Since We Met
Chapter 5: Back To The Past. Part 1.
Was she mad? Why had she been seing that damn horse lately? Maybe it was because she was going crazy or maybe it was the island's way of trying to punish her. But Jack had also turned, did he see the horse? Anyway, she was running again and it was always for the same reason. Fear. Yeah the strong girl was scared. She was scared about her past, that seemed to mortify her every time she turned around. Kate was afraid that Jack knew something about her crimes. But most of all she was scared about way that Jack made her feel, about the sensation that overwhelmed her body when their lips barely touched.
Kate looked around her. She hardly knew where she was, but actually that was what she wanted. She wanted to be away from everyone, specially Jack. Because if she saw him, she couldn't resist to not kiss him. And she couldn't. She couldn't let him in, because if she did it, he would know what she was capable of and he would run away from her.
Kate looked around her, her hand was gripping the coarse bark of the tree she was climbing, and then she realized that she had been climbing more trees than usual since seeing the horse.
She was again on the top of the tree, the tree where she felt safe. But this time she wasn't there to hide herself from Wayne, this time she was hiding herself from everybody because she didn't want to hear the same thing over and over again. She didn't want to, because they didn't know what really happened. Kate started to break out into tears like she never had before, she was on the top of the tree. That tree that usually helped her to feel safe, but this time it didn't help at all.
"Katie!" She heard the only voice she was always glad to hear. The only voice that understood her, that knew what really happened.
"Katie. Come on, you have to come". He said while he was climbing the tree.
"No. I'm not going, Tom. I can't see Wayne acting like he cared about him" she said crying even louder.
"Hey, Katie come on. If you don't go, you will regret it". Tom said hugging her friend with tears in his eyes as well."Forget about that bastard. I'll tell my parents and they'll...".
"No!" She said glancing at him. "No, no you can't. Tom, please promise me you won't tell anybody... anything".
"But wh..." She didn't let him finish.
"Please" Kate repeated almost whispering.The water in her eyes was now glittering, as she looked deeply into her friend's eyes.
Tom looked at his friend with concern. He never had seen her before like this. Her eyes were completely red, and filled with pain and sorrow but at the same time full of hate, and he knew about who. God, she was just a little girl and she already had been through a lot. Kate should be playing happilly with her dolls, she should be unaware of the problems of the world. But instead of that she was that scared girl that knew more about life that she should. Tom didn't know the whole story, he just knew what happened that night but not why it actually happened.
"Ok, don't worry. I won't tell" He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders when he said those words. He knew he should tell somebody about it, but he also knew that if she wasn't going to tell anybody it was because she had reasons, real reasons. "But please, come"
"No, Tom please don't force..."
"Shh, shh it's ok" He said when he realized that it really was the last thing she wanted to do in that moment. "But, what if... Ok, I have an idea. What if we go there later... when it is finished and we do it our way?" She smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, but a smile full of gratitude. A smile for Tom, because he always knew how to make her feel better... and safe.
Jack stood in a trance reflecting on what had just happened with Kate. He didn't move a muscle because if he did then he would lose his balance. He was looking in the direction where Kate dissapeared. He still could feel her lips on his as a million questions raced through his mind. Did he really see a horse? Did he really kiss Kate or it was all a dream? He turned around and stepped back in surprise. It was still there and now it was really close to him. The horse began to move his head up and down while neighing, as a sign of acceptance. Jack lifted his hand slowly untill it was close to the horse's head and began caressing it. Jack could swear that the horse was looking at his eyes like trying to say something with just a gaze. Then suddenly it began to run.
He wondered what a horse was doing there, and why Kate had run away from it. Maybe from them both. Anyway, he had already done what he didn't want to do. He opened his heart to Kate, actually just a little piece of it, but enough to let her see what was inside. Or maybe he was thinking too much about it, maybe she thought they both made a mistake and that they'll forget about it and things would remain be the same. He just knew he didn't want to lose her friendship by showing her his feelings. Even though he already knew that their relationship wouldn't be the same because the temptation to taste her lips again. or even more of her was buried inside of him.
Someone knocked on the door. He got up off the couch and went to open the door. A young man appeared in front of him.
"Mr. Shephard? Jack Shephard?" Asked the young man with a paper in his hand.
"Yes?" Jack said.
"Here. You have a citation. If you can please sign here." The young man said offering Jack the note and a pen.
"Sure" It finally came. He had been waiting for it since the night Sarah told him that she wanted a divorce and that she was seeing another man.
"Thanks. This is for you"
"Thanks" Jack gave him a small smile, grabbed the paper and then closed the door.
In just a few days his life had changed a lot. He had a future with Sarah, maybe not a happy one but a future in any case. He knew he didn't love her, he tried but he didn't. Jack thought he had been a good husband, maybe too involved in his job but at least he didn't cheat on her and he tried to give her all the love he could, even without loving her. But she still cheated on him. And he had to see her one more time.
The citation day came. They had been reunited with their lawyers in a room, less time then he thought it would be but for him the time dragged on because he was there too. The man that replaced him in Sarah's life was there.
"Jack" She called. He turned to face her. "I know it is hard for you but..." Jack smiled ironically.
"You know, huh?"
"It's the best for both of us, and you know that" She said, her lover was right next to her.
"Yeah, I know. Cuz I already fixed you, right Sarah? And that's all I wanted" He took a look at the man next to her and left.
"Jack!" Jack didn't stop walking. "Jack, please. I-I'm pregnant" He stopped abruptly.
"We decided not to tell him..." Her boyfriend said whispering to her.
"Well, congratulations for you both" Jack said without turning.
"No Jack. It's yours" He took some time to turn to face her.
"What?" Jack was with an angry expression stretched across his face.
"I lied when I said to you that the pregnancy test was negative" She was looking at the floor avoiding his gaze.
"Huh, and you pretended to tell it to me or it just came casually?" He said shaking his head and trying to catch her gaze.
"I'm telling you now right?" She was now looking at him.
"Right... right" Jack said nodding. He turned and left, this time without interruptions.
A few days passed and they hadn't even stayed in the same room since then. Sawyer was feeling better and he was on the beach again. Kate had been with him a lot, and she knew she was doing it just to avoid Jack as Jack was with Ana Lucía just to avoid Kate and pretend that he didn't care about her.
Jack was seated on the sand looking at the ocean peacefully. He was thinking about something he knew he had to do but he didn't want to, because he'd have to face it again and a lot of memories would come. Memories that were eating him up inside. But he had to do it so he stood up. He made his way to a spot where they kept some material. Kate was near that spot with Sawyer playing cards, she was obviously flirting with him and laughing. Jack just took a little look at her, she looked at him too and her laughter stopped, but they quickly broke the gaze. Jack caught one of the blue canvas and a long rope and then he left the beach and entered the jungle. Kate's eyes followed him with her gaze fixed on his back.
"Earth to Freckles. Please stay in the game" Sawyer said. Then he turned to look where she was looking and he saw Jack leaving. "Problems with ya boyfriend?"
She gave him a killer look.
"Ok, ok. Got it. You don't want to talk about it"
Jack was almost there. He walked in circles for a while because he didn't remember the exact location. Then he saw it. It was in the same place, in the same position, like it was waiting for him. There was his father's body. He tried to approach it a lot of times but he couldn't. He counted to five. One... two... three... four... he took a big breath... five. He had seen a lot of dead bodies in his life but it was totally different. Jack rolled up the body inside the blue canvas and tied the rope around it. When he finished he released it and stepped back. He took a big breath as if he had been holding his breath this whole time. Actually he had been doing it because the body gave off an unbearable smell.
Jack was at his parents' house. His mum invited him for dinner because she knew he was alone now. They were at the table.
"I knew this was going to happen. I told you Jack you had to spend more with your wife. But you didn't hear me" Christian Shephard said to his son. He was discussing all of Jack's personal issues during dinner.
"Yeah dad? Like you spend with yours?" He was about to say something worse but he shut up.
"Don't talk to me that way!" Christian said punching the table while getting up, with an accusing finger pointied at his son. "I'm done" He said leaving the dining room.
Jack shook his head smiling ironically. He got up angrily.
"Jack, please. You know how is your father" Margo said looking at his son.
"Yeah mum, I know. But I can't stand him anymore" He grabbed his coat and turned to leave for the door.
"I know I haven't been a good mother..." She said with tears in her eyes. Jack stopped and turned. "And it's hard for me to say it but I also know that you haven't been happy..."
"No mum I..." He said approaching her.
"Jack... please let me finish or it will be harder for me" He nodded."And you wonder why can I stand him... it is just because... I love him, Jack" She dried her tears with a cloth that was on the table. "I want you to be happy... even if you don't think so. I-I was shopping the other day and I saw Mark Silverman, your friend. He began to talk to me about you, things I didn't know... I... I began to know my own son thanks to a stranger. You're a great guy Jack. I haven't been in your life that much, but now I want to be in it" She smiled "Better sooner than later, right?" Jack hugged his mother.
"So... Mark huh?" He said still hugging his mother.
"Yeah" She said laughing.
Jack and Margo parted and then he walked to the door. He turned for a moment.
"Thanks mum, I needed something like that"
"Jack, just one more thing" He looked at his mother again.
"I know you weren't in love with Sarah. And I know you'll find it someday, you'll find love Jack. You'll find a girl that will make you smile again or... maybe for the first time" Jack nodded and left.
Kate finished playing cards with Sawyer and decided to go to the garden to see how it was going. She found Sun there.
"Hey" She said.
"Oh, hi Kate" Sun said, she was kneeled planting something new. Kate kneeled too with her gaze lost somewhere and her mind lost in her thoughts.
"Have you and Jack argued?" Sun asked looking at her.
"What?" She said turning her face to look at Sun. "No. We...um... we haven't argued. Why?"
"Well I have seen you both avoiding each other" Sun said. Kate looked down. "Sorry. This is none of my business".
"No it- it's ok" Kate gave her a small smile.
"I have to go. Jin is waiting for me. Bye" Sun said getting up.
"Ok, bye"
Kate was alone now. She worked a little on the garden. She saw a beautiful blue flower and approached to it smell it.
As Tom promised, they went there when it finished. She didn't know what to say or how to act. She just had a bunch of blue flowers, his favourite color, and a box. A box full of memories.
Tom looked at Kate, she was petrified, her eyes still red and full of pain. He knew she coudln't make the first step so he did it.
"I'll never forget the day we met Jim. And I'll never forget the time we spent together, because you are... you were my best friend, and..." He couldn't resist it anymore, he started to cry again. He tried to be strong for Kate but he couldn't resist it " I hope you're happy where you are now" He turned to look at Kate, it was her turn. He wasn't sure if she could say anything.
" I know he is happier now..." She said looking at Tom. She kneeled in front of her brother's headstone. "But w-w-why did you leave me Jimmy? I'll can't leave without you in that house. I-I know it was my fault" She was crying harder now. Tom didn't say anything, he knew she had to say everything she had inside. "It was my... my fault, because if I hadn't told you anything then you would still be alive" She could barely breath. She dried her tears and left the flowers there and the box too. "I left you this box here so you wouldn't forget me. A-and it has also some of your favourite toys. You know including that black horse" She smiled a little and got up. "I know you'll be a black horse in the afterlife, if you're not one already"
Thanks to all my reviewers of last chapter: Orlando-crazy, ObsessedwithLOST, Lostbeth, Chris Anthony (also thanks for being my beta), ameriker. Please R&R.