Fire and Water

(A scathing send-up of slash fics)

By GirlX2

"Abe."

"Yes Hellboy, what is it?"

"We've…we've worked together a long time now…"

"Yes. So?"

"And-and I was wondering something…"

"What?"

"Would you…do you feel…"

"Here, its easier." Abe read the half-demon's mind. His eyes widened in shock. "Oh my."

"Um…yeah." Hellboy hissed in a quick breath. He hadn't wanted Abe to find out that way.

"I um…I don't know what to say." Abe looked flustered in the tank. His skin had turned slightly purple (his version of blushing).

"It was just a thought." Hellboy said, backing out quickly.

"Red, wait." Abe called.

"Yeah?" Hellboy re-entered the room. There was a pregnant pause as Abe carefully chose his words.

"I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind as well."

"Really?" Hellboy's spirit perked up.

"Yes." Abe placed a webbed hand on the glass. "But…I don't think it would work."

"Why?"

"Well, for one thing, I can't breathe air."

"The respirator…"

"Not intended for overly long periods. Secondly, we're a bit mis-matched. I'm a creature of water, and your…well, your fire." Abe said, a sorrowful look on his amphibian face.

"We could make it work.." Hellboy said, his tone nearly begging. "Please Blue."

"I-I'm sorry Red." Abe's deep almond eyes blinked mournfully.

Hellboy placed his left hand against the glass, the cursed wall separated the two.

"But I-"

"Red, don't say it!"

"I love you!"

"Oh the hell with it! I love you too!"

Abe leapt out of the tank, and the two engaged in a passionate lover's embrace.

-

"AHHHH!" Hellboy sat straight up, screaming. Cats yowled from various areas in the room, startled out of their nightly reveries.

"What the?" Liz sleepily intoned. "What's wrong?"

Hellboy glanced at his half-asleep, half-nude girlfriend lying next to him.

"Uh…nothin'." He breathed heavily.

"You were screaming loud enough to wake the dead. I bet Abe heard it all the way in the front hall." Liz said with obvious concern.

"Don't say that name." Hellboy groaned, lying back down.

"Why?"

"Lets just say, I've gotta stop looking myself up on Fanfiction sites."

-

The End