What If Shinji Met Death? Chapter Five: The Morningstar Option, an evangelion fanfic

Chapter Five: The Morningstar Option

The room-wide image of the 5th angel flared across the control room's main screen. The nervous air amongst the technicians was as thick as always as they were faced with the enemy of all of humanity, although Misato, Ritsuko and the commander himself remained calm as usual.

"This angel's geometric shape is… absolutely perfect," Ritsuko chimed in after looking at one technician's monitor. "The angles are flawless, and the surface is without marks or holes, except the body-wide indents across its body…"

"Pilot status?" Misato asked aloud, waiting for someone to answer.

"The Third Children has been sorted into EVA-01. EVA-01 is all green and good to go."

While Misato continued to direct the mission, Shinji sat calmly in his entry plug, his eyes flickering as he lost himself in thinking about Death. His own body seemed to fade as he lost himself in the pantheon and plots of the Endless, their roles mixing and matching with their names and their agendas. The gentle orange hue of the LCL went unnoticed while he pondered his own role in all of it…

Shinji ran away from the hospital on the fifth day's morning, knocking over the doctor who opened the door in the process. He ran wherever he could, anywhere where there weren't people, faces or life to remind him of Death and her smile. His mind was running out of time before the insanity of his loss took him; his heart was running out of room to hold all of his misery. The streets, buildings and people became a blur as he ran across the sidewalks and streets, never seeing more than four people at once, never seeing more than three cars on a road. Even then, he almost ran into a person many times, and nearly got run over twice.

He cleared three blocks from the hospital before collapsing onto the sidewalk and vomiting into a drainer on the side of the road. It began to rain, soaking the plain white shirt and black pants he put on before fleeing. His eyes were bloodshot as he vomited again, a mixture of tears and stress and self-hatred driving them to their wretched red coloration. He sat up on his knees, bending his head back and stretching out his arms as though to beg the celestial beings to take him now, to destroy him then so pain would no longer be such a gargantuan part of his reality…

"Sorry kid. Doesn't work that way. If you're so Hell-bent on dying, do it yourself," a kind voice offered behind him. He looked over, his eyes fogged with tears, raindrops and pain. For a moment he could've sworn he saw golden wings, but it turned out instead to be a tall, handsome foreigner with blonde hair and a tuxedo that was nearly perfectly form-fitting. His large-scale umbrella kept a ring of dry ground about his feet, which were protected by ballroom shoes with a mirror-like sheen. Shinji appraised the man for a moment, blinking the excess moisture from his eyes. He thought to motion the foreigner away, until it dawned on him that this blonde European man spoke fluent Japanese, even better than some natives.

"Are you… an Endless?" Shinji asked.

The foreigner scoffed. "Not even close. Let me tell you something about the Endless. As cocky as they may be about being the driving forces behind the universe, you have to wonder why they get so spooked when something doesn't go exactly as planned. Except Delirium, of course… such a lovely child…"

Shinji stood up, his knees shaking from the running and vomiting. He wiped his mouth and spat the excess stomach acids that sat in his mouth out, trying to clear the wretched taste from his tongue. "Then who are you?" Shinji finally asked.

"You can call me Morningstar, my boy. Lucifer Morningstar."

"EVA-01, launch!" Misato ordered.

Shinji snapped back to reality as the pressure of the launch threatened to crush his unprepared organs. Son of a…! Before he knew it, the roller-coaster ride that was his EVA's launch was completed.

"Shinji, dodge!" Misato's voice rang out inside Shinji's entry plug.

You mustn't die yet, a slithering voice uttered inside Shinji's mind. Before he knew it, he was already out of the beam's way, dodging to his right and behind another building. Again he leapt away as the purple pole of light struck through the very building he had just hid behind.

Who the—

Later. Dodge. Another beam was barely avoided as Shinji jumped away. Now focused, Shinji raised his own AT field, summoning it up as a shield to deflect the next shot. Another beam of light crackled through the air, ripping through two buildings on it's way to Shinji… only to be negated by the AT field's power. Shinji could feel the EVA's AT field weaken under the pressure of the assault, and so he returned to dodging the angel's attacks. The angel itself did not move, choosing instead to continuously shoot at its giant purple target.

The bar was cold. Shinji knew he shouldn't be in a place that served primarily alcohol and other such devices, but the bouncer needed only a nod from Morningstar to let the boy in. The bar and the small lobby that sat in front of the tiny stage was packed with people, a low murmur of chatter filling the room while a saxophone musician played Nocturne throughout the night. Shinji's clothes remained soaking wet and clung to his body while Morningstar appeared as though he just came from an open ballroom on a summer day, both in appearance and in mood.

"Two seats, bartender," Morningstar commanded, his voice as firm and unrelenting as his father's, yet almost seductive in its smoothness. The bartender, a giant of a man who seemed more muscle than fat, picked up two of the smallest men on the bar by their neck cuffs and proceeded to launch them out into the rain. Their protests were not heard, not by the lobby loungers and not by the fellow bar-bound customers, and only Shinji seemed to give a damn about their fate. Morningstar immediately sat at one of the emptied stools, waving Shinji over to take the other. As Shinji sat, Morningstar immediately opened up the conversation. "I've been following your case for some time now, Shinji. You're a special individual, as you can imagine, both to Humanity and to… the rest of us."

Shinji did not reply, but instead looked around the bar to see if anyone had turned to look at the pilot of EVA-01. No one seemed to care. Morningstar continued, "To Humanity, you are the pilot of the Evangelion, a savior to your people, probably on the way to martyrdom, but a savior nonetheless. To the rest of us, however, you're Death's love interest, the first to ever be recorded or even heard of, or even rumored of… I wouldn't have believed it myself if it weren't for the fact that I was stopping by Tokyo-3 for other business. But now you've reached a dilemma, approaching the climax of your tale of love… you cannot have Death, not the way you want, in any case."

"How do you—" Shinji began, but was immediately cut off by Lucifer.

"Don't you worry how I know the details, kid, just trust that I know more than most. I know the emotions that drive you… I'm a big fan of them, actually. Take my advice, and you'll have Death in any way you want, all for yourself…"

Shinji looked at this foreigner named Lucifer Morningstar, wondering why he was named after Western religion's image of evil… until he remembered that Western religion was correct. "You… You're!"

"Don't even think of calling me the devil, Satan or some other such mortal nonsense. I am Lucifer Morningstar, retired King Of Hell… Dream now holds the key to that miserable place."

"In western movies, you made deals to collect souls, evil deals that ended horribly…"

"Let me tell you something. I don't need souls, alright? I have an abundance of soul, a multitude of souls bound in Hell that will never even see Heaven, souls so evil and corrupt that merely looking at their true forms would drive you into madness. Do you really think I want to collect more of these worthless souls? Honestly, nothing drives me to do so."

Shinji weighed Lucifer's words. "Then… how am I going to have Death… for myself?"

Lucifer gave a smile that both comforted and disturbed Shinji. "Third Impact."

You're doing terribly. Why not try attacking? I'd like to see you—The response in Shinji's mind was cut short as the seventh beam seared the armor off his left arm, leaving the wrist bare and burnt. He squinted in agony as his own wrist's nervous system flared with alarms. Almost as abruptly, a wave of calm came about him. Another beam lashed out, promising to strike the paralyzed Evangelion… only to be fully negated by another AT field.

"Third AT field forming twenty meters from EVA-01, it just deflected the angel's attack!"

"A third!" Ritsuko blurted out. Is that girl…impossible. She's at her home… and we would've picked her up on the—

"Where is it coming from?" Misato requested.

"Twenty mete—"

"I said WHAT is it coming from!"

If it's the only way to keep you alive, mortal, I'll do this myself. The new AT field transformed and lashed out at the Angel as a thin line of pure white light. The string of glowing power slashed into the angel's body and whipped about in a chaotic pattern. As the string dissipated, the angel's body felt every chaotic lash from the single string; it's body fell in hundreds of pieces. Shinji looked on, stunned.

Who are you…? Shinji thought again, concentrating on making the words clear in his mind.

I'm here to make sure you get the girl of your dreams, kid… one way or another.

Are you my guardian angel…?

Nope, and I'd fire the one you've got. They're really just divine lawyers, peddling their peace and harmony without thinking of the consequence.

Then… Morningstar?

Ding-ding-ding! But we'll talk later. Misato is calling you. You should answer.

Sure enough, Misato's voice flared inside the entry plug. "Shinji-kun! Are you okay?"

Shinji blinked for a moment. Am I turning into a schizophrenic or something… better just keep it to myself, no one will believe me. "I'm… I'm ok, Misato..." I can't say I believe myself.

The drive home was a quiet one filled with contemplation. Shinji went over Morningstar's words over and over again in his head, trying to decipher some hidden meaning in all of it. After surrendering to his own bafflement, his mind turned elsewhere, towards the object of his desire, just as Desire had said so. No matter where he looked, he could not find her, despite her always being there, despite her constantly watching. Now, despite Misato talking at him for some time, Shinji felt alone. Deprived of Death's presence and… eventually… touch. His mind was made up. He would tell her how he felt the next time they met… if they ever met. It was February 14th, Valentine's Day, and he was without the focus of his love...

Shinji laid in his bed, cradling his left arm. The light hairs on it had been seared off where the angel had hit the Evangelion, and the entire arm hurt like hell. His sheets were fresh out of the washer, supposedly a kind of victory celebration of Misato's, although he called her on the fact that it was her laundry day anyways. Despite the mysterious voice, despite nearly dying, despite his undesired obligation to pilot EVA-01… he simply didn't care. Nothing absorbed his attention, devotion and emotion more than…

"Hello again," chimed in Death. She had stood in the shadowy corner of his room all that time he stood awake, and now she stood proudly, her hair a tangled mess, her clothes wrinkled and her eyes showing a tired feel that Shinji never saw in her before. It was as though she had lost the glow that all Endless seemed to possess… but it did not matter to him in the end. Shinji jumped up from his bed as every ounce of his body was filled with happiness only love could bring. "You came back…! I thought… I thought you left for good…"

"I get around just as often as I come around… I heard you almost died today. I didn't feel the need to go get you, so I suppose it was never a risk."

Shinji stuttered for a moment before getting out, "Death… I… I need to tell you something, and it's pretty important to me…"

"Yes, what is it?" Death abruptly asked, her head tilted forward. Did her smile just get bigger…? Shinji pondered.

"Well… well we've been together for awhile now… well, not that long, but it's long to me… not to say I'm desperate or anything or too clingy, it's just that this is the first time... I mean, sure, I've had attractions before, but… well, I should—" As Shinji continued to babble, a quick and audible clearing of Death's throat cut him off.

"You can just go ahead and say it, I won't mind."

Death's words sank into Shinji's heart, opening it ever so slightly. Somehow, her calm eased his worries and removed the burdens from his soul, and for that moment, no man could face Death as easily as he did, and no man felt as strongly for anyone as he did for her. "I love you."

A long pause came afterwards, and Death's appearance, posture, or even facial expression did not change from its usual pleasant disposition. Did I say something wrong…? Did she hear me?

"You cannot touch me, not without dying. Doesn't that repel you?" Death's eyes glittered with interest.

Shinji pondered it for a moment, and then shook his head. "Being with you, having you there with me… it fills me up, it's all I can live for now… I live for Death." Shinji chuckled at the irony, but then recovered with a somber, honest expression. "I live for you."

Death stood there for a moment, folding her arms around her chest. "Well then, it's your lucky day… tonight, and only tonight, you can have me." Death stalked over to Shinji in the small room, her walk as seductive as a woman in black jeans and sneakers could achieve. Her hands raised themselves to Shinji's face, and slowly approached to touch him.

First, to Shinji's shame, was fear. The fear of Death, despite his love, could not be stopped completely. As her fingers curled to cup his cheeks, he accepted what was going to happen. As her fingers approached him, centimeter by centimeter, his desire for her grew tenfold. Her fingers touched the light cheekbones of his face. Her palms rested near his mouth on either side. Her touch was the temperature of the cold flesh of the dead and the warmth of human blood freshly spilt. It was skin that was smoother than any Shinji had ever felt…

And it did not kill him. Before Shinji could ask further questions, Death moved her face closer to his, an inch between their mouths. "Tonight, I will have you, if you'll let me," Death said in a seductive tone.

Despite all his bravery that night, he was near the point of fainting from nervousness. He was both awe-struck and lust-filled, and he could not decide on the proper course of action. What should I do, should I tell her I'm sorry, should I run away, maybe I should just kiss—

He moved in to her space. Their lips met, first coexisting in harmony, then nearly devouring each other in heated passion. His was a mortal love, one from the physical realm, while hers was an immortal love, a love that was never meant to be, a love that knew no bounds. Yet both met at the line between them, the thin space between lust and nothingness that could only be identified as true love.

Their tongues flicked and wrestled with each other, coiling about like two serpents in mating season. Shinji grabbed a hold of her waist and pulled her closer, pressing his own body against hers, absorbing the sensations that filled his mind. But surprising to Shinji, Death seemed… Nervous? He pulled his mouth away from his for a moment to look upon the being of his affection. Her eyes seemed to dart down, her smile now gone. "I've… I've never done this before, Shinji…" she began.

"…Neither have I…" Shinji added. "But… it feels right… doesn't it?"

Death looked at Shinji in the eyes for a full five seconds before smiling and answering, "Yes… my love."

Shinji's heart soared as he pulled her closer to resume their kissing. The night escaladed while Misato was passed out drunk in her room, Shinji and Death exploring each other's bodies, Death all too familiar with the flesh but not the lust, Shinji all too familiar with the lust but not the flesh. They shared their experiences in a language that could only be communicated by emotion, a tongue that was not spoken aloud, but directed by the hearts. As the night went on, Shinji found his plateau in Death.

He made love to Death, with Death, for Death. They mated like animals, loved like gods, desired like dreams. Their voices, moans and rapture were barely stifled by the thin mortal realm about them, eventually transcending it, making love across the stars and in the realms of Death's siblings. They traveled each other's bodies as they traveled the universe, transcending sex beyond anything any mortal had ever felt.

In the end, as the pale moonlight sank into Shinji's room, the image of his bed was illuminated. Their legs tangled and their bodies covered by sheets and layers of sweat, a naked Shinji laid peacefully with a naked Death. For that night, he could do nothing less than smile through his dreams…

But Death's expression was a saddened one, and as she left his bed, she had no choice but to return to her duties… for that night, she was alive. And now, again, she felt no better than dead.