Absolution - chapter 11

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The shakes were hell. He'd had them before, when Bill had used his pull to get him a place in the fleet, and they'd been hell then too. Maybe even more so - his drinking problem had been worse then too, far worse.

He'd made the fatal mistake of hiding his guilt, his fear, his inadequacy, in the bottle. But frak, he'd taken Bill's decision to renounce the President to the ultimate level. He'd done exactly the opposite of what Bill had wanted - declaring martial law and practically causing a civil war within the fleet.

He shook his head and continued pacing. The only way to get through the withdrawal was to move. He'd learned that the hard way. So he paced - back and forth in his quarters like a caged animal. He wasn't aware of how long he'd been pacing - his body was weary but it had settled into a routine and so he kept walking involuntarily.

"When are you going to sit down and have a drink?" a voice drawled from the doorway. Tigh shot his wife and evil glance and thought, not for the first time, that it was a mixed blessing she'd been found alive. There were days ...

"Come on honey, you're too tense. Have a drink." She held out a glass of ambrosia.

He smacked it, sending the liquid everywhere and the glass smashing to the floor, splintering into a thousand pieces. "No!" he yelled.

"What the hell is wrong with you Saul?" Her eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm not doing this anymore! It's time to stand up and be counted."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I screwed up. It's time for me to be a man and take the consequences. I'm tired of hiding."

Ellen slid her arms around his neck. "Honey ..."

"No," he said firmly, withdrawing them. "I won't let you do this to me. It's time I made the decisions around here."

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

"You need to go Ellen."

"Go? Go where? Out an airlock?" Her voice rose in anger. "You can't just dump me like this!"

"You need to leave. I can't think clearly when you're here. We'll find someplace on one of the civilian ships."

She stalked into the room and began ripping clothes out of the cupboard and throwing them on the bed. "Don't do me any favours! I can take care of myself!"

"Ellen..."

"No," she held her hand up. "You've made yourself perfectly clear. You don't want me. Well, I'm sure someone else will." She came close - within a few inches of his face. "You'd better not regret this because I'm not coming back. Ever." She stalked to the door.

"You might want to get dressed first."

"Jealous that other men will see me like this?" she shot sarcastically, running her hands down the sides of her lacy negligee, grazing the sides of her breasts.

"Don't care," he answered, shaking his head. "You want the whole ship to know what a slut you are ... oh wait, they already do," he said spitefully.

"You little ..." she began, face screwed up in anger.

"Just get out. I'll send your stuff." Tigh said, turning his back and walking away from her.

"You haven't seen the last of me," she spat. "I'm not finished with you yet." She stormed angrily out the hatch and slammed it behind her.

Tigh sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Yet another thing he needed to talk to Bill about. Ellen had a vast capacity for revenge (as well he knew), and they were going to have to keep an eye on her.

oooooooooooooooooo

Her eyes widened in horror as her belly grew right before her eyes. "No, please don't do this to me!" she begged. "Get it out! Get it out!" Kara screamed, but no one was listening. The only other occupants of the room, all two hundred of them, were in the same situation she was, only they seemed to have accepted it and had allowed themselves to be drugged into unconsciousness.

Anders! Where was Anders? Why hadn't he come to rescue her? He'd said he cared for her but where was he now that she really needed him?

Helo! Helo was her friend - they'd been on Galactica together for two years. Didn't he care enough to come save her? No, he was too busy taking care of his pregnant cylon. Like she was the one who needed the help!

She suddenly felt movement in her belly as the baby kicked furiously. As she watched, the baby's movements became frantic and it seemed as though it would burst right through her stomach. Her eyes widened even further as her belly began to pulse with an orange light. She screamed as a fist suddenly broke through and waved in the air.

"Lee! Help me Lee!" she shrieked as she thrashed wildly on the bed, watching the blood pour out of her stomach.

ooooooooooooooooo

"Lee! Help me Lee!"

Lee jolted awake suddenly, sitting up and nearly whacking his head on the next bunk. Kara! She was calling for him!

He leapt out of bed and was next to her in an instant. He sent a thankful prayer to someone, anyone, that he was finally back in his own bunk and able to be there for her. He climbed into her bunk and sat beside her, throwing an arm around her to still her wild movements, and stroking her damp hair with the other hand. "It's okay Kara, I'm here. You're okay, you're safe." He whispered reassuring words constantly, and held her firmly, hoping she'd understand and feel safe. "I'm here for you. You're not alone, I'm here."

Her violent thrashing had slowed and now she was just mumbling in her sleep. "Take it out, please ... no baby ... out ... save me ... take me home ..."

"Shhh, it's okay. You're safe - you're home now."

After a time Kara began to relax into his arms, snuggling in closer to him. His heart ached - whether with sorrow or happiness, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to waste the opportunity to love her and protect her. Lee lay down beside her and she tucked up into his arms, back against his front.

"Mm, Lee," she murmured.

"It's me, I'm here," he whispered, blowing a lock of her hair out of his eyes. "Go back to sleep. It's okay, I've got your back."

She sighed deeply and relaxed fully, falling back into a deep sleep.

oooooooooooooooooooo

Lee spent the rest of the night awake, thinking about Kara and his feelings for her. Not unlike every other night that had passed since she'd jumped away to Caprica, but now the warmth and comfort of having her in his arms made his thoughts much more pleasant.

Kara was such a a study in complexity. She was tough as they came - tougher than most men he'd known - but inside she was jelly. She'd never admit to having a vulnerable side, but Lee knew it was there. Maybe that's what it is that makes me want to protect her so fiercely, though she hates the idea of relying on a 'man' to look out for her.

She shifted in his arms, turning to face him. She nestled into his neck and inhaled deeply. "Lee," she breathed softly.

His heart swelled with happiness. Even in her sleep she recognized his scent - and welcomed it. Maybe it wouldn't be as difficult as he'd thought to win back her trust. When she had nightmares, he was the one she called out to, not Anders. Likely she was dreaming about Caprica - it had to have been a hell of a time being on a planet occupied by cylons. No doubt she had all kinds of unwelcome things running through her head now. Hopefully one day she'd feel comfortable enough with him to tell him. I'm here for you Kara, he thought. I'll never hurt you again - I promise.

TBC