What If Shinji Met Death? Chapter Four: A Day Without Death, an evangelion fanfic

Chapter Four: A Day Without Death

The hospital bed was a paradise of pleasure when laid next to the wretched bruising Shinji sustained over the past few days. He had grown used to the rows of perfectly clean hospital windows and the smell of the sterile atmosphere that encompassed him. He remained planted into the bed, nearly paralyzed by the threat of pain from any form of movement. The doctors rarely came; perhaps once a day if that much, and for the most part the five days in the hospital were spent contemplating Death, Desire and Dream, that is, whenever he wasn't speaking with Death.

Their conversations were long and deep. He would ask questions about the universe, the stars, the galaxies and atoms, all the things that Death would know of, for everything could die. Death did not return questions until late into the conversations, when she would ask him things she didn't already know about, things she hadn't picked up by being the essence of life and death.

"What's your favorite food?" Death asked on the third day.

Shinji thought for a moment, laying in his bed as always, before replying, "Yakisoba… but how my old teacher made it. He was an excellent cook... what about…" Shinji stopped himself and then asked, "Have you ever eaten food?"

Death shook her head. "There's no need… we never go hungry."

"…I have to cook you some yakisoba when I get back home then," Shinji said with a pleasant smile.

Death looked at the boy with his happiness, and smiled back. "I think I'd like that."

The rest of their conversations consisted almost entirely of questions, back and forth, as both learned of each other's world. The images of the Endless and their purposes swirled in his conscious mind as he tried to put together the puzzle that was laid before him. Death and Dream, for whatever reason, bore an allegiance of some sort, while Desire was placed as the enemy… But I desire death…in more ways than one. As he laid there on the fourth day, coming to terms with his emotions, he heard the door slide open. He opened his eyes and turned his head, hoping to see the equally sterile doctor in the long white outfit. Instead, his eyes were greeted with the image of Rei Ayanami, the mysterious albino that would have taken his place, had he refused to pilot altogether… She was the main reason I piloted…right?

She walked in, adorned in the dark cyan dress used for school. "Hello, Ikari-kun," she greeted with her neutral tone.

"Hello, Ayanami-chan," Shinji replied calmly. Despite being strangers, Shinji knew she had been a pilot… and knew she had sustained worse than he.

Rei pulled out a small notebook from her carrying purse and read out loud. "Your release from the hospital will occur tomorrow afternoon, Friday, February 6th, 2015. Your schoolwork has already been delivered up to that point and will be due on Monday, February 9th. On Saturday, February 7th, you will have a synchronization test at NERV headquarters. On Sunday, February 8th, you are to attend a briefing on weapon functions utilized by the Evangelions." She snapped the book shut and placed it back in her carrying case.

"Did you come here just for that?" Shinji asked, his face somber.

"Yes. It was a direct order from your father."

"My father…." Shinji pondered to himself for a moment. Rei turned to leave when Shinji quickly added, "Please, stay."

Rei stopped for a moment. "For what purpose?"

"To keep me comp… so I'm not so alone."

"The doctor will check up on you in two hours."

Shinji frowned for a moment before shrugging and saying, "Fine then… goodbye, Ayanami-cha."

"Sayonara, Ikari-kun." The door slid shut behind her, leaving Shinji to his own thoughts. But no matter what he thought about, no matter how abstract or unimportant, it always came back to Death and her smile.

"Your day of mortality is coming up," Dream announced.

Death and Dream stood in a vacant park in Germany, admiring the warped weather patterns that offered sunny days in a place that should be have been coated in three layers of snow and hail. Dream chose the place, as Germany held a warlock that tried, (and failed,) to capture Dream's power. With the warlock locked away in a nightmare of insanity, Dream decided to stroll along the local park… only to meet his sister sitting on a bench, feeding the pigeons. They both sat now, Death continuing her feeding and Dream simply staring off into the spaces between the atoms of the concrete below their feet.

"It lands on February 14th. Valentine's Day. That's never happened before," Death said nonchalantly.

"It will probably be your last day as a mortal. With the Final Sign having passed and the forces at work, the end is nearer than we could have imagined."

"Only to you, brother. I've had my fill of endings, this will pass just as they all have."

Dream paused for a moment. "Morningstar was seen in Tokyo-3… by Destruction."

Death's eyebrow popped up for a moment before she returned to her normal, pleasant gaze. "Lucifer Morningstar, at the center of the future ground zero? I can't say I'm surprised… no matter. He has no real power over the events that are going to occur, it is forbidden. The Furies themselves will rip him apart if he does so."

"If the universe ends, that fate won't really matter to Morningstar."

Death changed the subject, asking, "Where did you meet Destruction?"

"The fields of Tokyo-3… he was working on a farm with a woman who is in love with him. She dreamt of him… I followed her in the Dreaming to meet Destruction."

"How is he these days? Still trying to save life?"

"As always… Delirium was with him. She's getting worse. She sees the future now, perhaps. Or she is far deeper into herself than anyone could have achieved, mortal or otherwise."

"It seems Destiny is the only one who has yet to come around to visiting Tokyo-3… but then, he rarely leaves his garden," Death chimed in.

"I read that boy's dreams. He is in love with you, I believe. I was never good at reading what our sister plants in the hearts of men, but I know that no mortal, no matter how much they believed it, ever had such emotion for you."

This took Death by surprise, her usual smile dimming to a thoughtful expression. "No mortal before has ever taken my hand and gone on to remember it. The only exception was a woman whose desire dried up upon her leaving of the mortal coil…" Death's smile returned. "I guess that means I'm a cutey in mortal terms, in more ways than one."

Dream did not smile, although his eyes showed a pleasant reaction to his sister's disposition. "Delirium says she was once married… and I was once…" Dream discontinued that sentence and continued, "Desire wants all mortals for him/herself, and even Destruction took a lover once. But beyond that, the Endless have never had relations with mortals… especially since it is now forbidden."

Death smiled a mischievous smile, at which point Dream's expression showed signs of twitching rage. "It is forbidden, sister. Do not forget what will happen to you if you pursue love with a mortal."

"The Furies can't touch me, big brother, and I may do as I please as far as they are concerned. If they were to pursue me, I could flee into my realm, and within my realm nothing survives without my permission."

"I know that, dear sister," Dream said in an irritated tone. "You must consider what they will do to whatever mortal you decide to take for yourself."

Death stopped smiling. She pondered the course of action a bit further, then sighed in defeat. "I suppose so. Always the thoughtful one, little brother… except when it comes to yourself." Death grinned as Dream frowned.

"You should just cut off contact with him altogether until his final breath."

Death appeared crestfallen for an amount of time that could not be measured, for her depression could freeze time as though it were dead. Time resumed as she tried a weak smile. "I guess… I should."

Shinji felt a pain in his heart, a sharp one that struck to his core. He looked around his hospital room. The windows displayed the nightscape of Tokyo-3, a beautiful display of lights and buildings. It was the end of the fourth day, and Death had not visited him, replaced instead by an ordered visit from Rei Ayanami. He struggled to sit up, the bruising on his waist urging him to stay down, and looked about his room harder, hoping to spot Death in the shadowy corners or near the dark windows. Sweat began to form on his forehead as worry took over. Finally he spoke aloud, "Death, are you there?" There was no answer.

Shinji began to panic. Where did she go? She should have come today… did I bore her? It's because of me, isn't it… I made her go away. I make everyone go away, sooner or later… stupid, stupid Shinji! You should have been more interesting instead of asking so many damn questions! His breathing became rapid as he tried to reason with himself as to why Death took a leave of absence, to the point that he did not notice the door sliding open. A comforting hand rested on his shoulder, startling him. He looked up to meet the stars of the universe reflected in Dream's eyes. "Forget you ever met my sister, Shinji Ikari. It is far too dangerous for both you and her to continue pursuing this impromptu relationship… you must wait until your last breath is uttered, until the last part of your mind dies away."

Rage, a terrible rage, filled Shinji to his core. All his bound anger was unleashed in an instant at this depressing figure, this morbid albino that told him to forget his emotions, his love and his Death. "Damn you! Where is Death!"

Dream looked on to the lad, his face neutral. "Damn my name if you wish, but I cannot allow you to pursue my sister in this fashion. You will not understand, but it was decided that the Endless could not love mortals. It brings about terrible consequences, one of which was the birth of Humanity… things simply go smoother when one doesn't grow attached to something as fickle as a mortal lifespan."

"I'm not a lifespan, or a fickle mortal being or some other such label, I'm a person with emotions, with… with LOVE for Death! I love Death!" Shinji panted heavily as he shouted at Morpheus, Lord of Dreams.

"But Death cannot love you. Not without putting her own existence in danger."

"Death… how can Death die?" Shinji calmed down as Dream's revelation washed over him.

"The Death you love can be replaced, and would be replaced, by another Death if she were to perish. Destiny himself would bind her to that end, and if it could not be carried out, Destiny would eradicate your soul, body, mind, life and afterlife in a single breath. All he would have to do is turn the page in his book and you would be gone."

Shinji laid back down, his back pressed into the indent in the bed that his body had formed. "But how… how am I suppose to forget her… how can I…"

Dream passed his hand over Shinji's eyes, forcing them to close as the Third Children fell into a deep slumber almost instantly. Dream looked about once more to ensure that no one else was in the room before reducing his body to mist, vanishing without leaving a trace of his presence. Shinji dreamed only nightmares that night, horrible nightmares of holding Death, dead in his arms, or his own body vanishing in a sea of blackness. No matter what incarnation of his fate occurred in the dreamscape, it all meant the same thing to him.

He could not have Death.