Title: Competing With Ms. Perfect

Authoresses: Gunsmoke and Cigarettes

Summary: When Spike returns with his angel, Faye feels that she always pales in comparison to Ms. Perfect. Can she prove to Spike that she can be otherwise?

A/N: Dudes, sorry for taking so long! Nothing much to say, really, except REVIEW!

Disclaimer: We, the beautiful authoressess, do not own Cowboy Bebop. Shit...

CH 4: Mr. Seduction

It had been three worrisome days under the close and watchful eye of both Spike and Edward, yet once the modern day Sleeping Beauty had awoken, there was one recipient within the Bebop whom was terribly displeased. By this, of course, it was none other than Spike's 'loyal' betrothed, Julia Rasmuessan.

As fate would have it, Spike had pleaded with his blonde angel to watch over Faye so that he could go out and buy some supplies. Being the 'generous' woman that she was, Julia had agreed in a heartbeat--possibly two, since she had to think twice about it.

So now, as Julia continued to sit cross-legged in the chair by Faye's bed, she began to unceremoniously file her nails while the 'patient' was staring up at the ceiling like some lame vegetable.

What a bore!

"This is stupid," The wench (in Julia's opinion) complained, fistfuls of her cotton blanket in her tiny hands. "Get Rayne or Evelyn in here! Even Ed will do!"

"Oh? Am I not exciting enough for you?" Julia gave the vixen a bored look.

"A fucking cloud is more exciting," Faye returned dryly, sneering before sitting up and swinging her legs over and onto the cold, metal floor below. "I'm out of here."

"Hey!", Julia called, thoroughly agitated, "'Doctor Spike' says you can't go anywhere til he comes back!"

"Fuck Spike! God knows you do it already!", Faye shrieked, hiding a grin as she continued toward the door. Julia was going to get in sooo much trouble for this.

Julia, however, didn't fall for the bait. Instead, a perfect grin adorned her blood-red lips as she agreed smugly, "Yes, you're quite right...I do fuck Spike. Bet you're jealous, huh? You're here all alone while Spike and I are entwined amidst the throes of passion...I love it when he moans my name. He once told me that I'm the only one who ever knew his pleasure spots." She grinned wickedly.

"Well, you've slept with enough men to know their so called 'pleasure' spots. Hell, he might even be moaning in pain, for all you know," Faye remarked calmly, yet on the inside, she was burning to punch the blonde right in the nose. Suddenly smirking, she added smugly, "Oh, and you said he told you that only once? Guess you're not in your prime, then, huh?"

Julia snorted. "I'm the whore that's slept with thousands of men, huh? With those fake boobs on your chest, you look as if you own whores, let alone work on the street with them!"

"Honey, you're just mad that you don't have a body like mine. And by the way, these are real. Just ask Spike, he knows," Faye purred, her jade eyes fluttering.

"I do, huh?", a deep, sensual voice questioned from abaft, thus causing the two women to whirl around in astonishment.

"Spike!", Julia exclaimed, immediately rushing into his arms before giving his cheek an affectionate kiss. "I was beginning to worry!"

He smiled. "What, that I wouldn't bring home any food?" Turning his attention back to Faye, he demanded sternly, "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Julia let me go," Faye replied meekly, her cheeks turning a delicate rosy hue.

"I most certainly did not! The bitch just got up and left while I tried to stop her!", the blonde growled, her cheeks now growing rosy, as well.

Spike merely drooped. "Can't you two ever stop fighting? If I wanted all this drama I'd go see a frickin' play!"

Faye crossed her arms, suddenly being very defiant. "Well, I'm not going back to bed! You can't force me by any means necessary, Spike Spiegel!" She glared at him, almost asking him to try and oppose her.

Before he could even reply, Julia took him by the chin, urging in a sultry purr, "If she won't go to bed, we can."

Faye clenched her arms and closed her eyes tightly. Oh, how dare that stupid bitch suggest something like that!

Spike appeared to be interested, yet upon spotting Faye's face, however, he immediately cleared his throat and disengaged himself from Julia's embrace. "I'll tell ya what", he began casually, "you go to bed and I'll meet you there later."

Julia smirked in triumph. "Ok, love lumps." She kissed his cheek, then sauntered off toward the galley.

Faye's eyes opened and she burst out laughing. "LOVE LUMPS? Oh my god, Spike! You are sooo whipped!" Her little bout of hysterical laughing lasted while Spike blushed.

"Shut up! You're just jealous that you don't have a man!", he growled, his left eye twitching ever-so-slightly. "At least she loves me! You've got nobody, Water Balloons!" He smirked when she stared at him in confusion.

"Water balloons? You mean these?" She motioned toward her breasts in confusion.

He grinned. "Yep...I'm waiting for them to pop at any given moment." To further emphasize his point, he reached out and poked her smack-dab in the breast.

Faye giggled, then glared at him. "Do I have to remind you that your girlfriend is in the other room?"

Spike smirked. "Maybe you really are a slut...you didn't even slap me when I touched your boob." He did it again to further prove his point.

"Spike! Will you stop?", Faye growled, only to giggle once more. She couldn't help it; it tickled!

"You know you like it", he teased, placing his lips at her ear before adding smugly, "I know you want me...you talked quite a bit in your sleep."

"I-I did not!", Faye barked, slumping onto his shoulder; her knees terribly weak.

Spike chuckled, the low rumbling in his chest vibrating against her own bosom. "Are you willing to bet your life on that little white lie you just made?"

"Hmm?" She purred, the intoxicating scent of Spike too much for her to make sense of anything that he was saying.

The mossy-haired cowboy couldn't help but smirk upon realizing her current disposition, his lips curling up even further once he decided to see how far he could take this. After all, his original intention wasn't to seduce the incredibly annoying vixen, yet it was starting to get rather interesting...

Running a hand along the small of her back, Spike asked huskily into her ear, "Is this really the place to be doing this, Faye? I always had a feeling that you'd be one of the naughty ones, but this really isn't in my taste..."

"Ohhh, Spiiiike! What's taking you so long, my darling little booga-boo?" Julia stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the hallway, a black nightie adorning her features.

"Oh...Julia!", Spike exclaimed, pushing Faye away so hard that she fell against a nearby door. "I, uh...was just looking for you!"

"In Faye Valentine's ear?", the blonde seethed, her features contorting so that she suddenly resembled the witch that she truly was.

Faye was rubbing her back, finally awakened from her daze. She let a small whimper of pain slip out before raising an eyebrow, then she smiled seductively at Spike.

He groaned inwardly, fore she wasn't helping the situation. At all.

Circling Spike let a lioness on the prowl, Julia questioned heatedly, "What were you and Faye doing in the hallway when I came out? Care to explain?"

"Uuh..."

"No, better yet...let Faye tell me", she immediately interjected, sending them both hateful glares. "At least she won't mince any words!"

Spike winced. This was going to be bad.

Faye looked around nervously before saying, "I came onto Spike. Looks like he was so intoxicated, he forgot all about you!" She regained her fire halfway through the explanation, licking her lips.

"Oh? Well he seemed awful sober when he came home!", Julia pointed out, her eyebrow beginning to twitch dangerously.

"I mean he was lost in the essence that is Faye Valentine." She smiled haughtily at Julia before standing up and taking off her robe. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a shower. See ya."

Faye flung her robe at Spike, who caught it, smiling. She walked down the hall, clad in a black bra and matching panties.

Spike coughed, his mismatched eyes subconsciously trailing after her lithe form before Julia haughtily clobbered him in the stomach. "Oaf!"

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Evelyn flipped through the channels to the vidscreen in the commons, only to stop upon a steamy love scene. "Ah, here we go!", she praised enthusiastically, only to lean back in her seat and sigh. After a few moments of severe scrutiny, however, she became thoroughly disgusted. "Those are so fake."

"What're fake?", Spike demanded, just then entering the room. "Have you seen Faye?"

Evelyn ignored his question, yet responded by wriggling her eyebrows. "Last time I checked, she was still in the bath tub...wanna give her a rub-a-dub-dub?"

Spike choked. "You're disgusting, you know that?"

"No...just perverted", the blonde corrected, laughing gaily at his priceless expression. "If you hurry, you might still get to see her naked."

"He missed his chance already, Evey. Faye's in her room singing." Rayne was leaning against the doorway, watching the two of them with mirth.

Shooting her a glare, Spike sank down next to Evelyn, asking yet again, "What's fake?" He eyed the vidscreen, wincing as he heard the woman's moans of passion.

Evelyn smirked at his expression, replying rather forwardly, "Her boobs, stupid...nobody's got 'em that big unless they're store bought. Unless, of course, Faye's are real...ever ask her?" The blonde laughed loudly, then offered Spike her bowl. "Popcorn?"

Accepting them, Spike popped a few kernels into his mouth, frowning as Rayne leapt over the couch and landed with a 'plop' as she sat next to Evelyn. She laid her head on her shoulder, watching as the woman's voice increased yet another octave.

"By the way, Spike," Rayne said after the couple had finished, "I think Faye's are real. I mean, people have even bigger breast sizes, and they're natural."

Spike's cheeks reddened. "Why should I care? It's not like I asked!"

"No, but your eyes were sure dying to know, as well as 'Mr. Happy' down there", Evelyn insisted, grinning slyly as she motioned toward his nether regions. "I bet Faye would be more than happy to show you, Spikeroni. I think she likes you!"

Rayne giggled, whispering, "Faye would kill me if she ever found out that I told you this, Spike, but she's in love with you! Isn't that great?"

The mossy-haired cowboy uneasily scratched the back of his head, then shrugged. "Um...I guess?"

Evelyn gave him a rough nudge to the ribs. "If you don't talk to her, I'll go all 'killer assassin' on your ass, so go! Now!"

"Wait!" Rayne cried, stopping him by leaping onto his back. "Do you love her, too? Or are you going to break her heart?" Spike was struggling to get her off his back, so Rayne grabbed him by his hair, yanking it roughly.

"Answer me!", she roared.

"I'm not going to her! I'm going to my goddamn fiancee!", Spike growled, swatting at her hands so that she finally let go.

Rayne gripped his hair more tightly, thus stopping his movements yet again. "Ok, Spike, we're either doing this the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is letting me ride on your back until we go to Faye's room so that I'm sure that you're going to talk to her. The hard way is me breaking both of your arms in three places. Choose now."

Spike's eyes widened. "Lady, are you fucking insane? I don't love her! If anything, it's lust...and...God, I'm engaged to Julia!"

"You can call me insane, or I can break your arms. Spike, choose!" To further make her point, Rayne dug her heel into the back of Spike's knee.

"OW!" Gritting his teeth, the mossy-haired cowboy finally relented grudgingly, "Ok, fine...I'll talk to her!"

"And then some!", Evelyn added, laughing jubilantly on the sidelines. "Man, if I'd have known I'd need so much popcorn for your entertaining little show, I would've made some more!"

"Evelyn, you're not helping!" The angry navy-haired woman cried, yanking Spike's head back three times. "WALK!"

Grumbling, Spike did as he was told and entered the hallway, only to stop in front of Faye's bedroom door. After he had knocked, however, it was quite clear that the vixen was terribly surprised to see him with Rayne on his back.

"Hey", he greeted lowly. "I know this is really stupid, but will you help me get this fucking monkey off my back?" He let out a growl of pain when Rayne yanked his hair.

Faye smirked. "Well...why don't you just ask her nicely to get off?"

Spike appeared to be rather bewildered, yet nonetheless asked rather begrudgingly, "Rayne...will you please get off of me?"

"Sure, sweetheart! All you had to do was ask!" Faking an innocent smile, she yanked once on his hair before getting off. "Bye!"

Glancing after her retreating form with slight irritation, Spike then turned back to Faye and smiled weakly. "Do ya got a minute?"

"Sure, just let me slip into something appropriate." She closed the door in his face, humming.

Groaning, Spike briefly found himself wondering why on earth he was doing this, yet remembered Rayne and Evelyn and the hell they would put him through and sighed. It just wasn't fair...

Opening the door again, Faye stood outside modestly. The black tank top clung to her curves nicely and the jeans she was wearing were very appropriate. "What is it, Spikey?"

He winced. "Spikey? Is that the manliest nickname that you can come up with?"

"It was either that or Spike baby. Your choice." She grinned up at him, her cheeks flushing.

"Why not Sexy Man, or Afro Thunder?", Spike teased, leaning against the doorjamb before folding his arms. "After all, I gave you the cool nickname Water Balloons, so the least you could do is return the favor."

"Yeah, like Water Balloons is flattering. Ok, Afro Thunder, what can I do for you?" Looking at her nails, Faye fought to hide her nervousness.

Spike smirked, immediately taking note of her feigned nonchalance. "Can I at least come in, first? Don't want the 'ol ball and chain to find us again."

Faye laughed, taking his hand and tugging him into the room. Closing the door behind them, she motioned to her bed or vanity desk. "Sit anywhere you like, but don't touch anything...personal."

Spike blinked. "P-personal? How do you mean?" To be honest, he was afraid of what she might say...

"Underwear, girl stuff..other things.." She deadpanned, not looking at him.

"Oh."

Scratching his cheek, Spike then flopped down onto her bed with a subtle bounce and decided to make himself comfortable. Lying down, he crossed his legs and stared blankly ahead at the ceiling.

Faye joined him on the bed, not daring to lay down. "So..are you going to say anything?", she asked hesitantly, tapping her fingers on her lap.

Spike eyed her boredly. "Should I?"

"You're the one who came into my room for something, Spike! Don't question me!", she shrieked, losing her temper and stomping her foot like a defiant little child.

"Oh...guess you're right", he agreed dumbly, deciding that playing the fool was his safest option.

Slowly sitting up, he cracked his neck, then regarded her with emotionless eyes. "About earlier...why didn't you stop me?"

Faye stayed silent, fiddling with her hands. "It felt nice," She said quietly, "being held in someone's arms. That was all."

"I know the feeling," Spike agreed, "but I know you, Faye...you're a terrible liar." With that said, he couldn't help but grin. "What really sends off the warning signals is that your eyes always get really wide and your lips tremble."

"I'm surprised you pay attention to me", She said softly, a small smile playing on her lips.

Spike smirked. "Don't get cocky...you're Faye Valentine, remember? Everybody notices you, and you make damn sure of it."

"Yeah, and you're Spike Spiegel. Always playing the anti-hero and rescuing the damsel in distress." Smirking back, she added mentally, Which I usually play.

"Yeah, well at least I don't go to pieces if I'm touched, like you did earlier this morning", Spike pointed out, smirking before laying a hand upon her thigh. "I bet you're quivering inside right as we speak."

"That's what you think," She bit out, desperately trying to hide a sigh of delicious passion.

"Yeah?", Spike fished, beginning to trace his thumb along her knee cap before resting it upon her upper thigh. "Your body language tells me otherwise." He smirked as her cheeks flushed a delicate crimson.

She looked at him, stunned. He really wanted to play the seduction game with her?

Faye grinned widely, then fluttered her eyes sexily.

Let the games begin!

Noticing her sudden eagerness, Spike withdrew a little, yet kept his cool. She'd go down...he was sure of it.

Running his hand up along the flat plane of her stomach, the mossy-haired cowboy held his breath before cupping her breast and bringing his lips to her ear like earlier that morning. "Still feel like you can fend me off?" He was now breathing uncharacteristically heavy.

Faye kept her cool, massaging the back of his neck. "I'm positive, Afro Thunder", She replied huskily, unable to keep the laughter withdrawn from her voice.

"What's so funny?", he demanded, unable to keep from sounding so agitated. In the process, he accidentally squeezed her breast harder than he would have intended.

Letting out a yelp of pain, Faye pushed him off of her, wincing in pain.

"Um...sorry?", Spike apologized, only to hold his hands up in surrender as if he sensed the oncoming onslaught. When none came, however, he immediately looked up with surprised eyes.

Faye was leaning towards him, and suddenly she brought her hands to the back of his neck and crushed their lips together.

Ah, the bliss of the first kiss.

Spike immediately pulled away, more so out of surprise than disgust, only to smile a pleased smile. "Told you you wanted me", he revealed smugly, only to bring his lips to the hollow of her neck. "Does Julia have to know about this?"

"I dunno.." She whispered, tangling her fingers into his hair.

"Where do we go from here?", Spike demanded, grinning mischievously up at her before beginning to play with her suspenders. "Do we continue, or walk away and forget this ever happened? I'll be nice and let you choose."

Letting her eyes close, Faye began to feel tears bubbling up. Not now, her mind cried desperately, I don't want Spike to see me crying...

So, Faye did the worse thing she could do.

She cried.

Spike blanched. "Wait...what the hell's the matter with you?" He hadn't meant to sound so insensitive, yet it completely threw him off-guard.

"I-I...I'm so sorry, Spike!" She cried, burrowing her face into her hands.

"Um..." He blinked, now growing considerably uncomfortable. Raising his hand to her face with a severe amount of awkwardness, he tried yet again, "What's wrong? Am I that amazing of a lover that you just couldn't take it?"

Letting herself giggle, Faye continued to sob. "No! I just don't want this to be a one-night stand, Spike. You just don't understand..." Her voice was muffled because of her hands.

Spike sighed, then allowed his head to flop back against the floor. "You're right...but if you want me to stop, I'd suggest removing yourself from my body. It's a turn-on." He grinned unabashedly up at her blushing face.

Faye stopped crying and just moved to lay on top of Spike. "Mind if we stay like this?", She whispered, an embarrassed smile on her lips.

At her plea Spike couldn't help but smile, as well. "Nah...it feels kinda nice."

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Sorry for being gone so long, folks! Well, the sooner we get a whole bunch of reviews (Thanks, by the way, I love you!) the sooner we review!

Signing off,

The-Infamous-Bounty-Hunter and Kendra Luehr.