."

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Roslin sank heavily down into what was once one of the first class chairs, and closed her eyes.

"Everything okay Madam President?" Billy asked, walking in as Eloshia walked out.

She nodded. Billy stood still, respectful of her silence, feeling she had something to say and waiting patiently for it.

"Billy, could you see about getting a shuttle to take me to Galactica please?"

"Trouble?"

"No, just someone there I need to talk to." She smiled and sighed. "I'm so glad Eloshia's still with us. That was a close call down on Kobol. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Find someone else to serve as minister."

"I suppose. But there are some people that just can't be replaced. There's something about them ..." She trailed off, staring out the window.

"I'll go see about that shuttle," Billy said quietly, withdrawing without disturbing her reverie.

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"Only two more nights Captain," the guard grinned as he locked Lee in his cell for the night.

"Thank goodness! Much as I'm enjoying your company, I miss my own bunk."

"And your friends too I bet," he said quietly.

"Yeah," Lee agreed, a faraway look in his eye. The guard recognized this look. It was one Lee had most of the time he was locked away. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the look was regret, remorse, sorrow.

"You up for a game, or are you too busy tonight?" the guard offered, pulling a deck of cards out of his pocket.

Lee felt a pang of sorrow as he saw the cards. Kara! But then again, almost everything reminded him of Kara. "Sure that sounds good," Lee said, knowing he needed a way to distract himself for at least a little while.

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"We have dradis contact sir," Gaeta said suddenly, breaking the relative silence in the CIC.

"Report," Adama said tersely.

"Sir, we have contact from Colonial One's shuttle. The President is on her way over."

Adama looked meaningfully at Tigh, who raised his eyebrows in answer. I wonder what she wants, Adama thought curiously.

"Colonial One shuttle onscreen. Arrival in three minutes."

"Thank you Mr. Gaeta, Dee."

"Sir," Dee said, holding up a hand. "The President has requested to speak to you."

Adama picked up the headset with a sense of foreboding. "Yes, Madam President," he said careful to sound welcoming.

"Commander. I hope you don't mind an unscheduled visit."

"Not at all. Well ... Is there business you wish to discuss? Shall I have the conference room ready?"

"No, actually ... I ... this visit is personal. I have someone, no two people I wish to speak to."

"Oh," Adama replied, clearly startled. "Well, alright then. Shall I have someone meet you at the airlock?"

"Yourself, if you're not too busy," Roslin replied candidly.

"Very well. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Thank you Commander," she answered in a soft voice. She smiled as she put down the phone. She'd expected it to be more difficult to get a private word with him. Of course the other person I need to speak with could be a little bit more difficult, she thought.

"Okay Madam President, we're docked and you're clear for entry," the pilot informed her.

"Thank you," Roslin smiled, preparing to step off the ship when suddenly the world went black and she pitched forward heavily ... into Adama's arms.

TBC