Harm stepped through the door, patted the passing airman on the back and waited on deck. He could see the COD landing up ahead. She'd be on it. It had been four months, four very long months. As soon as the arriving COD set wheels to the ground, trying very hard not to look like an overzealous schoolboy, Harm made his way to where she'd be. The moment she stepped off, his heart leapt at the sight of her.
Keep this professional Harm. A simple hug. She's a buddy from JAG, a fellow officer. No need to let the entire carrier know you're in love with her. The sound of his own voice in his head almost stopped him cold. He'd known it for a long time, but he'd never admitted it to himself in quite those words. A slowly consuming warmth rose inside him. By God, he was in love with Sarah MacKenzie.
"Hi, stranger." Mac struggled to keep her voice steady. She had to make this sound simple, casual, something among old friends.
"Good to see you." Harm convinced himself the greeting couldn't be considered too revealing. He'd have said the same thing to Bud after four months. Of course, it wouldn't have meant the same, but he would have said it none the less.
Once inside the bustling carrier, Mac turned to Harm as he pulled his helmet off. "I could use your help." She hesitated wondering if this was going to go as she remembered. Last time he didn't know about her promotion. This time it wouldn't be a surprise.
"I'll do my best to obey any lawful order, ma'am." Harm kept his words politically correct for the circumstances, but he couldn't hide the twinkle in his eye.
"Thank you." Mac struggled not to melt on the spot under the power of that gorgeously sexy stare of his. "I have to report into the Captain. Meet me in my cabin when you can."
"I have a plane to fly, but I'll find you when I get back."
In no time at all Mac had met with the Captain, requested all necessary copies of reports and tapes she would need to get a handle on the situation, and managed to make herself as wanted on board as a leper.
Flipping through another tedious file, she jumped slightly at the sound of knocking on her door.
"Come in."
"You asked to see me, ma'am?" Harm announced loud enough to be heard, hopefully not so loud to sound conspicuous.
"Yes, thank you, Commander. I could use some help on this, especially deciphering some of this information."
Carefully, Harm closed the hatch behind him. Taking two long strides in Mac's direction, he stopped short in front of her, suddenly unsure of how much of a greeting would be welcome.
Standing awkwardly only a few inches away from Harm, Mac heard the voice of her older self, repeating in her head: "This is your chance." Closing the final gap between them, a saucy smile on her face, Mac spoke in almost a whisper. "I'll try and make all my orders lawful ones."
"Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"
"Granted."
"I wish you wouldn't." In a breath, Harm's lips had descended on hers. His arms weaved around her, pulling her as close to him as humanly possible.
Instantly lost in the flames rising around her, Mac managed to grasp the passing thought, this was certainly better than the way it had really happened.
Not wanting to waste a single moment, her arms rose around him, her fingers raking slowly through his short hair, her tongue playing tantalizing games with his luscious lips.
Knowing he had to keep a lid on this, and yet wanting so much to taste what he hadn't dared the night he left, Harm's lips parted accepting the invitation to dance, his tongue desperate to explore every nook and cranny of her sweet, moist mouth.
Oh, Lord. This was better than anything his meager imagination could have conjured up. Harm knew immediately he was in serious trouble. He wanted Mac, he wanted her badly, but this wasn't the time or place, and yet he wasn't sure if he could stop himself from needing more, from asking for more.
This was dangerous territory and Mac knew it. She'd been down this path before, having a relationship with a senior officer. Only this time, she was the senior officer and her bunk in the visiting officer's cabin was no where near as comfortable as any bed back home. She needed to stop, or at least slow down, but she wasn't sure she could. After three years of a slow smoldering heat, being in Harm's arms was like striking a match on gasoline and dry kindling. An out of control fire was the only logical reaction.
As if of one mind, Harm and Mac toned down the intensity of the kiss, grudgingly putting more distance between them until Mac was wrapped casually in Harm's arms, his mouth whispering soft words and gently nibbling on her ear, "I've waited so long for this moment."
Once again Harm was driving her wild with want and all he had done was kiss her and whisper in her ear. She was going to have to put more distance between them, or figure out how to fit Harm's large frame into that miniscule bunk before she lost her mind completely.
"Harm," she managed to murmur.
"I know." He really did, he was trying desperately to let go of her, to give them some much-needed space. His body just wasn't cooperating with his mind.
"How are we going to do this?"
For a split second, Harm wasn't sure if she meant let loose or reign it in, but in his heart he knew.
"The same way we always have. Mind over matter, and just in case, always make sure we're chaperoned." A hint of that flyboy smile tugging at his lips, he kissed her sweetly on the forehead, and put just a few inches more between them.
"Mmm, chaperones, huh?" The way she felt, they were going to need a platoon of marines.
"Have you had any chow yet?" Harm took a deep breath. What they needed right now was a diversion.
"No. I was waiting for you." Mac knew he was right. A room full of people would be a good thing for them right now.
"Then follow me." Stepping back, Harm opened the door letting Mac pass by him before stepping in front and leading her to dinner.
Mac thought she'd spotted her older self, standing in the corner, nodding approvingly, but when she turned around to look more closely, there was no one there.
Of all the things she'd expected, Mac hadn't expected her dream to once again have Buxton claim Harm as his lawyer for having given him legal advice. Surely her imagination would have cut her at least a small break. She had no idea if this was a good thing or not. With Harm as opposing counsel, there was no way they could spend anytime alone together, especially not in her room. The best she could hope for would be a few well-chaperoned meals.
On the bright side, at least she didn't have to work with Brumby. She wasn't sure which had her more concerned, Harm and Brumby simultaneously contradicting each other at every turn, or poor Bud wallowing over his lack of relations with Harriet since AJ's birth.
More quickly than she would have thought, the days passed by. The case progressed as she had remembered, she was doing a fabulous job of presenting the obvious, when as usual, Harm pulled his impassioned closing statement out of a hat and swayed the jury to see things his way. At least he had agreed that Buxton was a menace to the Navy with his hotshot ways.
With the case over, this would be her last night on ship. She stood out on the fantail and watched the activity on deck. Harm was out, and it wouldn't be long before his tomcat returned to the carrier. She'd thought of waiting in her room, but this made her feel somehow closer to him. When she saw the first bird coming in for a landing, she released the tight grip she'd had on the railing and headed back to her room. She was sure he'd find a way to come looking for her.
Chapter 5As soon as the canopy opened, Harm's thoughts turned from flying to Mac. She'd be returning to DC tomorrow morning. Having her on the ship, working together, even on opposite sides, reminded him of all he'd given up. He loved the law, and even missed the courtroom, but he was born to be a pilot. He belonged here, that was one thing of which he was very sure. He wanted to fly, and he wanted Mac.
In a way, his flying made more sense. There was no way they would be able to continue working together at JAG if they were to have any kind of a personal future. Yes, they could date for a time without creating too much of a ruckus, but he wanted so much more. He knew that now, too. Besides, having different designators made the rank issue even less of a point. Not that it would really have been a big deal even at JAG, but still, this way could be perfect.
Looking at his watch, he calculated quickly how long it would take to get out of his g-suit and debrief. It was late, but not too late to go see her. He couldn't bear the thought of her leaving in the morning and not having seen her again, even if only for a few short minutes. He needed to let her know how he felt, and he couldn't do that in an email.
Mac paced the small space waiting for Harm. Maybe she should have stayed on deck and watched him land. Surely he knew she was leaving tomorrow and would want to see him. There hadn't been much time for personal conversation, but he had to know. After that wonderful kiss her first day here, he just had to.
When she finally heard the tapping on her door, she felt a thousand pounds of worry roll off her back.
"Enter."
"Evening, Colonel," Harm greeted her casually, closing the door behind him and moving to her side.
Before she knew what hit her, she was scooped in his arms and melting at his touch. Her knees were definitely too weak to hold her. She felt his arms tighten around her waist, offering additional support as she wobbled heavily against him.
Harm had no idea how he had managed to restrain himself over the last few days from taking her in his arms in front of the entire crew. Even in marine green, she looked so damn sexy. He'd never allowed himself to accept that, and especially not to dwell on it, but now that he'd admitted to himself he was in love with her, he simply couldn't see her any other way.
He felt her weight leaning against him. Pulling her more tightly in his arms, he could feel the curves of her body molding to his. The heat surging within was beginning to cloud all thoughts. Dropping his broad hand lower down her back, he let it fall on her six, pressing her even closer to him than he would have thought possible.
Every cell in her body was tingling with need. Even through the miscellaneous layers of uniform between them, she could still feel his body's reaction to their close proximity. Her heart rate soared at the simple recognition that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. She wouldn't even let herself think that any man on a carrier would react to a woman on board. This was different. She could feel the same soul-deep need in him that she felt within herself.
A slim flicker of rational thought clawed its way through the raw desire to the forefront of his understanding: this wasn't why he was here. This wasn't a liberty port, and she wasn't some ordinary streetwalker to be manhandled by a horny, drunken sailor. There wasn't enough time, or space, to do this right. The light of reason grew stronger in his mind, despite the need threatening to spiral out of control.
"Mac," he murmured into her hair, grudgingly pulling his lips away from hers.
Oh, Lord. Of all the things she loved about Harmon Rabb, this wasn't the time for the Boy Scout in him to emerge. She wanted this too badly. She couldn't let him stop now.
"Harm…" she started.
"No. Please, let me say this. I have to tell you." Harm placed small tender kisses on the top of her head, hoping to ebb the tide of desire still rising inside him.
"What?" She dropped her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms snugly around his waist.
He needed a little more space between them, just a little distance. Stepping back, he took hold of her hand and walked her over to the bunk. "Sit down a minute." Recognizing the panic in her eyes, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Please."
"What is it, Harm?" Mac let her free hand fall on his lap when he sat beside her.
Closing his eyes a second, forcing his heart to slow with deep breaths, he tried to ignore the fire that shot through him as Mac placed her hand so gently, and so close, to the center of all his desire. No, sitting down had not been a great idea. With one long stride, Harm was standing in the middle of the cabin again.
"This cruise should be over by December. I'll be back at Pax River with the squadron until the next deployment," he started.
Mac smiled at the thought of Pax River. She'd thought he'd be stationed out of Pensacola while the ship was docked. Slowly, she got up from the bunk and walked over beside him, so enthralled in the moment, she hadn't realized she'd moved until she felt Harm flinch when she laid her hand on his arm.
"That's not very far from DC," her grin grew even wider, despite his odd reaction.
Turning to fully face her, his eyes met hers. "That's what I want to talk about."
"Talk?" Mac let her fingers run up his chest.
"Yes, Mac." Harm stilled her hand in his. "Let's get married."
Mac felt her jaw drop open for a fraction in time before the words tumbled out. "Oh, yes!"
In a flash, they were fully engulfed in another all consuming kiss.
"Does December sound like a good month to you?" Harm practically panted between kisses.
"Winter wedding sounds lovely." Mac found herself undoing the zipper on his flight suit as her lips toyed with his.
Harm was once again lost in the tantalizing taste of her kiss when he realized Mac was pushing his suit off his shoulders.
Stopping her arms by pulling her even closer, he dragged his lips away from hers and whispered in her ear, "We can't."
"Why not?" She dipped the tip of her tongue into his crooked ear.
Swallowing hard, Harm caught her hands in his. "You mean besides what getting caught breaking regs can do to our careers?" He was amazed he'd managed to make such a coherent statement in his currently incoherent state of mind.
"I don't care about regs. The man I love just asked me to marry him." Mac leaned in for another kiss.
Harm pulled back slightly and stared at her hard. He'd never heard her say that before, and it hit him with almost shameful awareness that he hadn't told her how he felt.
"I love you with all that I am, and the woman I love deserves more than hotbunking in a rack three times too small for what I have in mind."
"I don't care. I love you and I have every intention of showing you exactly how much." Mac shoved the zipper down further with a force that dared him to argue.
"Yes, ma'am."
Chapter 6Mac had expected to wake up alone in bed after her time with Harm, the purpose of her dream over. She had instead been completely surprised to roll over and hit her arm against her desk, only to feel Harm tighten his hold on her. After some gentle nibbling and kissing, Harm had forced himself to dress and sneak back to his room. It just about killed her to bid him a casual goodbye as she boarded the morning COD. Apparently this was going to be one of the longest and most detailed dreams she'd ever had. And honestly, she hoped she'd never wake up.
She wandered through her morning ritual, completely distracted by her recent engagement. It was so unlike anything she had ever felt in her 'other life,' when she had been engaged to Mic Brumby.
Returning to her office from getting a cup of coffee, Mac stopped short just inside the door, startled to see her older self sitting comfortably at the desk.
"Was it what you expected?"
"Excuse me?"
"The difference in your life. Was it what you expected?"
"More than I could ever have asked for." Mac closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure if anyone else could see the Marine general, but she most certainly didn't want anyone to notice her talking to an empty chair if they didn't.
"Then why are you keeping it a secret?"
"I'm not." Mac set her coffee on the desk and marched over to the cabinet, searching blindly for some nonexistent file.
"You're stalling. This is the turn you wanted to see. You should share it with your friends."
Mac stared at the wall ahead of her. Her alter ego was right. Why was she keeping quiet? So what if she woke up soon? The dream was worth it. Slamming the drawer shut, she turned around briskly.
"You're…r i g h t," she trailed off at the sight of the empty chair. This was not only one of the longest dreams she'd ever remembered having, this was by far the oddest dream, but she was loving every minute of it.
Just as with after her last encounter with her older self, time whizzed by. An odd fog brought Mac in and out of situations, watching her life pass quickly to the next stage.
Harriet and Carolyn had been beside themselves with joy for her good news. Both had promised to help in any way possible to plan for the wedding. Harriet would be the Matron of Honor, Carolyn would be a bridesmaid. Brumby wasn't even slightly pleased. He spent the first few days huffing like a storming bull, even getting drunk one night and knocking on Mac's door at two o'clock in the morning, trying to persuade her that Harm would only break her heart. Two pots of coffee later, he'd left with his tail between his legs.
The expected leave in November never came about. Skates wound up accused of dereliction of duty and asked Harm to defend her. Brumby and Bud were sent to the Henry to prosecute. Mac found herself reading her emails from Harm with bated breath, praying every day that he and Mic wouldn't kill each other.
Deciding December would be too hectic, Harm and Mac had chosen Saturday January 9th for the wedding.
They had wanted to keep the wedding simple but didn't want to leave anyone out. Keeter would be flying in to be best man. Harm's old partner, Meg Austin, had agreed to come, as did one of Harm's old friends from Annapolis, Sturgis Turner. Mac was a little disappointed she wasn't going to get to meet the famous Caitlin Pike, but Kate was on some special hush hush assignment for the SecNav and wouldn't be able to fly back for the ceremony.
Mac and Harm had discussed the possibility of selling Harm's apartment and moving somewhere halfway between Pax River and DC, but Mac knew how much having renovated his apartment meant to Harm and she was hesitant to be the reason for selling it. In her case it was just a matter of giving up her lease.
Very few of the squadron had homes within driving distance of the base. Most everyone rented or shared a small apartment in town. In Harm's case, he shared a small place with Tuna. The first weekend Harm was able to make it back to DC, Mac had been on assignment at Pendleton. He had never remembered his apartment being such a lonely place. The next weekend, there were some high level training missions that required he be near the base. After two long weeks of knowing how close, and yet how far Mac was, Harm insisted they find a place to live somewhere in between so he could come home after work like any other husband. Of course, in his case, coming home after work could be at four o'clock in the morning, but the point was, he didn't want to go weeks without seeing his wife while on dry land, the way he would when at sea.
It hadn't taken them long to decide that St. Charles was the perfect little community for what they hoped would become a growing family. After all, there was no need to wait five years for their deal anymore. With the help of a very generous wedding gift from Harm's parents, they were able to buy a lovely new home. If all went as planned, the house would be ready to move into as soon as they returned from their honeymoon.
Occasionally, Mac would spot her older self in a corner observing her behavior. Usually, she'd be nodding her approval. The only time she'd noticed General MacKenzie disagreeing was when Mac had originally suggested Harm keep his apartment in DC.
By the time the wedding day arrived, Mac couldn't believe she was still enjoying this fabulous dream. She'd chosen a simple satin gown, with a hint of beadwork along the sleeves and a low cut back. It looked nothing like the gown she'd chosen for her doomed wedding to Mic, whom she was incredibly surprised to find flirting boldly with Carolyn Imes. Mac hadn't given any thought to what would Mic have done if she hadn't been available. It had never dawned on her that he would go after Carolyn with the same fervor with which he'd pursued her. But she was even more startled at the idea that Carolyn might actually have fallen for him.
Her first inkling that there might be something more serious going on was when the Admiral announced Brumby would be returning to Australia. Mac had thought poor Carolyn was going to fall out of her chair. In an odd sort of way, Mac actually felt a little sorry for her. If she hadn't been in love with Harm, Mic would have been wonderful husband material.
January 09, 2000 Chapel at Annapolis"Are you okay?" Mac looked over at Carolyn.
Carolyn had been putting on her lipstick for over ten minutes, and yet, the tube had never touched her lips. Her hand had been poised, ready to act, while she stared mindlessly at her own reflection.
"Oh, sorry. No, almost ready here." Carolyn forced a smile.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Mac stepped closer to her friend.
"Who?" she feigned.
Tilting her head disbelievingly, Mac raised an eyebrow. Harriet stood to one side, rolling her eyes.
"That obvious, huh?" Carolyn smiled sheepishly. "If it weren't for the wedding, he'd be in Australia already," she sighed. "He's leaving tomorrow."
"I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure something will work out. Fate has a way of bringing the most unexpected changes into fruition. Don't give up hope." Mac dropped her hand softly on her friend's arm. "Honestly."
Mac once again spotted her older self winking at her approvingly. Mac had to admit, she was more than curious to see what might come of this little liaison between Mic and Carolyn.
Meanwhile, Harm stood nervously at the side of the altar. To everyone in the chapel, he was a man to be envied, strong, handsome, and always in control. The truth was, he'd never felt more inadequate. All he could think about was did he really deserve this wonderful woman, and would he be able to make her happy.
They had spent so little time together since he'd been home. Between assignments and the distance from Pax River to DC, he felt as though they were always two ships passing in the night, but not anymore. Starting tomorrow they would be alone in St. Martin for two whole, glorious weeks.
The sound of the wedding march snapped him out of his thoughts. First Carolyn came slowly down the aisle, followed closely by Harriet, but the sight of Mac in white on Admiral Chegwidden's arm took Harm's breath away.
Hands were held, vows were promised, and rings were exchanged. With a few well chosen words, they were pronounced husband and wife, and asked to kiss for the audience. Next, there was more music, the arch of swords, and the lingering call of 'Go Navy' mixed with 'Welcome to the Corps'!
At the reception, Harm danced with his wife at every possible opportunity. When the band struck up the traditional songs for the mother of the groom and her son, and the father of the bride and his daughter, a flash of sheer panic spread across Harm's face. How could no one have thought to tell the band they would not be doing this particular tradition? Out of the corner of his eye he saw Admiral Chegwidden rising to the occasion, but was even more startled to find Frank already at Mac's side without having skipped a beat.
"I hope you don't mind," Frank told her softly. "I've always thought it would be nice to have a daughter."
And so the party continued, perfect in every respect. Mac didn't even question when she saw her older self sitting quietly at a table in the corner, grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat.
Later, when she saw the older woman in the seat across the aisle from them during the flight to St. Martin, she wondered if she should mention her to Harm, but brushed the thought away. There was no point, it was all only a dream. She wasn't going to let her own imagination interfere. She was on her way to the perfect honeymoon with Harm.