Absolution - chapter 12

ooooooooooooooo

Kara woke, feeling refreshed and less tired than she had in days. She left her eyes closed and just basked in the comfort of lying in a bed. And in someone's arms. Her eyes opened a crack and she nestled into warm, strong arms. Anders. It felt good being with him. Simple, uncomplicated - feelings that were what they seemed and were allowed to exist. Caprica had been much harder on her than she thought it was going to be, but finding Anders had been the gem beneath the hard, rocky surface. He pulled her closer and she snuggled in, taking a deep breath. Suddenly her eyes flew open.

Lee! His scent was unmistakable. How the hell had he ...?

She pulled out of his arms and quickly crawled out of bed. How could she have been deceived? She was on Galactica, not Caprica, and Lee was in her bed. Lee!

Her movements woke him and he quickly sat up, sensing impending trouble. One look at her eyes was enough to tell him everything he needed to know. "Kara, I can explain..."

"What the hell were you doing in my bed?" she demanded, voice trembling with fear and anger. Her arms immediately came up and crossed over her chest in a defensive posture. "It wasn't enough for you to hit me and make sure I couldn't fly? Now you're trying to take advantage of me too? That's something I would never have expected of you Lee Adama!"

"Kara wait," he said firmly, standing up. She cursed herself for noticing, yet again, how incredibly handsome he looked clad only in sweats. "I wasn't trying to take advantage of you. I would never do that. Surely you know that."

"I thought I knew you, but I'm beginning to realize I don't," she said, pain-filled eyes boring through him.

"Okay, I deserved that, but at least let me explain what happened ..."

"No, you know what? I don't even want to know. You're not who I thought you were. I just want you to go, okay? Go away and leave me alone!"

This was beginning to be just a little too much for Lee to bear, but he held his temper with great effort. "This is my room too, I have a right to be here," he said quietly, eyes dark with anger.

"Then move out of my space and let me leave!"

"Fine. As you wish Lieutenant." He stepped aside and moved across the room to his own bunk, flopping in and pulling the curtains - effectively putting up a 'do not disturb' sign.

Kara grabbed her clothes quickly and left the room, heading for the shower. She couldn't bear to bear near him now, the tension was too much. The tears held off until she was in the spray, then they mixed with the hot water running down her face. Why? Why was Lee doing this to her? I always thought he cared about me - why does he keep doing things to hurt me? But she had no answer to that.

oooooooooooooooooo

Lee lay on his bunk, hands folded behind his head, hot tears trying to fight their way out of his eyes. He'd known it would be risky for her to wake up and find him in her bed, but he'd never expected her to flip out and accuse him of trying to take advantage of her sexually. That was something he'd never do, and she knew it - when she was thinking rationally. Lee was by no means perfect, as Kara was often happy to point out, but there were certain lines he would die before crossing. And this was one of them.

A couple of tears finally won the fight and slid slowly down his temples into his hair. Patience, he reminded himself. You need to have patience with her - she doesn't trust you. She's obviously having trouble adjusting to being back and feeling vulnerable. She's not thinking clearly ; she's thinking with her heart, and considering you're the one who broke it this time - well, it might be a long time before she trusts you again. If ever. Cheerful thoughts there Adama, he told himself. But he couldn't deny the truth of them. He had been the one to wound her verbally before Caprica, and then physically afterwards. She'd always trusted him before - and with good reason. He was always on her side - would do anything to save her and keep her safe. Except let another man have her ...

He sighed deeply as he came to a realization. In order to gain Kara's trust again, he had to let her go. Let her choose to come back to him. He had to be unselfish and understand that the best way to have a woman like Kara be his was not to snatch but to let her be free. He had to lock away those feelings that caused him anger and jealousy, and be someone she deemed worth being friends with. And maybe someday there would be more. Maybe not, but at least she would be a part of his life in whatever way she was willing to be.

He got up and dressed for his shift with a heavy heart. This was going to be one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do, if not the most difficult. But he had to. Everything was at stake.

ooooooooooooooooo

Bill Adama sighed heavily as he heard the knock at his door. Would he ever get any work done before his shift began? Sure didn't seem like it with all the interruptions he was having this morning.

"Come in," he called out, not sounding particularly welcoming. He was surprised to see his second-in-command step tentatively into the room. There were bags under his eyes, he was unshaven, and there was a look of weariness about him that spoke volumes. He entered and shut the hatch behind him, but didn't speak.

"Something on your mind Saul?" Adama asked, standing up and walking over to him. Nope, first hypothesis proven wrong; he wasn't drunk.

"Can we talk? Off the record?"

"Of course. Sit down." But Tigh remained standing, obviously nervous and uncomfortable. They stood and stared at one another for several minutes, as though mind reading.

"I came to apologize for the way I frakked things up while I was in command. I take full responsibility for everything that happened, and I'm willing to tender my resignation if you want it." He drew himself up proudly, as though a weight had fallen off his shoulders as he'd spoken the words.

Adama stared at him silently for several more minutes. "Apology accepted." Frak, what is this? A confessional? First Lee, Kara, Roslin ... now Saul? Is there no one in this fleet without guilt? But though his mind may be sarcastic about it, his heart swelled with pride. He'd always seen what others hadn't - Saul Tigh was a good man, a noble, loyal man who tried to do what was right. He was a man who'd obviously had a difficult life, and his wife played on his low self-esteem, dragging him down further. Privately, he thought the best thing Saul could do for himself was to get rid of Ellen. The few months she'd been believed dead, Saul had cleaned up his act and proven what a worthy soldier he was. There was no doubt he was proud of Saul for standing up and facing the music.

"Let's not have any talk of resignations now," he said firmly.

"But I let you down - I made a bad judgment call ..."

"And I've never done that?" Adama asked, a smile playing upon his mouth. "It's part of being human Saul. We all make mistakes."

Tigh shook his head. "I never wanted to command - you know that. It terrifies me. I don't belong in charge. At least demote me so I don't need to take command if anything happens to you again."

"Better a leader who's afraid of making the wrong decisions than one who does make the wrong decision and insists it's right. You did what you thought was best, and so did I. Turns out we were both wrong. How 'bout that?" Adama chuckled and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I need you Saul - otherwise you wouldn't be here. You're the XO of this ship and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Tigh's face softened. "Thank you," he said in an uncharacteristically quiet, meek voice.

"You're reinstated to duty as of now. You have the next shift in CIC - starting in an hour."

"Yes sir," Tigh said crisply, turning to leave. Then he half-turned back. "Oh, there's one more thing I need to talk to you about." Adama's left eyebrow rose. "Ellen."

oooooooooooooooooooo

"Hey Starbuck," Helo called out across the hangar bay.

"Helo," she acknowledged as he walked up to join her.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Fixing the guidance system." She pushed a lock of sweaty hair out of her eyes.

"This is my ship you know," he grinned.

"Yes, and obviously you've been abusing it or I wouldn't be fixing it." She smiled at him.

"Just giving you something to do."

"Yeah, thanks."

"So Kara, are you feeling better?"

"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously.

"Last night - you know ..."

How the hell does he know about that? He wasn't even there when we got up this morning! "Er ... um ... better I guess," she fudged, hoping he'd elucidate.

"I'm glad Apollo was able to help."

"Help?" she said incredulously, eyes widening.

"You know, with your nightmares." Now he was beginning to look at her like she was missing a few marbles.

"I had a ..." Suddenly the memory of her dream came back with frightening clarity and she paled visibly and grabbed her stomach.

"Yeah ... you were yelling for Lee to save you. I was gonna step in but he was already with you, and you quieted down a few minutes later so I figured you were okay. I got up kind of early this morning and I noticed he was still in your bunk so I figured he stayed with you to make sure you were okay."

"Okay ... yeah ... okay," she stammered, white as a sheet.

"Are you sure you're okay now? You don't seem so good." There was real concern on his face.

"No, you know, I think I need a break."

Helo nudged her towards the door. "Get going then. I'll finish up here."

"Thanks Karl, you're a lifesaver." Kara laid a hand on his arm and gave him a brief smile.

Now you've really done it Thrace, she told herself, as she walked back to the officer's bunkroom. Frakked things up between you and Lee real good! Thankfully no one was in there because at that moment, Kara Thrace didn't care who saw her cry. There was no way she could stop the tears - not even if her life depended on it.

TBC